When Du Roushan was twenty-four years old, for a while she needed to rely on melatonin to fall asleep, and it was quiet at night. When the effect of the medicine took effect and gently pulled her sleep up like a quilt, she always felt I thought about him for a few seconds. His face was in a trance, always like a person on the other side.

When she is sober, she sometimes wonders if she would have been happier in the future if she had not been held back by this person when she was young.

She doesn't know. All she knew was that after so many years, she couldn't help but turned her head again and again.

Like the white ginger flowers in summer, those indescribable heartbeats and emotions are dimmed into a pale white.

It all started with a long secret love in my teenage years.

Although Tan Lei is a blue-chip stock now, he still has a long way to go before he can succeed in his career. But through Chen Zhiwei, happiness is within reach. It is so real and tempting, why not embrace it? Shan knew Shi Jun because of her cousin Du Xiaotang. When this boy who was three years older than her first appeared in her life, he was only in his early twenties, like a green apricot after the rain. He was short in stature and had a cute face. He stood in front of her and greeted her shyly. "Hello, little sister."

Roushan, on the other hand, had a precocious wisdom that was beyond her age. She suddenly understood why her cousin came to go out with her on weekends. Parents of that era still regarded puppy love as a scourge, especially those who were taking exams in the third year of high school. The boarding school only has weekend breaks once a month, so young lovers have to overcome many obstacles to go on a date. Roushan is a light bulb and the best shelter.

None of the three people could tell the truth, but they all knew it. This subtle threesome lasted for less than half a year.

They often meet at noon on Saturdays, go to McDonald's for lunch, and then go to Pillow to read and do homework. It was a small coffee shop with a dark green facade and a folded-eared cat who was very lazy. Shi Jun and Xiaotang sat in a row, and Roushan sat opposite Xiaotang. Three furry heads, close together, immersed in homework. When he was tired of writing, Shi Jun would buy two cakes for the girls. Every time he knew what Xiaotang liked to eat, but he would always ask Roushan again, "Little sister, you this time." He nodded, still the same. So soft, he said: "Fool, this way I can walk calmly. Your birthday was not the first time I met you. If given the chance, I want to give you happiness. "What do you want to eat?"

Later, Roushan understood that this was the intimacy and tacit understanding between lovers.

Sometimes Shijun would help Roushan memorize, which is the kind of boring English phrases. He reads one and she writes one. His voice was gentle, but she was always nervous and couldn't spell English words when she was nervous. Shi Jun was a little worried, and he educated her earnestly: "You need to study harder? Ah."

She curled her lips, thinking that Shi Jun was funny, and she also thought she was funny. She was obviously an English class representative, but she He was so disturbed that I couldn't even speak a word. She closed her homework and walked out. Sometimes she would walk out alone to give her lovers some alone time. It's autumn, and there is a quiet road outside the coffee shop. The old plane trees are silent and the palm-sized fallen leaves gently spread on the ground, giving the earth a feeling as high as the sky. It takes about 10 minutes to go back and forth from one end of the road to the other. It takes an hour.

How many things can lovers do in one hour? In one hour, they can loop through the songs in the MP3, and Faye Wong sings in their ears: "Do you still remember the door number of the hotel that day, and still retain the spirit of leaving with a smile?" State..."

This is the first time Roushan has seen the appearance of love, and its undertone is warm and sad.

Who cares about discovering a child's secret love?

Soon they took the college entrance examination. Shi Jun did just average and could barely get into a local college, while Du Xiaotang went to Beijing. That summer, Roushan only saw Shi Jun once at Xiaotang's teacher-appreciation banquet. He sat at the classmate's table and was sincerely happy for Xiaotang, but his back looked a little lonely. Roushan walked over and patted his shoulder. He smiled when he saw her, "I heard that you ranked first in the high school entrance examination.

”

“I’m in the same high school as you. What class were you in when you were a freshman in high school?"

