Hello friends, I am Wu Danyong, a counselor at Guangzhou Ailing Psychological Counseling Center. After reading your description, I feel your self-blame, irritability, and anger. This feeling does not seem to be relevant to you. Not comfortable. You ask, can I change? I think it can definitely change. If you want, you can choose to get along with your tears and stop hating yourself because of them. Here are my reasons for your reference.

First, tears have rich meanings. The more you understand tears, the better you can get along with them.

You said that tears represent weakness, but not entirely. When the eyes are tired, tears represent fatigue and metabolism; when the eyes are injured, tears represent self-protection. In other situations, tears generally represent emotions. Tears may be weakness, sadness, sorrow, sadness... they may also be anger, grievance, exhaustion... or they may be a mixed expression of more than one emotion. So, tears are not just a sign of weakness, they may reflect your rich inner feelings. You deserve to feel the emotions represented by tears. When you shed tears next time, ask these tears: "If tears could talk, what would you want to tell me?" Maybe the answer is different every time, and every answer is correct. It's all important to you.

Second, maybe at the moment of crying, I touched my own weakness. Weakness is not bad, weakness is our true side.

You said that when you couldn’t control your tears, you would hate yourself for being so weak. When I saw you expressing yourself like this, I felt a sense of hardship—the hardship lies in not accepting yourself. One of the sufferings in the world is inner conflict, being unable to face some of the true parts of oneself, being unable to live with oneself, and even taking action: attacking oneself. My friend, your weakness is an important part of you, as if there are many selves living in your heart, one of which represents weakness. In tears, you touch this part of yourself. She (he) needs your hug and care. What you need to do is to look directly at her (him), accompany her quietly, and let the emotions rise. Once you come up and cry out, you will be transformed and people will gradually calm down. When you think about denying, fighting, and eliminating this weakness, you only make yourself more miserable.

Perhaps someone around you tells you that weakness is bad. It's very possible that they can't accept their own weakness, so they can't accept yours either; or it's very possible that they are eager for you to have a tough heart, and seeing your weakness will cause them anxiety. Their anxiety may rub off on you, making you anxious when faced with your own tears. No matter what, it is unfair to you for others to judge your tears and weakness, and you do not have to agree with their judgment. Whether they can stand it or not is their business, not your responsibility. What you need to be responsible for is accepting your own emotions and accepting your own truth.

Third, now is the beginning of change. Please always maintain love and confidence in yourself.

I shed tears easily and cannot control my tears. Maybe it is because I have been prone to feeling hurt so far, and hurt feelings are often expressed through tears. As the mind grows (for example, becoming more and more aware of one's emotions, becoming more and more able to take care of one's emotions, allowing emotions to flow freely, and not criticizing one's emotions), perhaps the heart will become more and more resilient - There is both strength and softness, and the two can coexist peacefully and flow naturally. When you become resilient, maybe tears will no longer be a problem for you, they will become your partner, and its flow will remind you to love yourself more, allow yourself, and accept yourself, which is important to your soul.

However, this may require a process, which may be long or short. Everyone has his own rhythm and tasks to complete, and there is no set formula. When you ask this question, I think you hope to live a better life. You hope to meet a self who is more flexible and adaptable to the environment, right? I have confidence in you. You are now on the road of growth and changes have begun to happen. I wish you will blame and hate yourself less and be more tolerant and accepting. (Sourced from a psychological user)