When it comes to borrowing money, there are always endless topics. However, in many people's minds, about borrowing money can never get around the two heart:

1, "this society, owe money is the master, the debt is the grandson."

2, "I borrowed it with my ability, why should I return it?"

Mo Xian's wife complained to everyone, said Mo Xian is really lack of heart, every time someone looking for him to borrow money, as long as the hand is wide open, there is no special circumstances, will be the money lent to each other. Years past, the money lent out a total of less than a hundred thousand, but returned very few. Every time because of this, she and Mo Xian argued a lot, but Mo Xian but do not take it seriously, said "money is something outside the body, we now help others, later when we have difficulties, others will still help us".

Till last month, Mo Xian's mother had a coronary heart disease and needed surgery. Mo Xian turned over the previous debit notes, one by one to call the debt collection. The result was a huge disappointment for him, as he was able to pay back only a handful of money. This is the first time I've ever seen a woman in the world who has been in the same situation as me," he said.

I don't know how many people and Mo Xian have the same experience: see around the friends and family have financial difficulties, as long as the other party open mouth borrowing money, will be very enthusiastic to help others. Some people have even borrowed once, in the premise of not returning the money, and then open the mouth to borrow a second time, but they do not know how to refuse, resulting in a soft heart, once again, will be lent to the other side of the money.

On the topic of borrowing money, we can always see some "chicken soup" on the Internet, such as:

1, how much you borrow depends on your relationship with the other party.

For example, the relationship between you and A coworkers, the most you can borrow 500; and the relationship with friends B, can borrow 1000; and the relationship with relatives C, can borrow 5000 ...... This amount belongs to the safe range, if more than this range, your money is more difficult to get back.

2. Don't think about paying back when you borrow.

Based on the previous idea, after lending money to the other party, the heart to forget about it. If the other party can return, it proves that you can get along in the long run; if not, it will be a few hundred dollars to recognize a person.

I think the above two concepts, a little too Buddhist. Isn't it a bit hurtful to measure the amount of money borrowed in terms of relationships? Moreover, if you borrow money with the mentality of "don't think about paying it back", what is the probability that you will be able to pay it back in good faith?

My own principle of borrowing money is: Save the emergency not to save the poor.

If a friend or family member is sick and needs to borrow money, under the premise of their own conditions, I think the money should be borrowed, after all, it is also a matter of life and death. But some people borrow money in order to buy a house, buy a car, travel, buy luxury goods, I think this money can not borrow, because this is not "urgent money".

As for the definition of "poor", it is the one who has a difficult life and can't even make a living. If you lend money to such a person, the chances of him being able to return it are also very slim. It's not that we're indifferent, it's just that we're not very wealthy ourselves. If you're rich and want to pick up the poor, I think it's fine, after all, it's for a good cause.

You might say, "I know all these things, I'm just soft-hearted, and when people are soft-hearted, I lend them money."

I'll give you two suggestions, when you skillfully use, I believe you will be more sensible and appropriate to refuse each other to borrow money.

1. Borrow less, simply don't borrow at all.

Here we are talking about "borrowing less", not a few hundred dollars amount of "small amount", but less than the other side of the expected amount.

Generally the other side to borrow money, will open a number, such as 2000. this time you will consider two points:

(1) Measure your relationship with this person is worth 2000. if not, you lend ta 2000, will be very painful, and will worry about the other side does not return.

(2) You also have to consider your own practical situation and whether you can lend the person. For example, after you can only lend the other person 2000 dollars, you will have a miserable life next month.

When we encounter this situation, our general approach is "can we borrow less, such as 1,000 yuan". In fact, this approach is the most undesirable. ta borrow 2000 from you, you give ta 1000, ultimately did not meet the expectations of both sides. You kindly lend him the money, while ta feels that you didn't give ta what he wanted, and won't be too grateful to you. If you later urge ta to pay back the money, ta may also be resentful deliberately delayed, and finally because of this money lead to the relationship broken.

So, instead of giving a little bit of money, you should have rejected his request from the beginning.

How to refuse? See point two.

2, do not ask the amount of money borrowed, but first ask the other party "why do you want to borrow money".

We say with a person how good the relationship is, is "I asked him to borrow 500,000, he did not say anything to turn the money over, even without writing a loan". We take "not asking the reason for borrowing money" as evidence of a good relationship between two people. Influenced by this concept, we usually do not ask each other the reason for borrowing money, and directly ask "how much do you want to borrow", which changes back to the mode of bargaining, which makes us very passive when we are supposed to "do a good deed". At this point, whether it is directly out of the money, or to reduce the borrowing amount, we will be in a weak and embarrassing position.

To refuse to lend money to each other, we should know how to take the "initiative" in their own hands. In most cases, you can take the initiative by asking why you borrowed the money. How do I understand this statement?

For example, if the other person says, "A relative is sick," I might lend some money if I have a lot of money on hand. If you really don't want to borrow or really don't have the money, give a red envelope as a token of your appreciation, and I'm sure the other person won't give you a hard time.

But if you're talking about "buying a house," "buying a car," "doing business," "renting a store," and so on, you can't go wrong. and so on, we can reject them for the same reason.

The first type of rejection: claiming to have recently bought a similar item.

Suppose the other person says they want to borrow money to buy a house or a car to do business, you can also say that you have to buy a house or a car to do business recently, or that a relative has bought a house or a car to do business with, and has already borrowed the money. In this way, the other party will not be unreasonable and say "mine is more important than yours, so lend it to me first".

