1. What jokes are funny

Look, get me pregnant [see that did not laugh that is stupid] There is a farmer, the first time into the city to see a doctor.

Go early, hung up the first. The nurse shouted: "The youngest! The first time I saw him, I was so happy to see him! The nurse shouted, "No. 2! No. 2!" Farmers do not know is called him, did not agree, the nurse saw no one agreed, called the second went in.

The farmer waited for half a day to see have not called him, it was urgent, go to the nurse. The nurse said: "You are what number ah?" The farmer said: "I number one ah!" "Then why didn't you say yes when I called you?" "When did you call me?" "The youngest is number one."

The youngest is one, one is the youngest, the farmer understood. So he went in to see the doctor.

The doctor asked, "Where do you feel sick?" The farmer answered: "A pain." The doctor did not understand: "a pain?" The farmer said: "It is a back pain."

The doctor was angry: "The back pain is back pain, how is it a pain?" The farmer said, "Your nurse said that one is the youngest (waist), (waist) youngest is one." The doctor pursed his lips and gave him a strip, saying, "Go, test stool, test urine."

After ten minutes or so, the farmer came back with shit hanging from the corner of his mouth. "Doctor, the urine is barely swallowed, the stool is really can not swallow!" The doctor was in tears, explaining to the farmer that it was the "test" not the "swallow"! The farmer understood, and took the bottle of urine out.

Earlier, the urine was swallowed, and this time it was hard to squeeze out a small half bottle. Just out of the toilet door, accidentally bumped into a pregnant woman, urine are spilled.

The farmer was anxious and said: "What to do?" The pregnant woman said: "Don't panic, I have it here!" Just go to the toilet to urinate a bottle of their own to the farmer, the farmer took to the laboratory, finished with a laboratory bill to find a doctor. The doctor is also a horseman, looked at the lab sheet to the farmer said: "all right, you're pregnant."

The farmer listened, took the lab sheet and went home. After arriving home, to his wife slapped two slaps, said angrily: "I said I'm on top of it, you have to be on top of it, see, make me pregnant is not it?". .

