Go astray
I began to realize sex in primary school, probably because I was precocious. Although I have not been exposed to any pornographic information, I know nothing about men and women. This kind of consciousness is vague, just because of my growth and development. At that time, I didn't know how to masturbate or fantasize, so I didn't let me slip away.
Our generation has had the opportunity to watch TV since childhood. Many TV dramas have scenes that are not suitable for children, which will make people impulsive and subconsciously reinforce sexual hints, but I haven't degenerated yet, and then the internet has invaded my life. I really came into contact with the Internet in the summer of 2008. At that time, I just entered the first grade of junior high school. Although there is a computer at home, there is no internet, so to some extent, my exposure to pornography has been delayed for several years. In the computer class at school, there are occasional bad information pops up, which is irresistible in the face of temptation, let alone adolescent boys. However, many websites need to install a player to watch. Every time the interface for installing the player pops up, I am afraid to continue because I am afraid of the virus. This timid mentality also prevented me from going to corruption, but the explicit pictures on the page excited me and planted the seeds of evil.
In the senior high school entrance examination, I was admitted to a key high school with the 20th place in the county, and became an enviable "other people's child". However, this is where my bad luck began. In high school, I am getting older and more mature, and my desire for sex is getting stronger and stronger. At the same time, I met some new classmates. Under the guidance of a good friend of mine, I first learned to watch pornographic movies, probably in March of 20 12. I still remember the first time I saw a movie. Although there is a concept of relationship between men and women in the subconscious, it really looks exciting and still feels disgusting after reading it. After a month, I dare not watch any more, because I can't bear it. However, in that month, my heart was gradually assimilated by this disgusting picture I once thought, and the powerful barrier inside was gradually broken. As a result, disgusting things became a kind of comfortable catharsis, which slowly pushed open the door for me to resist prostitution.
The first time I watched a movie, my classmates downloaded it for me, but the computer at home was not connected to the internet, which was a huge limitation for me. I don't have much opportunity and time. In order to achieve the purpose of satisfying false pleasure, Internet cafes that I once hated have also become frequent places, and I have also become the kind of person I once looked down upon most. Later, I begged my parents to connect me to the internet and let me check information and study online, because my grades have been very good and obedient, and my parents agreed. Now that I think about it, this is the biggest lie I told my parents. I took advantage of their trust in me and did such things that hurt my body and morality. That's really the biggest unfilial. I lied to my parents because of lewdness. That is, from then on, I finally had the convenience of watching porn. All the "evil causes" were planted at that time, and all kinds of "bad consequences" were waiting for me. I was like the ignorant frog who enjoyed gentle killing in the story of boiling frogs in warm water, and my enviable life was derailed.
Step 2 fall into the abyss
At first, I just watched movies, rarely fantasized, and went home on weekends. If I watch too much, I will constantly challenge the bottom line and watch it more perverted and exciting. Just like an addict, he started with a small amount of drugs, but later he couldn't satisfy his desire and increased his dose. Although he can get pleasure, he actually accelerates the process of extinction.
The first masturbation was in September of 20 12. Because I saw too many pornographic pictures, I naturally learned to masturbate, so I started to do it myself. This is really an extremely ironic thing. The first time I felt this false pleasure, it was difficult to express it in words, so I had a second time, a third time, and I couldn't remember the later times. At first, I was a little scared, because I was taught by the older generation that doing bad things would not have a good result. After all, what I did was shameful. Later, I found that learning was ok, and there was no sign of retrogression, so I abandoned my previous awe and began to be bolder. Sometimes I yell at the video, sometimes I sleep secretly at night. In short, my abnormal condition has reached an indescribable level, and I admit that I have fallen.
In the autumn of 20 13, I went to the third year of high school and quit for a month. Because I worked hard to prepare for the college entrance examination, I failed all the time, because once I became addicted, I couldn't control it, but the frequency was really much less than before. At this time, my body has changed and I can't concentrate on listening to the teacher. Fortunately, the basic knowledge is solid and does not affect, but it is easy to be nervous and urinate frequently. I have never been nervous about many exams, but the exams in senior three are very intensive. I want to go to the toilet when I am nervous in the examination room, and I have to pee frequently. Naturally, I can't feel at ease in the exam, and it is natural for my grades to drop. Teachers, parents and classmates certainly don't know the reason, only I know. During the exam, I didn't dare to drink more water in order not to hold my urine, so sometimes the exam was not affected, and my grades went up again. Sometimes I was too nervous and slipped down, floating and sinking, and it went on and on. At that time, I had a crush on a girl in my class. We were good friends. She studies very well, and I am eager to go to the same university with her. At that time, our grades were almost the same. I knew I had to work harder, so I didn't care about the next semester of senior three, but the evil consequences continued. At that time, I had three things to deal with, one was the coming college entrance examination, the other was the feelings I wanted to say but didn't dare to show, and the third was my increasingly decadent body, which I couldn't extricate myself every day.
