1, steal one person's idea is plagiarism, steal many people's ideas is research.

2, intelligence test is to see what degree of stupidity.

3, I will not watch you jump into the fire, I will close my eyes.

4. It is not difficult for a person to make mistakes, but it is difficult to make mistakes and never correct them.

5, life in the world is nothing more than to make others laugh, occasionally laugh at others.

6, the real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not in a place where there is food, but a lifetime to where there is food.

7, recently poor crazy, no money to buy cakes to eat, had to gnaw on buns; want to eat cakes, on the buns to shoot flat

8, the University of these four years, I have always thought of myself as a talent, but I was wrong, I'm not! I xxxx surprisingly a genius!

9, women's fruit people can see the day month white this speech tongue, that speech to the day month people white spoon eyes Burgundy eyes Qing have serious astigmatism.

10, I really do not understand: why use mathematical formulas to prove the physical phenomenon called science, and the sky stars arranged to prove life is called superstition?

11, I tossed the coin into the air - if the heads face up, on BBS; if the tails face up, on QQ; if the coin stands up, I go to study

12, I never watch TV, I just often check the newspaper TV programs there is no printing error.

13, you child how do not understand ah? How can you think of going to the zoo to see the bears when your uncle is here?

14, my eyesight is very poor, for example, see that peg on the wall over there? You can see it, right, and I can't.

15. Every day I continue to set a new world record - the number of days I have lived in the world.

16, the clerk: Miss, you this ten hundred dollar bills are fake. Pretty girl: ah! I was **!

17, if the computer restarts every time, Bill Gates can get a dollar, then he can be sent.

18, I pretend to work for the boss, the boss pretends to pay me a salary.

19. My wife and I haven't spoken in 18 months, and I don't get to interrupt her.

20, the customer: I paid the same price, why yesterday gave me a big and tender steak, and today gave me a small and old steak? Waiter: Because yesterday you sat in the window seat.

21, I put the TV remote control on my waist and made a show of buying a new cell phone.

22, Just being rich doesn't make people happy, so I also steal some jewelry stamps watches and stuff.

23, the law says: men can only get married when they are 22 years old, but they can be in the army when they are 18 years old. This shows two things: first, war is not as dangerous as marriage, and second, women are harder to deal with than the enemy.

24, beasts still have half a bit of compassion, and I do not have any, so I am not a beast.

25, marrying a wife should be to marry Xiao Shao, make friends should be to make arc Chong, do men best to do Qiao Feng, out of the mix still have to Wei Xiaobao. People this body shot out like a mermaid is indeed beautiful, but you shoot out is a fathead fish!" "......"

1, many people say to me that you a poor man and can not afford to buy crazy still so concerned. This is simply bullshit, I'm a sale of cell phone shells I do not pay attention to this I pay attention to what!

2, Snow White married after the body has been very poor, the prince took her to the hospital to check, the results found that the princess only has a kidney! The prince asked her why. The princess replied, "When I was in the forest hermitage, one day, a witch knocked on the door and asked me, child, want an apple?"

3, this morning my friend asked me to go out to play, when I went out, I wanted to say to my mom that I went out to play with my friends, the result was accidentally said that I went out to play with my girlfriend. My mom turned to me with a gentle smile and said, "What a joke." Then turned away and continued to cut vegetables, I despaired of this malicious world.

4, I will not buy Apple's this watch, I spend so much money to buy the phone does not come out to see the time, that is not white to buy?

5. When I was in high school, I was in the same class with my brother. One day, the evening repair teacher asked us: "Who is your brother and who is your sister?" I was dumbfounded!

6, to the boys shoes experience: as long as you buy clothes when more hooked up with the shopping guide lady, the girlfriend will buy clothes in a while.

7, a beggar asked the master: "Master, why am I so poor, is this begging for life?" The guru took out a coin, tossed it into the air, and it landed in front of the beggar. "Master, you are saying that life is like a coin, there will be heads and tails?" Guru: "Take this dollar, in not rolling I whip you."

