Three-person funny sketch script "Children are Big"

People: men, women, sons.

[curtain rises: a pair of sofas and a coffee table on the stage.

Woman: Money is afraid of wool and goods are afraid of meanness. A 40-year-old man is afraid that his wife will show him a good face. If he is given some air, he will be asthmatic. If you want to spread some straw, he will lay eggs on it. (Shouting to the next door) Suda-Suda-Suda-

Man: (After two behind-the-scenes promises, he hurried up) Hey-hey-it's in place! Just say "I said yes". You can't stop shouting. After more than 20 years of husband and wife, don't you know that you are a man with short legs?

Female: Suda-

M: Suda Suda? What about your hair! Call it tuba when you open your mouth. Can't you be gentle and call it a nickname?

W: Your nickname is-

Man: the face is fat.

Woman: Isn't that still for hair? Say, what did you do all day today?

M: What can I do? Talk about a little business.

W: What business?

M: That is, paint the Great Wall, put a cover on the Yellow River, put a hat on Mount Tai, earn some foreign exchange by hand, and make an artificial leather cover for US Air Force One-

Woman: Why don't you get a submarine and give us all the sewers?

Man: How lonely is a ship? If you want to do it, get two, and let them bump into each other in the sewer.

Woman: Don't put your face on your nose. (Pulls out a bottle of toothpaste-like cosmetics) Do you know this?

Man: Isn't this from your dresser?

Woman: It's sitting on my dresser. Why did you throw it in the corridor? Drink soy sauce and jump out of the blue-Are you cramping?

Man: Who has a cramp? Isn't it bad?

W: What goes bad?

Man: Really? Last Sunday, I ran out of toothpaste, so I squeezed a little of your toothpaste-damn it, it doesn't taste good in my mouth.

Woman: Did you use it as toothpaste?

Man: What is it if it's not toothpaste?

Woman: This is a breast enhancement treasure!

Man: Feng-what I said, after using it, my lips became red and swollen, and my tongue swelled like a small ball. As soon as I went out, my neighbor asked me: What are you doing with a Four Joy Meetballs in your mouth? Don't throw this shit away. I still have it?

Woman: Why don't you throw away your wine bottles?

Man: wine is the essence of food. The more you drink it, the younger you get. The biggest harm is getting drunk. What's the use of having a rich chest? Our family doesn't organize a basketball team either. Look at your piles of cosmetics. It's a waste to spend money on that thing!

W: It can add beauty to me.

Man: Beauty depends on a good base. Anything you put on it will look good. For example, an old eggplant, if you spray it with thick green paint-isn't it also act young?

Woman: Who are you calling the old eggplant?

Man: Isn't that an analogy?

Woman: For example, this is the first time you've told the truth since you got married. It's been 20 years, and I've been deceived by your sweet words-

Man: Who lied to you?

W: What did you tell me when you were in love? When you say that others compare my sweetheart to flowers, it's all a sham. If you want to compare me, compare me to your favorite fruit.

Man: Don't I always do this? When I fall in love, I treat you like a green apple. Do you look good? After marriage, I treat you like a peach. After having children, I treat you like a pineapple. Do you look good?-

Woman: So now, then-

Man: Now I treat you like a tomato-you still think you are a fruit?

Woman: I knew you were lying to me. You never cared about me.

Man: Who didn't take you to heart? When I first got married, I was worried when I couldn't see you for a while, and I was worried when I couldn't see you for two days. You went on a business trip for three days, and I kissed you in my dream every day, biting my pillow and chewing the buckwheat skin! That time, you accidentally bumped into the door frame, which scared me to look at it quickly. I held your head and blew and rubbed it. I kicked the door frame several times.

Woman: Isn't that just married? I bumped into the door frame again the day before yesterday. What did you do?

Man: I also ran to see-

Woman: Do you see if that door frame is damaged? The most exasperating thing is that you look at it and say, "stare at the two big eyes and hit the door frame. Who do you miss?"

