Countless unforgettable moments, mountains and oceans in front of me, emotions pulling my heart, one by one paroxysmal pain.
My cell phone still has your photo, I looked at your smile, so familiar and warm, as if a hand can reach out to touch the nostalgia of the warmth, but we all understand that between us, no longer just between the two ends of the screen, but separated by a whole Milky Way.
Maybe a little later encounter, the ending will not be the same.
I was dumbfounded holding the phone, but my heart was crying hard. This piece of lemon acid love, after all, pricked my sensitive nerves.
A
When everything happens unexpectedly, I will attribute it all to fate.
A lot of encounters who can not say, perhaps fate deliberately arranged a coincidence, so that you met him at that time, everything seems to be natural, everything seems to be off track. The beginning and end of the story, are too hasty, a trance, you lost him.
At that time, the weather was not yet hot, the air was still gentle enough, and the warm wind on the high school campus blew slightly.
I met him at this time.
The original we are just strangers, no connection, in the beginning, I would never have thought that later we happened the story and today I made the ending, if everything can be foreseen, I would rather choose to start a little later.
Since the day I saw him in the mailbox sent me information, everything has become different.
Inexplicably, we added each other's friends, and then began to chat off and on. His humor and polite attitude quickly attracted me, I think this boy is very special, chat window his words like a breeze, so that afternoon because to go back to school and restless I feel a cool heart. Ghostly, I asked him if he was single, and his affirmative answer gave me a burst of ecstasy, but I didn't know what I was excited about, my temples jumped and jumped, and I clutched the palms of my hands, clearly feeling the beating of my heart. I was not aware that this feeling was called a heartbeat at that time.
That day I trance a night study, the wind outside the window Xi Xi mixed with the aroma of camphor leaves, blowing my head a chaotic, confused and tasted some sweet, the first time on a stranger's feelings, complexity of my own can not tell.
Two
Some things, before you swore that you would not become the tragic heroine of the story, the results of the story is how you did not recall how it happened, fell headlong into the planting, planted in the boom, so defiant, so righteous, like a moth to the flame, thinking that he was like a hero in love, in the end, but only touched himself.
Some of the heart is not able to restrain.
At first, when I was looking for him to chat, I had to find a reason to start, and I was on my cell phone, staring at the tiny glowing screen, constantly refreshing it, and even waiting for a few seconds became a kind of anxiety. We chat is a whole night, every night listening to his beautiful song to sleep, then I think how there will be such a good sound of the boys. Sometimes he said some ambiguous words will let me recall half a day, enough I toss and turn until late at night. Every day I would go to his homepage several times, pay attention to all the replies under each of his status, once a girl replied slightly intimate, I would be depressed for a long time, and then every day to delete their own visit records. I was so engrossed in this unexplained little emotion that I would smile shyly at the thought of him for some time.
Even though we had never met.
Even though neither of us knew each other at the time.
But I still choose to believe, believe in the screen of the heart.
The night after the high school exams, on the phone, I summoned up my lifelong courage to carefully confess my love, and then buried myself deep under the covers. I pushed myself to the edge of the cliff, waiting for him to give me relief.
He was silent for a moment.
The cold wind from the air conditioner whistled, my heart seemed to be clenched, trying to breathe but a bit unable to lift my breath, I pulled up the covers and held my head to take deep breaths, and the tears were about to fall before he could speak.
As if after a century so long, he promised me in a small voice.
The world brightened.
I smiled, even in the cold air-filled night I smiled unabashedly. Happiness was instantly magnified in front of my eyes, weighing me down.
Three
And then we were so together.
This is also the first relationship I seriously give.
Every night we video chatted into the wee hours of the morning, and it wasn't enough. I longed to know what he was thinking, carefully exploring step by step, trying to enter his world, trying to make myself a likable girlfriend.
He said he didn't like me always crying and crying, I change, even if again aggrieved I have to bite my lip and hold back to not let him know; he said he didn't like me to stick to him like a little kid, I change, even if that day really want to think about him also hold back to not let him feel distracted; he said he didn't like me to see me often every day to send him information, I change, even if I really want to share with him and I have to share with him everything that happens here also He said he did not like me to participate in too many activities to show his face he will be jealous, I obediently in the university as a "good student", even if the heart is also very envious of standing on the stage of the classmates emitted dazzling light; he said he hoped that I would come to his side, and he studied abroad, so I overthrew their original ideals and goals only wish to keep up with him. The goal only wish to keep up with his steps in a hurry ...... He does not like too many things, some aspects of me really try my best, but still can not get his satisfaction, often outbreaks of quarrels every time I am sad to suffocation, I am not a person who will quarrel, I will not be in that situation to clear my mind, can only listen to the phone at the other end of the near roar of his The voice silently put all the grievances with the tears swallowed into the stomach.
