At this moment, I am sitting at my desk, thinking a lot.
Suddenly remembered the scene after the end of the National Day holiday when I left home, I packed up the luggage is ready to go out, the rainstorm suddenly, hurry to carry the box to hide in the brother's car, the car in the rainstorm driving for a while, I remembered that I didn't say goodbye to my mother, and I didn't even turn my head to look at her a glance, just vaguely remembered, she seems to be busy in the outdoor drying of the clothes collected into the house.
This time a goodbye, goodbye is already the next year.
When I was young, my parents went out to work again and again, and I saw them off again and again.
When I grew up, I went to school and worked abroad again and again, and my parents saw me off again and again.
The first time I saw them was when I was a child, and the second time I was a child.
When I was young, I was a left-behind child, and when I grew up, my mom became a left-behind old man.
It's just that, as I grow older, I still can't handle the sadness of leaving well.
To this day, I still remember, when I was still in elementary school, my parents were working far away in Guangzhou, and the transportation many years ago was not as convenient as it is now, and there was no holiday work, and the not-so-cheap round-trip fare hindered them from returning home.
If there was no big deal, my parents could only come home twice a year at most, and I was fostered at my aunt and uncle's house.
I would get very excited the first few days when my parents came home, and they would get me gifts and new clothes, but the excitement was like a parabola, starting at the top the moment I got the gifts and slowly going downhill.
I usually start having trouble sleeping the night before my parents leave home, and the next day is fine if it's a weekend and I can be with them every minute of the day, but once I have to go to school, and if I miss saying goodbye to them because I have to go to school, I can't stop crying silently in class by myself.
Sometimes the sharp-eyed teacher noticed, will call me aside and ask me what's wrong, I have always been a good grades and obedient "three good students", to understand the reason, the teacher will let me go home early after school.
The elementary school was far, far away from my home, and I was even delayed a year because the school was far away from my home, and it took me more than an hour to walk home.
I was alone, wiping my tears while running frantically to my home, stopping to catch my breath when I was tired of crying and running.
I was afraid that if I ran too slowly and didn't make it to my parents' car, the next time I saw them, I didn't know when it would be.
As far as I can remember, I seldom cried out when my parents left home, I just cried alone every time. After seeing my parents get on the bus to leave home on the national highway, and then going back to my aunt and uncle's house where I was fostered, I looked up the photos of the family and cried while looking at them.
Sometimes when my aunt saw the photo I was holding, she would snatch it up and make fun of me, saying I was stupid.
Later, when I saw off my family, I no longer shed tears in front of people, and only secretly looked at the family photo in private, but when I looked at the weather forecast, I would be more concerned about the weather in the place where my mom and dad were working, and I would look forward to a sunny day and no rain.
I also put all the awards away, waiting for my parents to come home and then take them out as if nothing had happened, and put them on the desktop, expecting my parents to "accidentally" notice them.
I slowly understand that crying and thinking are useless, the time to go or to go, rather than crying in front of them to let them follow me with sadness, it is better to hide the tears behind the back, in the separation of the smile and say: I'm at home waiting for you to come back next time Oh.
Last week, during the non-stop work, my mom made a video call to me, and she just opened her mouth to finish the first sentence, "It's hard for you to come home, and I don't have the time to accompany you to give you more delicious food," she reached out and wiped down her tears.
I was shocked and thought something happened at home, but I didn't have time to talk more, my mom said "someone is coming to the house, I won't talk to you first" and hurriedly got off the line.
And then call back, my mom did not answer, just gave me back a WeChat voice said nothing, you first busy, time to chat.
And then, because of the work of the anxious and forgot to call my mom back, last night suddenly remembered, so sent WeChat voice over to ask her what she was doing, my mom said happily, I boiled tonight, skin eggs, thin meat and peanut congee, can be delicious, I am eating it, wait for you to come back next time to do it to you eat.
This is the first time I've been able to relax.
