Sichuan dialect humorous jokes

Sichuan dialect humorous jokes: The plane shook violently. Stewardess: Dear passengers, there is something wrong with the plane. Two engines are broken. We may have to be late. "Passenger: "What a waste of time when you carry your mother on your back. If all four engines fail, don't we have to spend the night in the sky? More exciting jokes are in the joke column, welcome to enjoy!

Humorous Jokes in Sichuan Dialect (1)

1 One day, when we were discussing how tall Yao Ming was, the Sichuan PLMM who usually loved to argue next to me started arguing again: "How tall is Yao Ming? Our hometown Is there someone much taller than him?

Who? We asked in unison.

Leshan Giant Buddha? She said proudly.

Everyone was dizzy, and two glasses fell off?

One GG was unconvinced: "Isn't it just over seventy meters?"

But was interrupted by this Sichuan girl: "Is it only more than 70 meters?"

Another person said with confidence: "It's 71 meters." ?

So, you people don’t even understand some basic common sense? This MM is very reasonable,? People sit at 71 meters, so what about standing up?

Everyone fell to the ground. ?

?You asked him to stand up!? This GG is still not convinced.

? Well, I have been sitting by the river for more than a thousand years. I have been exposed to wind and rain, and I have already developed arthritis. If you have the ability, how many years can you try to sit there!? Everyone was completely speechless?

2 The sparrow and the crow set up the dragon gate formation together.

The sparrow said: What kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am a phoenix!

The sparrow: How can there be such a dark phoenix as your turtle son? ?

Crow: You know what a shovel, I am a phoenix who burns boilers.

We have a culture in Sichuan: white, don’t say white, say white; black, don’t say black, say black; light, don’t say light, say light; heavy, don’t say heavy, say heavy. ; Quick, don’t say fast, say fast; sweet, don’t say sweet, say sweet; bitter, don’t say bitter, say burnt and bitter; sour, don’t say sour, say sour; spicy, don’t say spicy, say good chicken Spicy.

3 A man from other provinces entered a Sichuan restaurant and ordered a fish-flavored eggplant, and the following passage occurred:

?Boss, boss!!?

?What’s the matter?

?How come you don’t get fish in your fish-flavored eggplant?

?You don’t get fish in fish-flavored eggplant in the first place!?

?Why call it fish-flavored eggplant if there is no fish?

?R, you ancestor? According to your child, if you order some "tiger skin green pepper", I have to give it to you. How about getting a piece of tiger skin? If you order a "wife cake", will I give you a wife? If you order a "couple's lung slice" for me, don't I have to kill two people for you?!?

4 A teacher assigned students an assignment to make sentences using "please" and "request".

After handing in the homework, one of the students answered: Yesterday, my mother stewed a pot of pig's feet. Before it was cooked, my father ate a piece and said, "Please don't move." Mom said: ? Ask you to chew!? Humorous jokes in Sichuan dialect (2)

1 The plane was full of people, some were carrying snakeskin bags, some were carrying live chickens and ducks, and the security inspectors were full of people. Drenched in sweat: "I have to pay for the fare on my back. I'm overweight." "Why? I had to cut through two sacks of potatoes last time." Another passenger came over and said, "Come on. Come on, guys, have a smoke and let me see what I can do with these bags of live chickens. If they can’t fit in the cabin, they can be tied to the wings of the plane and they can fly by themselves anyway, and they don’t consume the plane’s fuel. ?"

2 Before the opening of the Olympic Games, two Sichuanese traveled to Beijing and looked at the map on the bus. A: "Let's fight to Tiananmen first, and then to Zhongnanhai..." B: "Yes." Okay, let's just follow the route you mentioned and kill everything along the way.

?Unfortunately, he was reported by fellow passengers. After getting off the bus, he was taken to the public security bureau. After explaining the situation for N hours, he was released. A and B came to Tiananmen Square and watched people coming and going. They were speechless...A couldn't help but said: "How can you be so lazy and silent?" B: "You can't even speak (gun)" How dare I fire a gun? As soon as I finished speaking, I was turned to the public security organ. A week later, the two of them walked out of the gate of the detention center. You looked at me and I looked at you. A said: "Leha is at ease now. My bag is all packed. Where can I get some bullets?"... The armed police at the door rushed up and pushed the two people to the ground.

The Central Committee of the Communist Party of China issued an emergency notice: Sichuan people are not allowed to participate in the Olympic Games. It is too scary. This is something to talk about later.

3 CCTV reporter asked the survivor of the bus fire: Is there a hammer on the bus?

Survivor: There is a hammer!

Reporter: Is there a hammer? Why don't you use it to smash the windows?

Survivor: Mo De! There is a hammer with a hammer!

Reporter: What? There are two more hammers?

