Perhaps there was a time when children were glad to have a mother who "neglected" themselves.
However, how lucky he was, how much he hated me later.
Italian education expert Montessori mentioned a point:
It was not until my children went to junior high school that their words and deeds became more and more extreme that I realized how dereliction of duty I was.
I haven't taken care of my children's studies since kindergarten.
When I graduated from preschool, the teacher told me to let my child go to preschool for one more year, for fear that he could not keep up with the first grade.
I think this teacher is really serious and lovely. When children grow up, they naturally know how to manage their studies. There is really no need to worry too much!
In the first grade of primary school, my son became the last in the class. Final exam: Chinese 28, Math 60.
I am secretly glad that the child didn't inherit my weak liberal arts. The child's father looked at the report card and said, "How come the grades are so poor!" " "Then he turned to do his work.
In this way, our precious son developed willfully in the eyes of these Buddha's parents, and soon he was in the sixth grade.
One day, the head teacher told me, "I'm afraid even the worst middle school in the city can't accept this kind of achievement." As soon as I heard this, I was a little anxious. If so, even if I am willing to pay for a private school, I may go to the worst class.
With his son's face-saving personality, he will definitely refuse to go to school within a few days. After my son's mid-term exam in the sixth grade, I began to grasp his study, thinking, "Mother and son bite their teeth and struggle for half a year, at least they can get a medium grade."
So, I spent all my spare time looking for review materials for my son and supervising him to brush the questions desperately. My son didn't cooperate at all. In his eyes, I was like an uninvited guest who suddenly intervened in his originally free life.
We started arguing. I asked him to do his homework, but he didn't. He just watches TV and plays with his mobile phone.
The more I want it, the less he wants it. Gradually, the contest between mother and son reached hot water. His grades have not improved, but he has many bad habits.
One day, I heard him talking to his classmates outside the door and said:
"My mother is disgusting! Now I am in charge every day, and I still say that my grades are poor all day. If I don't work harder, I won't be able to go to junior high school. I am really speechless. Why did she go early? You have left me alone since the first grade. Now you're in charge? ……
I suddenly felt as if I had been hit with a stick and my heart ached. It turns out that I am such an incompetent mother in my child's mind.
Maybe my son is still very concerned about whether he can go to junior high school smoothly. Although his attitude has been very resistant, he still made some efforts in the sixth grade next semester, and his grades at the beginning of junior high school were finally unsatisfactory.
My son is in the first grade, and his study is completely out of state. He spent three days fishing and two days surfing the internet, the teacher complained about the phone for two days and bombed WeChat for three days.
From Monday to Friday, his "old man" sleeps until midnight every day. You can knock at the door, but still calm and firm.
From Friday night to Sunday, the sound of the game kept ringing until eight or nine in the morning. Want to see him during the day? Difficult!
Even if a person is in the classroom, the soul is in a dream or a mobile phone, and almost no day is normal. After a period of hard work, teachers and class teachers in all subjects can only let nature take its course.
In the final exam of the first semester of junior one, his score was the second from the bottom of the whole grade 15. In the face of my questioning, he casually said, "You asked me to learn. Don't I go to school every day? " ? What do you want from me? You say others get good grades, and you don't look at what other people's mothers do?
At this time, I really want to cry. This is my "good" son, who has no sense of learning, let alone developing good study habits. He is a "little devil on earth"!
In order to correct the child's study, I enrolled him in several classes, including one-on-one private teaching and remote network teaching. I thought, first create a little learning atmosphere for him, and throw him into a competitive group, which can also be a little competitive.
However, before long, I was severely beaten in the face. Facts have proved that plump ideals and backbone reality are like Mars hitting the earth.
Except for the first class, my husband and I personally took it to report for duty, and he basically avoided the rest of the classes. Whenever it was time, the teacher called someone, only to find that he was cheated by his son who looked like a good boy when he went out.
In order to make him attend class on time, my husband and I take turns to take time off every Saturday and Sunday and personally "escort". But cows don't drink water, and it's really not the way to force their heads.
After a few weeks, not only are we exhausted, but our son's rebellious mood is getting higher and higher.
On this day, I asked for leave, prepared textbooks and pens for him, and urged my son who was still playing with his mobile phone to hurry up. He had a good time, without looking up or talking.