My mother, young, how powerful a person, as a native of Guangdong, but grew nearly a meter seven tall, the Pearl River Delta cities all over the world, know people countless, can speak well, the tongue is a lotus flower, the ability to communicate first-class, with a three-inch tongue can be in the bus hanging fraud gangs, manipulating the cat's "boiled winter melon" Mandarin, dare to give you a chance to see your mother. "The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
He also used to be a village chief, dealing with the conflicts and disputes in the village, the chicken flew to the ease, not inferior to the male village chief.
The key is that my mom is a great cook, and she is a great cook, and she used to be a chef at a wedding banquet, so she was able to have eight tables at home and invite guests from all over the world.
But ah, from childhood to how many years, I almost never saw her cry, my mother as the eldest daughter, from childhood to drop out of school to take care of younger siblings did not cry, a small age shoulder shoulder back and forth on the streets to sell ceramics late at night did not cry, and even a few years ago when the grandparents passed away did not cry, but in the video phone call to me when I cried.
I'm getting stronger every day, and I'm running farther away from home every time, but my mom is getting weaker every day.
A few years ago, my mom suddenly had a serious attack of diabetes, and she lost weight, vision, arthritis, and pain in her back and legs. The complications of diabetes made my mom older in a short period of time, and she was a little bit trembling when she walked, which was different from the way she was a few years ago when she was so fit and healthy.
She was once a strong person, but now she has to rely on medication every day to keep her blood sugar stable.
Since I was a kid, my mom has always respected my choices and would make suggestions, but almost never intervened.
I think once my mom sent me back to Beijing by car, she rode an electric bike, I sat behind her, the hot wind whistling in my ears, my mom asked me in a very low voice, you think about it clearly to stay in the north?
I didn't say much, just returned a "uh-huh".
At first, my mom supported me to go to Beijing to work, but my mom thought that I have to marry in the north, and from now on, I can only go home one or two times a year or even less, she will be as young as me, can not help but a burst of sadness in the heart, this kind of feeling, no one better than me to understand.
The roadside to see more than twenty years of familiar scenery slowly ran behind me, I sat in the back seat of the electric car, I can even feel, my mother in the strong tears, endure to the end can not stand, then quickly reach out to wipe off, to deceive themselves as if the tears never fell down like, like a great child when I sent them off.
But in fact, the tears not only slipped over the face, but also crossed the heart, leaving a trace that can never be wiped away.
My dad since the age of older, began to become very stubborn, no matter what to do, always have to insist on their own ideas, how to say are not listening.
Early to the retirement age of my father, but always insisted on staying in Guangzhou to work, still as many years ago, only one or two times a year to go home, and even because of the work, often after New Year's Eve, to the beginning of the year, the second and the third before coming back.
My dad is a veteran, everything has its own insistence and principles, do things in an organized and clean, and my mom's character is completely different, my dad every time he came home to clean up, as long as he is at home, the house is a clean and peaceful scene.
My dad on the throw things never soft, so there is often such a phenomenon, is my father to throw things out, my mom and then pick up, the next year, my father came back and then threw.
I seldom talk to my father, only a few phone calls a year, sometimes take the initiative to call him, chatting on both sides of the silence.
Last year, after the New Year at home, to Guangzhou to change the plane back to Beijing, so and my father took the same bus to Guangzhou.
There is still a little time to get on the bus, my dad out of the waiting room, said to buy me some food, I have seen my dad's big money, had to hurry to follow the run out.
My dad with the growth of years, the back is more and more hunchback, once in my eyes so magnificent father, now has become a hunchback over sixty years old.
My dad is very image-conscious, every year home for New Year's Eve will be white hair dyed black, two years ago when the dyeing of hair had a skin allergy, my dad did not dye his hair, and now just cut his hair short, when it is cold, I love to take a top forward cap, both white hair cover up, but also warm, in the station of the crowds in the grand appears to be very unique.
I just followed my father behind, staring at his slightly hunched back, with a hat, carrying a shoulder bag, wearing a clean and tidy short windbreaker, as well as just brushed and washed "playing √ brand" sneakers.
