A: Hello, XXX.

B: Easy, easy. Don't be so loud.

A: What's the matter?

B: (Look around) I'm afraid of being discovered by acquaintances.

A: Why?

B: I'm looking for a place to move.

A: Oh, I'm going to buy a new house. Then I congratulate you.

B: Never say congratulations.

A: Why?

B: To tell you the truth, I have been congratulated several times recently. I tremble when I congratulate you. I have to move when I tremble.

A: What logic is this?

B: Do you know someone I want to ask you?

A: Who?

B: the Monkey King.

A: the Monkey King?

B: Are you familiar with it?

A: No.

B: Who is familiar with it?

A: I don't know anyone well. That's a mythical figure.

B: Come on, man, somebody get acquainted with him. I have something to entrust him with.

A: What is it?

B: I want to ask him to go through the back door and move his family to the Dragon Palace in Donghai.

A: Dragon Palace?

B: If the Dragon Palace is tight, the Nantianmen will do.

A: Nantianmen?

B: There's really no place, and it's okay to live on the moon. As long as it can help me do this, I'll give him 10 thousand yuan as a bonus.

A: What a mess. Are you insane or something?

B: I thought they were all forced.

A: Who forced you to do this?

B: There are too many people.

A: Why?

B: I can't say.

A: Not yet. I think you are out of your mind. Who's full and fine, driving you crazy?

B: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

A: Then tell me about it, let everyone listen, and help you make suggestions and comments.

B: Right here?

A: Of course.

B: (Looking around, then under the stage) Can you tell me about this place?

A: What are you feeling?

B: I'll see if there are any acquaintances in the audience.

A: Don't worry, the audience is full of my acquaintances, not yours. Tell me.

B: What can I say?

A: Go ahead.

B: Do you know about the lottery?

A: Everyone knows. I often buy it, too.

B: Not long ago, I bought one.

A: What kind?

B: Traditional sports lottery.

A: Just choose seven numbers randomly from 0 to 9.

B: Not bad.

A: All seven numbers are in the right order, which is the grand prize.

B: Yes.

A: What number did you buy?

B: 13 13766.

A: Just one number?

B: It was also a coincidence that day. I only have five dollars. Three dollars for breakfast, and two dollars to buy this number. Random call.

A: And you won?

B: Bingo.

A: What prize? (trembling)

B: Excuse me. Grand prize.

A: Five million? (trembling)

B: After paying personal income tax, there is still 4 million.

A: (shaking B's hand wildly) Congratulations, congratulations.

B: Don't congratulate me. Go on congratulating me. My hand will be arched and die.

A: You have so much money. How are you going to spend it?

B: My daughter-in-law said, buy a new house, the latest decoration, furniture and appliances, change all the lights, take a plane, stroll around, have nothing to do and play mahjong.

A: I really enjoy it.

B: I added, that's all. Change the bride. -pa.

A: What's that noise?

B: My wife slapped me.

A: Yes!

B: Good thinking. I didn't sleep all night. The next morning, before dawn, someone knocked at the door.

A: Who is it?

B: I'll open the door, Huo! There are hundreds of people standing outside the door. I take a closer look and don't know anyone.

A: That's the wrong door.

B: No, someone spoke.

A: Who is it?

B: (Tianjin dialect) Congratulations, big brother.

A: And you are?

B: We are members of the municipal lottery elite research society. I heard that you won the grand prize. Let's congratulate you.

A: Congratulations. Let's go.

B: Dude, you're not being a buddy.

A: What do you mean, buddy?

B: We heard that you won the grand prize. You were so happy that you stayed up all night.

A: What are you happy about when others win the lottery?

B: We discussed it all night and decided to recommend you as the honorary president of our society.

A: Honorary chairman?

B; We are going to spread your advanced deeds well?

A: How to spread it?

B: We are going to hold a huge exchange meeting on lottery winning experience in the largest stadium in this city. We are going to invite Zhao Benshan, my brother, to chair this meeting.

A: Zhao Benshan?

B: originally, we wanted to invite his brother to host it?

A: Who's his brother?

B: Zhao Zhongxiang.

A: Can you get it?

B: Later, when I asked, he went to the animal world to officiate at the elephant's wedding. The appearance fee there is high.