2. Is there a complete translation of the separate words in Cantonese

我（我） 你（你） 佢（他） 我哋（我们） 你哋（你们） 佢哋（他们） 人哋（人家） 呢度（这里） 嗰度（那里） 边度（哪里） 呢（这） 嗰（那） 咁样（这样、那样） 點解 （為何） 第日（改天） 第次（下次） 乜嘢（什么） 乜（什么） 几多（多少） 幾多（多少） 邊（哪） 咁好（這樣、那样） 咁样（这样、那样） 点解 （为什么） 第日（改天） 第次（下次） 乜嘢（什么） 乜（什么） 几多（多少） 幾多（多少） 幾多（多少）. (哪) 咁好（如此好） Abba (爸爸) Ama (妈妈) Ah Brother (哥哥) Ah Sister-in-law (嫂) Ah Grandpa (爷爷) Ah Grandma (奶奶) Ah Grandpa (外公) Ah Grandma (外婆、老婆婆) Ah Uncle (叔叔) Lao Dou (爸爸) Mamma (妈妈) Sister (姊姐) 大佬 (哥哥) 小佬 (弟弟) Xinhou (媳妇) Uncle (舅父) Sun (孙子) Son (兒子) Daughter (女女) 契爷（干爹）契仔（干儿子） 寡佬（单身人） 仔（儿子） 女（女儿） 後底乸（继母） 太子爷（少东家）契弟（王八蛋） 老坑（老头） 老嘢（老东西，老家伙） 老姑婆（老处女） 基老（男同性恋者） 老细（老板） 老千（骗子）后生仔（年轻小伙子） 後生仔（年虧仔） 後生女（年轻姑娘） 靓仔（漂亮的小伙子） 靓女（漂亮的姑娘） 细路（小孩） 種() 兒() 兒女 () 兒女 () 兒女 () 兒小姐 () 兒女 () 兒女 () 兒姐 () 兒女 () Pretty boy (pretty girl) 小路 (child) 细蚊仔 (child) 细蚊仔 (child) bashful shrimp (baby) 馬仔 (hit man) 事头婆 (boss lady) 工作、交际 返工 (go to work) 收工 (get off work) 工h (make a living) 工工 (wage) 出粮粮 (pay out wages) 搞掂 (make it right) 搞弯 (get it wrong) 就手 (go well) 捱夜(熬夜) 空姐(机机女员员) bellboy (hourly wage) 想頛工(找工作) 做嘢(作) 捞邊行 (搞什么行業) 一脚踢 (一人承担) 轮更 (轮班) 看更 (看門) 起屋 (建房子) 抓車 (駕駛汽車) 熟行 (内行) 熟手 (老练) 车衫 (缝衣服) 车衫 (缝衣) 夹手夹脚 (一起动手) 執头執尾 (收拾零碎的东西) 搏命 (拼命) 癐gui6 (累) 差池 (差错) 撞板 (碰钉子) 松人 (溜走) 走人 (溜走) (小便) 闩门（关门） 熄灯（关灯） 水喉（水龙头） 瞓觉（睡觉） 食（吃） 食晏（吃午餐） 食烟（烟） 滚水（開水） 煲（煮） 焗（焖） 飲胜（干 杯） 頸渴（干 杯） 餸（下饭的菜） 腍nem4（软） 霄夜（夜宵） 飲（渴）台（桌子） 梳化（沙发） 雪柜（冰箱） 家俬（家俬） 寫具（家具） 箧 gib1 (皮箱) 夾万（保险箱） 刀仔（小刀） 花 樽（花瓶） 香枧（香皂）镬（锅） 咪（麦克风） 插苏（插座） 火水（煤油） 遮（伞） 地拖（拖把） 电心（電心） 洋烛（蜡烛） 花洒（1莲蓬头，用于沐浴2喷壶，用于浇花） 壳（勺子） 番 牛ǚ 皂） broom（掃帚）匙羹（小勺子）褛（外套） 大褛（大褛） 衫（大衣） 衫（衣服）. T-shirt (a knitted or cotton top) pants (pants) shoes (shoes) undershirt (underwear) bottoms (***) high-heeled shoes (high-heeled shoes) tie (necktie) purse (wallet) lipstick (lipstick) animals, plants elephants (elephants) piglets (piglets) dog (male dog) feminine (female dog) watchdog (watchdog) cockerel (male chicken) feminine (female chicken) chicken (female chicken) chicken (chicken) wet chicken (1 chicken) 2 describes a person who has been drenched by the rain) finches (birds) 雀仔（小鸟） 了哥（八哥）飞鼠（蝙蝠） 盐蛇（壁虎） 饭铲头（眼镜蛇） 百足（蚣蚣）蚁（蚂蚁） 田鸡（青蛙） 蚊（蚊子） á?h（蟑螂） 乌蝇（苍蝇） shrimp毛（小虾）鲩鱼（草鱼） 蚊螆（小蚊子）缩頭乌龟（1shrinking head of a tortoise 2比喻垂着脑袋的人或怕事退缩的人）橘（orange） 竹（竹子） 生果（水果） plantain（芭蕉） plantain（芭蕉） fruit（果） plantain (plantain) fruit) banana (plantain) horseshoe (water chestnut) marigold (papaya) cabbage (cabbage) cane (sugar cane) sweet potato (sweet potato) fenugreek (pumpkin) melon (pumpkin) sheng melon (loofah) dwarf melon (eggplant) tomato (tomato) garlic (garlic) grass (rice) chestnut rice (maize) yangtao (five-pronged seeds) tangerine (orange) human body, disease head shell (head) dandruff (dandruff) face bead mound (face) wine concave (dimples) under the crawl (chin) eye (eyes) eyebrows (eyes) eyeballs (eyes) ) Eye (eyes) Eyebrow (eyebrows) Eye core (eyeballs) Earchild (ears) Ear wax (earwax) Big teeth (grooves) Nose (nose) Nose hole (nostrils) Body (body) Student's Heart (chest) Shoulder (shoulders) Hair tube (pores) Luo柚 (***) Hand plate (palm) Hand melon (arm) Feet (feet, legs) Back (spine) Tailbone (tailbone) Belly (belly) See a doctor (to see the disease) Barge bone (joint bone) Joint needle (stitching) (骨骨)联针 (缝针)埋口 (合口)執药 (抓药)干火 (上火) 好翻 (好了) 唔精神 (不舒服) 冻亲 (着凉)頭赤 (头痛)打冷震 (颤抖)打噎 (打嗝) 呕血 (呕血)濁亲(被水呛着) 心口翳( 胸胸闷) 豆皮 (麻脸) 血压高 (高血压)落晒形 (落晒形) 病猫 (病鬼) 生萝卜 (长冻疮)熱痱(痱)(痱) 黐線 (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (黐線) (チャネル) (チャネル) (チャネル) (チャネル) (チャネル). The first thing you need to do is to close your eyes, and then close your doze.

