2 The fish at home died and floated to the surface, and I yelled, "Dad floated up!"
3 Last weekend in front of Hualian, some student-looking people asked me to donate money for charity. My classmate happened to have only 100 yuan of tickets in her pocket and no change at all, so she blurted out - "I'm so sorry, I just don't have any love left!" (
4 Elementary school students to the army sympathy show, the counselor read a letter "Honorable leaders", probably saw the stage pressured a group of people so a hot brain, said: "Honorable martyrs!
5 I used to discuss the Three Kingdoms with one of my classmates!
I asked who his favorite military generals were in the Three Kingdoms, and he stood up and said, "Red Rabbit in the people, Lu Bu in the horses, haven't you heard of it?"
6 home on the road to see a small stall selling small turtles, next to a small sign erected to solicit business. Only to hear my classmates seriously read to the small blackboard, "Ba-Xi - small - color - -electricity!" Halo ...... is clearly a Brazilian small colorful turtle ah.
7 University, classmates together to Sichuan restaurant corruption, ordering a child pig's head meat, said half a day, the waitress lady can not understand, a classmate laughed and pointed his finger at his own head, said to the waitress lady: "Here! Pig's head meat!" Miss: "Oh ...... understand!" Since then, this gentleman nicknamed "pork".
8 junior high school, once, before the end of the exam, the teacher said: please students will be placed on the table on the paper, you can go out. I laughed maniacally, half the teacher and other students to react.
9 Once in and friends shopping, while walking and chatting said the old excited, the result stepped on an aunt, would have liked to say, "Sorry! I'm sorry!" The result said "thank you! Thank you!" Then chatting away ......
10 Our dormitory sister also often make these mistakes: because we are studying Chinese, so out of the four words
She is the most classic is "jumping to kill from the building", as well as "
11 In high school, our homeroom teacher said, "Some students dare not take a ruler in the math test, in case the question asks you to draw the diagonal of a triangle, I'd like to see what you do!"
The diagonal of a triangle?!
12 When I went to college to go to Hengshan to play, then climbed the mountain climbed half of the tired just want to take a break when I saw the roadside there is a souvenir to buy Obasan, go up to open mouth to ask: "wife ........".
13 Add a: an early morning work, the unit of several workers and the boss into the elevator together. One of the director looked at the old boss's tired face to say: old boss, you every day so day machine (chicken) miles, too hard! (It should be the day care of a million opportunities) As a result, the office building sound of laughter for a day.
14 I used to have beans on my face all the time, medically called acne, and I wanted to go to the hospital to take a look at it, and took the registration form and said to the doctor, "Doctor, please help me see, I have hemorrhoids on my face!!!"
The doctor's mouth and eyes were distorted, and his mouth was open for half a day, so he couldn't say anything, and the people next to him all fell down!
15 When the airplane landed. I heard the stewardess say this in a very gentle tone, "The toilet is descending, please do not get on the plane!" (It should be: "The plane is descending, please do not go to the toilet")
15 The last item of the class meeting in elementary school was to sing the team song "We are the successors of ****anism ......" in unison. The teacher asked the class president to take the lead. The class president cleared his throat, and suddenly sang: "We are the people - (and also pulled a long tone)"
The class laughed so hard that they didn't even hear the bell.
16 High school requirements to wear uniforms, we boys sometimes only wear uniforms tops, there is a collection, students uniforms are not neatly dressed, the class teacher was furious: "did not wear pants to me stand out!"
17 I remember when I was in junior high school, I went to the river to play (Yangtze River), and suddenly a water snake swam to the shore. MM next to the face of the change, mouth throw sentence: good snake a long ah ~ ~ ~ ~!
18 Let's play chicken catch eagle!
19 When I was in high school, the class teacher taught geography, once in class to talk about our country's minerals, talking about the coal pipeline, our teacher said, "Our country's vas deferens .........", climbed on the table and slept in the whole! "Brush" on the seat straight!
