Recently, I saw people look good in sweaters and wanted to buy one, so I told my husband. Me: Honey, I want to buy a sweater. Husband: Buy it if you want. You don't need to discuss such a trifle with me. I'm in charge of big things. My husband turned to get peaches to eat and found that the peaches were gone. Husband: What about peaches? Me: Yes. Husband: You don't even discuss such a big matter with me. How can you eat without my consent?
3. A girl weighed herself with a smart computer in a shopping center, and only heard the computer say, "Your height ... weight ... your body is thin, please pay attention to nutrition!" After seeing it, my girlfriend had to stand up and give it a try. After standing for a long time, the computer suddenly prompted: "Please line up and get on the bus one by one!" "
It's the end of the year again. It's time to write a summary There are no birds in the mountains, and I am writing a summary; Looking up, I found it was moonlight, and bowed my head to write a summary; Send you a thousand miles, and write a summary when you go back; If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, say that I am writing a summary; But let Longcheng fly to see who dares not to write a summary; Looking for him in the crowd, suddenly looking back, the man was still writing a summary. Year after year, a year's plan is a summary!
5, young and not working hard, the boss visits Taobao. Businesswomans don't know how to hate their country, and they visit Taobao all day. Looking up, I found it was moonlight and looked down at Taobao. If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, tell them that I am visiting Taobao. An upright man is open and poised, little people visit Taobao. Sitting up critically ill, I didn't visit Taobao today. Living as an outstanding person, you should visit Taobao even after death. No one has died in life since ancient times, and continue to visit Taobao in the afterlife. Looking for him in the crowd, suddenly looking back, the man stayed up late to visit Taobao.
6. You are sick, the boss is there, and you are not sad or happy; Vacation, or no vacation, the work is there, come or not, can't go; You struggle, or you don't work hard, the salary is there, no increase or decrease; You quit, or you don't quit, the earth will still turn and never stop; Let me win 5 million, or let me have money, nonsense, pain, calm, sadness, attention, discussion and forwarding! !
7. The final exam is not far away. I hope that the students will take surprise attack as the main task, supplemented by cheating: take the policy of teachers entering Tibet, teachers withdrawing from copying and circuitous operations! Send you a couplet: If you don't cheat in the exam, you'd rather fail in your junior year next year than fail without personality. Horizontal criticism: I have to die. The necessary skills for the exam are three long and one short, and the shortest choice; Three short and one long choose the longest; Choose b for different lengths; If it is not uniform, choose d. Taking copying as the main task, supplemented by Mongolia, and combining Mongolia with copying, we will certainly be able to pass.
Oh, let a man with spirit take risks in his favorite place, Zhao Benshan after Shanhaiguan. Ask how sad you can be, riding a monkey in the tree and riding a monkey underground. People are looking for him for thousands of times, and you can take two steps without illness. The sky is gray and wild, and I really want to see Zhao Zhongxiang. Red crisp hands, Huang Teng wine, uncle, this is really not available. There is a golden room in the book, and not rich people will be angry. Oh, how can I bow and scrape to those high-ranking people? Anyway, ten dollars is your expense.
9. They are always saying that as long as they wait, the right person will appear. What I want to say is, after waiting for so many years, please give me a fucking answer. Are you stuck in traffic or lost? ! ! No, have a meal, too!
10, the test paper is an anti-mosquito treasure, because "mosquito" is not a suitable topic; Bathing is a trick to prevent mosquitoes because it can "attract mosquitoes to wash them to death"; Overtime is a good way to repel mosquitoes, because "mosquitoes" are not added; This message is a powerful mosquito repellent, because "mosquito" is unheard of!
1 1, one tael of silver is equivalent to RMB 300 yuan. The annual salary of ancient concubines was 300-200 taels of silver. If your annual salary is 90,000-60,000 yuan and your average monthly salary is more than 7,000-5,000 yuan, you can call yourself our palace. More than 4,000 people are dignitaries, more than 3,000 people are constant attendants, more than 2,000 people are promises, 1000 people are official women, and even 500 yuan can only be called a servant girl with a monthly salary. You little masters know your place.
