"I was born a man, I'm sorry." This was written by Matsuko in his rented house before his death. What a desperate life it is to sigh like this, just like you and I are extremely disappointed in ourselves when we are depressed.
But her experience will tell you that in this world, there will be many ups and downs in a person's life. Even if life is cruel, we can't lose the courage to love and fight for our lives.
Some people say that blindly pleasing others will only turn you into a flattering character, make you feel insecure and eventually lose yourself.
This is Matsuko's life.
Matsuko has a younger brother and a sickly sister. Father always favors his sickly sister and ignores the care of pine nuts.
Every time dad brings a gift home, there are no pine nuts.
Dad is also often unsmiling.
Once, my father took pine nuts to a restaurant for dinner and went to see a circus performance. This experience should be said to be the happiest time of Matsuko's childhood.
When watching the circus performance, pine nuts also want to make faces like clowns to please their father.
Unexpectedly, my father suddenly smiled happily when he saw the face made of pine nuts.
Father's smile is love and warmth to pine nuts.
Pine nuts are very happy. She finally caught his father's attention and made him laugh happily. From then on, Matsuko habitually made faces to please his father.
So that as an adult, as long as he encounters a tense moment, the grimace expression of pine nuts will habitually run out by himself.
Pine nuts want to please his father, hoping that his father can attach importance to and like himself. So she chose to go to the school her father chose and do what her father liked.
As an adult, she became a middle school teacher according to her father's expectation.
On the way to study, because of the incident that Yang Long, a student in the class, stole money from another teacher with his own money, and helped the students pay back the money.
Unexpectedly, after returning to school, Matsuko was betrayed by her trusted students and dean, and everyone stood on the opposite side with her.
Pine nuts had to resign and go home.
Matsuko said, "I thought my life was over."
When Matsuko decided to run away from home while packing, her sister came forward to stop him, hoping that Matsuko would not leave.
At this time, pine nuts vented all their anger on their sister. She felt that her sister had robbed her father of her love, and her mother caught her when she pinched her sister's neck.
Pine nuts fled in shame, helplessness and frustration.
Zhang Defen said: "Women are naturally sentimental and always feel that they lack love. If she doesn't get the love of her parents and has no sense of existence in her family, she will brush these feelings on her children and family, thus losing herself. "
Like pine nuts, she doesn't feel the love and presence from her father, so she hopes to pay more for the same treatment.
But the more you give unconditionally, the less you feel the love of others, the more lonely you are, the less you love, and finally, you will only lose yourself.
After leaving home, Matsuko met the first man in her life-Hacheon.
Hachikawa is a writer, and Matsuko loves her very much, but Hachikawa treats her badly. She often punched and kicked her and forced pine nuts to work to make money.
Pine nuts have their own dignity and backbone. She doesn't want to stoop to selling her body for money.
So, Matsuko went to borrow money from his younger brother, who took a sum of money to Matsuko and broke off family relations with her.
Before his brother left, Matsuko asked about his father's recent situation. But I learned that my father had a cerebral hemorrhage and died in the toilet three months after leaving home.
Pine nuts said to himself, "Why?"
What can I do to be your favorite daughter? This is Matsuko's inner monologue.
Pine nuts took the money and went back to the house where he lived with Hacheon. Unexpectedly, they were beaten by Hacheon.
When I woke up in the middle of the night, I only saw the words "I was born a man, I'm sorry" on the paper.
When Matsuko found Ba Nvchuan, Ba Nvchuan stood on the train track and decided to end her life.
When the eight women's bloody legs fell to the ground, pine nuts felt that their life was over.
Half a year later, pine nuts lived with Okano, Hacheon's competitor.
But Okano doesn't really like pine nuts. He just lusted after her body, just trying to win over his competitor Hacheon.
Later, after Okano learned that Matsuko had gone to find his wife, he abandoned Matsuko mercilessly.
Songzi was very sad, recalling all kinds of painful experiences before, and even asked himself five "why?"
Later, pine nuts finally got up the courage to go back to their hometown and saw the diary written by their father. At the end of every page, the words "no news of pine nuts" are written every day.
At this point, pine nuts realized that her father was related to her.
After Matsuko left home, he met the third man in his life, Onodera.
Matsuko said: "As long as you are not alone, as long as you are far away from home, it doesn't matter who you are with."
With Onodera, pine nuts turned into a bathing girl and gave him all the money he earned, but Onodera spent the money on other women and mercilessly abandoned pine nuts.
Pine nuts killed Onodera in a rage.
This time, Matsuko thought his life was really over.
Pine nut chose to commit suicide by jumping off a building, but at the moment of jumping, she suddenly grabbed the fence desperately. Finally, she still didn't have the courage to jump.
She said, "My body still wants to live."
Pine nuts returned to the place where Hacheon committed suicide and wanted to end his life there.
But there, she met another man in her life, the barber Kenji Shimadzu.
When she was immersed in happiness wholeheartedly, the police suddenly came to the door and the pine nuts were taken away. She was sentenced to eight years in prison for murder.