A: Nonsense.

B: Besides Zhao Benshan, there is also his lover.

A: His lover?

B: You are really uneducated, Song Dandan. Is to take off the vest and become a snake.

A: You are literate. What a mess.

B: After Song Dandan becomes a snake, it's your turn to speak.

A: I still talk.

B; Of course. You should tell us all about how you won the prize at the meeting.

A: I got it.

B: I can't say that I was deceived. There is learning here.

A: I was deceived.

B: You're done, and there's a congratulatory message from our Standing Committee.

A: The Standing Committee?

B: Yes, we are a regular organization at the municipal level. When we were founded, the municipal party Committee issued a document. We have a standing committee, a director, a chairman, an honorary chairman, and a secretariat for specific work. I am the Secretary-General of the Secretariat that handles specific affairs.

A: Huo! That's very formal.

B: After the congratulations, what follows are the members' feelings and experiences about your winning the prize.

A: Where did they get their feelings and experiences when I won the prize?

B: You don't understand that. What they want to talk about is eighteen reasons why your number can win the prize.

A: Eighteen reasons?

B; This was selected after internal communication, and we originally prepared 36.

A: Is there so much?

B: Then there will be a ceremony to give you a certificate.

A: Certificate?

B: Honorary chairman.

A: I forgot this crop.

B: How can I forget? If you forget, we won't forget. This is the climax of this meeting. It is also the theme of this meeting.

A: Then award it.

B: I have to say hello to you before issuing the certificate.

A: Go ahead.

B: Originally, we would like to ask someone who has won the grand prize to give you this certificate.

A: What was the result?

B: On second thought, you were the first one.

A; There are no winners in your society.

B: I thought we were still working on it.

A: It must be over after the certificate is issued.

B: No, it's not over.

A: It's not over yet.

B: Is there a performance?

A: A performance?

B: We are going to invite Liu Huan, whose "Good Han Song" is my favorite, and Han Hong, whose "Qinghai-Tibet Plateau" I also like to listen to. Finally, Jinggang Mountain, "I only have eyes for you".

A: Staring at me.

B: After the performance, you don't want anything good, just get some turtles to eat casually.

A: Soft-shelled turtle or whatever.

B: Let's go to the last topic at dinner.

A: I have to work to eat. This attitude didn't say.

B: I'll get even with you.

A: Get even with me?

B: You have to pay for all this money.

A: Ah! I've been making trouble for a long time. I'm being asked to pay for it.

B: Look at you. If you get four million dollars, take out a million dollars and go home with an honorary chairman. It's cheap.

A: It's cheaper to buy a broken certificate for one million yuan.

B: Didn't you win the lottery? It is also used in the right direction when we learn. There is a saying, take it from the people and use it for the people.

A: Is this all right?

B: What do you think this is?

A: What about you?

B: What shall we do? I can't afford to be provoked. Can't I afford to hide? I moved.

A: Yes, it's a good idea. Where did you live?

B: Chengnan New Village, the first floor.

A: Where are you going to move to?

B: I moved from the southernmost part of the city to the northernmost part.

A: There is no new village in the north.

B: How dare you live in a new village?

A: Then where do you live?

B: I'm telling you, you won't believe it.

A: Tell me about it.

B: Remember that old water tower?

A: Yes, in the past, the city was very small. First, the water was pumped to the tower and then put into the pipe, which was tap water. It's abandoned now.

B: That's where I live.

A: Can people live up there? I'm afraid it's more than twenty meters high.

B: The exact height is 28.5 meters. It's really nice, living up there, the whole city is in my eyes. I finally understand why the Japanese built the bunker.

A: Why?

A: Stand tall and see far.

A: Isn't that nonsense?

B: What else?

A: What?

B: There's only one way up and down. I can see anyone who wants to get up.

A: Who wants to go up there?

B: You can't imagine.

A: Do you really want to go up there?

B: Yes.

A: And this time?

B: my daughter-in-law and I were about to sleep that day when we heard a tweeter calling my name from below?

A: What do you need a tweeter for?

B: The way up and down is a rusty iron ladder. I bought ten locks and locked them. I can't hear you without a tweeter.

A: As for it.

B: I thought I was afraid of people.

A: Boy, good for you. What did you shout?