The longer the time the more I feel the heart suffocated panic, but I have been refused to believe, do not want to believe the recognized secular. Just more and more found that after going to college we, in different environments, farther and farther away, he did not know my side of the life jokes, I do not understand his side of the learning and sense of novelty, and finally we are only left with the ritual of saying good night to each other every day. This relationship is like a lemon, there are times when a bite down, sour so that people can not help but cover their eyes and want to shed tears, but at that time I would rather gnaw on the lemon while shedding tears, but not willing to choose to give up.
Four,
There are times when I do not ask you to do anything earth-shattering things to make me moved, perhaps a slightly warm words will be enough to melt my whole heart. These feelings we have experienced, looking back on the heartwarming details, really not much. Maybe it's the exhaustion I've been accumulating that finally crushed this relationship, finally in a rainy night to let everything fall apart, the story from the beginning, I love you still, but you will gradually recede from my life, become unattainable that light.
Some love, the more you want to pull away but the more clear.
After college, our lives are becoming more and more distinct, there is a time difference between us there is always a variety of inconvenience, often I still have things to do when he urged me to go to bed and his video, has been listening to his words, I often reluctantly climbed into bed in a hurry to see a side, but the heart is full of a small resentment but can not be manifested. Meet will not or do not understand things to send a message to ask him, even if I every time in the heart to comfort themselves he is just too busy, his increasingly impatient tone or let me heart more and more cold.
In fact, these are also considered small, the most heartbreaking or sick and lonely when his attitude towards me, the kind of refusal to people outside the feeling, the kind of words revealed impatience, and he later turned a blind eye to, let me know what is called slowly die heart, I do not know if their decision is correct, but these things happen does affect my final choice.
After the busy days always make people feel especially lonely, after thinking for a whole week, I finally chose to give up this relationship. Not because there is no emotion, just really too tired, the most painful distance, is the dream dream to the bottom of the heart of the people, open your eyes but not around me, I wait for the wish, always encountered disappointment, such as his determination to fade away little by little, in the heart of the bitter laugh at themselves, ultimately did not suffer the spell of long-distance love, and finally chose to break up with him on a rainy night.
V
Later in the day, I tried to try to forget you, just like when I loved you so hard.
Since I mentioned the breakup, at first he begged me hard not to go, promising me so much more. I desperately want to return to his side of the mood, do not dare to open the phone to see the message, more dare not accept him to send a video request, I'm afraid that I have a soft heart on the reversal of the decision I made. Many nights I buried myself into the quilt and cried until my brain aches, my eyes are red and swollen, I had thought that a person's tears would run out, but time is still sweeping over my sorrows one minute at a time, no matter where I hide it's no use, I'm still being pulled out by sadness so hard, I'm letting myself feel bad.
I thought I wouldn't be sad about him anymore, but when I saw the dynamic he posted in the space, I still felt suffocated all of a sudden. He tore up the diary I wrote for him, cut the scarf I knitted for him, cut the wings of three hundred and sixty-five paper cranes, and I also saw the screenshots of his video with other girls.
He said goodbye to me in this way.
Suddenly, big clumps of sadness clogged my chest all at once.
Still, I cried out uncontrollably, and this time I couldn't stop the tears.
When I go to bed, I often can't help but think of the past and his little bit by little, when I lie in bed, the ceiling is him, the pillow is him, and even the tissue to wipe the tears are him.
But we have already broken up.
But we used to be good.
I want to forget him, but I can not forget that he was angry and told me not to eat ice to pay attention to the stomach of the anxious expression, I can not forget to come to see me a few days to get up early to buy breakfast for me carefully, I can not forget to eat together with the KFC when he was afraid of dirtying my hands one by one to feed my scene, I can not forget to say goodbye to the station when he embraced the temperature, I can not forget to go to bed every day, he intimately call me!
We're both at fault, we're both immature enough to be exhausted in this relationship. You're great, and I'm so grateful that you came along and gave me another color in my life. And I never regret my confession, because had loved you this period, is the most beautiful scenery in this life, even if everything back to square one, the story from the beginning, but at least I love you still.
After leaving me, you will definitely meet a girl who is much better than me, who understands you, tolerates you, and is well-behaved and lovely.
I can not participate in your future life, but at least promise me that you have to be good.
Perhaps they met too early, perhaps they are still too young, perhaps too far away, the boy and the girl did not go to the end, this relationship is like a lemon, a knife cut down, put in the mouth, sour people to tears, the boy does not know the girl's heartache difficult, the girl does not know the boy's painful choices, the relationship hurt them too y in the heart left a scar, perhaps Time will slowly cover up the past, so that they no longer remember the painful memories, and then pretend to be nothing like continue to live.
The boy and the girl in the story, I hope they learn to be strong after the parting, because at least this relationship has made them grow up too much, and that's enough.
We all have to move on.
Try to be the best version of yourself.
We all have to move on.