The second way of refusal: the introduction of the channel of the loan.

Today's lending platforms are endless, and just the formal channels of lending platforms, you can lend more than 100,000 to 200,000 dollars. You can recommend the lending platform to the other party, so that the other party to follow the specific steps, you can easily get a loan. Of course, be sure to introduce the formal lending company, otherwise you are putting the other party in harm's way when you encounter a set of loans.

ta not find a lending company, and choose to find you to borrow money, there are only the following three reasons:

(1) do not want to pay interest.

(2) The lending platform has stopped providing loans to ta.

(3) Borrowed and don't want to pay back.

Either of these reasons is not what you want, I guess?

So, instead of getting yourself in trouble for debt collection at a later stage, you might as well have refused in the first place, and maybe kept the original relationship. A lot of times, the breakup of a relationship starts with borrowing money.

What if you said that sometimes you still lend money to people in a moment of weakness, and it just so happens that the other person doesn't really want to pay it back?

For me, it's always harder to solve problems than to prevent them. But since the problem has already occurred, and it's such a tricky thing to do, we can only try to "beat the dead horse".

Before we call for money, we need to be clear about two premises:

1, the other side is not really forget.

This is a possibility. Some people are just big-headed, and the money you lend is not much, ta may really forget. At this point, it's just a simple matter of making a reminder.

2. The other person is just trying to procrastinate.

ta also know that you still owe money, and sometimes you can get together to pay back the money, at least part of it. However, they are simply trying to delay it. they are betting that you won't tear them apart to pay them off.

In such a situation, how do we call for payment?

(1) When you call for money, don't give specific reasons.

Many people always use to say some specific reasons when they call for money. Have you ever found that you do this, there will be two situations:

①Hypnosis instead of needing to whisper.

The saying "the one who owes money is the grandfather" really applies. We lent money to each other with good intentions, but when it comes to collection, we have to ask for it in a low voice.

②When you finish these reasons, you are likely to enter the mode of "comparison".

You said you recently saved money, ta said even the money to buy rice are not; you said you need money to buy a house, ta said the recent stock speculation was set up, can not get the money; you said your child has to pay tuition fees, ta said a relative recently hospitalized, the money are given to the hospital.

Is there a feeling of déjà vu? Originally to go to the collection of accounts, the last reverse pity the other side, even can not help but also want to lend each other a little money ......

The correct approach is: do not elaborate on any reason.

You can say: "I'm really sorry, I'm in urgent need of money recently, when can I pay back the money you borrowed before?"

This is when people who really don't want to pay it back will start looking for reasons. However, no matter what the reason, you do not and ta say the specific reason: "really especially urgent money, you see when you were in urgent need of money, I immediately lent you. Now it's time for me to use the money urgently, can you think of a way? Can you return it by tomorrow? Please please please!"

When you say this, you will make the other party suffer from conscience and moral condemnation. The subtext is to say, "I lent you the money quickly before, and now that I need it urgently, you're pushing it back, do you have any morals, do you have any conscience?"

The other party in order to delay the repayment date, TA will have to keep making up reasons, and making up reasons requires imagination, how long do you think TA can make up.

(2) Insinuate and chat about the other person's current situation.

We can see some of the debtor's circle of friends, and is a big fish and meat, and is traveling, and is brand-name luxury goods. The discerning person knows that TA is certainly not poor, or do not want to pay back the money.

If we are positive and ta tear face, complaining ta "have money to spend in these places, why do not you have the money to pay me back", it is likely to be a conflict.

There is a better way - every time you leave a message at the bottom of ta's circle of friends, disguised as praise ta.

For example: "Aiya, your life is really good ah, and seafood dinner, and overseas travel, and big brand bags, so luxury ah! Which like me, nothing ......"

The purpose of our reply to the circle of friends is to give the other party's heart to produce shadows and doubts. Think about it, TA sends the friend circle, is to show off their own, and you every time you send a reminder message, no matter how much will pull down TA's excitement, our purpose is achieved.

(3) Make the other person a "shield".

This is also a relatively straightforward way: "I have a relative who recently asked me to borrow money, and I can't refuse, but I don't have a good reason to refuse. Why don't you help me explain that I've already lent you the money."

There are many other similar methods, and the idea is - Fake pressure on others. The implication is, "I can't explain it, you have to help me out by saying that you have the money so that I can deliver." To do so is to make the other person feel that I'm not the only one who's pushing you to pay back the money right now, it's a lot of people who are pushing you to pay back the money, and a lot of people know that you borrowed my money.

If the above methods are unable to make the other party to take the initiative to pay back the money, then we can only take the legal route. Today's society is a legal and credit society, there will be a lot of restrictions on the behavior of the old man, I believe the other side will weigh the consequences. Since we have come to this point, there is no need for this family and friends to maintain a relationship, after all, ta even the most basic integrity are not, if you and ta continue to maintain a relationship, it is not possible to say that there will be even worse things waiting for you in the future.

As Sanmao said: don't be afraid to reject someone if your reasons are justified. When a person opens his mouth to make a request, he simply has two answers ready in his heart.

The person who asks you for money has already thought about the possibility of being rejected before he asks for it, so how does it become impossible to reject it on your side? To know, our goodwill, must be with reason and sharp.