"We were in Class 2. ”

“Then I will also go to class 2.” ”

Shi Jun laughed again and thought she was funny.

Late at night, Roushan received a call from Xiaotang, saying that Shi Jun drank too much at the KTV and there were so many classmates. He was the drunkest and sang "Love Me Don't Leave" stupidly. She sighed, as if she was helpless.

"Will you break up with him in the future?" Shan Wen

“I don’t know. Probably not. "Xiaotang hung up the phone.

Roushan turned on the lamp alone late at night and listened to the song Shi Jun sang repeatedly in the silent night. "Love me and don't leave. If you say, you Don't love me. I don’t want to hear you really say it, give me another reason..."

People who write songs are the most ruthless, and people who listen to songs look like a fool when they cry.

In the following years, although Shi Jun and Rou Shan were in the same city, the few times they met were during winter and summer vacations. Xiaotang came back and took her shopping together. Xiaotang loved beauty and always spent time together. When she had time to do her hair and nails, Shi Jun and Rou Shan sat in a row waiting for her.

Shi Jun asked, "Are you bored?"

Rou Shan shook his head. . Now that she has grown up, Shi Jun no longer calls her little sister, and he is too embarrassed to call her by her name, so he always omits the title when talking to her.

On the contrary, later, between them. When Du Xiaotang was no longer across the road, he called her name. Roushan, Roushan, with heartbreak. He was depressed, "Roushan, why can't people who love each other last forever?" "

When he said this, Roushan stood in front of him, holding a cardboard box of gifts that Xiaotang asked her to hand over, and was at a loss. Du Xiaotang broke up cleanly and did not even want to see him for the last time. Roushan and Shijun were locked in a stalemate on the road while holding the cardboard box. The box contained notebooks, scarves, dolls, ring boxes, Jay Chou's CDs...their youthful memories had no place for Roushan, but they were preserved in such a way. She pulled in. She wanted to hug Shi Jun, but her hands were limited and she didn't have the courage.

In 2006, "Daisy" premiered in China and ended at two o'clock at midnight, wearing a T-shirt. Shi Jun and Roushan, who were wearing school uniforms, walked in the quiet spring night, and the air was filled with the fragrance of unknown flowers and trees. Du Xiaotang had been looking forward to the touching love in the movie for a long time, but he didn't expect that they were no longer together when the movie was released. Shi Jun didn't understand why this kid who was about to take the college entrance examination had to invite him out to watch this movie.

As he walked to the outer wall of Roushan School, Shi Jun gently hugged him. As soon as she hit him, she quickly climbed up the wall. She sat at a slightly higher place and looked at him with a smile, and she said, "Shi Jun, I like you." I am about to take the college entrance examination and go to a place far away to study, so I want to tell you that I like you. "

Shi Jun was stunned there. When he came to his senses, Roushan had jumped off the wall. There was only a short old wall in the night, and he looked at his mother's smile. The son immediately raised his hand and saluted his mother in return, "Yes! I'm leaving!" The branches of the wild cherry blossoms looked soft and beautiful under the street lamp.

As Shi Jun walked back, I remembered that when he and Du Xiaotang just broke up, he received a text message to the effect that he was very good and he should work hard. Now that I think about it, it was probably sent by this little guy.

Although the little girl had a temporary crush. It's called love, but it also warms people's hearts. Like the spring breeze swirling warmly on the street at night, Shi Jun finally laughed from the bottom of his heart after being depressed for so many days.

The fire in July is like a gentle mountain. Her fate was settled, and she was admitted to Wuhan University as she wished. After the ecstasy, there was also the sadness of saying goodbye. She packed up everything about her student days in the room, and made up her mind to hide her love for Shi Jun and accept that she would never be with him. The fact that they were together continued to live their own lives. The "thank you" he replied put away everything between them warmly and harmlessly.