On the evening of June 6, 20 14, on the eve of the college entrance examination, I finally got up the courage to confess my feelings to her, and the result was rejected, which greatly affected my mood. Coupled with the tension caused by prostitution, I failed in the college entrance examination. I had to go to an ordinary 2 1 1, and she went to the 985 key university, but I didn't have the courage to pursue her, because now I'm like a walking corpse. The liberation of the university has ushered in another indulgence, which is even worse than high school. I used to be able to force myself with love and college entrance examination. There is no direction to work hard now, so I can only degenerate myself and become a real addict. The failure of college entrance examination and love can only be numb and relieved by indulgence, and the point of no return is getting farther and farther.
Step 3 don't repent
The knowledge and experience that the university gave me is far less than that of the middle school, because there is no burden of further studies and no one forces you to study. It is like a group of sheep that have been kept in captivity for a long time being suddenly released, and the result will only be to hold your breath and run around, and only when you are tired will you have a short rest. I just continued to indulge in lewdness in confusion until my body showed various symptoms.
When I was a freshman, I didn't listen to any classes except English. Because English is taught by one teacher and four or five classes are taught by one teacher, playing truant has become a common practice for a good student who has been obedient. Besides, I didn't have my own mobile phone in high school. Now I can finally be free and enjoy as I please. Of course, the only thing that can satisfy me is lewdness. I have abundant external resources and internal conditions, cheap wireless network, enough spare time, and a fascination with prostitution. As for study, I only picked up my textbook for preview one week before the exam. Although the basic knowledge is good, it won't be too difficult, but time is tight, and the distraction caused by prostitution makes my learning efficiency very poor. Although I can barely pass, it is by no means a proud achievement. Compared with high school, this is completely two extremes.
Looking back now, if there is anything worth remembering and nostalgia about my freshman life, maybe it is only military training. Physical exhaustion and strict management during military training. Therefore, I have no time to indulge in obscenity, watch pornography and take care of things. It is also because I go to bed early and get up early, exercise actively and live a regular life that my body has recovered to a certain extent. But at that time, I didn't take this blessing as a gift from heaven. I stopped at the edge of the cliff in time to make a fresh start. Instead, I stopped worrying about it, thinking that the damage caused by lewdness to my body could be recovered quickly. This wrong idea led me to return to the lewd old road soon after military training, staying up late every day, then sleeping on my desk in class, staring at the screen of my mobile phone for more than ten hours every day, and my eyesight declined. Coupled with sedentary and casual eating, my body was quickly destroyed at this time.
I began to become autistic, have social phobia, and the symptoms of frequent urination and urgency continued to deteriorate. I was so nervous that I sweated when I met little things. Afraid of light, I can't open my eyes in a slightly brighter place. Only at night will I be full of energy and become a ghost. People become indifferent, don't care about people around them, and have a bad temper, especially those close to me, who take for granted the monthly living expenses given by their parents. Failure to seize the opportunity to associate with many friends is like a passer-by to my roommate. I even have a strange hatred for the girl who has had a secret crush for three years. This is by no means normal psychology, but it is really the real state of my freshman year. I don't know if I will go to despair step by step, but I still let my life slip away quietly and fill my inner emptiness with those illusory happiness. It's still fresh in my mind, and I feel scared. Just as I was about to embark on the road of death, God's virtue of living well alerted me, and my life began to take a turn for the better.
Step 4: Get lost.
Late August of 20 15 is the summer vacation of freshmen. One day, after training, I was empty and rested for a few days before I barely recovered. School started soon, and then I decided on a scholarship for the freshman year. Although I didn't live up to expectations, I still got the lowest 600 scholarships, and there were 8,000 national scholarships in my class. I always thought I was very good, and my failure in the college entrance examination was only accidental, so I was confident to beat these students in college. It turns out that I was wrong. This is the first time that I have never experienced failure in my study. I was unwilling, I wanted to be stronger, so I began to study hard and stopped indulging in lewdness.