3. Read the following literary text, complete the exercises in the back (6 points, 3 points for each sub-question) Bao Zheng, the word Xiren

Subtitle 1: C Subtitle 2: C Subtitle 3: ① packed in a box, the king of Yan was very cautious in the court to send it out, and sent ambassadors to tell these to the king.

② The city of Xiongzhou has opened a new plain gate, is it an attempt to lure our rebellious people to spy on the frontier information ah?

③ I am not talented enough to hold an official position in the court, and the reason why I ask Your Majesty to pre-establish the crown prince is for the long-term consideration of the country. Your Majesty asked me who I want to be the crown prince, this is to doubt me ah.

Subtitle 1: test question analysis: the answer to the question should be put back to the original text to understand the real words, the question "out of the knowledge of Jianchang County" is "served as the county governor of Jianchang County," the meaning of. It can be seen that "know" is "any ...... know county" meaning.

小题2：试题分析：A.两个 "数 "都是 "repeatedly,多次 "的意思；B.两个 "之 "都是音节助词，无实际意义。 C. The first "to" is the preposition "because", and the second "to" is the conjunction "to".

D. Both "to" means "to give away". Subtitle 3: Test Question Analysis: The first thing to do is to find out the key words (important real and imaginary words) or sentence style for translation, usually direct translation, except for some words with metaphorical words and then the whole translation, and according to the norms of modern Chinese, to achieve the words up to the sentence smooth.

In this question, "函，用匣子", "刺，刺探", "不才，没什么才能" should be emphasized. Reference translation Bao Zheng, word Xiren, Luzhou Hefei people.

Initially, he passed the entrance examination, and was authorized to be the judge of the Dali, and served as the county magistrate of Jianchang County. Because his parents are old, Bao Zheng resigned from his post and did not go to the office.

When he got the post of supervisor and state tax, his parents didn't want him to leave, so Bao resigned from the post and went home to support the old people. A few years later, his parents died one after another, Bao Zheng built a hut next to the graves of his parents, until the expiration of the mourning period, or wandering hesitant, can not bear to leave, and the townsfolk and elders came to comfort and encouragement.

After a long time, Bao Zheng went to accept the transfer, served as the governor of Tianchang County.

Bao Zheng said, "You just go home, kill the cow and sell it." Soon another person came to accuse that someone killed the plowing cow privately, and Bao Zheng said, "Why do you cut out the tongue of someone's cow and still come to accuse others?" This thief was surprised and admired after hearing this.

Moved to the Duanzhou governor, promoted to the Palace of the Prime Minister.

Bao Zheng ordered the craftsmen to manufacture only according to the number of tributes to the court. A year passed, he did not take a piece of inkstone home.

When Bao Zheng was on a mission to the Khitan, the Khitan had the ceremonial officer say to Bao Zheng: "There is a new gate in Xiongzhou City, is it an attempt to lure our rebels to spy on the border?" Bao Zheng said, "Zhuo Zhou City has also opened a side gate before, why do we need to use the way of opening a side gate to spy the information of the border?" The man was speechless.

The Khitan army was gathering near the border, and the border counties were getting tense, so the court ordered Bao Zheng to go to Hebei to transfer military food.

Bao Zheng said, "The land in the Zhanghe region is fertile, but the people can't cultivate it, and there are fifteen thousand hectares of civil land in Xing, Miaolian, and Zhao states, which are all used for horse herding, so I request that all of it be given to the common people to cultivate." The court granted his request.

