A：

1 The core issue in life is self-discipline. Self-discipline means that we consciously control ourselves, treat things in principle, and take the initiative to master our own psychology and behavior. For example, even after the initial enthusiasm fades, you can still continue to complete an idea or work project; Even if you really want to lie on the sofa and watch TV, you still get up and go to the gym to exercise; You can still get up early every day despite all kinds of difficulties.

The book Willpower says: "The core of the most important personal and social problems lies in the lack of self-control-involuntarily spending money and borrowing money, impulsively hitting people, poor academic performance, procrastination in work, alcoholism and drug abuse, unhealthy diet, lack of exercise, long-term anxiety and tantrums ..."

2, self-discipline can be free. The book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" says: "People who are not self-disciplined are slaves to lust, desire and feelings. Kant said: "The so-called freedom is not arbitrary, but self-domination."

For example, some people are tired of going to work from nine to five or often working overtime, so they yearn for the so-called "freelancing", but unexpectedly, "freelancing" is based on strong self-discipline ability, freedom is nowhere to be found, life is in a mess, and the place where they live is like a robber ransacked: dirty clothes are piled up in the corner, the coffee table is full of unwashed coffee cups, empty biscuit boxes and half-bitten chocolates are scattered on the floor ....

The relationship between self-discipline and freedom is like a kite and a thread. It seems that the thread is binding the kite. In fact, it is precisely because of this thread that the kite can fly, and the kite that leaves the line can only fall.

3. Self-disciplined people are more successful. Michelle, a psychology professor at Stanford University, once gathered hundreds of 4-year-old children, left them in a room and told them, "I'll give you a marshmallow and then give you 15 minutes. If this marshmallow is still here when I come back, you will get another one, so you will have two. " It turned out that two-thirds of the children ate marshmallows during the closing period.

14 years later, Michelle conducted a follow-up study on these children who are already 18 years old. The results show that those children who can hardly wait are arrogant and are stubborn, jealous and easily frustrated in the eyes of others; Those children who can control themselves until the experimenters come back have better social skills, stronger social competitiveness and reliability, and they are more determined, more trustworthy and have better academic achievements. Self-disciplined people, because they can see the long-term value, choose to sacrifice part of the short-term value, so as to be more in control of their own lives. Q2: Why can't a person be self-disciplined?

A：

1, everyone can be self-disciplined. Self-discipline is an innate instinct. The so-called "think twice before you act" is the process in which your willpower works. When you are faced with temptation, "think twice" can make you slow down and realize the internal conflict. At this time, the brain and body will react to help you slow down and restrain the impulse.

But why can't many people be self-disciplined? From the perspective of Lesson 4: Resources, self-control is an individual's precious resource, the total amount is limited, it is difficult to overdraw, and improper use will lead to the phenomenon of self-discipline.

2, from their own point of view, it is difficult to self-discipline because impulsive thinking is better than rational thinking. Our brains have two kinds of thinking systems: system I (impulsive thinking activity, I is the initials of English impulsive impulse) and system R (thoughtful thinking activity, R is the initials of English rational).

System I allows us to react quickly and mechanically without realizing what is happening behind the phenomenon. It has the characteristics of quickness, emotionality and generality. System R is a rational thinking system, always asking questions and seeking answers. Because decision-making needs to occupy resources, we usually adopt I system. Essentially, all habits are I-system behaviors. For example, you can brush your teeth almost unconsciously after you get into the habit of brushing your teeth every day.

When you need to make an important decision, such as getting into the habit of reading and punching in, or when you realize that you are not self-disciplined, you should first ask yourself: Have I started the R system? Then ask your R system the following three questions:

What is my goal? (See "Lesson 1 Goal" for how to set it), because goals can improve self-discipline, and with goals, there is courage and motivation for self-discipline;

② Can self-discipline be improved by external force? Because its own self-discipline resources are limited, it is difficult to self-discipline once it is overdrawn. For example, if someone wants to write a paper, they always put it off, so they make an agreement with their friends: friends will help supervise it, and if they can't write it this month, they will pay 1000 yuan to their friends.

③ Are you depressed? Because when we are depressed, we are more likely to succumb to the inner temptation. At this time, it is easy to indulge, and as a result, I regret it, feel worse about myself, and continue to indulge, so I fall into a vicious circle of self-abandonment. When you are depressed, you should find effective ways to decompress yourself, such as sports, music, meditation, traveling, reading, getting along with family and friends, and cultivating creative hobbies. Please forgive yourself when you fail. Optimistic pessimists are more likely to succeed. You can predict in advance when you will be tempted and break your promise, and imagine a concrete way not to give up your struggle.

