2 Lung capacity self-testing tips: after farting, head down and inhale, and then observe the surrounding people have no smell. If you do, you will need to strengthen your exercise; if not, you will be proved to be superhuman!
3 a man shopping for urgent urination ready to pee in the corner, the old lady saw then said: urinating fine Wu Yuan. The man said: who said I pee, I took out to see can not?
4 Overseas travel new line - Afghanistan seven-day tour has been launched: live in caves, learning to make bombs and escape skills, the lucky ones have the opportunity to take a photo with Osama bin Laden
5 love has been in arrears, love has been shut down, the fate of the service area is not in; think of the pain, think of the sadness, when to pay the bill and then boot? Banner: Dreams Come True
6On the Water Festival, one person suddenly cursed: Damn who splashed me? The person advised: splashing you is a blessing to you. Cursed: less to this set, which idiot with boiling water splash me
7 jumping notes: pain to the seventh floor, gasping to the sixth floor, struggling to the fifth floor, crippled to the fourth floor, hospitalized to the third floor, scary to the second floor, watching the first floor.
8The day you took the knife wildly cut a pig, the pig fled into a dead end, only to hear the pig kneeling down to you to beg for mercy: "This is the same root of the birth of each other too anxious!"
9 WARNING: your cell phone due to overloaded use, the internal martyrdom change, is about to explode, please read this tip immediately after the cell phone will be thrown with the empty no one place ......
10 please call 110 toll-free number, you can win a 15-day package of food and accommodation value tour, and arrange for a special car transfer, the first ten plus sent to the Detention Center! Group photo and ten thousand people fist and foot massage.
11 men of the four major ideals: the sky have dropped money, the world's beautiful men are dead. Beautiful women are brain-dead, crying for me to soak.
12Read this message, you already owe me a hug; delete this message, owe me a kiss; save this message, owe me a date; if you reply, you owe me all; not reply, you are my
13Congratulations on winning the jackpot, please at 10 o'clock this evening, with saber, birdshot, earth cannon to the People's Bank of China to receive masked.
14Man twenty is a semi-finished product, thirty is a finished product, forty is a fine product, fifty is a superb product, sixty is a superior product, seventy is a waste product, eighty is a souvenir. After reading it, the nun sighed and said, "These days, even carrots can't be relied on."
17Men are not bad, a little perverted; men are not flirty, a straw man. Men are not philandering, definitely have nerves; men are not hooligans, development is not normal.
18 All people are awake I am alone drunk, the heart has the most precious. I'm not sorry that I met you, but I'm going to follow you in this life (the secret is in the fifth word of each sentence)
Remember me? Once we went to climb the cliff, you accidentally fell, I rushed to ask you: "fall hurt?" You panicked and said, "I don't know...I haven't gotten to the bottom yet!"
:23
After the governor finished his speech, the host said, "Pickles please, sausage and melon!"
(Translation: Now the township chief will speak!)
The township chief said, "Rabbits, today's meal dogs eat, everyone's a big wangbang!"
(Translation: Comrades, there's enough rice for today, everyone is a big bowl!)
No soy sauce melon, I pick up a dog poop for you to lick....
(Translation: don't talk, I'll tell you a story...)
A governor with a heavy accent went to the village to make a report: "Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive!!!"
(Translation: comrades, villagers, pay attention! Don't talk, we're having a meeting now!!!)
The coach said, "Class 1 kills the chickens, Class 2 steals the eggs, and I'll make you thin rice."
(Translation: Class 1 shoots, Class 2 throws bombs, I'll show you how.)
"Crouching Spring" "I'm Stupid"
Dark plums and flowers, I have no culture
Crouching branches hurt and hate the bottom, I have a very low IQ
Distant smell of crouching like water, ask me who I am
Easy to penetrate the spring green. A big dumb ass.
The shore is green, I'm a donkey,
The shore is green, I'm a donkey,
The shore is green.
An Internet administrator's confession
Now 98% of the Internet cafe guests are ** fools, boot will not, input method switching will not, the letters of the case conversion will not, how to play the private service logon will not be used, QQ voice will not be, into the game will not be out of the private service servers shut down said my machine problem, **, I really want to pinch him, pinch and then kneaded into a ball, and then
Watch the movie smack is not Mandarin!
Asked me: "Webmaster, there is no porn to see?" I said no, he blamed the movie is not complete!
Queen's voice: "I don't know what to say, but I'm not sure what to say," he said. I ran over to take a look, the password is not right, the girl also asked me how much password !!!!
