1.

Have you ever truly loved something from the bottom of your heart?

Sometimes I feel distressed. I feel that I have no special skills that I can use, and I don’t have any hobbies that I can talk about.

Like many people my age, I spent most of the first twenty years of my life working hard to get into college. From elementary school to high school, there seems to be only one "grand" goal.

When we were young, there were no extracurricular interest classes where we could learn some art, dance, etc., cultivate a hobby for ourselves, or develop a skill beyond exams.

Not only that, in our time, physical education classes were often banned, and singing, drawing, and other activities were also regarded as "heterodox". In our middle school, it was usually students who did not do well in cultural classes. Go study art or something. This is also an important reason why we later became “poor”.

But if I think about it carefully, when I was growing up, I still had some passions outside of classes and exams.

2.

For example, when I was in junior high school, I really liked drawing for a while. After class or during self-study classes, I liked to draw pictures of maids and so on in my notebooks. Now that I think about it, this is nothing.

But the trouble is, I was studying in a junior high school known as "semi-military management". The school is very strict and the living conditions are very poor, but the teaching results are good. Except for classes and examinations, everything else is basically "sidetrack". These points were all the teachers of that school were proud of at that time.

What’s even more unfortunate is that when I was in the second grade of junior high school, I met a class teacher who had just been transferred from another school. He was older, but he had a good way of punishing students. Students are often asked to squat under the podium or stand under the flagpole on campus.

Once, I was drawing pictures of ladies in a self-study class and was discovered by my class teacher. Then, he tore up my notebook on the spot and made me stand. I was very frightened and felt that I could not afford to shame this person, or maybe I was too glass-hearted at the time. Anyway, I ran straight home from school and told my dad that I wanted to drop out.

This is naturally not allowed, but thinking about how I escaped from school privately, I would never dare to go to school again. Later, my dad had no choice but to transfer me to another school.

Later on, I rarely painted. At least, I never painted again in school, but during holidays, I would often draw some in my room.

Also, I never dared to tell my parents that I wanted to learn painting in the art class at school and become an art student.

In the years that followed, I always envied people who could draw, and regretted that I did not have this talent.

3.

Once upon a time, I also had another hobby: cooking. When we were teenagers, we usually had to help the adults with some housework at home during holidays. For girls, it was cooking, washing clothes and the like.

Since I particularly enjoy cooking, I have always been a "role model" for my peers in my neighborhood. Because I don’t have to be urged by adults every day, I always take the initiative to cook three meals consciously and proactively. Not only that, I also like to study recipes and make something different.

Overall, my home cooking is pretty good. There is a neighbor nearby who has three or four girls at home, but none of them likes to cook. Every now and then I hear a few girls being scolded by their mother.

Later I went to work in the south. When I had free time, I liked to make soup for myself. In the process of doing this, it is not just as simple as filling my stomach. Sometimes it is more like a ritual. I feel that I must be better to myself.

I don’t like cooking very much. I started doing it after I got married. Because I have to cook every day, especially after get off work, if I am already very tired, I still have to cook again. Something that I originally loved has become a trivial daily routine, and it will gradually become difficult to be liked.

Of course, if I don’t cook like this every day for a while, I will still cook one or two meals very seriously.

Once it becomes a daily routine, you won’t like it anymore, and maybe you don’t really love it.

4.

In addition, plants and writing are more important in my life.

I used to be an expert at growing flowers and grass. Planting dozens of kinds of flowers in my yard was my favorite thing. During the holidays, you may stay for a long time just observing those plants every day. Later, such quiet time becomes less and less.

As a writer, writing is an important part of my job. If it weren't for love, it might be difficult to persist for so many years.

Despite this, I still feel that my passion is not enough and that I lack too many skills.

If you don’t work hard to make up for what you lack, you will pay the price for it. Just as we have been lazy in the past, one day we have to pay back double.