8, and his wife want a second child, to be 3 years has not been successful, today to go to the land temple fortune-telling to ask for a sign, begging to say when you can conceive, the old gentleman said a whole lot of literary language do not understand, only to hear the last sentence is: there are nobles to help ......!

9, fortune-telling has completely evolved! Just now I was playing with my cell phone while walking on the road, a fortune teller shouted at me: "Young man! You come over! I see that your recent signal is not very good ah! Let me help you measure the Wifi password of the neighborhood!"

10, son: "Mom, can give me a few hundred dollars, the night to sing with friends." Mom: "You're still so small, don't go to those places, the kid blindly sing what ah! And ah, you are so big, go wash your clothes out!"

11, today went to eat wontons, is eating it, see the boss's wife in the chicken feather duster to beat his son, then persuade: "Education son to oral education, can not be used in domestic violence, this will cause damage to his young soul." The boss's wife looked at me and stopped. I asked the little kid, "What did you do to mess with your mom?" The kid looked innocent and said, "I just peed in the pot." "What? Took a pee? And that's all? Mrs. Boss, are you tired? Take a break first, let me do it!"

12, a friend on the train, checking the ticket into the station, people are very much, the ID card and ticket are in the hand, get on the car after settling down friends and take out the train ticket to check, found that the ticket is not cut, the heart is about to be happy, fuck, I ID card how to be missing a corner!

13, my husband loves to drink, but also likes to ask friends to drink at home. That day I found a bottle of wine in my daughter's room, thinking of my husband the night before and his cousin drinking daughter's unhappy expression, asked my daughter: "Last night you are not your father's wine away?" "You didn't see him drinking like that and still wanting to drink, so I confiscated their wine." Speaking of this, my daughter was angry. "Did he argue with you?" My daughter gave me a blank look: "Think about it, if you take away the bone that the dog is chewing, can the dog not be anxious?"

14, Xiaoming: "Dad, your bedroom light bulb is always broken, you will not change it?" Dad: "will ah, why, the lights are not broken ah" Xiaoming: "Then why you go to the night shift mom let me go to the next door to find Uncle Wang to change the light bulb, and he changed very slow, always change more than an hour to be good" Dad: "Maybe your uncle Wang does not understand electricity it" Xiaoming: "I said it, mom is always electrified ah ah ah"

15, and friends go to the KTV friends have to call a few accompanying singing girls to accompany the singing, the waiter called into the box and said. Mr. You need which ones to stay?" I: "will drink a step forward to go!" Snap walks up several. I: "will drink out, I bought not enough wine for you to drink!"

16, after school, Ming asked the teacher: "Why Children's Day holiday, and Teachers' Day is not released?" Teacher hands carrying a gift box while walking and said: "Because you are still small."

17, the unit to a Japanese customer, dinner is quite polite, clinking glasses on dry, eat and go to the plant to see the equipment, I do not know which big brother to the cover of the sewage wells uncovered, the little kid a car ah ah disappeared. Unit boss came to say: "Crap, or a ninja."

18, sleep, often feel a pair of eyes outside the window staring at me, timid me every time I will use the clothes to cover up the head, but even if you block the line of sight, but can not block the ears came from the oozing sound -- "What are you doing? " My homeroom teacher asked.

19, A: you have encountered in this life the most touched thing is what? B: once I was robbed. A: what is this good touched, B: he robbed me 20, I gave him 50, he found back to me 30. A: ......

20, today, sitting on the bus, see A buddy's foot is in a cast. After a one-stop road, came up four or five grandpa, I was ready to let the seat, did not expect to play the cast of this buddy stood up violently and said: "Master you sit, do not hit me on the line." I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to get out of this one, but I'm sure I'll be able to get out of it.

21, midnight drinking home, into the room to see his wife and next door to the old king in the old man's bed, and then the anger was overwhelming, grabbed two dogs and men is a beating, beating sober a little bit, look at the side, I shit, into the wrong door, hurry to apologize to the old king and his wife, said the drink into the wrong home, he grabbed me by my collar: you fucking into the wrong door, I can understand, but you fucking no wife you! I'm not sure if I can do it, but I'm not sure if I can.