At the same time, in order to maintain self-discipline, you have to avoid four misunderstandings:

(1) moral permission. When we do what we think is good, we will feel good, which gives us a green light for our subsequent misbehavior. For example: you are preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination. On the first day, you fought for 24 hours; The next day, when you don't want to get up, you will tell yourself: I was so diligent yesterday, so it's okay to sleep more in the morning.

When you are aware of your moral permission, you should cancel it and keep in mind the reasons. When you find yourself defending your indulgence with your former good deeds, stop and think about the reason for doing "good" things, not whether you should be rewarded or not; Secondly, tell yourself that there is no difference between tomorrow and today. We constantly expect that tomorrow we can make different choices from today, but this expectation is wrong.

2 false rewards. When the brain sees an opportunity to get a reward, it releases a neurotransmitter called dopamine. Dopamine will tell the rest of the brain what they need to pay attention to and how to make greedy us succeed. For example, we know that we should start working instead of brushing our circle of friends, but we always feel that we can be satisfied after brushing for a while, so we keep brushing. Because dopamine will make people expect to be rewarded, but they can't feel the happiness when they get rewarded. That is to say, the brain will mistake the desire to brush friends circle and Weibo as a guarantee of happiness, so as to pursue things that will not really bring us happiness.

To deal with "false reward", you should first tell yourself that the reward system of the brain is a double-edged sword. Dopamine can stimulate our brain, but it often makes us out of control. If you always put off doing something, try to associate it with something that can promote your dopamine secretion, such as bringing boring paperwork to your favorite coffee shop; The second is to test the promise of reward. When you do things that your brain tells you will be happy, but you can't seem to be satisfied, such as brushing your circle of friends, eating snacks, shopping and other time-wasting things, pay attention to the feeling of indulgence: compared with your expectations, will it really make you happy?

3 enjoy yourself in time. Do you often think that today's clothes are left to be washed with tomorrow's? Go to bed early today and get up early tomorrow to do things? Why do we easily choose instant satisfaction? Because the reward system of the brain has not evolved to respond to future rewards. And not seeing the direct reward will make the reward abstract, and the stimulating effect on the reward system will also be reduced. Therefore, when we confront temptation head-on, we are only willing to choose short-term immediate rewards.

To deal with "having fun in time", you first tell yourself to wait for ten minutes in front of all the temptations. In this 10 minute, you should imagine a long-term goal to resist the temptation. The second is to make a commitment to yourself in the future. Meet your future self, try to send a message to your future self, and imagine yourself in the future to achieve your goals.

4 excessive self-discipline. The brain's thinking is completed by two systems: "operation" and "monitoring". When "monitoring" looks for prohibited content, it will remind people of the target they are looking for. Try not to think about something, and it will always haunt you. When an idea appears frequently and is difficult to get rid of, people will naturally think that it is important information that needs attention. However, this does not mean that the idea is true or important. It is just a self-deception of the brain.

For example, when you make up your mind to get rid of the bad habit of playing computer games, your brain will naturally tell you "I don't want computer games". However, when your mind is full of games, you will lose control and start playing games again. When people try not to think about something, they think more than when they don't control their own thinking. This is the "ironic rebound".

To deal with excessive self-discipline, you should first tell yourself to be loyal to your feelings, but don't believe it. When different ideas come into your mind, don't try to control them, accept their existence, but don't believe them. Once you observe these thoughts and feelings, turn your attention to breathing and imagine that these thoughts fade away like floating clouds;

Secondly, we must control the impulse. When desire strikes, pay attention to it and remind yourself of the promise made in advance. If you pay attention to what you want to do instead of what you don't want to do, you can avoid the harm caused by the "rebound" effect.

3. From the outside, it is difficult to be self-disciplined because it is infected by others' self-discipline. There is a kind of "mirror neuron" in our brain, whose task is to observe what others are thinking, feeling and doing. Such brain neurons often make our willpower fail, and there are three main forms of failure: ① unconscious imitation, such as two people talking, one person will fork his hand, and the other will fork his hand; 2 infectious emotions, such as the bad mood of colleagues, will become our bad mood; When we see others give in to temptation, our brains may also be tempted. For example, when we see that our friends can't help but buy a lot of things, we can't help but buy more.

The concrete solutions to "willpower infection" include three aspects: ① strengthening the immune system and spending some time thinking about your goals every day; 2 infection self-control: when you need some extra willpower, set an example for yourself, such as reading those members' benchmarks in the members' group; 3 The power of pride: Open your willpower challenge, and imagine that pride after success will make you more motivated.

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