"Northern girl" is the name of Hong Kong people for mainland girls, which is derogatory and discriminatory. What I hear more is "Gu Bei", which describes a mainland girl who wears local clothes and has a strong accent. When I got married, I had never heard of this word.
I have been living in an ivory tower, and my teachers and classmates are very modest and polite, and I don't feel any discrimination. I married a Hong Kong native as soon as I graduated, and so did my husband's relatives and friends. When chatting with me, my eyes are shining on you, full of gentle kindness. At that time, some coastal cities had just started to travel freely to Hong Kong. At first, Hong Kong people were happy to see their purchasing power suddenly increase so much.
In the first two years after marriage, the couple often have some frictions because of their values, living habits, daily necessities and other reasons. My husband's family used to live in a public house, which was considered a poor family. My family's economy is relatively good, so it is well-off. In addition, my work is relatively smooth, so I have to work harder at home and my in-laws respect me more.
After several years of running-in, we only had occasional differences and never had a big fight again.
20 14 bought a small villa in Yuen Long, Hong Kong, with a two-story building and a 90-square-meter garden. There are large lawns in the community, including swimming pool, gym, squash court, billiards hall, table tennis hall, golf practice room, several tennis courts and several children's playgrounds. There are all kinds of food markets, supermarkets, banks, post offices and clinics, including churches, fire stations, kindergartens, primary schools, middle schools and special schools. Every household has at least two private cars. In addition, there are direct buses to Central, Tsim Sha Tsui, Tsuen Wan, Yuen Long and Sheung Shui. Occasionally go to the clubhouse restaurant for dinner and meet several famous movie stars who live here.
I didn't know that it was only 14 minutes' drive from the city of sadness.
I still live a sweet little life every day. Take the community-specific direct bus, and you can get to work in the bustling Central in 30 minutes. At noon, stroll around Landmark Plaza and major luxury stores, and try Michelin meals with colleagues from time to time. In the afternoon, take the community bus back to my home in Yuen Long. Watch the sunset shine all the way on the Qingma Bridge and slowly fall into the sea level; Watch yachts quietly moored in the bay; Looking around, the stone forest has gradually become lush-the years are quiet.
In the community, I also met several mainland girls who were married to Hong Kong like me. A sister in her forties, who gave birth to three children, co-published children's books with her husband in Hong Kong, and went on business trips overseas once every three days. Husband and wife are harmonious. Last birthday, my husband gave me a Lux Jaguar. Another sister, who met her husband who grew up in Hong Kong while studying in Canada, followed. She and her husband are very busy and live a good life. Although women who stay in Hong Kong to work and live have their own troubles, they all lead a normal and optimistic life on the whole.
I also heard some negative news about the marriage between Hongkong and China from the news, but I really didn't take it to heart. What I see is the goodwill of Hong Kong people. For example, when I asked for directions when I was studying, passers-by were afraid that I couldn't understand because of the language barrier and took me to several intersections; At work, accompany my girlfriend downstairs to smoke, and passers-by stop to persuade her to quit smoking; Even though I have been cursing my mainland husband's hair on facebook, I am reserved when I see him.
So I have always felt that Hong Kong is so beautiful, as exquisite and gorgeous as described in Wong Kar-wai's movies and Yi Shu's novels. As far as I can see, it's towering skyscrapers, cars flowing day and night, and dazzling shadows.
It was not until 20 15 that my second child was born. Because Filipino maids are unmarried and won't take care of children, I hired a new moon through an intermediary (called "accompanying the moon" in Hong Kong). This month's name is Fang Jie, a Hunan girl. She got married in Hong Kong eight years ago and now lives in Tin Shui Wai. Her husband is older than her 18 years old. He used to be a construction worker with two children. The background is very similar to the protagonist of the 2004 murder case. In fact, many people in Tin Shui Wai are like this.
Maternity leave is boring, and my son is fine. He eats and sleeps. So, I often chat with Fang Jie. This is the first time I've driven to get to know 14 minutes away.
Tin Shui Wai is located in Yuen Long District, western New Territories, Hong Kong. It used to be a large mangrove pond. From 65438 to 0987, the government began to fill ponds to build new cities. Today, Tin Shui Wai covers an area of about 430 hectares. In addition to three private houses, there are * * * 1 1 public housing (government low-rent housing) and six home ownership houses (equivalent to affordable housing). The resident population is about 300,000. Among them, 85% residents live in public housing and Home Ownership Scheme.
The whole Tin Shui Wai is divided into north and south parts. In the south, there are not only direct subways in Hung Hom, but also private buildings owned by Li Ka-shing. Most recreational and cultural facilities in the area, such as Fujiahu Shopping Mall, Tin Shui Wai Park, Tin Pak Road Park and Tin Shui Wai Sports Ground, are located here. The population density in the north is three times that in the south, and 80% of public housing residents in Tin Shui Wai are concentrated here.
Sister Fang lives in public housing in the north of Tin Shui Wai. They are a family of four with a monthly rent of 1200 and live in a public house of about 30 square meters. The toilet is less than 1 m2, and the shower is above the toilet. The kitchen must also enter sideways, and there is no room for a second person.