B: (Shaanxi dialect) An Hong, I love you! Anhong, I love you!

A: Is this for you? Isn't this a movie line?

B: My name is An Hong, too.

A: Who is calling you this time? It's not Zhang Yimou.

B: It's from the Beggar Retreat Council.

A: Beggars?

B: Not bad! You think, I live so high, he can find it, except beggars who have this ability.

A: That's true. Beggars are everywhere. They what do you do?

B: You want me to be the leader of the Beggars' Sect.

A: You don't have to pay this time.

B: They said that we are poor and used to suffering. We don't want much, just 100,000 yuan. Even if you have pity on us.

A: Pity, it costs 100,000!

B: I think I can't help it. I have to move.

A: I moved again. Where did you move this time?

B: I moved to the suburb north of the city. Farmhouse, earth house, grass roof, no water and no electricity. The door is full of stinking ditches.

A: Longxugou.

B: It's not much better than Longxugou.

A: It's quiet this time.

B: I think so. I moved here. No one would have thought that I would have 4 million.

A: I thought it was a punishment.

B: My daughter-in-law quit.

A: What did she say?

B: Are you dead?

A; Dead ghost?

B: This is my daughter-in-law's pet name.

A: I also like to be called.

B: Damn you, I thought you won the grand prize, so our family can live happily for a few days, buy a new house, change furniture and equip it with brand-new home appliances.

Then I took a trip to Singapore and Malaysia by plane. Now it's good. Singapore and Malaysia didn't make it, so I ran here and became neighbors with the gutter. The plane didn't take it, but it was on the water tower, which is not bad. The water tower is also quite high. You can see the clouds floating in front of you, even if you have been on the plane.

A: This is my opinion of you.

B: I can't help it.

A: Give it some advice.

B: She also said.

A: Say what?

B: She said, I've thought about it all, but your winning number is not good.

A: What does this have to do with the number?

B: That's what I asked.

A: What did she say?

B: She said, Look at you, 13 13766, singing with the notation is Domi Domi Siirala.

A: There's nothing wrong with that.

B: she said, the homonym is: bad luck is dead.

A: Can you get it?

B: I can't help it. Go to sleep first.

A: Go to sleep.

B: I had a dream when I fell asleep.

A: What dream?

B: I dreamed that I lived on the moon.

A: I became neighbors with Chang 'e and WU GANG.

B: I thought, no one will bother me now.

A: Not bad.

B: Someone is knocking at the door.

A: Who is it?

B: As soon as I opened the door, it was WU GANG.

A: Here to see you.

B: Can I help you?

A: What did WU GANG say?

B: As WU GANG said, I am the secretary general of the Moon Lottery Research Association. Entrusted by our chairman Chang 'e, I came to communicate with you.

Short script of double crosstalk II

A: Ladies and gentlemen, today we are going to tell you a cross talk.

B: What are we talking about?

A: Tell me about a person. A very strange person.

B: Does it have horns on its head?

A: You have feet on your head, then your hands grow on your ass.

B: I'm just talking about it. Which one is with which one?

A: Which one is that?

B: Take one sentence as you say. Why do you make a mountain out of a molehill?

A: You answered it without my permission. Is that still a fuss? At a minimum, it's an offence to me; at a maximum, it's a great offence to me; at a maximum, it's an offence to me and my father.

B: Come on, let's get down to business. What's strange about that kind of person?

A: No, you have to apologize to me first. After the apology, I'll talk about it. The strangeness of that kind of person can be interesting. I was happy all day yesterday.

B: OK, I was wrong. You can tell me now.

A: That kind of person is someone who likes to take advantage of his mouth.

B: What's strange about such people? There are plenty in life.

A: There are many things, which are rare.

B: Rare? I have one standing right in front of me.

A: Hehe, an eye!

B: Ah, you are that kind of person.

A: Yes, don't you feel honored?

B: I don't understand

A: I can't believe you're standing in front of someone like me, only a foot away. Sneezing can spray your face. Don't you feel honored?

B: So, you are still proud.

A: Of course.

B: Then tell me what you are proud of.

A: Think about it. If the other person says something, you refute the other person's ten or eight sentences, and finally make the other person speechless. Isn't that a superpower?