20 Once, I went to eat dumplings, the boss said there are 5 dollars, 6 dollars, 10 dollars, asked me which one I want.
As soon as I got out of my mouth, I said: How much is the 6 dollar one?
The boss dramatically cold ...... then face stormy red ......
In fact, I would like to ask how many 6 pieces?
21 Friends of the high school math teacher class talk about the right-angle coordinate system,
Students asked: why build the right-angle coordinates so?
Teacher: I'm so cheap (build) I want to be so cheap (build)
22 Freshman VB class, a classmate did not install VB software on the machine, she suddenly raised her hand and shouted: teacher, teacher, my QQ can not open
23 I have a classmate is a twin, he is the older brother, and then the other stupid egg students actually asked him: "Your brother is bigger than you or smaller than you? I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but I'm sure it's a good idea to get a good idea of what you're doing. ..... A few students on the side immediately freeze, followed by a burst of laughter .....
24 On the high school that school required girls to wear uniforms the next day to the school activities. The next day the weather is not good, the girls are with the school uniform to school. Some of the boys did not wear any clothes, feel cold to wear the girls' school uniform. The math teacher looked at the class and said, "Boys take off all the girls' clothes."......
The class was speechless and then burst into laughter for 10 minutes.......
25 The last time I had dinner with a friend, I ordered five dishes, one cold and four hot. I've been waiting for a long time for the food to come in, so my friend asked, "How many dishes did we order?" I blurted out: "four cold a cold," stormy cold!
26 Ah, there is an elevator inside the air conditioner!
27 The college entrance examination physical examination has a student highly myopic, so the test table written full of E memorized, but still did not pass, we asked him how it happened, he said: I can not see the doctor's baton in which ...... fainted on the spot.
28 Last time I squatted pit back to the dormitory, just stepped into the dormitory door heard dormitory classmates said: "really want to taste the flavor of death (shit)." (At that time, he was watching a movie)
I immediately replied: "You did not say earlier, I just flushed."
29 The boss of our dormitory once said: take your medicine and eat your needles.
30 Once in the Internet cafe overnight, CS in the dead suddenly shouted, MD picked a bullet without a gun, was the Internet cafe people laughed at the death of ......
31 Once a buddy to buy meat sandwich, open to the boss to say: "Boss, give me a couple of meat "The side of the little girl suffocated face red, did not dare to laugh.
32 Another time, a buddy asked me what I ate at noon. I said to eat the rice noodles, he asked how much, I said there are large and small bowls of points, respectively, after the introduction of the price, the buddy to so: "big bowl or small bowl big" actually accompanied by a face of incomprehension ......
33 Junior high school, the classroom teacher huge The first thing you need to do is to bring a plastic bag to carry your garbage. One day at noon, the class teacher came back to see the classroom dirty, stood on the podium and said loudly: put your grenades are out! (tone of voice viciously said) the class giant cold ...... crows silent ......
34 high school there is a math teacher, once said: "Although this solution is not very strict, but in the exam if we will use this kind of method, is not a bad thing."
35 Junior high school summer heat, there are boys in the last row of the classroom bare, the results of the chemistry teacher entered the room and said sternly: "You boys and girls are not allowed to give me bare!"
The class laughed out loud!
36 Once in the summer on a double-decker bus, the stewardess took the microphone and shouted: "The sky is hot, everyone do not crowd the door!" After saying that he thought it was wrong, he changed his voice and shouted, "It's hot, it's hot, don't crowd the door!"
37 High school, there are A, B two people
A blindfolded B asked: guess who I am?
B said: I guessed it!!!
A said: I guessed it!
A says: Ah, you got it.
So he removed his hand and walked away!
38 偶在学校饭厅吃餐，打了一个菜是清炒黄瓜，我发现黄瓜不新鲜了有点黄，就说: "Master，黄瓜怎么发黄了啊?" Master said loudly: "students, is the cucumber or green?" I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that!