In the first semester of senior two, I didn't care, but occasionally I fantasized and watched porn. After all, I didn't fully realize the harm and all kinds of bad consequences of prostitution at that time, which doomed the possibility of breaking the precepts in the future. The original intention of my decision to quit color was out of my desire for grades, but it was a legitimate reason anyway. I persisted for 8 months, during which I always focused on my study. Because I am unwilling, I will grab the front seat every time I attend class, and I will never look at my mobile phone again. In my spare time, I read many essays written by Taiwan Province writer Lin Qingxuan, which involved some Buddhist knowledge. It was during that time that I came into contact with the theory of karma and the pursuit of a better life. Although I was not enlightened at that time, this knowledge was subtly influenced, which had a lot to do with my sudden understanding later.
April 20 16, after eight months of persistence, I broke the precepts four times in a row in two weeks, and then I seriously reflected. In the meantime, my own brother gently warned me not to commit adultery, to repent in time, and advised me to abstain from sex. I was scared at that time, because my secret had been discovered, and I didn't have the courage to face all kinds of problems in my body. I gave up on myself and had the idea of suicide. Even the advertisements posted in toilets and other places are afraid to read, deliberately avoiding them. Yes, I'm running away. But after reading the Four Disciplines of Fanfan recommended by my brother, I have confidence again, and I begin to believe that fate can be changed. I am very grateful to my brother, who showed me the way when I was confused. Although I broke the precepts four times in two weeks, after all, the first eight months of rest did not cause great disaster. It was also at this time that I stopped taking care of myself. Although I still have psychosexuality and watch movies from time to time, the frequency is decreasing. I'm not asking you to quit color by reducing the frequency, but you must stop it completely. There are also many misunderstandings in my road to abstinence, such as abstaining from control and not abstinence. So everyone must remember that it is not too late to turn back in time.
When you start the road of abstinence, you should set yourself goals. Why did you quit? My original intention is not to learn backwards. A person who has always regarded himself as a schoolmaster can't stand being behind the times. When I was a sophomore, I made a lot of efforts in my study, and finally got a national scholarship of 8000 in my junior year. Because of the rapid progress in grades, it is not difficult to get the qualification for postgraduate entrance examination and research, so I started a new goal.
Step 5: Strive for strength.
My road to abstinence is closely related to my road to study. High school failed in the college entrance examination because of the decline in lewd grades. However, the abstinence in college made me catch up and return to the peak. At the beginning of my junior year, my goal was to qualify for the postgraduate entrance examination, because the results of my sophomore year have explained everything. Although the grade of freshman is not good enough, the average grade is still in the forefront of the grade. Postgraduate entrance examination also needs to meet a condition, that is, it must pass CET-6. I have already taken CET-6 once in my sophomore year. At that time, I was naked and doomed to failure At the beginning of my junior year, I felt that my previous grades were excellent, which inevitably bred complacency and my motivation to learn was not so strong. At the same time, the frequency of psychosexuality and watching movies increased again, so I still failed CET-6 that semester, and my exam results were not as good as those of Grade Two.
This gave me a wake-up call. Since my grades can rebound and abstinence may fail at any time, I am no longer proud of my achievements in study and abstinence, always keep in mind my mission, and I will stop it in time if I want to see a movie or have sexual fantasies occasionally, because I know the truth out of control, and I insist on reading Lin Qingxuan's prose to understand that good and evil will eventually be rewarded. After going through many times of psychosexuality watching movies and abstinence, at the beginning of 20 17, I completely got rid of the bad habit of psychosexuality watching movies and devoted all my energy to English learning, because I only had one last chance to take CET-6. If I can't pass, it means I have to choose postgraduate entrance examination or employment. Only after passing CET-6 can you get the qualification of insurance research as you wish. This time, I, no way back, can only cross the rubicon. The process of conquering English is as difficult as abstinence, and it also requires great perseverance to challenge. My English foundation is poor and my time is short. There are only three months left from the beginning of the third semester to the CET-6 in June. I must go all out in these three months.
I began to analyze the advantages and disadvantages of English. My weakness is poor listening, which will not be greatly improved in a short time, so I will give full play to my strengths and strive to improve my reading, writing and translation achievements. Then I will consider how to implement it, such as brushing the questions, memorizing the words, clarifying the order of doing the questions, and summarizing the rules of doing the questions. The analysis of CET-6 gave me more inspiration about Lust Caution. I must thoroughly analyze my current situation, such as what's wrong with my body, and arrange my work and rest reasonably according to my study and life time. For example, what is the biggest difficulty in quitting color, how to overcome it and avoid falling into a vicious circle; For example, whether you are firm enough in your own goals, how to enhance your motivation to quit color and improve your self-control. After many times of analysis and summary, my road to abstinence is no longer blindly aimless, but has a clear direction. I know very well that it is not easy to quit color from the beginning to the present, and I have received a lot of fate feedback along the way. This is my blessing. I have reaped all kinds of bad consequences, which is the "karma" I got after I planted the "karma". Now, I will continue to insist, clean the filth in my heart, not be confused by foreign things, and take root and sprout in a pure lotus in my heart.