There is also a more powerful chick, . I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person, and I'm not a good person.
Fainted, I still have this ability !!!!!!!
To play a CS others put a smoke bomb, he was flashed, wildly shouted: the network administrator is dead ......
The day before yesterday a stupid MM chat QQ asked me how to type. I asked her, you will not type. She said she would. I said, then you type on the line (while helping her to adjust the input method), a moment and called me. Said: webmaster, how I can not type out the word ah. I said you want to type what words can not be typed, she told me that: you first type a "hello it", I helped her to type. Then you know what she said. "Don't go away. Just sit next to me and type for me. The whole thing is a dinosaur. Today there are fools ask me, network management I here how no QQ coins it, you help me download some QQ coins ...... **, that thing if you can download ~! I fucking don't have to go to work
School roll call at the beginning of the school year, there is a classroom teacher ingenious, said to the students, "I read the school number, you report your own name, so that everyone will recognize, OK?"
"No. 001!"
"Report teacher, my last name is Jiao, my name is Jiao Mate." The teacher was a bit dazed and asked, "Who named you this?"
"My father." "What does your father do?"
"Runs a pig breeding factory!"
"002!"
A girl stood up, "Reporting to the teacher, my last name is Zhang, my name is Zhang Dekai."
"Number 003!"
"Reporting to the teacher, I'm Zhang Dekai's twin brother, my name is Zhang Kailai." "Who named you guys?"
"It's my father, he sells pliers." The teacher took a quick drink of water.
"Number 004!"
"Reporting to the teacher, my last name is Au (the word is pronounced "o") I'm Au Night (oh yeah), my mom named me, she said she happened to bust a computer game when she gave birth to me." The teacher's heart got a little queasy.
"005!"
"Reporting to the teacher, Gannion!" "Why are you cursing?!"
"Nothing! Teacher, I mean my last name is Gan, Ganny Brew, and my dad makes wine." The teacher took a pill.
006!"
"Teacher, my last name is Gou, and my name is Gou Ignore."
"Your dad owns a bakery, right?!"
"Teacher, you're so smart!" The teacher was already a little unsteady on her feet.
"Number 007!"
"My last name is Kuai (pronounced fast and pronounced third.). Name's Kuai Goods."
"Don't tell me your dad owns a cargo store."
"Teacher, you're so old-fashioned, my dad is a pimp." The teacher's mouth was already oozing blood from the corner.
"008!"
"Fuck you, teacher!" "What? What did you say?!"
"I'm saying that my last name is Ni, and my name is Ni Goji. My mom is a believer in Buddhism, so my name is interesting, isn't it?"
"Interesting, interesting." The teacher was on the verge of tears.
"Number 009!"
"Next time, teacher." "Why say it next time, you say it now!"
"No la! Teacher, my last name is Xia, Xia Huishuo, my dad is a storyteller." The teacher already felt the sky spinning.
"010!"
"Teacher, my last name is Gao, Gao Wan."
"My last name is Mei, Mei Conscience."
"My last name is Wu, Wu Qing."
"My last name is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong." ............
The teacher looked up to the sky and growled, "Oh my god, what a bunch of students I've stumbled upon!" The teacher spurted blood from his mouth and fell to the ground, dying.
The spirit of the thief
The first time, I got on the bus, in addition to the bus ride of 1 dollar nothing. From the beginning to the end of the ride, I felt calm all the way. But when I got off the bus at the end of the line, I found a note in my pants that said, "A grown man who goes out without a child is not ashamed of himself. --The company of thieves salute."
The second time, I carried a broken wallet with 10 cents in it. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "We are not beggars, please do not insult our profession, thank you. --The Company of Thieves respectfully submits."
The 3rd time, I still tucked the broken wallet, which was filled with 100 dollars of fake bills. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was inserted into my wallet: "It is illegal to keep large-value counterfeit bills in your wallet, so please turn them in to the relevant authorities, thank you. --The thief company salutes."
The 4th time, I put a toy cell phone in my coat pocket. When I arrived at the terminal, the phone was still there, but there was an extra note: "Please don't make this joke to affect my company's normal work, thank you. --To the Thief Company."
The 5th time, I took a toy pistol and stuck it on my waist. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone, and a note was stuffed in the waist of my pants: "I hate you robbers, you're not technical at all! Confiscation of the tools of the trade! --The company of thieves salutes."