22, mom pulled my sister and I said: "When I was a child, I hoped that the two of you grow up quickly, a man like dad, a man like the sky, a woman like mom, as soft as water. I can't imagine that my dream has actually come true now, one of you has become a woman and one of you has become a pussy."

23, I once liked a girl who studied medicine, and she went to class together. That day, I do not know whether the teacher was jerking off or what, began to talk about how to drug the husband to make sudden unexplained death. There are half a year of eating, 1 year of eating, 10 years of eating. Looking at her bright eyes serious notes, I made up my mind to be good friends with her.

24, in order to pretend to be a tycoon, deliberately bought a pair of silver chopsticks to eat in the cafeteria, who knows, a clip of food, chopsticks black!

25, today my friend and I went to the 4S store to look at the car, I fancy one, the salesman said the car is very good, I asked how good, the salesman said: "If the car is driven out of five hundred meters no girl jumped up, then you should think about their looks!"

26, mom often accidentally fall on the ground to pick up the food sneaked into my dad's bowl, and some of the food she is not sure is not spoiled, she cooked out, told me not to eat, and so my dad ate did not have any problems can eat. I think my dad can live to now is not easy ......

27, to the male god text message confession: "Although I am a few years older than you, but I want to go out with you." I didn't expect him to respond in seconds: "Actually, I Ye quite want to go out with you." Haha, he must have been too excited to actually make a typo. Then he returned another: "Sorry for the typo, I'll check and send it back to you." After a while, he came back to the text message: "In fact, my master quite want to go out with you."

28, today's self to their own body temperature, 39 ° 7. Running to the health room to find a health worker to get medicine, knocking on the door. The health worker: "What's the matter?" I: "Fever, get some antipyretic." Hygienist: "Don't make fun of me, I can't help you if your fever is below 40 degrees, but I can't help you if it's above 40 degrees, so do what you have to do!" Kid, you come out, I promise not to kill you!

29, I and my husband's birthday is only one day difference. Tomorrow is his birthday. I asked him: "How do you plan to spend your birthday tomorrow?" "How to save money how to pass" "Then the day after tomorrow my birthday. How?" "How to be happy how to live." I was delighted and asked, "How to be happy?" "Save money on happy."

30, one day the old king sitting on the bus, a pregnant woman on the car found that there is no place, sitting on the side of the old king said: "You do not see me pregnant?" The old king looked at the pregnant woman with surprise and said: "We used to be neighbors?"

Editor's note: Originally, the "patriotic" movement did not have a great feeling, but last night in the Drum Tower Plaza was really touched by a group of aunts of passion, and could not help but participate in it. They shouted "recover! I shouted "Diaoyu Islands." They shouted "Recover! They shouted "Recover!" and I shouted "Diaoyu Islands!"! I yelled "Diaoyu!" and they yelled "Lift your buttocks. "I had to leave.

30 phrases to laugh to spit appreciation

Quotation: There are limits to a man's patience with a woman. If you laugh at me, I endure. If you scold me, I also endure, but if you dare to hit me, then don't blame me for disregarding the image of a man, lift my foot and run away.

1, this morning a beautiful coworker, very formal asked me: evening dinner, are you free? I said there. She said: then you for me on duty, thank you!

2, we also have to conduct military training before the start of the school year, the whole grade new students are in a playground training. Our instructor in order to find a larger place, take us a moment to turn left, a moment to turn right, a moment to turn right after, busy a long time. A student in the team couldn't help but ask, "Instructor, are you playing Gluttony?"

3, the TV is teaching how to deal with children in danger. I wanted to test my two-year-old son, so I pretended to faint to see what he did! My son shouted, "Mommy, Mommy, what's wrong with you?" And broke my eyes with his hand and said, "Mommy, are you really dead?" After waiting a while, I didn't hear him stir. Through squinted eyes, I saw my son counting the money in my wallet...