The intransitive verb faces the dawn
In June, after three months of preparing for the exam, I finally ushered in the CET-6. Although I feel good about myself after the exam, I'm still not sure about the result. At 9: 00 a.m. on August 22nd, I inquired about the results of Band Six with trepidation, and finally passed. This is the second time that I am satisfied in my college days, because I finally got the qualification for postgraduate entrance examination.
It happened to be a high school reunion that day. On January 20 16, I met a girl who had a secret love for more than a year and failed to express her love. As soon as we met, I couldn't calm down, because she had become so beautiful, and I was tortured like this by myself. We were very good friends. Since the failure of confession on the eve of the college entrance examination, I have never had the courage to speak my mind, because I have nothing, I simply don't deserve her love, and the friendship between ordinary students is embarrassing, so I choose to deliberately alienate her, even avoid her, and wish her happiness from a distance. Until now, the love in my heart is burning like a raging fire. That kind of feeling is by no means an evil thought that rises after seeing a beautiful woman, but a deep love that arises after seeing a girl that makes me move. Yes, I still can't forget her. She's still alone. I still have a chance. This time, my goal of abstinence is to gain a long-lost love, and I will do my best. After the party, we talked a lot, but I was afraid to hint to her. First, I didn't fully recover. Second, she is busy taking the postgraduate entrance examination, and I don't want to disturb her. I believe even more that our meeting today was arranged by God.
I set the color-stopping target for the first time, and achieved excellent results. I set the color-stopping target for the second time, and obtained the qualification of research protection through Grade 6. This time, after I just checked my CET-6 score and confirmed that I had applied for postgraduate study, God arranged such a meeting. I set the goal of abstinence as to get the love that originally belonged to me, and gave me new guidance by coincidence. After the third year of senior high school, I firmly set the goal of abstaining from color. The road to abstinence is very bumpy. First, I quit smoking, and then I stopped watching movies. Although I have achieved "abstinence is a good medicine, and no leakage is a supplement", it is really not easy to fully recover my figure simply by abstaining from color. I began to learn the way of keeping in good health, arrange work and rest reasonably, develop good eating habits, exercise actively, and strive for goodness. Although I can't fully recover from my senior year, I must see a brand-new, different and energetic self when I graduate from college.
On September 9th, I participated in the interview of Tianjin University, and successfully passed the examination of my tutor, allowing me to study for my doctorate directly after graduation. This is undoubtedly the best news for me. My university has not been abandoned at last. From August 22nd to September 9th, I successfully passed the interview. In less than 20 days, great changes have taken place in my life track, which I never dared to expect before, and now it has finally become a real fact. I am glad that I chose to pull back from the brink and change my destiny step by step with my actions. I thank God for his guidance and blessing. I firmly believe that the harder I work, the luckier I will be.
Seven. nirvana and rebirth
Now, I am a senior, and I have been in college for more than three years. I have experienced the painful process of falling from the mortal world to hell, and I have also experienced the process of nirvana rebirth after enlightenment. I no longer care too much about the success or failure of all kinds of joys and sorrows in life. This is not a sense of sadness after seeing through the world of mortals, but I think that we should not be trapped by many troubles in life, but should base ourselves on the present life and focus on our true self. The past experience has become history and cannot be changed, and the future world is still illusory and unpredictable. Only by being yourself at this moment can we not be bound by the past and change the future. Therefore, the road to abstinence is still at the foot, and the journey to abstinence has a long way to go. Now, I have completed the goal of the university stage, and only by seriously completing the next study can I graduate smoothly. Now I have no worries and burdens, which is extremely lucky for me, because I can concentrate on abstinence, work hard to keep fit and recover, and look forward to my different self when I graduate.
My regimen is actually very simple. The following is a brief introduction, and then I will discuss it in detail.