The film "The Difference of One Thought" revolves around two families in Tin Shui Wai. The following stills truly reflect the living conditions of public houses. In those small windows of public housing, there are some of the poorest people in Hong Kong. Many of them, like me, are northern women married from the mainland.
Tin Shui Wai is a residential satellite city. The proportion of private buildings is too low and the poor live in compact communities. Only a few catering and service industries can absorb employment. Unlike other areas, public housing is only a few steps away from private buildings, where a large number of middle-class people live and can at least become their domestic helpers. Yuen Long District is densely populated and provides limited employment opportunities. Most people in Tin Shui Wai have to work in the area.
After 2003, the traffic situation in Tin Shui Wai improved slightly. Not only public transportation, but also light rail and west rail have been opened. But going out to work is still a long way and expensive. If you go to Hong Kong Island, the round trip is close to100; If you go to Tsim Sha Tsui, it will cost more than 30 yuan; Even if you go to Kwai Tsing, you have to go around 20 yuan. Many northern women married to the south have been in Hong Kong for more than ten years, but they have never been to Tsim Sha Tsui or Central, nor have they been to the top of Taiping Mountain to see the night scene, nor have they been to Repulse Bay written by Zhang Ailing. They can only be regarded as "people surrounded by water", not "Hong Kong people".
Even if you go out to work, you can only find jobs such as security, shopping mall sales, restaurant waiters, dishwashers and cleaning. They work long hours every day, and their income will not exceed eight or nine thousand, or even less. Besides, I have a job this month, and I may not have it next month. But compared with other districts, they spend more than two hours on their way to work.
Therefore, many people choose to stay in Tin Shui Wai instead of working and live on the comprehensive assistance of the government. Among them, there are so many marriages and families at land ports that they give the locals the illusion that northern women marry southern women for money and government subsidies. Activists call mainlanders "locusts", which is also one of the reasons.
Sister Fang's husband is 18 years older than her, and now he is in his fifties. He worked as a construction worker in his early years and was too tired to do heavy work. He gambles with a group of friends in similar situations every day. Fang Jie is the only labor force in the family, but she has to support four people. I was relatively happy when I was a lunar new year, with a monthly income of 1.5 million. Unfortunately, she has to take care of two children and can't work 24 hours a day. An experienced 24-hour lunar month can charge 30,000 yuan. However, the supply of lunar new year is very large, and many teachers and nurses in Tin Shui Wai have taken the lunar new year certificate. Fortunately, I only received one order in a few months, which was usually introduced by regular customers. The rest of the time, she went to Yuen Long to help others with housework. Because she is a temporary worker, her income is unstable. At the peak, she worked as a family assistant eight times. No more than six or seven thousand a month. Eating and transportation have accounted for half of the income. So if she works in Yuen Long, she will go to work by bike, which can save some transportation expenses.
Most of the land-port marriages in Tin Shui Wai are like her-an old man with few wives. Middle-aged and low-skilled men suffer from unemployment, while mature women shoulder the heavy burden of life and work nonstop all day, even temporary workers with an hourly wage of more than 30 have to bite their teeth.
Sister Fang has a girlfriend, Sister Chuan. Working in a restaurant in Tin Shui Wai, some guests are up to no good and often pretend to touch her chest or ass. She can only play dumb. Because if she offends the guests, I don't know if she can find another job.
Although some of them are not intellectuals in Chinese mainland, they are at least educated, but they are discriminated against when they come to Hong Kong because their Cantonese is not standard and they don't know English. A lady who used to be a primary school teacher in Chinese mainland became a garbage collector in Hongkong.
However, Fang Jie said that her situation in Tin Shui Wai was good: "At least my husband won't hit me. When I come out to work, he will also look after the children. Some sisters can't help it, their husbands run away, or they don't care about their family at all, so they have to leave their children at home and work to support their families. "
Sister Fang said that local people in Hong Kong have always called them lazy and came to Hong Kong to receive CSSA. But I don't know, it was a native Hong Kong man who abandoned his family first.
They exaggerated their conditions when they came to the mainland to find wives. Just like her husband, when he said that his daily salary was 1000 yuan, she and her family thought that he could earn 30,000 yuan a month and 300,000 to 400,000 yuan a year. What a nourishing day. I didn't know until I got married. He is right, but he is a temporary worker. If you haven't started work for a few days a year, you can only get comprehensive social security. This house is pitifully small. Some people even find that they want to live in a small public house with their in-laws, while others want to live in a room separated by wooden boards.
Because the gap between reality and expectation is too big, couples often quarrel, and men's self-esteem is damaged, so they will hit people.
After the 2004 massacre, during the period of 13, the government and non-profit organizations opened 24 family and children service centers, 15 youth service center and 13 social security and employment assistance agencies in Tin Shui Wai.
However, in the past 20 years since the reunification, except for the first decade, the number of occasional spouse abuse cases ranked second, and the rest of the time was the first in Hong Kong 18. In 2008, there were as many as 787 cases of spouse abuse. In recent nine consecutive years, Hong Kong 18 District has the most cases of spouse battering. These are just the data of families receiving assistance, and I don't know how many people are suffering silently.