4, the day before Valentine's Day: her son came back from school, fell asleep in bed, she sneaked into the room to open her son's wallet to see a picture of a girl, after a sigh, quietly tucked into a few hundred dollars. - - mother's love; son back from school, fell asleep in bed, he sneaked into the room to open his son's wallet to see a picture of a girl, after a sigh, quietly stuffed a XXX. - father's love

5, Valentine's Day someone Want to ask PLMM to go out to play, on the QQ chat. A: eaten? B: eaten. A: so early, can you talk to you for a while? B: I went to dinner, another day to chat, 88.

6, one day I went to the Internet cafe online. Asked the cashier little sister. How many minutes an hour online here. Sister said: 60. I said: too expensive, not on. Then go out and go

7, once the company opened a small meeting, a manager is speaking, I suddenly let out a loud fart, the manager laughed and said: "Hey, I'm farting when you can not speak!"

8, the girl on the boyfriend showdown: "has been self-deceived to tell themselves that your nature is good ... but I found that I was wrong, the nature of the stool is also grains and cereals ah!"

9, a colleague in the unit called Yuan Jian, his wife is pregnant, one day and everyone to discuss the baby's name, please come up with ideas. Colleagues have their own views, a colleague came up with a sentence: Dad called Yuan Jian, son of course, called copy la ~

10, one morning to the company to work card, in the company's front desk brushed four or five times are not on the brush, the gas I straight shot the card machine, a colleague stood behind me and asked what are you doing? The card ah ~ your hand with the Bank of China's bank card, you brush to noon is not on the brush!

11, "Dad, the room is so cold ah." "You can stand in the corner." "Why?" "Because the corner has 90 degrees."

12, "What is your favorite male idol group?" "De Yun She."

13, you know how to say "rolling calf" in a more elegant way? "Roll over! Cow baby!"

14, the movie to see half of the subtitles are gone, the screen above clearly written: I do not understand French, the previous subtitles are I made up, I can not make up ......

15, ate more than ten years to discover the secret! When I was a kid, I ate "Lonely God", which was originally called "Lonely God"! Mom, no wonder I'm single, so I ate too much when I was a kid!

16. In those days, when chrysanthemums were still a kind of flower, I wrote in my essay that "the old man's face smiled into a chrysanthemum in the late fall" and was read by the teacher as a model essay. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty!

17, our original high school each semester to the top twenty grade issued a thousand dollar bonus, a cow from the first semester of the first year of high school to the first semester of the third year of high school to take the bonus, save five thousand, the second semester of the third year of high school to buy a crazy, the college entrance exams fell short of the list of ......

18, female: "The happiest moment of the day is when you ride a bicycle after work. The moment is after work you ride a bicycle to carry me to the corner over to eat halibut rice." Male: "Honestly." WOMAN: "You ride a bicycle to carry me to eat brisket rice." Man: "Tell the truth." Woman: "Halibut rice ......"

19, to get the scriptures on the road, killed two Monkey King, up and down the court of heaven and earth, no one can recognize the true and false. Goddess of Mercy suggested: why not let the two monkeys choose their favorite fruit, all beings are confused. Eventually Wukong chose durian, six ears chose peach ...... At this time, the background music played: there are stone monkeys, there are stone monkeys, would rather choose durian not let go ......

20, a few days ago to educate the 10-year-old son said: and then don't study well to send you back to your hometown to herd sheep. Now the cup, the son every day noisy back home to go sheep, two eyes still flashing light there!

21, a day I went to the restaurant with my brother to eat, is eating hot, a woman red-faced toward us came (probably drunk), a pull my brother on a burst of kisses, kissing the mouth ah kiss. After kissing turned around and left, we immediately confused, my brother is completely intoxicated, but also kept saying that the peach blossom. This is of course not the focus, the focus is a table after eating, another woman came over and we said, they are playing truth or dare, just that woman lost the election of the dare, to choose the ugliest in this hotel, a man's mouth ...... my brother on the spot on the verge of fainting.