Xiezhou salt law is often a burden to the people, Bao Zheng went to run governance, requesting the court to all carry out commercial trade. Bao Zheng was appointed as Tianzhangge pending, know admonition.

Many times he discussed and rebuked the favored ministers, requesting the court to abolish all the improper favors, such as the internal granting of official positions. He also listed on the three pieces of the Tang Dynasty Wei Zheng's Zaozuo, hoping that the emperor will take them as a motto and learn from them.

Bao Zheng in the court as a person of firmness, noble relatives and eunuchs for the convergence, heard of Bao Zheng people are very afraid of him. People compare Bao Zheng's smile to the clear water of the Yellow River, and children and women also know his name and call him "Bao to the system".

The capital said he said: "joints not, there is a Yanwang master Bao Lao." Previously, the system provides that all complaints shall not go directly to the official court.

Bao Zheng opened the main door of the government office, so that the complainant can go directly to him to state the rights and wrongs, so that the Xuyun officials do not dare to cheat the chief.

Some people take the land coupon to falsely report the number of their own fields, Bao Zheng are strictly examined, the report impeached the false person. He was promoted to the post of Counselor General, and the right of the Imperial Historical Chancellor.

Said to the court, "The crown prince has been vacant for a long time, the world is very worried, and His Majesty has hesitated for a long time, why is this?" Renzong said, "Who do you want to make the crown prince?" Bao Zheng said, "I have little talent and hold an official position in the court, the reason why I ask Your Majesty to pre-establish the crown prince is for the long-term consideration of the country. Your Majesty asked me who I want to be the crown prince, this is to doubt me.

I am already seventy years old and have no son, and am not a person who seeks favors." The emperor said happily, "I will take my time to consider this matter."

Bao Zheng's character is stern and upright, the harsh wind of the officials is very disgusted, committed to the generous and forgiving government, although cynical, but there is no not to the loyal and forgiving way to implement the political affairs. Do not arbitrarily attach to others, do not pretend to please others, usually no private correspondence, old friends and relatives of the news are cut off.

Although the official position is very high, but the food and clothing and daily necessities are the same as when he was a commoner. He once said: "The descendants of future generations of officials, who have committed the crime of corruption, are not allowed to set foot in their homes, and they are not allowed to be buried in large tombs after their deaths.

If they do not follow my ambition, they are not my descendants. ".

4. The content of the science tabloid

can be divided into several panels to set up: the publication of the first sentence 1, the story of the scientists; 2, safety knowledge to know more; 3, science knowledge contest (one); 4, interesting scientific phenomena; 5, science in life; 6, science special edition: the ocean and marine life If you need specific content, I can help you provide.

I hope to help you, if you have any questions, you can follow up ~ ~ ~ ~ I wish you progress in your studies to the next level! (*^_^*) For example: the publication of the first sentence Qingdao - the Oriental Ocean Science City the beauty of the sea, the aura of the sea are gathered in Qingdao; convergence of the beauty of the sea in one of the city of Qingdao, gathered the aura of the sea as one of the ocean teaching and scientific research institutions are located in Qingdao. When we walk into these places, the magnificent sea will be displayed in front of us.

In the satellite positioning map, in the glass aquarium, in the transparent test tube, in the precision instruments ... ... Here, the ocean is concrete and abstract. Here, mankind is recognizing the oceans from both the macro and the micro.

Here, how many mysteries of the ocean are waiting to be deciphered.

How many mysteries of the ocean are waiting to be deciphered, and how many marine scientific research results are about to be developed?

To face the ocean is to face the past and the future. The ocean was once the place where life began, and the ocean will be the pasture of mankind.

