①? Elementary school language is too hard nowadays, look at one of their homework questions: ?

Requirement: Connect the following four sentences with associated words:?

1, Zhang Haidi's sister is paralyzed;?

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously;?

3. Sister Zhang Haidi learned many foreign languages;?

4. Zhang Haidi learned acupuncture. (Note: The correct answer should be: although paralyzed, Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously and learned not only several foreign languages but also acupuncture.) ?

As a result, one child wrote: ? Although Sister Zhang Haidi tenaciously learned acupuncture and several foreign languages, she was still paralyzed.?

Later, it was found that an even fiercer child wrote: ?

Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned a foreign language, but also acupuncture, she was so tenacious, but she was finally paralyzed.?

Sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed because she was so tenacious in her studies that she not only learned several foreign languages, but also acupuncture.

Sister Zhang Haidi was so tenacious in her studies that not only did she learn multiple foreign languages and acupuncture, but she eventually learned to be paralyzed.?

Haidi Zhang's sister learned multiple foreign languages and acupuncture, and was again tenaciously learning to be paralyzed.?

Sister Zhang Haidi learned multiple foreign languages and acupuncture through tenacious study, and ended up paralyzing herself by following a foreign-language version of an acupuncture book?

②The strongest history class ever is this~~~?

In a history class at a prestigious university, the professor was asking students from all over the world: "To survive or to perish. From whom did this famous quote come??" ?

After half a day of silence, Furuta stood up and said, "William Shakespeare." ?

"Very well, who is known as the "Conscience of Europe"?

"Roman. Roland." ?

"Give me liberty or let me die. From whom did this famous quote first come?" ?

"In 1775, Bartlett Henry said it." ?

"Very good, so who said 'of the people, by the people, for the people'." ?

"In 1863, Abraham Lincoln said it." ?

"Exactly right, class, the one who answered the question just now was a Japanese student, but as a student from a European country, he couldn't answer it, too bad." The professor said without emotion.?

"Fuck the little Japanese!" ? Suddenly someone let out a shout.?

"Who! Who said that!" The professor's voice trembled with anger.?

"President Truman said it in 1945." John stood up.?

"What do you think you're doing?" The professor said angrily.?

"Madonna said it." Jack stood up as well.?

"This is disgusting, it's lawless." The professor was shaking with anger.?

"Bush Sr. said it when he met with the Japanese Prime Minister in 1991." Stephen couldn't sit still either.?

The class was immediately thrown into chaos as all the students began to talk, some of them started to get up in arms, "Yay?!!!? That's really strong enough." ?

"Clinton said that to Lewinsky." Mary picked up with no expression.?

The entire class was thrown into chaos as some of the students shouted at Furuta, "You bubble of shit, I'm going to take you out if you say anything else."　?

"-Gary Condit to Levi, 2001. (Note: Levy was a White House intern who was murdered in Washington in 2001. Her ex-boyfriend, Condit, a Democrat, was resisting arrest as a suspect) ?

The professor was too angry to speak, and after a short interval, he strutted toward the door, giving everyone a cold look as he reached it, "I'll be back." ?

"Arnold. Schwarzenegger said so." Bob finally interjected.?

Kuta gave a resigned hand, "I didn't do anything bad, why is this happening? "?

"Leslie Cheung said so." Li Xiaoli replied with a look of adoration?

All the students gathered in a circle and Tom hung his head a little, "Damn, we're screwed." ?

"Hitler said so." Ihanova replied immediately.?

One of the students said, ", this time we're in big trouble."　?

"Arthur Anderson said that in 2002." Jane replied.　?

(Note: Arthur Anderson, Arthur Andersen, one of the top five accounting firms in the U.S., went under in 2002 because of the Enron scandal) ?

Wright sighed, "This is going to be a very eventful day." ?

"Ben. **** said." Kris was finally pleased with himself for being able to say a name. ?

"This is by no means my proudest day." Furuta spoke in shame.?

"Tony. Blair said that." It was no longer clear who was answering.?

Then the principal came in with the professor, he grimaced and said almost word for word, "You're going to pay for this!" ?

"Stalin said so." The class answered in unison

1Title: if after death, you see Meng at the Naihe Bridge and are given Mengbo soup, what do you say?

A: Don't let me forget my loved ones, okay?

B: No cilantro and scallions, please!

2

The teacher asked Ming: "What are some ways to protect the environment from cutting down trees indiscriminately?"

Xiaoming replied, "Give out one less roll a day, and no sale, no killing."

3?

The cafeteria chef is probably out of love, because I found the newly replaced menu has a different view:

Pinning Lotus Root Slices, Broken Hearted Man Slapping Cucumber, Little Fatty Pulled Pork, Memories of Lentils, Eclipsing Shredded Bean Curd, and Pure Love Wooden Bean Curd Meat.

4

I was playing checkers with my 5-year-old daughter. My cell phone rang, and when I looked at the number, it was my friend Lao Hou calling, so I greeted him, "Hello Hou!" Then I chatted with him feverishly.