According to the data provided by the Caritas Family Service Center in Tin Shui Wai, half of the services received by mainland wives are abused, and some have even been abused for many years. They also want a divorce. But divorced, they have nowhere to go. There is a case in their center, a woman who got married in Hong Kong, because her husband often slapped her in the face at the dinner table, now she has a hard time eating, and she wants to throw up at the thought of eating.
Sister Fang's neighbor is also a Hunan girl. Her ex-husband often drinks, and when he is drunk, he beats her and the children. Now she has a scar of more than three inches on her ass, which was cut by her ex-husband. Later, the police issued a restraining order forbidding her ex-husband to set foot in Tin Shui Wai. Now she is the only one raising two children.
These days, I have been screened by the class solidification theory of the champion of Beijing liberal arts college entrance examination. If young people in Chinese mainland are anxious about class solidification, people in Tin Shui Wai can only accept the reality of intergenerational poverty in despair.
The divorce rate of poor families in northern Tin Shui Wai remains high. After divorce, women have to make money to support their families and take care of their children. It is difficult to take care of both, and it is inevitable to ignore the education of their children. In those families that are not divorced, many fathers exist in name only, and even often use violence against their wives and children. It is common for children to grow up in such an environment and their values are distorted. Even normal families, because of their parents' low educational background, can't call social resources and services, and it is difficult to help their children grow up.
A large number of studies have confirmed that teenagers who grow up in poor families are more likely to have physical and mental problems. In Tin Shui Wai, a prominent performance is the prevalence of "boy gangs".
Many of these children were abused, beaten or abused by their fathers at home. The suffering of the previous generation and the collapse of patriarchy have become the direct reasons for the rampant youth gangs in Tin Shui Wai. Teenagers who live in depression and helplessness lack supervision and teaching for a long time, and have no intention to study at school during the day, disturbing the classroom and playing tricks on teachers. Graffiti on the wall after school to vent their inner feelings. More serious theft, drug abuse, fighting, everything. They don't care whether they break the law or not, but only strongly resist the mainstream society.
Many northern women who have been married to Hongkong for several years or even more than ten years have never been back to their hometown in Chinese mainland after leaving home for so many years. Because they are afraid to go back. People in my hometown think that marrying Hong Kong is a rich woman, but they don't know that it is purgatory on earth. They came with dreams, but in this strange island, they suffered from poverty, domestic violence and poor growth of their children. So they are wronged here and cannot seek support from their families of origin.
Sweet Water Surrounding and Shenzhen Nanshan District are separated by a strip of water, facing each other across the river. Those married sisters see the ever-changing mainland outside the window every day, and I don't know what kind of mixed feelings they have. They have to bite the bullet and try their best to survive.
With the strengthening of China's national strength, there will be fewer and fewer economic transactional marriages in which older Hong Kong men take color TV refrigerators to find wives in mainland rural areas. On the other hand, since the reunification 20 years ago, with the more frequent exchanges between China and Hong Kong, many mainlanders have come to Hong Kong to study or work, and more and more Hong Kong people have gone to the mainland on business trips to seek gold. The number of land-port marriages with normal communication is gradually increasing, and will gradually become the mainstream of land-port marriages. These northern women married to the south will also become history and be gradually forgotten. As the second generation of Hong Kong people, their children will continue their story and suffer at the bottom of poverty.
Their tragedy is the mistake of the times, the mismatch of government resources, the arrangement of fate and the failure of personal choice. This group of northern women have similar backgrounds and low sense of self-worth. They choose to exchange their youth for benefits, and they need to bear the loss of dignity that comes with it. When they come to a new community, they seldom actively integrate into the local culture. In the face of difficulties, they shut themselves off, did not take the initiative to ask for help, and blamed everything on fate.
Even if we have a preliminary understanding of their situation, we can't really feel their helplessness and oppression. What we can do is to let go of our prejudice against them. Whether divorced or unemployed, we should pay more attention and understanding, be grateful for what we have now, and use our meager strength to make this society better.
The sadness of Tin Shui Wai is in sharp contrast with the prosperity of Hong Kong. With the transfer of the whole manufacturing industry to the Mainland or Southeast Asia, the industrial development in Hong Kong is extremely uneven. In addition to the financial industry and international trade, middle-level jobs are extremely scarce. College graduates come out like leeks every year, but there are not so many jobs in the market. Isn't Hong Kong a bigger besieged city? The border coil has blocked the vision and footsteps of young people, and the land and port are unfamiliar with each other, resulting in too many misunderstandings. As long as young people don't cross the border and go out to seek opportunities and resources, they can only be trapped in this bright Oriental Pearl and gradually row to the lower level.
Finally, let's end this sad story with Hong Kong singer Hacken Lee's The City of Tin Shui Wai:
..... The song didn't finish, tears streaming down her face.
I wish all women married to the south cherish themselves, respect themselves and love themselves, and go all the way in this familiar foreign land.
Joint essay: My memory of Hong Kong-Write your unique Hong Kong.
Trial reading of the new book: preface to the new book "managing money is managing life"
Emma's new book Managing Money is Managing Life is available in Taobao, Dangdang and JD.COM.