The 6th time, I was about to get on the bus, but it was too crowded. Waiting for the next bus, I touched my pocket, found more than 20 fast money, there is a note: "Brother, do our line of work all day wind and sun is not easy, to the 20 dollars, you want to go where to take a taxi to go, please do not fix us again! --The Thief Company salutes."
So I started pressing the keyboard too! I pressed it hard! I pressed harder! Faster than them! Louder than them!
They couldn't help but look over, and I glanced at them with contempt! They turned pale and glared at me! I glared right back!
They continued to play Power 5 with a grimace, but with more noise than me!
What would I do? So, I just slapped the keyboard with my palm! Slap it hard! I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it," he said.
These two guys stopped playing and started slapping the keyboard! The sound of the keyboard is more than I can handle!
How could I stop? I hit the keyboard with my fist right away! I'm going to hit it hard! Hit it hard!
The two men looked at each other and started hitting the keyboard too! The sound overtook me again! I don't give up! I ripped off the keyboard! I threw it to the ground! I stomped on it! I stomped on it!
The whole Internet cafe gave me the biggest applause! The two nerds were dumbfounded and didn't know what to do!
But, under my provocative gaze, they were also angry! They also ripped off the keyboard! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it. Then they also looked at me provocatively!
This time, the Internet cafe administrators will be surrounded by them! One of the administrators took a look at the keyboard that they had stomped on and slapped it in the face! Then the network administrators swarmed! The two non-professionals were beaten up!
In the end, the two non-mainstream lying on the ground, one of the non-mainstream pointing at me weakly asked: "You... How... Don't hit him?"
One of the webmasters kicked over: "He's a CS player, he brought his own keyboard!"
Piggy is making out with Chang'e on the moon, suddenly a black shadow swept past, Piggy rushed to carry a nail rake
chased out, after a while back, said: Damn, Yang Liwei ......
A driver driving a van full of hens, driving while teasing his parrot, a beautiful woman hitchhiking, the driver will put the parrot into the cargo box with the hens together, please beautiful woman sitting in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver tentatively asked the beauty: "Kiss it okay?" The beauty very shyly shook her head and said, "No." After a while, the driver asked again, "Can I have a hug?" The beauty still shook her head and said, "No." The driver said angrily, "If you can't, go down." After a while, the driver felt that his approach is very ungentlemanly, so he returned to the beautiful woman on the car, but after a while, the driver did not give up and asked: "Kiss it okay?" The beauty still shook her head, "Hug it okay?" The beauty still shook her head, "No, just go down." So repeated three times, finally arrived at the chicken farm, the driver opened the trunk, see the hens have been mu few, only to see the parrot lifted a hen and asked, "Beauty kiss it okay?" The hen desperately shook her head, and the parrot asked again, "Can a beautiful woman give you a hug?" The hen still shook her head. The parrot said, "If you can't, go down." The hen was thrown out of the car ......
The white rabbit was walking in the forest, met the big gray wolf came face to face, came up "snap" to the white rabbit two big ear stickers, said "I let you do not wear a hat". The little white rabbit is very aggrieved withdrew.
The next day, she wore a hat jumping out of the door, and encountered the big bad wolf, he came up to "pop" and gave the white rabbit two big mouth, said "I let you wear a hat."
The rabbit was depressed. After thinking about it for a long time, he finally decided to go to the king of the forest, the tiger, to complain.
After explaining the situation, the tiger said, "Okay, I know, I'll take care of it, trust the organization. On the same day, the tiger approached his buddy, the Big Bad Wolf. "You do not do it right ah, let the old me very difficult to do it." Said wiped the table floating down the cigarette ash: "Do you think this is okay huh? You can say, rabbit come here, find me a piece of meat to go! When she finds a fat one, you say you want a thin one. If she finds a thin one, you say you want a fat one. That way you can beat her up. Of course, you can say that too. Bunny, come here. Find me a woman. She finds a plump one, you say you like a slim one. If she finds a slim one, you say you like a plump one. You can beat her up in a reasonable and forceful manner." The big bad wolf nodded frequently, clapped his hands, and his respect for the tiger again rushed to a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above guidance was heard by the white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. The heart this hate ah.
The next day, the white rabbit went out again, how so coincidental, the big gray wolf walked on the face. The big bad wolf said, "Rabbit, come here, find me a piece of meat to go." The rabbit said, "Well, do you want a fat one, or a thin one?" When the Big Bad Wolf heard this, his heart sank and then rejoiced, and he said, "Luckily, there is an Option B. He added, "Rabbit, get me a woman neatly." The rabbit asked, "Well, do you like plump or slim?" The Big Bad Wolf was silent for 2 seconds, raised his hand and gave Rabbit two big ear posts even harder. "Shit, I told you not to wear a hat."