Another example: science quiz (one) What is the role of the sundial? Timer sea shells belong to: mollusks "plant panda" is known as: Yinbin The kind of birds are not nesting, not brood? The cuckoo Einstein's famous theory is: the theory of relativity When was China's first atomic bomb successfully detonated? Yes, when it first germinates, but not after it has become parasitic Which of the following types of files is a compressed file: ZIP Which type of tea is a fermented tea? Black tea The body coloration and color striping of a fly that resembles a bee and deters birds from pecking at it is called: mimicry On the Fahrenheit scale, the melting point of ice is set at 32°F The most abundant element in the Earth's crust is: oxygen How many species of birds are there in our country***? 1186 species A mammal experiencing convulsions may have too low a level of which of the following components in its blood? Calcium salts Bats are a type of: small animal Can cigarettes made from tobacco leaves infected with the tobacco mosaic virus transmit the virus to people? No, plant viruses do not cause disease in people What class of animal is the golden leopard: Class I? A computer virus is: a program Are tomatoes and eggplants in the same family? Are tomatoes and eggplants in the same family? Yes, they're both in the Solanaceae family. Why do rodents grind their teeth? The first plants to survive in the desert during the succession from wasteland to forest were: pioneer plants The symbol for two atoms of nitrogen is: 2N How many chromosomes are there in a normal human body cell? 46 The inner surface of the human trachea and bronchial tubes is the ciliated epithelium The least abundant element in the Earth's crust is astatine Which of two similarly-sized hippopotamuses would win in a fight? The one with the bigger mouth What family of plants does the mimosa belong to? What family of plants does the mimosa belong to? Leguminosae The characteristics of green materials do not include: the use of green to prevent light pollution MP3 compresses music from CDs by what ratio without degrading the quality of the sound? 12:1 A blastocyst is characterized by: a hollow sphere In 1827, the English botanist Browne used a microscope to observe pollen suspended in water and found that the pollen particles moved constantly and irregularly. This movement came to be known as: Browne's motion What is the nucleus of an atom made of? The driving force behind the world's weather is: the sun How many stars can we see with the naked eye at night when the sky is clear? 3000 What family of plants does the mimosa belong to? Leguminosae The number of chromosomes and types of sex chromosomes that normally occur in a human egg cell are: 22 + X The most diverse plants are: angiosperms The animals that migrate the farthest in the world are the Arctic terns.

5. Request a literary translation of the book of Southern Qi, Xie Wu

Xie Wu's name is Xuanhui, and he was a native of Yangxia in Chen County.

His father, Wei, was a governor of Wu Xing. His father, Wei, was a minister in charge of the scattered cavalry.

Xie was a young man who was good at learning, had a good reputation, and wrote beautifully.

Also in charge of the Chinese book edicts, in addition to the Secretary of the Prime Minister, not bye, still turned to the Chinese book of Lang. Out of the Xuancheng governor, to choose to return to the central secretary.

...... ...... scorch is good at cursive scribe, long five-character poem, Shen Yao often said, "two hundred years have not been this poem". When Queen Jing was worshipping in the mountain mausoleums, he wrote an essay on mourning for her, which was unparalleled in the Qi world.

Dongfeng lost virtue, Jiang You wanted to set up Xia Wang Baoxuan, the end of the more back to confusion, and his younger brother, Sisi Mi, said Wu: "Jiangxia young and light, not loaded with God's weapon, can not resume the abolition of the establishment. The first An elder into the codification, do not misbehave with the expectations.

Not this to be rich and powerful, the government is to seek peace of mind in the country ear.

The first time I saw this, I was able to get a good look at it, and I was able to get a good look at it, and I was able to get a good look at it. The first time I saw this was when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley, and the second time I was a student at a university.

Yoyo was a popular choice for the first time in the history of the city, and the first time in the history of the city was for the first time in the history of the city, and the first time in the history of the city. Wang Jingzhe's past is characterized by treachery and treachery, and he is slightly sincere. The first time I saw this was when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley, and I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley.

And the creeks and ravines are not tired of being touched. Than then fanning inside and outside, everywhere treacherous say, delusional depreciation of the public opinion, theft of the Palace, idle slander pro-virtue, light discussion of the dynasty, ugly talk of different plans, not to be heard.

Without the heart of the king is known, **** abandonment of the punishment is appropriate. I and other counselors, it is appropriate to go down to the north of the country, and clean up the criminal book.

"" Edict: "public enlightenment so,朓资性轻险，久彰物议. Straight to the carvings of a thin trick, see the teeth and clothes.

Previously in the Zhugong, fan Fan Fan Di, day and night to flatter, look up and down painting. And back to the capital, since the declaration of dew, Jiang, Han, no wave, as their own achievements.

The vegetation in the end of this, the red gentry so side-eye. The last summer, quite a bit of sincerity, reward Mew Quga, more than the Mylan order, the sense of joy is not heard, Lings Jing弥著.