Day after day in prison, pine nuts become numb. She doesn't know what the meaning of life is. What are you living for?
One day, it suddenly occurred to her that the barber was still waiting for him.
She will understand the meaning of her life and live for love.
Matsuko studied hairdressing techniques in prison, hoping to help his lover after he was released from prison, and made a good friend in prison, Zecun Hui.
After he was released from prison, Matsuko came to the barber shop with joy, only to see the happy scene of the barbershop family of three, and left silently.
Matsuko got a job as a barber and lived a full life every day.
Once, she happened to meet her student Aaron, who became a punk.
Soon, pine nuts and Aaron lived together.
Aaron always punched and kicked her, but the pine nuts stuck to him. Even if he was chased by gangsters, Matsuko still looked forward to his beautiful life.
After Aaron went to prison, Matsuko still looked forward to their beautiful life, waiting for Aaron to get out of prison.
But the dream is beautiful and the reality is cruel.
Aaron said: "The love of pine nuts is too dazzling. He couldn't bear pine nuts' love for her, and at the moment he was released from prison, he ran away again.
Lying in the snow, pine nuts asked themselves sadly, "Why?"
Throughout the movie, Matsuko kept asking himself "Why?" Why doesn't father like her? Why doesn't the person she loves love her?
Matsuko didn't get his father's love when he was a child, so he hopes to get the love of other men to make up for the lack of his father's love when he is an adult.
However, if a person is not self-sufficient and always wants to find a sense of security through the outside world, then in the end, she will only love less and feel more uneasy.
Just like pine nuts, every relationship will not blossom and bear fruit.
Therefore, if a person loves himself enough and is independent and complete enough, then he doesn't need to get anything from the outside world or rely on anyone.
At the beginning of the film, it says: Dreams are free, but few people realize their dreams and live a happy life. No matter which way you take, the future is bleak.
Just like pine nuts, no matter which man you choose and how much love you give, in the end, you will be abandoned and you will not be happy.
This time, pine nuts are really desperate.
She said: "I will never trust anyone, never love anyone, and never let others get involved in my life."
Pine nuts live a walking life every day, no longer dressing up, no longer making up, and no longer talking to people.
Everyday life is eating junk food, drinking beer and watching TV.
Day after day, pine nuts completely turned into a greasy middle-aged woman.
She lost hope in life.
One day, she saw some young people singing on the stage on TV. From then on, pine nuts began to worship crazily. Posters of celebrities were plastered all over the house, and many albums were bought.
Matsuko also wrote a long letter to the singer, telling his life. There are too many files to put in the mailbox.
Pine nuts are expecting the singer's reply every day, but they haven't received a reply after a long time.
Over time, this hope turned into disappointment.
One day, Songzi went to the hospital to see a doctor because she was seriously mentally ill. In the hospital, Matsuko met his good friend Zecun Hui.
Pine nuts don't want to face their friends and let her see how depressed she is now.
Hui asked Matsuko to come back and help her. She needed a hairdresser, but Matsuko avoided looking up at her.
When he got home, Matsuko suddenly remembered his sister.
In her fantasy, pine nuts cut her sister's hair by hand.
At that moment, she suddenly forgave her sister, who had been loved by her father when she was a child. She rekindled her hopes for life.
She remembered her good friend Hui and wanted to go to her, but her friend gave her a business card and she threw it by the river.
When pine nuts went to the river to look for business cards, they met a group of middle school students. Pine nuts advised them to go home early, but they beat them to death mercilessly.
Life is so interesting that when Matsuko thinks his life is over, it goes on. When pine nuts decided to start a new life, they died.
Songzi wanted to be loved by six men all his life, including her father. But in the end they all ended in failure.
Every time he experiences a failed relationship, Matsuko feels that his life is over. But soon she will be able to stand up again, find the next relationship and devote herself wholeheartedly.
Pine nuts have been giving all their lives.
As A Sheng's girlfriend said in the film: "The value of a person lies not in what he gets, but in what he gives."
Perhaps, this is Matsuko's outlook on life, thinking that you can get love by giving.
The Life of Disliked Pine Nuts is an inspirational but not chicken soup movie, which reflects our life more truly.
How many people were treated cruelly by life, and never recovered.
How many people, like pine nuts, still have the courage to stand up again after being ravaged by life in every way.
Life is a process of continuous learning and growth. People, things and things you meet in your life are all to help you grow.
As teacher Heeringer said, "It is easier to endure hardship than to solve problems, and it is easier to bear misfortune than happiness."
Pine nuts have suffered misfortune all their lives. She was neglected by her parents since childhood and abandoned by her lover again and again when she grew up. Her life has hit rock bottom, but she still has the courage to rebound.
Although the reality is cruel, as the masters of our own lives, we must stand in the center of the ring and play a game with life. Even if we don't succeed, at least we have the initiative in life.
When we are independent, self-loving and brave enough, I think fate will make way for us.