Seeing that the time is up, I can't help but be upset: "Hurry up! Why is it so disturbing? Do you want to see it or not? If you can't, play at home and play to death! "
The son suddenly stood up, raised his mobile phone and fell to the ground, tearing his neck and drinking loudly: "What's the hurry?" At what? Are you interested in swearing all day? "
I'm so angry that my lungs are about to explode. "If you are not my son, I won't care about you! You don't look in the mirror, you are tall and big, and you don't worry all day! "
"Who wants to be your son? Did you ask me if I agreed to let you be my mother? I'd rather be an orphan with a mother like you! "
My son blushed and shouted hysterically at me, then slammed the door behind him.
Sadly, I further reflected on my education.
I found that the fundamental reason was that I gave him too much freedom. If I leave it alone, the child's life can't be finished at a glance.
Just when I was at my wit's end, my wife sent me a link of "parents' training camp explodes children's learning ability", and said meaningfully: "If you want to change children, you must first change yourself! "
I tried several classes with uneasy feelings, and suddenly I had an unprecedented opening. Under the guidance of Huang Weiqiang, an educator, I became more aware of my educational problems.
My original Buddhist origin is the ideal education of waiting for flowers to bloom and only waiting for spring, and another point is the inertia in human nature. I always thought it would be nice to wait until he grew up, and he would naturally pursue it then.
Instead of cherishing the "free air" envied by others, he went to extremes, just like an uncut bonsai. The longer it is, the more crooked it is. The longer it is, the thicker it is.
As Mr. Huang Weiqiang said, educating children needs to start at an early age. If you don't let him develop good study habits at first, you won't let your child against you until you are qualified.
Teacher Huang told me: We must respect the psychological characteristics of adolescent children, change ourselves patiently and scientifically according to methods, and then guide the children positively.
At the same time, Mr. Huang thinks:
Realizing this, I became confident and calm. I revealed my thoughts to my children for the first time, and I got up the courage to admit my dereliction of duty in education. I didn't help him develop good study habits, nor did I pay attention to cultivating his learning motivation, so that he had clear learning goals and ideals.
My son accepted my apology, blushed and apologized to me, saying that he had a bad attitude before.
This also confirms what the teacher said in class: "Only when the relationship with children is closer, children will be willing to listen to their parents and have the opportunity to guide them correctly."
Only then did I really understand what the teacher said: "Educating children is to light a fire, not to fill a bucket of water."
After that, my relationship with my son gradually eased. Then, according to the advice and guidance given by Huang Weiqiang, I made a 3,000-word education plan, mainly from five aspects: self-discipline, homework, parent-child communication, habit formation, and sprinting to learn hegemony, and set goals for children according to the progress.
"Small goals are simple and difficult, and big goals are difficult to hell! Every five small goals are interspersed with a big goal, so that children will not admit defeat, stimulate fighting spirit, and say no to their past selves! "
I printed out the study plan in one breath and posted it on the bedside.
Now, my son is no longer the devil in the world, but a good student with ideals and goals and a suitable schoolmaster.
Looking back on those days when we couldn't see the light, we still have a lingering fear. Fortunately, our mother and son met Huang Weiqiang, and we learned lifelong beneficial parenting ideas and motivation training in the training camp.
Thousands of families have a new life here. For many parents who have lost their way to child-rearing, Teacher Huang Weiqiang is a bright light forever!
I also want to share the course with my parents! Click on the card below to register.
In the training camp, like me, there are actually many parents who are liberated in pain and rekindle their family hopes. They are also willing to share their experiences of transformation:
Mother Zhang from Wuhan excitedly gave us feedback: "The child has changed a lot, just like a changed person, and the enthusiasm for learning is unstoppable!"
Mother He of Shanghai also said in the group: "Children are willing to put down their mobile phones and stop fierce fighting."
After studying, mother Zhao in Suzhou stopped worrying and staring at her children. The speed of children's homework has been greatly improved, and the parent-child relationship has become closer!
Mother Li in Hangzhou was very excited and said to us, "I helped my son find his initial dream, and my son with a goal is full of motivation!" " "
Zhou's mother in Quanzhou said: "Children learn to be active, no longer lose their temper, and their relationship with children is getting better and better." It feels good! "
Another mother gave us a happy feedback: "During this time, the child saw that I was changing, and he was trying to change, and he was more and more motivated to learn and more confident! My son especially likes teachers! "
In addition, there are many parents who grow and change here, and then help their children grow up and make their learning more motivated and purposeful.
In order to really help parents, we invited Huang Weiqiang, a brain potential tutor, to have a deep dialogue with dozens of parents and found a practical and effective way to stimulate children's learning motivation, that is, the training camp mode!
We adopt the mode of training camp, just like giving you a personal trainer!
Actually, there are no children who can't teach, only parents who can't teach. With a little effort, you can cultivate your children into "children from other people's families"!
Learning is an effective way to grow into a better parent!