From the 2013 Guo Degang and Yu Qian Spring Festival Gala Crosstalk "The Prodigal Son";

The lines are as follows:

Guo Degang: The two hosts just now were also very good, Li Yong and Zhu Jun , the two girls are very beautiful

Yu Qian: Two girls? What look is this.

Guo Degang: Today is a good day?

Yu Qian: Yes, New Year's Eve

Guo Degang: The boundless spring scenery, the sea and the clear river, are the same every year, and each year is different. . Only a great hero can restrain a tiger, and a true hero can subdue a dragon. The full moon brings good flowers, and life will be prosperous. Student Guo Degang paid tribute to my parents who provided food and clothing. Happy New Year to all of you.

Yu Qian: I wish you the best. ?

Guo Degang: Wait, which hospital?

Yu Qian: Which hospital is that?

Guo Degang: You don’t know how to be funny. You lose face with just one sentence. I'm kidding you. ?

Yu Qian: Just kidding.

Guo Degang: Your IQ balance is obviously insufficient. How dare you find a place to recharge it.

Yu Qian: Where can I buy a card?

Guo Degang: You should speak loudly on this occasion. Let me teach you, I hope that the country will be peaceful and the people are safe, the harvest will be plentiful, and the per capita GDG will be achieved. GDP, gross national product, you are talking about GDP, I am talking about GDG, Guo Degang spells it out. I hope GDG is happy.

Yu Qian: You are happy.

Guo Degang: If you are happy, I must be happy too. Teacher Yu lived a very happy life, her family was living well, and her work was going smoothly. He often said that now is the day for me to be a god, and I am still singing at home. Being a god makes me happy, the whole family is happy, and we celebrate the New Year together. Hair perming, drinking wine, smoking.

Yu Qian: I sang out my own feelings.

Guo Degang: Anyone familiar with Teacher Yu knows that Brother Qian has three major hobbies: smoking, drinking, and perming his hair. Brother Qian thinks that small hobbies are pleasant and this is happiness. What is happiness? Luck, good luck and avoidance of disaster, blessing, wealth and longevity, simply put, it means that people's desires are satisfied, which is called happiness.

Yu Qian: Are you satisfied?

Guo Degang: I am on the road to satisfaction.

Yu Qian: I won’t be strict with you.

Guo Degang: Work hard, I am a strong person. In fact, I have done everything over the years, and I have also done business. The biggest business is coal.

Yu Qian: This is not small.

Guo Degang: Pingdingshan, Henan, where the coal was taken and transported to Datong, Shanxi.

Yu Qian: Good guy, I have to pay for it with my life.

Guo Degang: When I got there, I was confused as to why it was cheaper than me. I just learned that this is also the place of origin. Quickly get the coal from Datong and transport it to Pingdingshan.

Yu Qian: You only have so much knowledge

Guo Degang: I was so poor in those years that I didn’t even have a bed to sleep on, so I just covered myself with a Band-Aid.

Yu Qian: Where is that cover?

Guo Degang: There is nothing there to sleep on.

Yu Qian: That’s because I have insomnia.

Guo Degang: I stare at the ceiling. I can’t sleep. I’m so anxious that I can’t do anything. I have to count sheep when I sleep. One sheep, hum. . . . . .

Yu Qian: Falling asleep.

Guo Degang: I wanted to go to Shaanxi at that time, carry two terracotta warriors and horses, and sell them outside.

Yu Qian: This is not possible. First of all, you are breaking the law. Then there are the terracotta warriors and horses that everyone counts, and they count them every night.

Guo Degang: Counting points every night is too high-tech. There are people on duty in the middle of the night. When I shine the flashlight, it’s No. 45. I click here and there. There are two people who don’t answer. This is it. You and your father are both idle. No booing, no hesitation. You all have ID cards. people. If you're free, I'll cover you two in the mud and just stand there while I earn money and I'll pick you up

Yu Qian: You can't make any money

Guo Degang: The country will not suffer either.

Yu Qian: Then the two of us will die there.

Guo Degang: It’s hard to do private business. You have to be like my second uncle. He has a big back and wears glasses. That’s a big deal in the company. He’s the chairman, general manager and accountant. Minister and security captain. Hit anyone who raises an opinion?

Yu Qian: That’s awesome.

How big a deal is this?

Guo Degang: It’s not that big. That is to say, he is a department-level cadre. Don’t look down upon him, but he always takes people from his unit to study abroad when he has nothing to do?

Yu Qian: Transnational business

Guo Degang: He has a name Emancipate your mind and broaden your horizons. Everyone went abroad on a big yacht. Yacht, everyone.

Yu Qian: Style.