Survivor: Oops, there’s a shovel!

Reporter: Shovel? That can also be used to smash windows!

Survivor: Smash the windows with a hammer!

Reporter: Did you smash the window, not a hammer?

Survivor: Oh, let me tell you a hammer!

Reporter: I said window!

< p> Survivor: Hammer!

Reporter: What’s in the car?

Survivor: There’s wool!

Reporter: Oh, no wonder it burned So fast!

Summary: Be sure to bring a hammer when you go out. If you don’t have a hammer, keep it close to you. If you have a hammer, hold it tightly. If you have a hammer, it will be there. If the hammer is gone, you will have a hammer. . Humorous Jokes in Sichuan Dialect (3)

1 One afternoon, when my classmate was working at the Construction Bank Guaxixi, a sloppily dressed woman (a psychopath) came to his window and gave him A note asking for a withdrawal. The note clearly says: "This is to send XX to withdraw RMB from your bank". Then there are N zero yuan after "l". The signature is ***C.P Central Office***.

My classmate originally wanted to call the police, but seeing how serious the mentally ill woman was, I thought I’d better send him to the security guard (~I guess the security guard didn’t have much to do). Sure enough, the security guard He said to the woman: "If you want to withdraw money from a note, you must first go to the police station across the street and ask the police chief to stamp it. After he stamps the stamp, you can come back and withdraw the money, and it will be fine." ?

The woman went directly to the police station without giving it a second thought. (The security guard is really extraordinary, I usually look down on him a bit). About ten minutes later, when more and more people were queuing up to withdraw money, the crazy woman came back happily, holding up the note, and said: "Don't do it." Everyone talks about it, the office procedures are simplified, and you can withdraw money directly without any approval slip from the director. ?

As soon as my classmate heard this, he couldn’t help but sigh: There are really experts in the **** team, and he was sent back with just a “high-profile” sentence. My classmate and the security guard were a little reckless at that time. There were many people in the business hall, and they were afraid that her mental illness would affect the normal order, so they had to find the supervisor on duty. The supervisor and the psychotic woman had a chat together and asked her what she was using the money for. The psychotic woman said: Withdraw money to buy bread, cakes, food, and clothes. The supervisor pointed to the corner not far away, and the crazy woman happily went to K again.

The security guard went to ask for advice, and the supervisor said this to the woman at the time: Our bank is China Construction Bank, and you can only withdraw money from your bank if you build a house. If you withdraw money to buy food, it must be grain. You have to go to the Agricultural Bank of China to buy clothes and other things. You have to go to the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China to withdraw money!? My classmate admired him from the bottom of his heart. After all, he was a supervisor! !!!

Hahaha, the crazy woman came here again. She also brought a few words from the bank: The people from the Agricultural Bank of China said that this is the Agricultural Bank of China, and only farmers from Kakali Township I can withdraw money, but I am from the city and cannot do it.

The people from ICBC said that we are a public bank here, so only men can come to collect money, not women!!!, they said that I am a bitch, I want to go to CCB to withdraw money?

　2 At the front desk Two Hong Kong people came to stay, and they may not have made a reservation in advance. Zhi heard the waiter at the front desk ask him in Trump's name: "Excuse me, are you here xuan (Sichuan dialect, pronunciation, meaning similar to just now, temporary)? This is not the funniest thing, the key lies behind. Hong Kong people obviously don't understand what xuan means, and their expressions are confused. So the waiter repeated in an accentuated tone: "I mean, did you come here by rotation?" The Hong Kong people were still hesitant, and finally spoke: "I...I didn't come here by rotation, I came by plane." !?

The waiter quickly covered his mouth and rushed into the toilet laughing wildly

3. First determine which dialect the following dialect is from, and then translate it into Mandarin:

< p> Hey! Yesterday, at noon, there was a roaring noise. The leaves returned to the chicken mother, and when they were ashes, they became gray and cut into the yellow leaves on the roof of our house. You Gui'er Gui'er (Gui'er Continuous Reading) is such a poor person, and I didn't recognize you even if I cut off my head. I was so sick that I picked up a piece of charcoal as big as an egg and cut it. The result was that Its fur started to chirp, and my hair became sparse.

4 There was once an honest and honest patron who stood in front of me, but I didn’t know how to cherish it. I didn’t realize until I got away with it that your knife was on my neck. Just cut it off and don't grind it again. If God can make me surrender, I will say to any diner: "You stand up for me." If she insists on leaving, I will say: "Everyone crawls."

In recent years, I had a very comfortable relationship in front of me, but I didn’t care about it to death. When I think about giving up, he actually has nothing to lose!!! Why, the most unpleasant thing in the world is right under my nose. But if God gives me another chance, I will definitely say to him: I love you and wander around in Sichuan for a day. ;