Now let me tell a stand-up comedy. You see, cross talk is not easy. This language should have a rich vocabulary. Especially after ten years of liberation, new things appear every day, and there are more new terms; Some old terms were eliminated and entered the history museum. Words like "old lady" and "Meidochan" have become historical terms. Do you think they still have that name? There is no guarantee. If you hear me, I will be punished. That time, when I said this, a man stood up under the podium and said, "Then you should be punished. Now I hear it. " I said, where is it? He told me that it was in the Beijing Opera "Three High Five". This is nonsense.

Also, take the New Year's Eve as an example. When this comrade meets, he will also say a word to congratulate the New Year: "New love and new joy, I wish you happiness." Look how beautiful it is. If the old society celebrated the Spring Festival and met on the first day of the New Year, this person punched that person: "Oh, meet and make a fortune!" " Does this look like it to you? Thirty days later in the evening, the two of them went to settle accounts with him together and made a fortune at dawn? This one says "meet and get rich", and that one says: "You have 22 thousand gold, and you are getting more and more gold every day!" The man shook his head quickly. "Oh, don't stop counting." He is still too few. Just like "meet and get rich" and "two thousand gold", you can't listen to this language.

But there is also this sentence: "Happy New Year to you." It was said in the past and it is said now, but it has two meanings. Now say "Happy New Year to you", we are getting better and better every year. In the past, saying "Happy New Year to you" meant suffering and luck. Because it was hard at that time, thirty children not only didn't eat or drink at night, but also the account owner piled up doors, which might cause an accident. You see it in "White-haired Girl", that's only because Master Zhang forced it. So at that time, saying "Happy New Year to you" was a surprised expression: "Oh, you are still alive, didn't you let the account owner force you to death?"

In the past, landlords were really aggressive. There are accounts of landlords and rich peasants, and buyers and sellers also have accounts in Shandong and Shanxi. What is the name of Shandong hukou? Because in the Qing Dynasty, Beijing was the capital of the empire, and there were five mixed places and businessmen. People from all over the world came here to do business. You are like the business of Shandong people, what big restaurants, meat cabinets, grain shops, old rice mills; Shanxi people buy and sell pawn shops, pigment shops, jars, dried fruit shops, dye shops and oil and salt shops, not only doing business, but also lending usury; I can also give you something on credit. You can also borrow cash. Borrowing money requires paying interest. In fact, credit is worse than asking for money. Buy in cash. Fifteen cents; Credit must be calculated at 20 cents.

Shandong and Shanxi have different ways of collecting accounts; Shandong people have to pay the bill, which is the "thunderbolt door" of the great smokehouse; Shanxi people want a hukou called "Maoji".

For example, Shandong people have to pay for meals, which is from Zhuangzi. Go there to eat, uncle is long, master is short. Enter your family account and everything will change. As soon as the hose knocks, bang, bang! (Learn Shandong accent, the same below) "Hey, I said is Wang at home? What's going on here? Red mouth and white teeth don't pay for catching things. If you have money to see them, if you have no money to see them, you will hide in the house. How can you be shameless? " Look, this is not the same as asking uncle to eat. I think they want too much money. I intend to give him more than ten dollars less. I haven't paid him for months. He's really anxious. My family came to me: "Hey, Xiao X, you haven't paid for food for months, and you have to be shameless!" " "As soon as I heard that he was coming, I let our children go out and angered him with words so that I could make him angry. When I say, if you go out, say that our children are out; (talking like a child) "Uncle, who are you looking for? "He knows my son-he has dinner with me:" Hey, Xiao Li is so stupid. Is your father at home? " "My father is not at home." "Where have you been?" "Go to the opera. "He listened to the fire: going to the opera has money, but he has no money to pay the bill! At that time, I dumped two gossips: "What? Went to the opera. Have money to go to the opera, but no money to pay for it? Come back and tell him not to let him go to the opera and let him listen to me. "That is to say, I am a bookkeeper, so I have to listen to you. Two days later, I came again, and I let our children go out. I said, that's it this time. He ran out: "My father is not at home." "Where did it go?" "I went to the movies." "What? Did you go to the movies? Come to the movies, come to the movies, come back and tell him not to let him see the movies, let him see me. Where is it! "It was gone again. In the evening, he came again: "Is Little X at home? "As soon as I listen, it's getting tighter and tighter. Why come twice a day? We have to find a good way to stop him from coming for the time being. I called our child, and I said, if you go back and say so, he won't come first. Our child ran out: "My father is not at home." "Where did he go?" "I went to play ball." "Let's play ball, let's play ball. When we come back, tell him not to play ball and let him ... play ball. "He asked me to play ball. Think about it, if you don't play ball, you will hit him.