The scenery of Luojia Mountain is beautiful, like a small paradise, allowing people to hide away and feel at ease as a mountain man. During those years in college, the person Roushan contacted most often was Xiaotang. Xiaotang stayed in Beijing after graduation and had a stable relationship with a like-minded person and talked about marriage. Occasionally, Shi Jun was mentioned, and I heard that he joined his father's factory as a part-time job, and probably followed the same path as blind date, marriage, and having children. Xiaotang commented that he lacked the spirit of resistance and was not an interesting person. "It's strange that I have been in love with him for so long."

Roushan hung up the phone, feeling a little sad. In the past few years, she had also had feelings for others, but the feelings were too shallow. They were just ripples on the lake, and they soon calmed down. Although she has not been in contact with Shijun in the past few years, her view of love has been formed. Even in the movie she watched with Shijun when she was a teenager, her love is also like this, old-fashioned, affectionate, and not good at words.

Love that happened when they were young. At this time, his temples were frosty and her hair was like snow. She was 3 years old and her family was still poor. He held her hand for a walk and he sang the songs he had sung to her when he was young. She looked at him like a baby and smiled, but she held his hand tightly. Very tight. If love lasts until adulthood, it will be more than just the initial heartbeat. Roushan started writing about her secret love for Shijun when she was in her senior year of college. She was interning in Shanghai and often felt frightened and confused. Shijun was her warmest memory. In a rented house without air conditioning or heating, she wrote down her attachment to Shi Jun for so many years with cold handwriting.

I didn’t expect that many people would follow me on the forum, nor did I expect that one day I would receive a call from Shi Jun. His voice had not been heard for many years, like a drop of tears in my heart. He said: "Roushan, where are you? I want to come and see you."

A few days later in 2012, she immigrated to Ireland with her family. I did not have the courage and ability to keep her, so my first love ended like an epiphyllum, but the blooming of an epiphyllum is gorgeous, and my first love is beautiful. In winter, the weather in Shanghai is cold, rainy and snowy. The day when Shi Jun came to visit Roushan, it had cleared up slightly. Both of them were wearing gray coats and walking from one end of Fumin Road where she was doing her internship. The streets and alleys are full of Adele's singing, and there are often people parked on the road with hatchbacks selling this CD in the back seat. Shi Jun stopped and bought a CD for her. He bought another one and put it back in his pocket.

This was the first time they had the same thing, and Roushan was very excited.

It was too cold, so I turned into a roadside cafe and sat down for a drink. We sat face to face with a thin layer of snow falling outside the glass window. The grandson had fallen asleep in Yiliu's arms. She kissed the child's face and said, "My child, do you know who those young people are?" They looked at each other and smiled, probably remembering what happened that day when they were young. I had practiced the test many times in advance. At this moment, I stepped onto the podium with confidence, faced my classmates with a smile, grabbed the scalpel and was ready to do it. Su Xiaofei from Pillow Grass has returned to time.

"Is the pillow still there?" Roushan asked.

"Still. It's just that the boss has changed. I'll take you there next time you come back."

There is actually nothing wrong with Roushan and Shi Jun to isolate the topic of Du Xiaotang The same past was enough for gossip, so most of their gathering was silent. We had a light meal here, and the barista brought the wine list and recommended the mojito. There is a chapter dedicated to this in Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea", which is also world-famous because of Hemingway.

What a good story, they had a few drinks. One day in July 1998, they heard that a meteor shower would appear in the night sky. In the evening, Feng Xiaopeng and Zhang Yao sat side by side on the terrace, looking up at the stars and waiting quietly. "If you make a wish devoutly under the starry sky, the stars will help you realize it." Zhang Yao told Xiaopeng that her wish is to repay the Xiaopeng family for their great kindness to her in the future! Zhang Yao cried as he spoke. "Why are you crying?" "I'm afraid that one day we will be separated." At this time, Zhang Yao had received the notice from the Harbin Academy of Fine Arts. The two originally wanted to go to college in the same city, with Zhang Yao studying art and Feng Xiaopeng studying computer science.

