Baldwin, an American psychologist, conducted research on mothers’ parenting attitudes and individual children and found that when mothers’ attitudes are dominant, interfering, and authoritarian, children are prone to develop negative and rebellious personalities.

Esther Boykin, a well-known American marriage and family therapist, believes that controlling parents are those who "don't want their children to leave space to have their own emotional experiences and develop a sense of autonomy."

They often think that achieving goals is more important than their children's feelings, do not accept their children's interests and needs, do everything for their children, and do not give their children opportunities to exercise and learn.

I once read a story about a parent who took her child to buy fruit. Her wish was to give her child the best, so she bought strawberries that had just come on the market, and the price was quite high. But the child repeatedly refused and said he wanted to eat apples. The parents were unhappy, saying that their child was ignorant, strawberries were more delicious than apples, and they were willing to spend money on him, so why didn’t the child appreciate it?

In fact, what we go out of our way to give our children may not be what he needs. Can controlling parents really raise excellent children?

After birth, every child cannot survive alone without the connection with its parents.

Controlling parents are like Tagore wrote in "The Gardener":

Why have the flowers withered?

My passionate love My love pressed it to my heart

So the flower withered.

Why did the string break?

I played a syllable that it couldn't beat

So the string broke.

——Tagore

The overflowing maternal love is like the overflowing flood water. It is no longer the energy in the river, but the destructive force and disaster. Parents who truly love their children will not indulge blindly. Know how to restrain yourself according to your own feelings. If parents stubbornly occupy their children's life space, their children's world will only be narrow or even incomplete.

1. It is easy to raise a "giant baby"

Adler gave an example in his book, a 75-year-old peasant woman, her son is still 50 years old. Live with her. They both got pneumonia at the same time, sadly her son died but she survived. When the mother learned of her son's death, she said sadly, "I knew a long time ago that I would not be able to raise this child." If the mother does not allow her son to be independent, then the son will only be a little boy forever, even if he is 50 years old. .

Many young people also have similar problems. On the one hand, they enjoy their parents' meticulous care for them and become a "gnawing at the old" family. On the other hand, they live a very lazy life and are too lazy to take care of their own things. In life, because they have neither explored what they want nor invested at all, they just muddle along.

Children’s giant baby thoughts are inseparable from their parents’ control. When the biological age grows up, the psychological age is still an unweaned child, so the parents cannot let go and dare not let go for the rest of their lives.

Just think about it, who can walk on their own, who wants to be coveted to walk every day? If you can stand on your own, who would want to be supported by your parents all the time?

2. It is easy to have a low sense of happiness

Psychologist Mr. Wu Zhihong once told a consulting case: A man who seemed to be particularly successful asked him if he had something that others envied. Everything, but why do I often feel that life is boring, I have no sense of happiness, and I don’t know why I do it.

After understanding, Mr. Wu Zhihong believed that this man’s low happiness level may be related to his parents’ over-control, because this man did everything for the satisfaction of his parents before, but he has made great achievements in his career. After the success, no one can share it.

Therefore, a decent life is only on the surface, but deep down in his heart, he has no idea what kind of person he wants to be - because his life has been arranged by his parents since he was a child, and he has no chance to explore himself. , just being pushed and pushed, I got to this point.

3. It is easy to have no responsibility

Montessori said: From the day of birth, children are gradually getting rid of their dependence on others, and finally require themselves to reach the spiritual level. independent.

But if parents always take care of things and take care of things, it is easy for children to develop a dependent character. When they need to make their own decisions and choose their own lives, they will be worried, fearful, and even avoid it.

Just like netizen Xiao A complained:

Since I was a child, no matter what happens, you are always in front of me. Now that I have grown up, you accuse me of poor self-care ability, and even say in front of outsiders that I can't do this or that. This makes me have no confidence in anything, and the results have verified your conclusion that I am a useless person. How to deal with your parent if they are a controlling parent?

1. First distinguish between control and love

You need to distinguish whether your parents’ upbringing is love or control. You can look at it from these two aspects:

< p> "Response" and "Requirement" Response refers to parents' acceptance of their children's needs; requirements refers to parents' requirements and control for their children's maturity and independence.

If your parents understand and agree with you to do certain things to the greatest extent, and at the same time do not over-determine your life, you will have an independent and confident personality when you grow up in this environment. Good interpersonal skills and high sense of security.

2. Keep your own bottom line

You must first know that when your parents give you a lot of pressure and denial, you should not use these evaluations as the basis for understanding yourself. Their attacks and denials are more for control, so they will give you some low evaluations, but they are not fair and objective.

If you live in an over-nurturing family, don’t blame them first, first be grateful to your parents for their upbringing,