39 Remember when high school drinking fountains just popular, the school in order to create a reputation decided to equip each class with a, that day, the class teacher (male) hurried into the class happy to say: "students, our class drinking fountains to the", the students asked in passing: "What brand? " , the teacher replied: "Anerle". At that time we that cold ah ...... later we learned that the water dispenser is "Angel" ......
40 I remember once and colleagues in the office said so-and-so so-and-so, like farmers, dirt, soil, and so-and-so. Like a farmer, earthy, naive, very cute, everyone said yes yes, like a farmer like a farmer, suddenly the phone rang, answering the phone colleague actually said, hello, hello, farmers!
41 One day in the dormitory to see the "Muslim Funeral", students asked "what book so fascinated? Said grabbed over, read: "Stalin's Funeral", I immediately turned over with laughter. Not waiting for me to finish laughing, he said "Hey, hey, the author is the radar (Hoda) hey", when we happen to be learning radar to avoid collision course, laughing at my stomach hurts.
42 When I was a kid, I wrote my essay and wrote: "Our life is the blood of the People's Liberation Army. As a result, I got up to recite when I read "our life is the liberation army uncle with fresh fish for ......
43 A student put the text "Wang Erxiao bring the enemy into the ambush circle of the Eighth Route Army" read "Wang Erxiao put the enemy into the ambush circle". read it as "Wang Erxiao brought the Eighth Route Army into the enemy's ambush circle."......
44 My mother has cervical spondylosis, and she rubs medicine on her neck every day, and one day I asked her, "Have you medicine (to) rub your neck? " Mom stared at me in disbelief and said, "I haven't planned to kill myself!"
45 The last time I went out with a friend, just in front of a window on the road to see the day before yesterday's unit activities raffle in the McDougal (pink pig), on the bus to the friend said: "Look, I'm the big pink pig." In fact, I want to say that I took yesterday is that pig, an excitement caused everyone on the bus to look at me!
46 I remember when I went to school, the opening of the Games, our class girls did not sign up, our sports commissioner (boys) is very anxious to take the registration form in the class announced: tell you, girls listen carefully, and then do not sign up, on the "strong newspaper" (mandatory enrollment). The girls were furious.
47 Once my mom's classmates came to my house for dinner, after eating a bowl of my mom to give her again. She said, you don't give me a feast, I'm not enough ......
48 Once, even to even classmates on the phone, the other party picked up the phone to feed a sound, I suddenly forgot who I was calling, um half a day bubbled up a sentence: who are you?
49 Friends party, chatting about someone sad "tears a red, eyes fell down," no one reacted to the scene, and then went home and laughed
50 Once I watched Shanghai TV's Good Morning Shanghai, the host of the hosts blurted out: after the ads, do not come back. ^_^ It seems that advertising is quite annoying even the host can not stand.
51 A new clerk, do everything in the memorization of the mnemonic, there is an old lady bought a bottle of soy sauce, the clerk: "charge you xx yuan, find you xx yuan, may I ask you need a straw? The old lady fainted ......
52 When I was in elementary school I didn't know much about words. My classmate pronounced the word "God's machine" as "God's chicken"
53 I'll have one too. When I was in elementary school, the teacher asked a boy to recite a poem, and in his haste, he recited it as "Vermilion door stinks of wine and meat, and the road is filled with freezing dogs (bones)." The whole class laughed like crazy
54 There is another time, winter night sleep, probably too high temperature of the electric blanket, said to a classmate, hey, you turn on the electric blanket to the freshness of that gear.
55 A few days ago, the U.S. hit Iraq that time, I and my classmates to return to school. His mother said: the train is too slow, you two seat Iraq (Iveco) car it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it.
56 At the beginning of the year, a group of us went to the field to visit relatives, sitting in the car of Ivec, back on the highway before stopping for a while on the side of the road, there are a few people thought it was a long-distance car, come over to ask, the car by the window sitting in the car shouted: this is not a car that is not pulling people, this is not pulling people's car! The first time I saw the car, I was in the middle of the night!