12, the world cup tells women a truth: it turns out that men can get up in the middle of the night to change diapers for their babies; You can get up early in the morning to buy breakfast for your wife; Another way is to go home early for entertainment; I can also chat with you at night. After half a lifetime, I found myself worse than a ball!
13, if one day you have the following symptoms: apathy, irritability, anxiety, emotional instability, depression, oversensitivity, irritability, sadness, crying, loneliness, forgetfulness, inattention, palpitation, dizziness, etc. -Don't worry, you just have heatstroke! Pay attention to the summer vacation in summer, naturally calm and cool!
14. A warning from my boyfriend, a football fan, allows you to watch the ball with me, but you can't nag about things unrelated to football, such as your parents, your colleagues, making money, buying a house and children going to school, and don't let me watch you try on new clothes and paint your nails, because my spine is fixed in one direction, and even if you wear a T-bag, my eyes won't deviate a bit.
15, raising a son is like playing a game. You set up an account with your name, and then you started to upgrade. You keep throwing money, the equipment is very powerful, but you are hacked by a daughter-in-law. Raising a daughter is like raising a famous flower, and all aspects are carefully cared for. I am afraid of sunshine and rain in sunny days, heat in summer and cold in winter. My heart is hard to break once it blooms, but it was taken away by a man who claimed to be a little husband.
16, it's really hot! Meet strangers on the road, smile at each other and become acquaintances! Sitting at home, I accidentally became a warm man! If you want to eat cold dishes, you have to eat them quickly, or they will soon become spicy! Don't send this message, hehe, it will be ruined soon!
17. At present, express logistics companies should change "courier" or "logistics" into "escort agency". This is to promote the traditional culture of China. You see, Dayun Escort Agency, Shunfeng Escort Agency, Zhongtong Escort Agency, Debon Escort Agency and FedEx International Escort Agency are all so retro and beautiful. The courier is called the escort, at least he is also a passer-by, much better than any courier.
18, the World Cup tells women a truth: Facts have proved that men can get up in the middle of the night to change their baby's diapers, get up early to buy breakfast for their wives, have a way to go home early for entertainment, and chat with you at night. After half a lifetime, they found themselves worse than a ball!
19, Chinese can at least increase your literary knowledge! English can let you communicate with ghosts! History can keep you from betraying! Geography can keep you from getting lost! Politics can let you know how to defend your rights! But what can mathematics do besides destroying the whole life? You use functions to buy food! When you go to the Yellow Crane Tower, you have to calculate how far the ships in the Yangtze River are from you! When you see a row of phone numbers, think about whether there is a general formula between them!
20. With your appearance, we will not be short of three and one. With your birth, we won't envy others as couples. With you, we will have a constant goal in life: fighting landlords!
2 1, Dad is telling a story to his daughter Niu Niu. Tell a story, Niu Niu is still unfinished. Dad said, "You should praise me and make dad happy. I'll tell you another one." Niu Niu said, "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful."
22. Residents who have difficulty getting up: It took you 13 minutes to get up this time, beating 10% of the office workers in the country. There are still two colleagues in the whole company who haven't got up and are starting over. The company next door has collapsed!
23. Birds crow and the sun rises. I told the slacker to get up quickly, brush his teeth first, then wash his face, and then gently comb his hair. Wear a formal suit to work, or I'll hit you.
24. I was nervous for the first time. He always let me relax gently, and then he stuck me in my body. There is blood, and the pain is speechless. Only then did I understand ... blood donation is like this!
25, send you a cup of morning tea, the tea is fragrant and affectionate, which is intended to help me promote, gather popularity and piss you off. Five cups for two yuan, pay the bill. ! Haha, I'm kidding. Good morning!
26. I miss you so much that short messages convey my heart: your eyes are crystal clear, like the moon in the sky; Your smile is very sweet, and I really want to be reunited with you. Your fragrance is so strong that bees flock to you. How long has it been since you took a shower?