I suddenly remembered Zhu Ziqing wrote "back", when I was young and do not understand the meaning of it, I only think Zhu Ziqing depicted his obese father across the railroad tracks, climbed onto the platform of the picture is very funny, and now I have to Zhu Ziqing wrote "back" when the age of the picture, see such a picture only feel all the desolation in the heart, can not help but feel the sadness from the heart.
The young people do not know the taste of sadness, read and understand that there is no longer a young man.
The moment I stayed, my father has bought back 20 specialties of Maoming - "water", my father said, this is very delicious, I will buy every time I come here by car, you go back to Beijing, you have to half a year can not eat, this is all for you, all bring! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.
The bus ride was a long one, and it was the first time I stayed with my dad so close and long after I grew up, but naturally, I didn't have much to say.
My dad in the car sleepy, remember a few hours later will be separated by thousands of miles, my tears began to fall, I red-eyed secretly photographed and my dad's photo, but this time, not as a child as the photo hid, but while my dad fell asleep, the photo sent to my family "lumberjack" WeChat group. "The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that.
Since I broke the habit of taking family photos more than twenty years ago, this is one of the few times in many years that my dad and I have been photographed together.
After arriving in Guangzhou, my dad and I said goodbye on the footbridge in front of the Guangzhou Provincial Station. I took out the specialties he bought and wanted to share half of them with him, but he refused to take them, and just told me, "You'd better get going, you still have to go to the airport.
The first time I saw this, I was in the middle of the night, and I was in the middle of the night.
After saying goodbye to my dad, I dragged my suitcase down the slope of the overpass, and after a while I looked back and realized that my dad was still standing in the same place looking at me.
I gave my dad a big smile and an exaggerated wave and then turned my head to walk forward, but my tears were like a broken dike that could not be held back any longer, and I was like a fool, dragging my suitcase with tears streaming down my face until I reached the end of the road.
I don't dare to look back again, because, I know my dad must still stand in the same place, until he can't see me ......
I wrote this article off and on for several days, while shedding tears while coding, so not miserable.
Writing to the end of the fast closing, I suddenly realized that this emotion is very wrong, I am far away from home and loved ones far away from Beijing, this is to see a wider world, meet a more suitable person, into a better version of themselves, miserable ending is not my original intention, rather than immersed in the sorrow of the last parting can not be extracted, it is better to begin to look forward to the next reunion.
The reason for this is that it's a good idea to get together with your nieces and nephews, so that you can have a good time.
Once I understood and accepted this, I was suddenly relieved. Although I can't get together with my family often, the developed modern communication technology and fast transportation make the distance between people no longer far, telephone, microblogging, video, all kinds of ways, if you have the heart, although thousands of miles apart, but can change the way of companionship, so that the heart is closer.
Learn to accept the long wait before meeting, because the longer we wait, the happier we will be when we meet, and we can't see each other from time to time, which will make us cherish each other's feelings more.
Beijing this year is very unusual directly across the fall into the winter, the north wind whistling blew me straight sneeze, damn, at this moment I actually miss the hometown grass evergreen four seasons, never get tired of looking at the green mountains and green water, fast November but still warm to the hot wind, as well as when I was then and lovely and sometimes "hateful"! I've got a lot of nieces and nephews, and I've got a lot of parents and nieces and nephews.
In today's post, I'm going to use a bunch of photos I took when I went home for the holidays and traveled around with my brother and sister-in-law to do the accompanying pictures to ease the pain of longing.
As I write this, my niece sent a photo of the internship group building to my WeChat group, so I'm not going to talk about it, I'm going to fight with my niece, and that's the egg that makes up the number of today's post.
- ?end?-
- Click on the image or title below to see more exciting content? -
"Rental remodeling | Northern drift girl burst to change the rental house: "life is not endless, more than folding, live an ideal life not to will":
"Resigned to become a full-time mother of the post-1990s now how is it?
"Life is bitter, you are sweet":
"Life is bitter, you are sweet":
"Life is bitter, you are sweet":
"Life is bitter, you are sweet":