22, last night in the boyfriend's home to eat a good dinner back to the room, said he said a few words on my temper, in the way of his parents face I'm not good to go on the rampage, so he said: "You have the ability to wait a while do not coax me, coax me is a dog!" Then ignore him, ten minutes later, the goods with a small tomato ass to my mouth while stuffing "Wang ...... Wang ...... Wang ...... "

23, husband: my last life is to repair a great blessing, to find you such a good daughter-in-law! Wife: not you repair the blessings, is that I sinned! Husband: ......

24, the beginning of the school to measure their own pulse, the class is quiet, and suddenly the back row of girls roared: I rub, why there are two pulse! The class teacher said grudgingly: girl, happy pulse it! Instant class petrified ...... two seconds later, the class boiled.

25, mom supervised the examination of the second grade English, listening to a question is to listen to the conversation to draw a smiley face or crying face, the second row of a small girl who just transferred to the English language is not good, the little boy on her right will listen to every question to turn his head to make a smiley face or crying face to her. My mom later told me with a smile that it was obvious cheating, but I didn't care because the feeling was too clean.

26, I female, there is a very two male desk. I seem to be very good, in fact, is a networm, the table does not know. Just went to the Internet cafe, just saw him in, he looked at me, very dull eyes, I smiled at him, he hurried to avoid my eyes. After a while, he stood not far from me, I smiled at him, he was still that dumbfounded eyes, and then suddenly avoided my eyes. Two minutes later, the phone came a MMS: table, the Internet cafe there is a person who looks like you super, I gave you a sneak peek of her side, the front I do not dare to shoot, for fear of people found.

27, the midterm exam out of an ancient Chinese translation questions: the dead dead, do not give up day and night. The teacher corrected the examination paper, very serious to the class, said: our class has a person translated to write: 'the dead one seems like my husband, day and night look like'.

28, before, the children called me "brother", I will squat down, touch their heads, smiled and said: "to call the uncle's oh." Now, small children call me "uncle", I will pretend to smile, touch their faces, and said softly: "call brother on the line."

29, a female colleague asked me, said: "If the bus saw a very good taste of the boys how to hook up good," God replied: "Pretend epilepsy, foaming at the mouth, fell into his arms, hands convulsions, take the opportunity to grab his crotch, big enough to continue, not satisfied with the ......"

30, after watching a movie to accompany his wife home, just out of the cinema, his wife said the wind is a little cold, so I silently zipped up their clothes.

Editor's note: hard to squeeze out a cleavage, happy with the boyfriend said: "Come and see my career line!" Boyfriend looked at it contemplated half a day and said: "You this career quite bumpy ah." I...

2, Sis do things very decisively, for example, hungry, immediately eat.

3, I made a wish to the stars, I don't really believe in him, but ... it's free anyway!

4, write what to write, is written you will believe? What? You really believe, how do you so childish ah!

5, yes, you are a wise man, but unfortunately your last name is weak ......

6, now get up not by perseverance, but to see the urine.

7, always young, always play young, never know good and bad, always hot tears.

8, you send me a lover, I send you a favor.

9, life is her person, death is her mascot.

10, the oil-saving lamp is never a good lamp!

11, bleeding ...... will not hurt?

12, regardless of white hat black hat, will turn green is not a good hat.

13, online is also for you, invisible is also for you. Online is afraid that you can not find, invisible is afraid of getting in the way of your eyes.

14, I let the old lady wipe red lips, give you some color to see.

15, the door homework red light, shine my future.

16, do not take brother as cabbage, in fact, brother is pepper.

17, behind every successful man, there is a woman of commission.

18, this city is so empty, this memory is so fierce.

19, life in the world, the first to be laughed at by others, and then go to laugh at others, and then laughed at the nine springs.

20, a casual backpack, not a note is a knife ......

21, if you do not laugh at my tone, I will give you a unique love song in the world.

22, look at your poor, even rats go to your home are wiping tears away.

23, when you say brother is very handsome, I want to say to you, congratulations on your answer!

24, the original IQ is not high, even the emotional quotient is zero, still let people live.

25, Hello, I now have something not in, and will never contact you again.

26, the early bird does not necessarily have a worm to eat, is likely to let the overnight bird first.

