My name is Yu Lian, and I am 35 years old. I am currently working as a nurse in a general hospital in Beijing.

At the age of 22, I graduated from the 18th-tier city health school majoring in nursing. After my internship, I came to Beijing to work with my relatives, and started selling health care products in pharmacies. Except for food and shelter, I had little left. Later, I applied for a job as a nurse in the hospital, and I have been working there ever since.

Every time my parents call, they urge marriage, which has been an eternal topic for more than ten years.

I'm looking for it, too. Doctors don't like nurses, and there are few people outside. I've met several people before, such as medical representatives and dairy products sales. They are all introduced by classmates and fellow villagers. Either people don't like me or I don't like others.

This also has something to do with my short stature. I'm 1.55 meters tall, weighing 121 Jin, with a big face and small squints. This looks real and doesn't give me strength or advantage.

I hated marriage before I was 31. After I was 31, it didn't matter. I missed the best childbearing age every day, so I let nature take its course.

I seldom go back to my hometown. Although I get home by train in five hours, I don't want to go back.

from the moment I entered the house, my parents and grandparents began to talk about finding someone. When I left, all their worries were that I would die alone.

Grandma is 91 years old, and she said that she would die with her eyes closed if she could see me get married.

I dare not say with a smirk, it's a terrible thing.

I can't stay at home. I'm going out to invite my classmates to play. Everyone is sending the children to cram school. It's hard to have a meal. I can't get in touch with the parents.

Only when you come back to Beijing, can you breathe smoothly. No one asks if you are married and have a date.

The good thing about big cities is that they are tolerant, and no one has time to care about it. Actually, I don't get married, I don't eat your food, and I don't take up your resources.

I sometimes panic. I don't have time to think when I'm busy, so I wake up after the night shift.

My humble rental house, cramped space, socks and underwear floating on the clothesline overhead, often wonder if I have spent my whole life in such a place?

I feel depressed and breathless when I think of this place. My classmates in the small town all live in a bright big house, with rice, oil and salt, and their children around their knees, but they are hard-working and lonely. What are they pursuing?

Last spring, my uncle called me to take the nurse exam in public hospitals. I didn't want to go back, but my uncle said it was an opportunity. Once I passed the exam, I would get a good salary, stay at home and get married easily.

Finally, I took a month off to review. The dry air and people's slow pace of life are really uncomfortable and repulsive.

at that time, I was still struggling. I was admitted whether I would stay and work hard and find a suitable person to marry. I didn't expect to lose by three points and set foot on the train in Beijing again.

I have mixed feelings when sitting on the train.

To live and to live, I have been solving these two problems alternately.

I'm not very picky, but I've become an older woman who yearns for urban life, but it's hard to stay in my hometown for a long time, and I can't go back, and I can't get out of my dream.

A few days ago, my mother asked me to make a down payment on a house in a small town. She said that no matter where I am, whether I will get married or not in the future, having a house is always a home.

this is my life, neither good nor bad.