Shanxi people's hukou can't be so evasive. Because Shanxi people have to pay the bill. You are walking in the street with your friends. When someone asks you for money, you can't stand it. The first sentence he said was irrelevant: "OK, uncle, help us and lend us some money." Now he is trying to save his face and make his friend sound like he is borrowing money from you. But you must give it to him as soon as possible. If you don't give it to me, I'll shake it out for you with another sentence: "Well, you are richer than us anyway, after all, you won't be much shorter." I still want the bill. This account is the most difficult to evade. But I also have an idea. The man said, what can you do? The more he earns, the better, so I took advantage of his financial obsession. We have a grocery store across the street. I owe him 25 cents, and I delayed it for more than a year. I owe him a short bill in April, and I should give it to him on May Day, which is a big face for me! How can I put him off for a year? It's almost May Day. Don't let him find me. I will beat him first. As soon as I entered the door, I said, "Third shopkeeper, look at the account." He was very happy when he heard this. He thought I had paid the bill, so he quickly took the household registration book. In fact, he wrote this note two days ago. He knows how short it is. As soon as he took the household registration book, I said to him before he handed it over to me, "Boss San, I'm sorry to have delayed your use. I do have a note at home. You are still 48 cents short ... is it 49 cents? " Hearing this, he said, no, it's twenty-five cents. Oh, he remembered wrong. Hearing this, he put down his household registration book and made friends with me: "Oh, Mr. X, we are not strangers. If you remember 48 cents, there is nothing wrong. Let's give it 48 cents. We all have friendship. " I just thought about Doby's "friendship". I said, "Oh, boss, I'm ashamed. I really can't open this section. Remember this forty-eight cents again. I'll send you some money in a few days. " He thought so as soon as he heard it. If I had wanted money, I would have been very anxious. At first glance, it's twenty-five cents. What if I leave? I can change it into 48 cents. If you say friendship again, how can you say no? At that time, he also said two beautiful words: "well, it doesn't matter, we are not outsiders, not 48 cents." Let's put it away first, we are not rich either, and August Festival is counted together. " Let's overcome it. He means, can he really wait until August? In a few days, if I have money, I won't send it. How did he know I was serious? Just wait until August Festival. Sever the customer's credit relationship I didn't buy anything from him in this section. I waited until August Festival, but I didn't wait until he found me on August Festival. I went to see him again: "Oh, three manned, I'm really sorry, there are more and more accounts, so this section is more." My wife gave birth to a child. She took chicken, brown sugar and dried noodles from you, and then the children took odds and ends from you. There is a note at home. Is it two dollars and six dollars or two dollars and seven dollars? "When he heard this, how did he come up with so many? What he took elsewhere may be charged to the grocery store. This time it can be copied. I quickly lost my smile and left my account book: "Ah, Mr. X, you have a good memory. Yes, not two dollars and seven cents, but two dollars and six cents. It doesn't matter, we all have friendship. "As soon as he saw my pocket, which meant taking money, he added two beautiful words:" Oh, I'm not busy. If the money is not rich, we will work together next year! " "I said," OK, let's count together. " Oh, really forget it together! There is nothing he can do. At the end of the twelfth lunar month, I went to see him again. When I entered the door, I said, "Third boss, look at the account. I remember it wasn't $5.70 ... "As soon as I said this, he came to cover my mouth:" Hey, you don't have to pretend to play, just give me back the quarter. " Hey, he got it!