First, I actively exercise. Every morning, noon and evening, I will insist on making a set of eight-segment brocade. This regimen is easy to learn. You can find videos or pictures online. When you do it, you should relax and keep a peaceful mind. Then insist on aerobic exercise, brisk walking or jogging or walking. In short, if you want to move yourself, it will produce yang and promote metabolism. After a period of time, I began to exercise my abdominal muscles and chest muscles, but I should grasp the amount of exercise step by step and not overdo it. Sitting for a long time is not conducive to the whole body blood circulation, so get up every 40 minutes to exercise.
The second is to develop a good routine. I must go to bed at 10: 30 every night, never stay up late, get up at 5: 50 in the morning and take a nap for half an hour at noon. I can't go too far. It may be impossible for middle school students to have a heavy academic burden, but they must ensure a good sleep so that they can have enough energy to study. I also lived in high school, and obscenity and academic burden made me miserable. College students should not be too lazy, otherwise the habit of staying up late will gradually damage their health, so we should cherish and make good use of our leisure time. Those who have already taken part in the work can make reasonable arrangements according to their own working hours to ensure adequate sleep. Those who work the night shift should try to have a good rest during the day and change to the day shift if possible.
Third, cultivate one's mind and nature. Many people will ignore the importance of self-cultivation. Cultivating one's mind is to calm one's mind and resolve it in time when desire comes, instead of letting it develop. If a person's mind is strong enough, he can overcome his demons. My way to cultivate my mind is to read more books about health, abstinence from color and positive energy. Only when you have a strong desire for good things in your heart can you have enough motivation to practice.
Fourth, good eating habits require three meals a day. Only by going to bed early and getting up early can we eat on time. I never eat snacks and am not picky about food. Whole grains are especially nutritious. Evil deeds hurt the kidney the most. Black foods such as black beans, black sesame seeds and black rice can be eaten in moderation. Now I eat less greasy meat. Eating more meat will enhance sexual desire, and secondly, it will be unfavorable for the recovery of hair loss and acne.
I pay attention to the above four points every day. Abstinence, abstinence and pornography can make up for it, but we need tonic, exercise, sleep and self-cultivation, that is, to replenish energy for ourselves from both physical and mental aspects. If you persist for a long time, you will get a reward.
Eight. Misunderstanding of color abstinence
Abstinence from color is not only abstinence, but also abstinence from obscenity and pornography. You must understand this if you want to quit color successfully. The harm to our body is the greatest, and we can feel it intuitively, because we discharge the precious essence of our body. Seeing yellow is a secret leak, but we don't realize it. In fact, it is also a waste of our bodies. Because once we start to fantasize and watch movies, it will arouse our sexual desire, and the body will naturally react, and the bottom will be hard. This is natural. Some people say I can't control it. First, it is difficult to control. Second, even if it is controlled, it still ignores the prostate. Once a person is sexually suggestive, the prostate will be congested regardless of whether he is erect or not. If the prostate is often congested, over time, there will be hidden dangers of prostatitis. Many people on the Internet say that excessive abstinence can lead to prostatitis, which is actually prostate congestion caused by eroticism. If we don't accept sexual cues and don't let the body react, then such abstinence is only good for the body, not bad. Knowing this, we know that psychosexuality and watching movies are no less harmful than management. Therefore, we should completely abstain from color, don't sigh and don't want to see it. Only by doing these three things can we really make up for it.
Some experts on the internet say that moderate masturbation is harmless, but no one can say where this degree is. Besides, prostitution is addictive, and the false pleasure brought by prostitution is the same as drug abuse. Who has ever seen an addict take drugs in moderation? Therefore, the theory of moderate lewdness and harmlessness is only reasonable in theory and unreasonable in practice. In this case, we don't have to use this as an excuse to hurt our health.
Some people say that controlling, watching movies and indulging in obscenity are lewd. Can I have sex with my girlfriend during abstinence? I want to say that sex is also about erection, prostate congestion, and finally the release of essence. Abstinence is the process of physical recovery, so we should restrain our desires. Sex without physical recovery cannot have a good recovery effect. Therefore, sex is also a violation. (Editor's note: premarital sex is also fornication, so try to avoid premarital sex after abstinence, communicate well with the woman, get her understanding and cooperation, and save the best of yourself for marriage. )
For singelringen people, as long as they don't touch sexual cues, it's not difficult to cultivate their mind and cultivate their nature, and not to break the precepts. There are many challenges for those who have girlfriends or married ring friends. Even if you make up your mind, the other party may not understand, so these friends must communicate with each other according to their own situation, and everything must be based on their own health.
Only by recognizing the misunderstanding of color abstinence can we avoid entering the minefield, March forward bravely on the healthy road, and restore our steel-like body and pure smile.