M: Is that what I said?

W: That's what you said.

Man: I can't say that at all-if you don't believe me, you will bump it again later-

Woman: Do you want me to kill you? Beautiful you. I knew your boy was a wild tiger under the eaves-not a good bird at all! This day can't go on, I divorce you!

Man: You think I love spending time there with you? Divorce means divorce.

Woman: Don't think I'm trying to scare you. I can make do with you today because of our son's face.

Man: I don't want to see our son's face can live with you now?

Woman: Don't befriend me. What is our son? That's my son!

M: Your son? Can your son grow so handsome?

Woman: Can your son grow so slim?

M: My son is free and easy with me.

Woman: My son is slim with me.

The son shouted behind the scenes: Dad-

Man: Did you hear that? My son is mine.

The son shouted behind the scenes: Mom-

Woman: Did you hear that? My son is mine.

Man: My son is me-

Woman: My son is me-

Man: My son is me-

Woman: My son is me-

Son, go.

Son: There is only one son in our family, so don't argue with me.

Man: Who argued with you?

Woman: Look at my son. How much he looks like me?

Man: Does your son look like you? Are you glaring and deceiving the audience?

Woman: Son, your father-wants to divorce me.

M: It's your mother who wants to divorce me.

Woman: Son, if you weren't afraid of suffering, mom wouldn't be able to spend a day with him.

Man: Son, if it weren't for your discomfort, I would spend another day with her. I am your son.

Son: Dad, Mom, I know it's all for my own good, but don't let me delay your divorce.

Man and woman: Huh? !

Son: Since the day I can remember, you two have been divorced every three days. It seems that divorce is your lifelong pursuit! But every time, because my face has not been realized, today I beg you, don't take me seriously, and go to realize your's ideal without hesitation, leave-(take out a piece of paper and hold it up)

Man: This is-

Son: Last time you said you wanted a divorce, I wrote a divorce application for you. Sign it.

Woman: Son, mom can't bear to part with you-

Man: Son, dad gave you a face today-

Zi: You'd better give me a lining! Last year, my academic performance dropped, and the teacher asked me what was going on. I said that my parents were divorced. From then on, the teacher paid more attention to me and called on my classmates to take care of me. They gave me books and pens and brought delicious food. My deskmate and parents also took me to the zoo to see bears. But today you are still a couple, the teacher said I lied, my classmates said I cheated the organization, and my deskmate said it was an insult to the bear to show me the bear! Since then, I have been waiting and looking forward to it with depressed feelings, and finally I am looking forward to this day-

Man: Son, you can think it over. If we divorce, who cares?

Zi: Nobody cares! Then I will be free, and no one will supervise my study. I can go to the Internet cafe every day.

Man: Don't you dare! I won't give you money. How do you play?

Zi: The owner of the Internet cafe just got divorced, and he's the right age for my mother. If my mother can try to marry him, how much will I spend on playing games?

Woman: Why am I looking for an Internet cafe?

Son: Dad, just find another restaurant owner, and I'll save money on meals.

Woman: Aren't you sad without a father and a mother?

Zi: I have two sets of luxurious lineups by myself. Ah, happiness!

Woman: It's good to have a good stepmother, but with your father's virtue, he can find any good people, just a crooked mouth and evil eyes-

Man: You just have to find an idiot-

Woman: You find a donkey-snatcher-

Man: You find a whore-

Woman: You find someone with a sore and a long furuncle-

Man: You find someone who is short-minded and calcium deficient-

Woman: You find a stiff-

Man: You find a shirtless guy with a tie-

Zi: Where do you two do poetry here? Can you stop talking? They say that home is a harbor, which makes you both noisy into a bay? As parents, can you still save snacks for your children? Mom, tell me the truth, do you really not love my dad?

Woman: no.