Guo Degang: Let’s swing the oars. I have never sat on it, and I don’t understand. When I was abroad and at sea, I encountered pirates. Pirates of the Caribbean stood still with guns in hand. The yacht stopped. My second uncle asked, "What are you doing, asking for money?" ! How much does it cost? Want 500,000! Give you 1 million and issue an invoice for 2 million. The pirate cried! You are still ruthless in making money. We can't compare with him, but I have my own wishes. One day when I had money, I just ate, I ate to the death, eating breakfast, fried cakes, deep-fried dough sticks, sesame cakes, twists, fried cakes, egg-filled cakes, egg-filled cakes with three eggs, if you have any questions, I would People who say I launder money

Yu Qian: Is there anyone who fills cakes with eggs to launder money?

Guo Degang: Braised beef, braised chicken with mushrooms, braised pork ribs with green onions, tell me, which one should I make?

Guo Degang: As the old saying goes, it is better to make instant noodles with others than to make things convenient for them. Eat the candy triangle, insert a straw and sip the candy. . . Why are you afraid of sweets? If you have money to buy mineral water, who would go to the courtyard to drink water now? I also tried the taste of the mineral water (drinking water), and it was mixed with water. ?

Yu Qian: Nonsense, that’s water.

Guo Degang: Eat well, put chicken, duck, fish, seafood, pastries, fried sauce all in a pot, stew a flying egg, bring it up and let me smell it like this?

Yu Qian: It smells so good

Guo Degang: Even the pot has to be thrown away

Yu Qian: Yes, that’s not the taste

Guo Degang: Eating doesn’t matter, the key is wearing it You have to be particular, get a sea dragon hat, an otter coat, wolf skin pants, a dog skin vest, a rex rabbit mask, and a mink scarf

Yu Qian: What month are you in?

Guo Degang: The third volt of June

Yu Qian: Isn’t it hot to wear something like this?

Guo Degang: Why should I be afraid of the heat? I have money. Eight people followed me holding fans and blowing them. Several trucks of ice followed behind. Two doctors helped me, followed by a single machine and a group of nurses. Wait for me there with a shot in the arm

Yu Qian: Isn’t this enough?

Guo Degang: You have money, you know! What's wrong with the prodigal son? I'm willing to do it. Just eat, drink, and buy some clothes. That's great. I also buy a watch. Not only do I dare to buy it, I also dare to wear it. Not only do I dare to wear it, I also dare to show it. Not only is it exposed, but I don’t have to cover it. Not only is it not covered, I feel happy and dizzy

Yu Qian: Stop shaking that head

Guo Degang: Daikin Watch II More than ten kilograms

Yu Qian: A big gold watch weighing about twenty kilograms. Is this a gold watch? Is this a water meter?

Guo Degang: Gold watch, this arm wears 12 pieces, one row, world-famous watches, 12 pieces of them are evenly matched, for these 12 famous watches, this suit has half zipper and half sleeves

Yu Qian: Then it has to be customized

Guo Degang: Buy a mobile phone, buy the best mobile phone, buy two, one for this room, one for that room, make calls and dial for yourself Put it down and run to that house, grab it, hello, hello, who are you, come back again, hello, hello, I am Guo Degang, run back, I am also Guo Degang, what a coincidence, what a coincidence, keep in touch

Yu Qian: What kind of contact do you have, this one

Guo Degang: Two, call it yourself, buy a refrigerator, a three-door refrigerator, with freezing on the top, refrigeration in the middle, and a stove on the bottom door Ash

Yu Qian: Change the stove and this is

Guo Degang: Buy two washing machines, one for washing, and the other for spinning. Buy a TV, buy 40 TVs, adjust one channel and one station, free up a wall, and have all the codes set. Sitting in the room is like sitting in an electronics city. On New Year's Eve, all tunes are set to Central One, and tonight there is Guo Degang.

Buy a car, a car with thirteen doors, fifteen drivers inside.

Yu Qian: Where are you sitting?

Guo Degang: I will follow behind,

Yu Qian: Then you must have a good body

Guo Degang: That’s right, I also take supplements, deer antlers, whole racks of deer antlers, ride on the deer, hold the deer’s head and chew it

Yu Qian: Good guy, I have to eat blood

Guo Degang: There is a song that praises me for riding a deer, I ride a little donkey (singing), Avatar

Yu Qian: Ah Fanti, that is. Don't understand anything.

Guo Degang: Eat, Cordyceps sinensis, grind it into powder and make porridge to drink

Yu Qian: Just pickles

Guo Degang: That’s fine, the ginseng is cut into pieces After the strips are dry, grab some five-spice noodles and pick up the bowl. Kucha Kucha brings two bowls.

Yu Qian: Is this the sound of eating?

Guo Degang: Getting angry It doesn’t matter, buy medicine, just get a bottle of motherwort ointment and it’ll be ready

Yu Qian: Stop talking, there is an old saying, gold has no seed, it comes from a diligent and thrifty family, you can’t live like this, no Like a living

Guo Degang: Who should I live with? I am single. Who should I live with? How can I be single? By the way, I have to marry a wife. Who do you think I should marry?