B: Hehe, superpowers, so you are superman.

A: Almost.

B: Superman, fly one for me.

A: You're wrong. You've gone too far. How could you? You know very well that people didn't bring wings, and you asked them to fly one. It's too much. Let your friend fly one for you in public without wings.

Obviously, I can't fly, I can't fly, and I made a fool of myself. Tell me, you humiliated your friends, you stabbed them in the back, you betrayed me, and you said you were something.

B: My God, what's wrong with me?

A: You said to fly me one.

B: I appreciate it.

A: When you say you admire, the muscles on your face twitched unnaturally. Although it only took a seventh of a second, it was captured by my eyes. According to the FBI's 20-year research on 124 124 members of the public, you are lying.

You lied to your friend's face in broad daylight. You said that a person like you can lie to your face, which shows that the bad habit of lying has penetrated into your bone marrow.

Tell me, you lied to my face today, and tomorrow you won't tell your wife, your children, your mother-in-law, your leaders, the judges and the prison guards.

B: Wait, there's too much information. I need to manage it.

A: You say, what have I said, you still have to ignore it. Just like you, how can you graduate from junior high school? Did you copy Xiao Wang, the son of Lao Wang next door? You said, you graduated from junior high school, and you still have to cheat. God's eyes open, how can I be born in the same city as you?

Lao Wang, Dad, why do you live next door to his father? God is unfair. How can you tell me to know you? You lose face and have no dignity!

B: Wait, I'll manage. "I copied Xiao Wang, the son of Lao Wang next door." "Lao Wang, Dad, why do you live next door to his father?"

A: Got it?

B: I see. You are superman, and I am human. When people graduate from junior high school, copy Superman's test paper so that they can graduate from junior high school smoothly. It doesn't matter to you. Besides, I invited you to a big dinner, didn't I?

A: Yes. But is a pack of instant noodles a big meal?

B: No, but don't forget to add a sausage.

A: There isn't one. I just chewed half one, so you snatched it back and ate it. Originally, can it be counted now? Half a root says one root, stealing the beam and replacing the column, confusing things, and the evil of its heart makes people and gods angry.

B: Isn't it cool that you take advantage of such a mouth?

A: You're not a worm in my stomach. How do you know I'm cool? Even if you are a worm in my stomach, you are a worm and I am a human being, how can a worm know whether people are happy or not? You don't know if I feel good, but say I feel good, don't you?

B: I don't mean it. I'm a villain and a hypocrite. Okay.

A: I haven't even told you, how can you give up on yourself?

B: Can you do without giving up on yourself?

A: Just give up on yourself? I still want to beat Reservoir Dogs. You are not only a villain, a hypocrite, but also a sinister, cunning, cruel, heinous and full of evil.

B: I, I, I'm so heinous that I'm full of evil.

A: You said, a person like you, if you are alive, you have to eat and drink. Besides, people eat one bowl at a time. How are you? After eating one bowl, you have to have half a bowl. That's what happened. You exceeded the standard. That's a waste of food.

You said that our country is carrying out the CD-ROM campaign and advocating the virtue of saving, because you are a food waster, setting a bad example to your family and teaching your wife and the next generation badly.

As a result, the social morality of our whole society has been delayed, and the national quality is difficult to by going up one flight of stairs. Tell me, you are a person who is harmful to the country and the nation, is it heinous?

B: According to what you say, I really don't feel like a person. What kind of person are you?

A: What kind of person am I? Are you qualified to say?

B: For the sake of treating you to a big meal at a discount, what about it?

A: I'm good for my country and I'm good for my nation.

B: Oh, I'm all ears!

A: If I talk more, my mouth will fly, and then my mouth will be thirsty. I will buy some throat lozenges. I will buy and buy them, and the pharmacy will have business, and the owner of the pharmacy will be happy.

You can buy more goods, hire more salespeople and buy more goods, which can drive the development of the pharmaceutical industry, hire more people and promote the employment of the whole society.

Think about it, with the great development of industry and the great progress of science and technology, everyone has a job and everyone has an income. What a wonderful society it is. It all comes from me, from my love of talking.

B: OK, I've had enough. What can I do to shut you up?

A: Lend me 20 yuan. I'm going to buy throat lozenges!