Son: Then why do you fidget from morning till night every time he goes out? When it rains on cloudy days, you say that the weather has changed. Your father must have a stomachache, and I wonder if he can forget to take medicine-

Man: Son-

Son: Dad, do you really care about my mother? The other day, you saw my mother walking down the street with a young man, and you followed her like a spy. Later, they got on the bus, so you caught up with her. When all the shoes ran away, it was better to chase after the poor bandits. Later, the man poked his head through the window. Dad, why did you turn around?

Man: That boy is your uncle!

Zi: I know, you love mom, and mom loves you, but why are you always arguing about a little trifle? When you quarrel, you talk about divorce, saying that you will leave? Shouting slogans without action, you are too dishonest.

Man: That's because of you.

Woman: Mom is reluctant to part with you-

Zi: Don't treat me like a step today. Guys, why don't you take some practical action? (picks up the paper) Sign it!

Man: son, dad-never leave.

Son: It's really not like a man. Mom, you sign.

Woman: Son, mom doesn't leave-

Zi: After careful consideration, we can agree that if we don't sign today, no one can say the word divorce again.

Men and women: Don't say, promise.

Zi: Then can you two get along?

M: Then the society is in harmony.

Woman: I'm sure our family will be fine, too.

Son: Well, let's make a peace treaty now, and whoever commits another crime will read this divorce application aloud in the future.

Man and woman: OK.

Zi: Read it now.

Man and woman: Son, stop reading.

Son: Sign if you don't read it.

Male and female: read, read.

Son: One sentence per person, louder.

Woman: Dear Mianfei-

Man: Dear waist flower-

Woman: I'm the wind and you're the sand-

Man: I'm a leather shoe and you're a brush-

Woman: I'm Hami and you're melon-

Man: I'm cow dung and you're a fork-

Woman: I'm noodles-

Man: I'm Mahua-

Woman: I'm a loach-

Man: I'm a river shrimp-

Woman: I'm a house bird-

Man: I'm a frog-

Woman: I'm chirping, chirping, chirping-

Man: I stick, stick, stick, stick, stick, stick ... What word did this child write?

Woman: Our son has really grown up.

Man: Son-

Female: Son-

[Men and women focus on their sons and open their arms emotionally. The son cleverly dodged, and the woman hugged the man.

Woman: Damn good son-

Zi: (chuckles) Mom, I'm going to school to make up lessons-

Woman: Ah-(Finding that it's not the son, I broke free) What son are you pretending to be?

Man: You're just pretending to be a son. (Take back your hand) I said this feels so "awkward".

Zi: Mom, Dad, you also make up lessons------(below)

Man: This kid-let's make up lessons.

Woman: Our son has grown up, so we have to listen to him. Come on, make up lessons!

Man: I really don't like mending this thing if I don't want to look at my son's face. (I hug the girl and avoid her, and the man stumbles. Son, look at your mother, she doesn't make up lessons-----.

Woman: Who doesn't make up lessons? Can't you find a place to make up lessons? Be silly-(below)

M: (to the audience) Don't read my jokes for nothing. Those who should make up lessons should go home and hurry up.

[Bow, female, son back, three curtain call.

Professional:

Three-person official reception sketch script (official reception)

Profile:

Xiao Zhang: Male, about 35 years old, a receptionist in the personnel department, with a strong sense of responsibility and humor.

Xiao Wang: Male, about 25 years old, a receptionist in the personnel department, with a strong sense of responsibility, humor and personality.

He Jianhua: Male, about 45 years old, is the director of the Propaganda Department of the Municipal Party Committee. On the surface, he is serious and tricky, but in fact he is warm and generous, and he treats any work very rigorously.

Scene: Reception Room of Personnel Department

Props: table, three chairs, two pens, schedule. Teapots and cups are placed on folders, telephones and tables.

The curtain slowly opened.

Xiao Wang sat at the table, sorting out the papers, and Xiao Zhang hurried up with a folder in his hand.

Xiao Zhang: Hurry up, there is a new reception task.

Xiao Wang stood up: Really? What is the reception task?

Xiao Zhang: He Jianhua, Minister of Propaganda Department of the Municipal Party Committee, is coming to attend the propaganda meeting of government agencies and give guidance on propaganda work.