Yu Qian: You have to find someone who is not married to marry

Guo Degang: Yes, I have to find someone who is not married. When I asked, I found out that Teacher Yu has a sister who is different. Half-sister.

Yu Qian: That has nothing to do with me

Guo Degang: Living in Nanjizhou, she is a princess, Princess Ayi.

Yu Qian: There is such a thing as an unearthed turtle in such a cold place.

Guo Degang: The princess has fallen in love with me and insists on marrying me. This is called marrying down. Do you know what stepping down is? Just won't let it be sold. The princess came out of Antarctica and took a black car to come to me

Yu Qian: Wait a minute. The princess still takes a black car?

Guo Degang: It’s cheap. When the princess arrives at the door, I will be playing with the sword at the door

Yu Qian: You are still playing at the door

Guo Xinggang: I was practicing swordplay at the door. The princess got out of the black car and looked at each other. I was very moved. Thank you princess. I hope all lovers in the world will get married eventually. It was determined in the previous life. Don’t miss the marriage

Guo Degang: The princess is also very touched. I haven’t paid for the car yet, but the black car still dares to ask for money. Call the relevant departments to arrest him

Yu Qian : Okay, real damage

Guo Degang: As soon as I said to arrest him, the driver of the black car turned around and ran away, shouting while running, I will be back

Yu Qian: Okay , the black car driver changed to Gray Wolf

Guo Degang: Leave this car to me, tie it to my car, open the door at 17, princess, come and see our new house, four floors, three underground Floor? Yu Qian: That’s the bungalow

Guo Degang: Come in and take a look. Two servants are following us with a globe. They are afraid of getting lost. This is our living room. It has brilliant golden walls, carved beams and paintings, and the pictures on the wall are of famous people. Calligraphy and painting, Tang Bohu’s beauties, Mi Yuanzhang’s landscapes, Liu Shi’an’s fans, Zheng Banqiao’s Fuwa

Yu Qian: Never heard of it

Guo Degang: A set of five,

Yu Qian: Is it from Zheng Banqiao

Guo Degang: Look here again. Here is a couplet handwritten by Emperor Qianlong: A drop of wine for the driver, two lines of tears for the relatives.

Yu Qian: What a mess!

Guo Degang: Come up to this room and take a look. This room is our bathing room. There are two pools, one large and one small. There is no water to wash my feet in the small pond

Yu Qian: How can I wash my feet without water

Guo Degang: Dry cleaning.

?

Yu Qian: Stunned

Guo Degang: Taking a bath in the big pool, there is milky white liquid in it. The princess is wondering, is this fish soup?

Yu Qian: This one is crazy from hunger

Guo Degang: She thought it was fish soup. Take a spoon and taste it. No, I said give it to me. I will taste it. I will taste it. , milk, milk bath, you try again, one spoonful for him, one spoonful for me, we both tasted half of the pool

Yu Qian: Good guy, still drink

Guo Degang: Give it to the princess The order is ready, the big gold chain is forty kilograms, the gold bracelet is fifty kilograms, and the gold anklet is one hundred and twenty kilograms

Yu Qian: The princess has tied up and this is

Guo Degang: It’s all for the purpose of spending money

Yu Qian: Just spend money for the sake of spending money. Wake up and stop dreaming. There is an old saying that diligence and frugality lead to luxury. In such a good day, let’s If you live like this, you will definitely succeed or fail.

Guo Degang: I can still live and fail, you are bullying people, I am willing to ruin my marriage, I am willing to waste it, that is my business, I have decided 100 tables, 100 tables for guests, I think that’s good. Someone in the restaurant next to me set up 200 tables, which made me crazy. I didn’t accept it. I had to go and have a look. Why did he set up 200 tables? When I got there, I was convinced at that time

Yu Qian: What’s the matter

Guo Degang: It’s public money

Yu Qian: Oh, it’s not my own money

Guo Degang: At the annual meeting of another company, there are 30 people in this unit, and 200 tables are set up

Yu Qian: Public money cannot be wasted like this

Guo Degang: The waiter was packing things. When I saw it, That garbage is all delicious

Yu Qian: What’s there to eat?

Guo Degang: Fried belly with fried meat and fish fillets, vinegar-soaked kidneys with fried pork ribs, pine flowers turned into protein and lotus root, Jellyfish mixed with belly is delicious, four cold and four hot eight dishes, the delicacies of mountains and seas are unparalleled in the world,

Yu Qian: What a waste

Guo Degang: I won’t compare with him, Just finish my 100 tables, 100 tables in total,

Give me back that taxi

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Reference Information:/18464358/journal/show/11551491

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