27, see you with a leaf to hide yourself, but I smiled and flicked the dirt on you.

28, red face more thin life, yellow face more resigned.

29, life as a stool effort for a long time, the last is a fart.

30, I can get up and put down only chopsticks in this life.

31, the difference between angels and demons: when grandmothers fall, angels will go to help them; and the devil, often the cause of their fall .....

32, the next life I want to do your heart, at least I do not jump you have to die.

33, if there is a person she no longer noisy no tantrums not play sex, then congratulations, you finally lost her.

34, I do not fall in love early because I told myself that early love is to give someone else a wife.

35, cough ~ said, should not say the whisper.

36, some exams rely on strength, some exams rely on eyesight, TMD we have to rely on imagination exams.

37, I hope that the money in the pockets of each other, and then give birth to many, many children ~

38, you pure? That the world no stinking gutter, all into the Trent.

39, we are very stupid, but I am playing stupid, you are really stupid.

40, if one day I become a hooligan, please tell them I was once pure.

41, ask what is love in the world? ---- Buddha said: waste.

42, don't wait until everyone says you are ugly before you realize that you are really ugly.

43, don't be complacent, only the little people know how to play Yin, don't be so quick to recognize yourself as that identity!

44, women do not spend, unless they do not come to the aunt, men do not color, unless he comes to the aunt.

45, will not play e-sports online games despise, the reason is that it can not be fully developed.

46, the great-grandmother said, "The power outage, put the candle on, then watch TV."

47, spring sleep does not sleep, yawn door to find, can not sleep at night, can not wake up during the day.

48, two ears do not hear things outside the window, a heart only read e-books.

49, nothing to sunbathe in the sun, it is not possible for you to get a tan, no one said you are an idiot.

50, small sunflower mom classroom opened, the child cough old bad, most likely waste!

51, do not listen to the words of good people, die in front of me ~ ~ ~ ~

52, this woman from the back of the look fascinated by the death of thousands of horses, once the face is sure to turn to die of fear of millions of heroes ...

53, the best day is nothing more than you are in the mess, I'm laughing.

54, Meng, give me a bowl of soup - you TM give me a bowl of Coca-Cola.

55, whenever I miss a girl, put a brick on the ground, so there is the Great Wall ！！！！

56, as long as you live better than me, I can not stand.

57, not as a bad guy, it's a waste of your sneaky eyes.

58, bachelor, a kind of unqualified sick people.

59, you want to hate me? Just love me, and if you want to be a lifelong enemy, then marry me.

60, the more time we save, the more time for us to waste.

61, dating declaration: destruction does not matter, as long as the idea is true, killed this one, there are later.

62, the hand is a wonderful instrument, assembled at the top of a person's arm.

63, smart people, with the help of experience to speak, smarter people, according to experience does not speak.

64, the dream is too easy to realize is not a dream, but without a dream, the reality is a dark.

65, "Which is particularly rich, I do not mind."

66, marriage announcement, as long as he is good to me, even if it is a bit handsome!

67, more often called the mind, a lot of times called the heart.

68, the water is heating up, it feels bad, but it can be tolerated.

69, lost, is because you are always comparing with others.

70, people are so strange, smacking the old phone old clothes smacking the old car old house, is not smacking their old.

71, the day of the great task of the people, the day does not descend on the great task, you are not still the people?

72, life is like a slow forward crawling green spider, but out of the bright red blood.

73. Television, a square box that mocks the lonely.

74, Even if happiness only shows a thread, she has the ability to pull it out and weave it into a sweater.

75, the latter should be logged on the handkerchief.

76, the world is often so, want to turn back has been too late, even if you are willing to fall into the bad horse, not necessarily have back to grass waiting for you.

77, the years do not spare people, the first can not spare women; opportunities do not wait for people, the first can not wait for men.

78, believe is to believe, do not believe is not believe, you damn still microblogging.

79, throw a coin, heads to the Internet, tails is to sleep, stand up to go write homework.

80, in this abusive era, a "darling" is at best a "hello"!