27, get up in the morning, look at each other, look in the mirror and see if you are fat, wow! The spirit is really cool, and I have lost a few pounds. It's good. Only in this way can there be hope. I play music so loudly that I can't stop, like Niu Wangmo.
28. Hey, bang, bang, bang, get up, slacker! Get up, slacker! Hey, bang, bang, bang, get up, slacker! Get up, slacker! Hey, bang, bang, bang, get up, slacker! Get up, slacker!
29, the mushroom is cold, wake up, your whole body cells are calling you up!
30. Dear mobile users: As your points have reached the requirements, our company will send a super handsome guy, please go downstairs to collect it within three minutes, and it will not be processed after the expiration!
3 1, good morning! The early bird catches the worm. How many did it catch today?
32. good morning A beam of sunshine shines on you. I wish you happiness every day. Go to the God of Wealth's home and your dream will come true. You won the lottery today and will take office tomorrow. All my friends' wishes are sincere.
33. Love should be tender as water and sweet as honey. Colleagues should choose to work hard and have no temper. Friends should choose pigs with runny noses. It's about time. Wipe your nose and go to work.
34. A greeting, a wish, a string of blessings, I hope happiness will always emerge in your heart.
35. When I was a child, I heard from my mother that * * * would be cooked if it was sunburned for too long, so now I have to change my face and continue baking or dressing. You have no choice. ..
36. I ask the sun to shed happy sunshine on you every day. I ask the moon to give you a sweet dream every day. Wish you all the best!
37. I ask the sun to shed happy sunshine on you every day. I ask the moon to give you a sweet dream every day. Wish you all the best!
38. The sun is shining, flowers smile at me, love studying and working, and make contributions to the people in the future! You're going to do meritorious service, why don't you get up? !
39. Dear: It's time to get up. Don't sleep. You are going to become a little pig. Ha ha ha ha, I miss you. Do you miss me?
40. Get up, people who don't want to be slaves!
4 1, get up! ! ! Get up! ! ! Get up! ! ! We are United to escape from the warm bed, get up, leave the warm bed, get up! Get up! Get up! Come on!
Actually, I don't want to bother you. Actually, I want to say three words to you I really can't stand it any longer. If I don't talk, I'm afraid I'll die. So today I finally got up the courage: get up!
43. Open the curtains and have a look ... Pig Bajie is up ... You can't lose to Pig Bajie, huh? Have you seen my handwriting? Ha ha laugh .. I woke up!
44. I hope your eyes can only see a smile; I hope every dream you have in the future will not be in vain!
45, not good! ! ! Your bed told me last night that it was overwhelmed! I implore it. Please spare it! Let it have a rest! ! !
46. This message is purely harassing, harassing those who are still sleeping and go to the toilet to continue sleeping. If they are awake, they won't sleep. If they wake up, they will pick up their mobile phones with me and harass those who are not awake! ! !
47. Baby, get up. Xiao Ming blew up the school as soon as the rooster crowed. Come and see!
48. Dear: It's time to get up. Don't sleep. You are going to become a little pig. Ha ha ha ha ha ~ ~, miss you. Do you miss me?
49. "Get up, people who don't want to be slaves!" Wow ~ you are so sexy!
50. We are all pests, we are all lazy ... We are all lazy ... Get up! Get up lazy. ...
5 1, open the curtains and see ... Pig Bajie is up ... Can't you lose to Pig Bajie? Easy? Have you seen my handwriting? Ha ha laugh .. I woke up ~
52, pig! Your eyes are so dark that you can't see the edge when you look at them ... pig! Your ears are so big, you can't hear me say you are stupid ... pig head, pig brain, pig body and pig tail, sleeping in the sun three times a day ... pig! If you sleep any longer, there will be an earthquake! ! ! !
53.what are you doing? Still sleeping? I got up early and had nothing to do. By the way, I will wake you up to pee.
54. Dear China Mobile users, you have successfully customized the morning alarm service. We will disturb you at 5 o'clock every day until you get up. To cancel the service, please reply "I am a pig, I want to sleep, I don't get up".
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