57 To buy a "pulsation" drink,
"Boss, a bottle of 'arteries'"
58 Hour Hou singing: imperialism! The imperialists fled with their tails between their legs. I sang, "The whole country has fled with its tail between its legs", and the whole class roared!
59 That day, I just entered the office, or this plmm yelled at me: "Wang, buy the newspaper, quickly let me see today's special issue of the house." I fainted on the spot, even if we talk about "house house" all day long, you can't read "building special issue" into "housing special issue" ah!
60 In English class in high school, the teacher asked me to translate an English sentence: "An arrow whistled past my ear. I confused the word "arrow" with the word "sparrow", so the translation became: a sparrow whistling from my ear. So the class laughed all the way through the lesson.
61 On the third year of junior high school when there is a chemistry teacher is quite beautiful, one day on the oxygen drainage method, she said that the conduit, said that the conduit fart tube, the whole class burst out laughing!
62 temporary language teacher: language multiple choice questions: students, why not choose a ah, yes, because a is not right; why not choose b ah, yes, because b is not right; why not choose c ah, yes, because c is not right. So this question should be chosen? The class shouts in unison d. Right, let's talk about the next question.
63 Roommate asked me for sesame paste to drink and said, "Where is the black Xu sesame paste?" (My last name is Xu)
64 The roommate was looking for her face mask all night, and when we finally discussed going to Beida to eat chicken wings, another roommate shouted, "I want to go to Beida to eat face mask."
65 My roommate and I went to eat shabu-shabu, and when we got to the door of the restaurant, my roommate looked at the name of the restaurant and said, "Shabu-shabu?" （
66 Iceheart's "The Little Orange Lantern", in which there are orange petals in the flesh, was read by a classmate as "a scoop of orange petals."
67 The criminal law teacher said when he was lecturing on the case: "At that time, the blood flowed ah, from the first floor to the second floor, it was simply blood flow ......"
68 Or criminal law teacher of the case class said: "that person to blackmail the victim, burn your house, blow up your intestines (I think he wanted to say the factory) !
69 My old math teacher once said in class while drawing a graph, "This is the X-axis, this is the Y-axis, and I'm going to put a P here." wow!
70 The last time I looked for a teacher to take a leave of absence,
The result was an open mouth:Teacher,I want to treat .......
1. The bowl fell down, the sky is a big scar.
2, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I'm critically ill ah!
3, when I was a child, my sister asked me what time it was, I answered: "three flat (3:30)!"
4, one of our dormitory to drink too much to go pee, and then brought out a cold saying: "urine drink more, wine is especially much."
5, a cultural evening, the host on stage to report: the following please enjoy: "Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull!" Creepy!
6, the test score is very low, I complained bitterly: "My score is too cheap!"
7, When sitting in a restaurant, I casually called, "Webmaster serve!"
8, when I was in high school, classroom discipline was chaotic, and the teacher grabbed x x x in a fit of rage and said, "x x x, you stand on the wall for me!"
9, I: "That's our physics teacher." Classmate: "Teach what ah?" Me: "Chemistry."
10, my friend asked me about my computer configuration, I said the monitor is a color screen (was going to say LCD).
11, college once held a gala, the host of the curtain: "The next program: the stomach flute play!" (Flute solo)
12, once on the way to school to see an old grandfather in the sweeping steps, because often see him in the sweeping, but also know that he is obliged to, the heart is really a little bit touched, go up to the old grandfather would like to talk to the family. Originally, I wanted to ask how old he was, but it turned out to be: "How old are you?" The words out of the mouth of that sweat ah ......
13, classmates of high school classmates (a boy) into the noodle shop cool hair a throw: "Boss, 2 two onions do not want to rice noodles!" And then he added: "Put down more rice noodles!"
Boss: "...... Do you want rice noodles or scallions?"
14, high school and classmates went to a restaurant to eat together, after ordering a few dishes still want not to add a what dish. Originally I wanted to say tomato scrambled eggs, I do not know how, blurted out surprisingly --- tomato fried tomatoes. The boss thought for a long time ......