At this point, my daughter ran over to me and stared at me with a gaze full of reverence, not saying a word.

I finished talking with Lao Hou, put down the phone and asked my daughter, "What's wrong with you, why are you looking at me like that?"

Daughter asked in a whisper, "Daddy, how did you and the Monkey King meet?"

5

Why did I put my phone in airplane mode and throw it down the stairs and still break it?

A: Because you didn't adjust it to landing mode when you grounded the phone.

6

The captain ingratiates himself with the new stewardess: "Ask each other questions, and if you don't know how to do it, you give me $5; if I don't know how to do it, I give you $100."

The flight attendant said, "OK."

The captain asks, "What is the cruising speed of a 747?"

The flight attendant loses 5 dollars.

The flight attendant's turn to ask: "What's 3 eyes, 6 noses, 9 legs and a tail?"

The captain pays the stewardess $100.

The captain defiantly pressed, "What is the answer?"

The stewardess pulls out another $5 and gives it to the captain.

7

I was on a date with my boyfriend today and he texted me, "I'll be there in 5 minutes. If you're not there, read this text again ......"

8

A certain science student cursed: "You're damn near a solution set for X+2>4!" It took him half a day to figure out that the answer was "two to positive infinity"?

9One day, Xiao-Zhen's mother saw Xiao-Zhen's father rummaging through boxes and cupboards looking for something,

so she asked Xiao-Zhen: "What is your father looking for?"

Small really puzzled, said: "I do not know, may be looking for you, may be looking for grandma."

Mom was puzzled.

Shin went on to say: "Because he's looking for Grandma while he's looking for her, and it's really fucking hard to find."

This is the first time I've ever seen a guy who's looking for his grandma.

10?IT people we all understand, every day overtime, stay up all night normal, more no double break possible. A weekend, we are busy with a morning, more than eleven o'clock, a colleague suddenly got up, dropped a sentence and rushed out. He said: you are busy, I go out to get married and come back.

11 A young man sat in front of the Bird's Nest, looking dejected.

The policeman came over and asked, "Didn't you get a ticket for Rolling Stones 30 Years Today?" The young man took out two tickets. Surprised, the cop asks why he didn't go in.

The young man said, "I was going to ask my girl crush to join me and called her. The girl asked what concert it was, but it turned out that I had just said the word 'roll' and my cell phone ran out of battery?"

12 The boss asked me, "Can you come to work this Saturday? I know you're fun-loving on the weekends, but you're really needed over here."

"Sure, no problem. But you know, with public transit being so bad on the weekends, I'm guessing I'll have to be a little late."

"Well, when did you say you could come then?"

"Monday."

13

Husband asks, What if I'm going to have an affair?

The wife smiled sweetly: I'm very gentle, at most, the whole crippled you, will not be killed!

The husband was moved to say: you are really good!

Wife laughed: can not do husband and wife, we can still do sister!

14

A marriage website has come up with a test question: if a poor boy posing as a rich man and you love, you find out how you will react? 90% of the candidates: resolutely cut off relations, honesty is one of the most important qualities.

A month later, the site came out with another question: If a rich man posing as a poor man and you fall in love with you, you found out how you will react? 90% of the candidates: continue to socialize, I love his people, but not his money.

15Xiaoming's dad beat him twice yesterday. The first time, Xiao Ming was seen by his dad holding a test paper with only 20 points on it. Then he was flattened him, after the beating Xiaoming's father realized that the paper was his own hourly, so again Xiaoming severely beaten ......

16 one day a friend to go to the supermarket, just on his way home encountered armed robbery, he calmly looked at the young man's hand knife from the bag out of the 42 centimeters just purchased Long watermelon knife ......

Friends said he has not forgotten the young man saw the watermelon knife when the expression ......

17 a student in an exam wrote: thousands of mountains and thousands of water is always love, give some marks okay.

The corrections teacher looked at when and back to him: there is love on earth, give a 0 is also love.

18 dormitory a student went to the toilet, playing with the phone accidentally dropped the phone down.

Then, he went back to get a pair of chopsticks and prepared to clip out. Just as he was about to get down the chopsticks to fish it out, a buddy came into the restroom.

Seeing this, the man asked with concern, "Dude, you haven't eaten yet."

19Q: What is the most self-defeating thing in the world?

A: The first step in the registration of the site, I have read and agree to accept the above terms.

20I remember this year's Lantern Festival, someone posted a picture.

There were six soup dumplings inside the bowl, and they were written: get rich, happy, successful, as you wish, healthy, happy.　　

It's just a shame that such a good thing went down the drain.

22 You walk on the road,

A bitch pounced on you from your feet to bite a piece of meat,

swallowed quickly,

You reached out to the foot was about to kick it,

Dogs with tears, said: you hit it, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my belly!

23 Yesterday, I dreamed of God, who said he would grant me a wish.

I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace, and he said it was too hard to change, a bar.

I took out your picture and said I wanted this one to be beautiful. He pondered for a moment and said, "Take the globe and I'll look again."