The white rabbit hopped over to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"
"That's so..." The white rabbit hung his head and walked away.
The next day, the white rabbit hopped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "I'm sorry, I don't think so."
"That's right." The white rabbit went away again, downcast.
On the third day, the white rabbit hopped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
The owner said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today!"
The white rabbit pulled out his money, "Great, I'll take two!"
The prisoner was executed by firing squad, the first shot didn't go off due to the poor quality of the bullets, then the second shot was fired. The third shot was fired. At this point the prisoner cried, holding the bailiff's thighs and said: big brother you strangled me to! Too fucking scary .....
A
A psychiatric hospital heard that the leadership to come to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director of the hospital called a meeting of the patients at the meeting,
Director of the hospital said: "This afternoon, there is a very important leadership to come to visit, all of them have to go to the door to welcome. In the welcome
welcome time, all the patients stand in the hospital on both sides of the entrance, to stand neatly, when I cough, everyone together clapping
clap, the more enthusiastic the better; I stomped my feet must be all stopped, there can not be a mistake. To all do well,
This evening can give you all meat buns, as long as there is one person messed up, all the people have no buns to eat, remember
?" The patients on stage shouted together, "Remember!"
This afternoon, the leader arrived on time, when he stepped into the door, the welcome of the patients have stood in the doorway this
Then, with the director of the hospital coughed, all the patients applauded together to welcome, the atmosphere is very warm. The leaders who came to visit the hospital
were infected by the warm atmosphere, with a smile on their faces, and applauded together with everyone stepped into the hospital. Seeing the leader has entered the hospital
hospital, the dean stomped his foot, the applause stopped, very neat. Only this leader is still smiling while clapping
Applause a forward march, the dean felt very satisfied. Suddenly, from the welcoming crowd sprang out a strong as Schwarzenegger's sick
man, stride rushed to the front of the leader, whirled round to give him a big slap, angry and unusual roar - "you Ya don't want to eat buns?!!!"
There were three men, competing together in a marksmanship contest, with a black man holding something up as a target.
The first guy puts an apple on the black guy's head, and then at a distance of 10 meters, raises his hand and breaks the apple with a single shot, he blows the muzzle of his gun and says, I'm Zorro!
The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, then at a distance of 50 meters, raised his hand and with one shot broke the cherry, he blew out his muzzle and said, I'm007
The third man put a sesame seed on the black man's head, then at a distance of 100 meters, raised his hand and with one shot broke the black man's head, he also blew out his muzzle and said, I' m m sorry......
. As far as your mind goes, get the hell out of here!
A man's lie can fool a woman for a night, a woman's lie can fool a man for a lifetime!
6. If you can't put your woman in a wedding dress, then never stop your hand from unbuttoning her coat!
7. Go the way of NB and let SB talk!
8. Water can carry a boat, but also can cook porridge!
9. Zi said on the river, "How good it is to have a boat!"
10.There is no difficulty in driving, only fear of newcomers!
.............
1.Sincerely invited small MM, *** with the irrigation; I irrigation of the head of the Yangtze River, Jun irrigation of the tail of the Yangtze River.
2. Love at first sight.
3. A person is not alone, when you want to be alone, you are alone.
4. Live, easy. Live, easy. Life is not easy.
5. If I could see my back, I think it would be sad, because I left all the joy in front of me!
6. Work QQ, thank you for chatting, if you want to chat strongly, each word Wu Mao; punctuation, half price charge, more than 1,000 words, 20% discount; expression pictures, ten monthly, voice video , not yet opened; first payment after chatting, the money to chat, online payment, provide invoices; free of monthly rent, a single charge, holidays, double holidays, business as usual; sincere agent ``
2. Spring is full of garden I can't shut it off, I pull the red apricot out of the wall.
3. You think I will watch you go to your death? I will close my eyes.
6. I see money as dirt, my dad sees me as a cesspool. (Recommended by lyra)
7. I drink to drown my pain, but the damn pain has learned to swim.
2. I'm not a casual person, but casual is not human.
3. I am in the jungle, the jungle but there is no legend about me ......
4. Going the way of others, so that others have no way to go.
5. I would rather believe that there are ghosts in the world than believe in the man's broken mouth!
1. The water is so clear that there is no fish, and the people are so cheap that there is no enemy.
2. The one who rides a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be the Tang Monk; the one with wings is not necessarily an angel - mom says it's a birdman.