Xiao Wang: Is the city leader coming? What time?

Xiao Zhang: Right away!

Xiao Wang: Right away? Yeah! I have memorized the Official Reception Manual, but I have never received guests from the city or the province!

Xiao Zhang: Hmm! The director said that the task would be left to the two of us, which satisfied your wish. (Facing the audience, in the tone of the host) Audience friends, audience friends, (touching the heartbeat) Why are you a little nervous? What a loser!

Xiao Wang stepped forward and said, Let me introduce you!

Xiao Zhang took Xiao Wang's arm: You just came here and have no experience. Hello, audience friends. First of all, let me introduce myself. I'm Xiao Zhang, a receptionist in the personnel department. I'm 35 years old, married and tall.

Xiao Wang: Are you asking for a marriage?

Xiao Zhang: Oh, oh, oh! I'm too nervous. (I stretched out my hand and invited Xiao Wang to say that Xiao Wang just wanted to introduce himself, and Xiao Zhang stole it.) This is my colleague, unmarried male Xiao Wang.

Xiao Wang: Well, Wang Laoji's king.

Xiao Zhang: We are a bottle and authentic melatonin!

Xiao Wang: (preemptive) is the golden partner! (Pointing up) Yeah! Not advertising!

Xiao Zhang: I have been in the personnel reception desk for three years. The reception work is to have a greeting and a farewell, with a kind attitude and a serious smile. Always keep a smile on your face, don't show your teeth (make a smiling face).

Xiao Wang: You laugh too ugly. (With a smile) The reception work must be warm and thoughtful, patient and meticulous, standardized and orderly, and the guests are satisfied, so as to establish a good image of the institutions and units with practical actions.

Xiao Zhang: To sum up, reception is just the effort on the tip of the tongue. You should be eloquent, enthusiastic and considerate.

Xiao Wang: Of course.

The phone rang, and Xiao Zhang picked it up first: Hello! Hello! Personnel reception! Minister he? Hello! (suddenly rises abruptly and stands still) Please rest assured that we will, as always, do our best to do a good job in reception! Yes, yes, yes. Put down the receiver and sit down straight. )

Xiao Wang: (also rises abruptly) Please rest assured the leaders that we will play a good role in drinking only pure water and pure milk, and make the reception work pure and neat!

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Outline:

Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang of the Ministry of Personnel were informed that He Jianhua, Minister of Propaganda Department of the Municipal Party Committee, would come to attend the publicity meeting of government agencies and give guidance on publicity work. As He Jianhua is coming, Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang began to make detailed arrangements for Jianhua's schedule, including meals, accommodation, meetings, spare activities, car parking and safety according to the process. Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang expressed their confidence together: We must use warm, thoughtful, high-quality and efficient reception services to establish a good image of this government agency and satisfy Minister He Jianhua.

When He Jianhua arrived, Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang warmly received him in a humorous and etiquette-free way. Who knows that He Jianhua was quite serious and showed a gesture of indifference to this reception, while Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang, as always, took the most enthusiastic attitude and paid great attention to the etiquette status and served He Jianhua. But He Jianhua became cold again, and from time to time he questioned Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang with cold and humorous words. For example, when he asked about the dining and accommodation arrangements, he felt that he didn't eat well and the accommodation was not up to standard, and so on. Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang have a clear attitude and unanimously responded: this is frugality, doing things according to the rules, and not advocating extravagance and waste. Finally, He Jianhua clapped his hands happily, leaving Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang at a loss. Originally from the beginning, He Jianhua deliberately made things difficult for them to see how their reception work was done and how to face the unexpected situation. He Jianhua was very satisfied with the performance of Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang, especially the etiquette. He Jianhua sincerely praised them. Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang are more confident, and they unanimously say that they will always do a good job in reception with the attitude of "paying attention to etiquette, being rigorous and meticulous, being pragmatic and doing things according to the rules"!