24 On March 8, the daughter came home, a pull dad sat on the couch to turn on the TV, and then said to her mother, "Mom, today is my father and I's holiday, you cook!"

Mom was surprised: "Whose holiday?"

"Mine and Dad's! March 8th Father-Daughter Day!" The daughter announced loudly.

29Female: "The happiest moment of the day is when you drive me on your bike over to the corner for halal rice after work."

Male: "Tell the truth."

Woman: "You drive me on your bike to eat lo mein."

Male: "Tell the truth."

Female: "Halibut rice ......"

30

The company has a new batch of employees, job placement to be examined, there is only one question: 1 + 1 =?

The answer of the Ministry of Personnel is this:

The answer is equal to 2 into the Department of Technology,

The answer is greater than 2 into the Department of Sales,

The answer is less than 2 into the Department of Finance,

What have not answered, into the office.

Those who say this question is SB will not be hired.

31?

Q: Seek a costume drama, the plot is the hero fell into a cave, eat mushrooms martial arts is very powerful!

Some people say it's "Golden Sword Carving Plume", others say "Divine Eagles and Warriors".

The last person answered: Super Mario!

32

Morning physical examination, need to draw blood.

The nurse who stuck the first needle said I was too fat to find a blood vessel.

The nurse who took the second needle said my skin was too thick to penetrate.

The nurse who put in the third needle said the first two nurses were new.

33?

When my brother was two, I was eight. Took him to games at home.

I said, "Let's play mushroom picking, I'll pretend to be a mushroom and you pick it." My brother happily agreed.

So I put on my quilt and wrapped myself up as a big mushroom. My brother came over to me and stomped furiously on my head.

34

The results of the college entrance exams came out, and the teacher took a long breath and said to me, "The fact that you didn't get in is a blessing for you and for the university."

40 my classmates and her friends to eat pizza, my classmates pay,

money just gave the waiter, a boy suddenly called me to me,

and then a hand grabbed the waiter's hand of 100 bucks,

Put it into their own wallets, and then from their own wallets out of 100 bucks to pay the bill,

The whole action of the call a smooth, leaving a row of girls behind petrified, and the whole action is a smooth, and then the whole action is a smooth, and then the whole action is a smooth, and then the whole action is a smooth. The whole thing was so smooth that it left a row of girls in the back petrified.

40One day, the funeral parlor sent three people, said also strange, they died with a smile ^_^ ......? The funeral home administrator was puzzled to ask pol.ice: why their faces after death is surprisingly ^_^ it? ?pol.ice said: this ...... It's a long story ...... Look at the guy on the left ...... He was with her wife in the **** when the night ...... At the most passionate moment ...... Can't stand it ...... Hang up? The administrator then replied: alas ...... I would like to die under the flowers...... I'd like to die under the flowers. ...... How did the one in the middle die? police: the one in the middle Oh ...... He ah ...... What a tragedy ...... He was walking on the road ...... Suddenly he heard that he had won the lottery ...... The prize money is more than 700 million dollars...? He was laughing happily ....... But he was hit by an oncoming car ...... The result ...... Hang up ......? The administrator replied: alas ...... He really is not blessed to enjoy this glory and wealth for the rest of his life ...... What about the rest of this one? ?pol.ice: ...... This one died a bit pitifully ...... He was killed by lightning when he climbed a tree? The administrator replied: ...... This is a bit wrong, why would he still smile after being struck by lightning ...... The policeman said: because after he climbed the tree he thought ..... Suddenly a flash of lightning ......? He thought ...... Someone took a picture of him ......?

41 school time one day a phone call to find me, classmates pick up after handing me said: "Your mom looking for you." ? I picked up the phone while I casually said: "male female"? Everyone laughed. I was laughed at for 4 years ......?

49

1, Red Chamber: mostly women; Water Margin: mostly men;

Westward Journey: mostly not people; Three Kingdoms: mostly all people.

2. Honglou: maiden cheeky; Water Margin: courtier cheeky;

Three Kingdoms: warlord cheeky; Journey to the West: fairy cheeky.

3.? Journey to the West: monkey brother save me? ; Red Chamber: sister save me;

Water Margin: uncle save me; Three Kingdoms: military master save me!

50

A teacher said to his classmates, "Any students who feel stupid please stand up."

After a few minutes of silence, a boy slowly rose.

The teacher said, "Why do you feel stupid?"

The boy replied, "No, teacher, I can't stand to see you standing alone ......"

51 My sister enrolls her six-year-old son in a lot of weekend classes.

The day before yesterday my nephew didn't want to go and said to me in tears, "Auntie, I think my life is a pantser."

I asked, "Why?"

He said, "I have to catch whatever fart my mom puts out."

52 Fill a large jar with cola and put a small white mouse in the jar. In no time the mouse died.

Experts believe that there is an ingredient in Coke that poisons mice, but what is it? Is it harmful to the body if people drink it?

After three years of careful research, spent a lot of manpower, material and financial resources, after hundreds of times of verification and discussion, finally came to a conclusion:

Too much Coke drowned the mice!