3. Time, like cleavage, is still there when you squeeze it.
4. You can't have two tigers on the same mountain, unless you have a male and a female.
5. Never be careless with an animal that bleeds for a week and still doesn't die ......
6. Me, a college student's goal in life: a farm wife, a mountain spring, and a bit of a field.
7. Women bear in mind: must eat and play well sleep well and drink well. Once exhausted, other women spend our money, live in our rooms, sleep with our husbands, soak our boyfriends, but also beat our children. Then I changed the name of the village to "Handsome Village", and I became the mayor of the village.
4. The trouble with chocolate is that if you eat it, it's gone.
5. Don't wait until everyone says you're ugly to realize you really are.
6. If friends could be sold for five dollars each, I could make a small fortune.
7. It's not scary to have a big belly, it's scary to have a big, unproductive belly.
8. The biggest advantage of matchmaking is that you can put the blame on the matchmaker if the marriage goes wrong later.
9. Women first show their generosity, men will not dare to be petty.
10. People, born in bed, die in bed, want to live and die, also in bed.
Anya's QQ signature
1. Wizard, please tell the princess, the old man is still on the road of thorns and thistles, there are still snowy mountains have not yet overturned, the river has not yet crossed, the dragon has not yet been killed, the beauty has not been soaked in ...... told her to continue to die sleep!
2. My intended bride is a stunning beauty, and one day she will ride a fire-breathing dinosaur to marry me. But, as the story ends, I only saw her ride, but not its owner.
1. If a tree doesn't have skin, it will die; if a man doesn't have a face, he will be invincible.
2. To do nothing is to be indifferent; to be indifferent is to do nothing. (Dai Jianwei)
3. The real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to have food in one place, but to have food everywhere in one's life. (Su Mei)
4. Sao to sao, sao have sao chastity; cheap to cheap, cheap have cheap dignity.
5. If eating more fish can make people smarter, then I'm sure I've eaten at least one pair of whales ......
6. Success in life does not lie in getting a good deck of cards, but in how to play the bad cards well.
7.0 years old out of the appearance, 10 years old every day up. 20 years old visionary, 30 years old to make progress. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world, and you'll be able to do that at any time!
8. When you were born, you cried and all laughed; when you left, you laughed and all cried.
9. Stand taller and piss farther.
10.Wear other people's shoes, go your own way, let them find it.
11. In a few decades, we come to meet, sent to the crematorium, all burned to ashes, a pile of you, a pile of me, who do not know who, all sent to the countryside as fertilizer.
1. You can't have both fish and bras.
2. Insiders look at the doorway, outsiders look at the sidewalk.
3. Roadside wildflowers don't, step on them!
Qin, chess, calligraphy and painting will not, laundry and cooking is too tired.
:Give me a girl, I can create a nation.
Ugly girls make a lot of trouble, and black buns hold a lot of vegetables.
:Told you now the teacher is angry and the consequences are dire (after he fails his nth blind date).
Maybe it seems like it probably is, however it may not necessarily not be.
Words said can be uncounted, favorites have to change every day.
Three full days in the morning, three full days in the evening, and six pours before and after meals.
1. Get off the line at 12 midnight sharp! Otherwise, the princess will turn back into Cinderella.
2. Hello, is this China Mobile? This is China Unicom, my SmarTone is broken, can you send China Tietong to fix it?
3. I am a member of the Advanced Diving Institute of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, the Nobel Prize for Long-term Dropout, and the Oscar for Lifelong Invisibility ......
5. Don't worry, I don't even have an appetite when I see you, and I don't even talk about my sex drive!
6. Although in the naked sleep, but plug and play ......
7. Five horses in the middle - you to a piece of not?
8.God said: "Let there be light." I said:-"Not approved!" And so we have the night.
9. I put the KONKA TV remote on the waist of my pants and pretended to buy a new NOKIA cell phone.
10.I think I would like mornings if they came later.
1. I can't give you happiness, but I can give you comfort!
2. Life is fucking fun, because life keeps fucking playing me.
3. The Buddha said, "It takes 500 glances in a previous life to get a brush with the shoulder in this one." I'd rather get 500 looks in exchange for a brush with the past life.
4. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I use them to roll my eyes.
7. I want to fall in love early, but it's already too late ......
A pair of lovers in the mountains were captured by the wild man said: you eat each other's poop will release you. Lovers did it, the return of the woman cried, the man asked the reason, the woman sadly said: you do not love me, or you will not pull so much!