So, they are back to the wind and dust, confuse the Zhu Zi, denigrate the dynasty, doubt the idle proximity to the wise. The first time I saw this was when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley, and the second time I saw it was when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley.

It is appropriate to have a less positive sentence to Shen to remove the harmful meaning. The first thing I want to do is to get rid of all the things that I've done in the past.

"And make the Royal Historian Fan Cui play collect scorch, die in prison. The first is the first of a series of "The Sacred Heart", which is the first of its kind in the world.

The translation of Xie Jue (谢眺) was a famous poet during the Xiaoqi period of the Southern and Northern Dynasties, specializing in landscapes and poems with fresh and elegant expressions. He was born in the Southern Dynasty, and his ancestor was the younger brother of Xie An, the commander of the Eastern Jin Dynasty.

In the first year of Yongtai of Emperor Ming of Qi (498 A.D.), Xie's father-in-law, Wang Jingzhe, the governor of Huiji, was suspected of being under surveillance by the Emperor Ming of Qi, and in April, his fifth son sent a man to talk to Xie to discuss how to protect himself. Wang Jingzhe was originally from a poor background, but was rich and powerful because of his war achievements.

At that time, when the importance of family origin was very high, the noble Xie overlooked to marry the daughter of Wang Jingzhe, originally for political power, he naturally did not want to get involved in the possible chaos. On balance, Xie overlook detained the visitor and denounced him to Emperor Ming of Qi.

Wang Jingzhe was forced to send an arrow on the string, and was defeated and exterminated; Xie overlook was promoted to Shangshu mandarin. His wife, Wang Jingze's daughter, often carries a sword in her arms and wants to wait for an opportunity to kill Xie Overlook to take revenge.

Xie overlook was so ashamed and afraid that he did not dare to meet him. In August of the following year (499 AD), Xie was falsely accused by his relative Yoyo Jiang, and was arrested and imprisoned to die.

On his deathbed, he sighed: "Is it really true that heaven cannot be deceived? Although I did not personally kill the king, the king died because of me." Xie Zhi died at the age of thirty-six.

6. Kneeling: 2011 Wuhan Intermediate Language Exam language test questions literary translation is Yi Zi Yu, North Sea Yingling people also

is Yi, Zi Yu, North Sea Yingling County people.

After Sun Quan presided over the great administration of Eastern Wu, he favored the literati and recruited Yesi. When Lv Meng tried to attack Guan Yu, Sun Quan consulted with Yesi, who agreed with Lv Meng's idea and advised Sun Quan to adopt it.

He accompanied the army to conquer Guan Yu and was appointed as a loyal lieutenant. After the pacification of Jingzhou, Wu settled in Wuchang and appointed Yesi as a general, and then as Marquis of Duting.

Sun Quan wanted to grant him military power, but Yesi thought he was not a talented soldier, and firmly refused to accept. In the year of Huangwu, he sent Yeshi to Liu Shao in Anhui City, and designed to lure Cao Huo to come.

After Cao Xiu arrived, he was defeated, and he was promoted to the rank of general. After Wu moved its capital to the east, Yi assisted the Crown Prince.

Later, he returned to Jianye with the crown prince.

At that time, all the people who were present with Diao Jia were afraid of Lv Yi, and said in the same voice that Diao Jia had done this, but only Yi said that he had never heard of it.

Yes, I replied: "Now that the knife and saw have been pressed on my neck, how can I dare to hide it for Diaojia and take my own life, and become a ghost of disloyalty to the king? But there is a beginning and an end to knowing and not knowing. "He answered truthfully, without changing his mind.

Sun Quan had to release him, and Diao Jia was saved from punishment. He did not rule his own property, and was not favored by others, and lived in a house just large enough for his own family to live in.

One of his neighbors built a large mansion, which Sun Quan saw when he was out, and asked who owned it, to which he replied, "It is probably the house of Yi." Sun Quan said, "It is Yi is very frugal, surely not.

"Upon inquiry, it was indeed someone else's house. Yes Yi often gave advice to Sun Quan and never talked about the shortcomings of others.

He served the country for decades without fault.