In the early stages of sobriety, it's wise to keep a distance from former drinking buddies or find a reasonable excuse to avoid parties where drinking is the main event. But sooner or later we must attend some drinking parties, so how we deal with them is important.
If the host is an old friend, tell him or her in advance that you are now sober; or have at least one companion who knows we are sober and understands how important it is to us - someone who can show solidarity and reduce the amount of pressure you will be under.
Also, if it's good for your mood to have something nourishing in your stomach before you go to a party, you can bring along a small bag of your favorite candy or alternative foods. Sometimes we can leave early if we have a long night of drinking after dinner. Most people don't care about us leaving at all, they're too busy drinking or something.
On the whole, we shouldn't be too nervous because (1) other people don't drink as much as we think they do (2) very, very few people notice or care if we drink (3) loving friends or relatives are happy to see us not drinking.
At a party there may be a drinking relative or friend who asks :
" What do you drink? "
" It's okay to have one drink"
" Why don't you drink? " ... and so on and so forth.
We try to explain things in a way that doesn't lie and that other people can understand and accept more quickly. For example, "health factors" and "doctor's orders" and "I realized I'm not a good drinker". People generally accept the fact that we don't drink anymore and stop asking me questions about it.
Of course the sooner we confess the truth to those we know well the better for ourselves. Most friendly people will appreciate our honesty and encourage us in our efforts to get rid of our addiction. Saying out loud to others that we don't drink can be a great help to ourselves, reinforcing our resolve to stay sober, and may have a side effect: sometimes when we make such a statement, it encourages others who want or need to drink not to do so, and others don't think less of you.
When we are asked what we would like to drink, most of us can accept a soda or other beverage and make ourselves more comfortable.
It's normal that we don't want people to pay too much attention to our sobriety, but rather want to be able to make it known in a discreet and private way rather than publicly. But sometimes a well-meaning, well-intentioned friend or family member inadvertently becomes overly concerned about our recovery from the disease of alcoholism . This can be quite difficult, and it's best to try to be patient, usually for no more than two minutes, until we feel calmer and can calmly explain that we sincerely appreciate their concern.
Sometimes a heavy drinker or former drinking buddy is not happy that you are suddenly not drinking, and when you encounter this kind of coercion and get upset, remember that there are thousands of sober barbers who are there to support you, and even if we're not there, our hearts are with you. You need to learn to avoid these types of people, sometimes it's perfectly fine to make an excuse and just leave, even if it's not a big deal to offend these types of people. After all, we are merely taking the necessary steps to preserve our health.
Remembering the last drunken experience
As the word suggests, we mean "drunk" rather than "drinking".
For most people, a "glass of wine" has long meant a good time with friends and laughter. Depending on the age of each of us and the circumstances surrounding our first drink, we've all had memories and expectations (and sometimes anxieties) that have led us to think of a cool beer, a cocktail, gin and tonic, whiskey and beer, a sip of wine, or something like that, and so on.
Week after week, in most people's early drinking, the expectation of alcohol always matches the amount that actually needs to be drunk.
If it happens to be right every time, we naturally consider "having a drink" to be a pleasant experience that not only satisfies our own needs, but also doesn't overstep the norms of religious practice. At the same time, it satisfies cravings, meets the etiquette of the social scene, and helps us to relax, refresh ourselves, and achieve the various goals we are pursuing. For example, when a 55-year-old Finn is approached for a drink, he is immediately reminded of the warmth he felt when he was young and drank a glass or two of brandy or vodka on a cold day.
If it's a young woman, her mind may immediately conjure up images of gorgeous crystal glasses filled with champagne, side-by-side glamor, side-eye contact, a romantic atmosphere, or a rock concert where young men with beards, long hair, and cowboy outfits are dressed up to take a bottle out of a bag full of bottles of wine, with flashbulbs flashing, smoke all around, and everyone shouting and screaming, making for a very exciting spectacle. The sight of everyone screaming and shouting was exhilarating. One A.A. member said, "One drink" is almost synonymous with pizza and beer.
Another 78-year-old widow said she was often reminded of her nursing home habit of enjoying a glass of sherry at bedtime. While this image of drinking in our minds is extremely natural, it is nevertheless misleading as far as we are concerned, and this is how some of us started drinking.
If this is all there is to our drinking, it is unlikely that we will later deteriorate into a problem with alcoholism. Yet if we look fearlessly at the process of drinking, we can see that no matter how hard we try in our last few years or months of alcoholism, no such perfect, magical time ever occurs again.
Instead, we repeatedly find ourselves drinking far more than we actually do, which always leads to some degree of trouble. Perhaps we feel only a little bit of guilt about our excessive drinking in private alone.
But sometimes it turns into a violent argument, interferes with our work, or even leads to serious illness, accident, or legal and financial problems. So when a "have a drink" suggestion comes along, now we try to think back from the start of the drinking process to the last pathetic drunkenness and hangover.
The average friend's invitation to propose a drink to us generally refers purely to a social occasion, a glass or two of wine.
But if we think carefully about the full details of the last time we got drunk, we won't be fooled by the image of "one drink" that has long dominated our minds.
Now we can honestly admit that, in terms of our true physiological response, we are fairly certain that a cup of yellow soup means that sooner or later we will get drunk again, with all the attendant problems that entails.
Drinking no longer means music and joy to us, but sickness and the memory of regret. An A.A. member once put it this way: "I know that if I go to a bar for a drink, it will never be the same as it used to be, just a little bit of time and a little bit of money.
That one drink would drain my bank account, my family, my house, my car, my job, my sanity, even my life. It's just too big a price too high a risk."
He remembers the last time he got drunk, not his first drinking experience.