But Feng Xiaopeng performed abnormally and was admitted to a university in another city. Cup, the sky outside the window is completely dark, and the snow falls silently. The sound of indoor music seems to be absent, and the singing of Someone Like You makes people want to cry.

Shi Jun has to catch the night train and bid farewell to Roushan here. After a gentle hug, Shi Jun asked: "Will you come back?"

Roushan nodded, "Yes. You will take me to Pillow of Grass again. Just like before."

It's puzzling that this brief encounter in the past is so unforgettable. But affectionate people make the world lovable.

Two years later, Roushan returned to his hometown and became an English teacher in the town middle school. Her mother was finally able to intervene in her marriage and arranged blind dates with several honest and honest people with stable jobs.

Love that you did not choose is like eating harmless vegetables. It is harmless to the body, but it hurts the soul and completely ruins your appetite for love.

I don’t want to go to Shi Jun, the reality is frustrating.

However, this is just a small county town, and Shi Jun will always meet. I saw his profile in a fragrant breakfast shop. He drove his mother's old Mercedes, frowning as he waited for people in the traffic to pass by. Thirty-year-old Shi Jun is still a good-looking man, but he is still in a mixed state, and his reputation has become not so good. Probably because he dated many girls on blind dates and did not give results to others.

Roushan hesitated a little, not knowing whether to call him or not. It was Shi Jun who saw her in the rearview mirror and strode down, with long-awaited joy in his eyes, "You turn your eyes to the bottom of the mausoleum. With the delicacy and sensitivity of women, Zhou Diedie found Mr. Ma with a cold expression and a bad temper. In fact, she is very generous, caring and caring not only for her, but also for all her subordinates, although the way she shows it is often blunt. As she gets to know Mr. Ma better, her unrequited love becomes stronger. The beautiful girl, Zhou Diedie's feelings were obvious, but Mr. Ma turned a blind eye and was indifferent. The cold reception of her love made her unbearable, so she chose to leave and gave it to Ma. Boss. Here we go.”

“Well, I’m back.”

When did you officially get together with Shi Jun? Maybe we went to eat seafood together. Lu Hua, he held her hand and never let go; maybe they went to sleep on the grass together, and in the middle of the night, he gently kissed her as she closed her eyes and fell asleep under the chandelier... Being with Shi Jun, she was as natural as everyone. Seasonal flowers bloom.

My parents naturally objected, so they went on a secret date, climbing down from the small balcony on the second floor to see the stars in the sky. The two of them were listening to Adele's old albums in the car together, and it was like they were sleeping in each other's arms in a world apart.

Xiaotang, who has settled in Beijing, heard that my wife would say this to me every time I go out. It has become a mantra. This is the nth time today and I can’t remember clearly, but my wife Finally, I emphasized one sentence, remember, don’t delay! He received the news and called, "Roushan, as long as you don't mind our past. I wish you the best. Shi Jun is a good person, but he easily disappoints people most of the time. You must be able to bear this kind of disappointment."

Life is a mixture of excitement and disappointment. To love someone is to bear the fragments in his life.

When she woke up that morning, Roushan stretched out her hand to touch her glasses on the bedside. She was suddenly stunned for a moment, and her fingers touched a small, uncomfortable thing. It was a small ring, and there was also a small ring next to it. Holding a small handful of jasmine, it is as white as a crescent moon and as fragrant as a dusty dream.

Roushan leaned out of the window, and Shijun's car was parked downstairs. It rained last night, and the roof of the car was covered with a layer of fallen flowers.

Her innocent lover emerged from the gentle rain of apricot blossoms. Indeed, in Wei Zongwan’s view, the couple went from being inseparable when they were young, to caring for each other in middle age, to nagging in old age. Damn, they are bound to each other, this is true love. His wife gave him a home, and he wanted to give him all his love. Come out.

Secret love