My aunt came into my life when I was four years old.

Before I was twelve years old, my mother appeared only a handful of times, and I could see her almost three or four times a week. In my memory, she was never very beautiful. She was always put on weight in middle age. It is said that she suffered from a serious illness when she was young and almost suffered from the sequelae of the disease, and she has always been accompanied by the disease. However, in my memory, she has never shown any weakness due to the disease, and she has always been busy. state of worry.

Speaking of the nearly fatal diseases that year, there is also a superstitious saying that the year she was sick and hospitalized, someone calculated for her that there would be a bloody disaster. The way to solve the disaster was to use a shovel to shovel ten I put the soil from a grave into a bag and used it as a pillow for a month. No one else could do this for me, but it is said that my aunt was timid and did not do this. She became seriously ill in the later period and was critically ill in the hospital. My grandparents sought help from many sources. Only Chinese medicine can cure it.

I was raised by my grandparents. We have always been very close to my aunt’s house. I remember we lived together when I was five years old. It seemed that nothing major happened before. Suddenly they arranged the marriage of my eldest cousin, who married my eldest cousin's sister-in-law, and then they had a little niece. I was already in the first grade of elementary school at that time, and until the third grade, I would go to my aunt's house every weekend to talk to my little niece. I would play with my niece, and would ask my eldest cousin any questions she didn’t know about homework. I would ride a small tricycle around the yard with my niece. Two years later, they had a grandson, and the family was together. Have fun together! At that time, my aunt's family all rented a house, and I was very familiar with every place they moved. Except for one place with a big biting rooster, I was reluctant to go there. Since she had grandchildren, my memory When she was young, she often pushed the bicycle with the red awning, and her grandchildren followed her, taking it with her wherever she went. At that time, her grandparents often grew vegetables, and the extra vegetables would be given to her aunt because they felt sorry for them. My son married a wife and used the money to buy a house. Another reason is that my other children are far away. My parents and several aunts are all in Beijing, and my aunt and uncle are in my hometown. They are the only ones who are closest. Moreover, my eldest uncle was a soldier before. Although he is a slippery man. They were a little bit older, but at that time they were greatly appreciated and trusted by my grandfather. They were indispensable for anything in our family, and we would participate in anything that happened in their family.

Although I was a child at that time, I didn’t have any snacks. I only ate them as a meal. I don’t remember what the rice cooked by my aunts tasted like. Anyway, I often cooked rice and I remember their rice was particularly good. Eat, because the pressure cooker she used had a pressure cooker. I had been coveting it for a long time and finally stretched out my sinful hand and secretly took the pressure cooker home. I wanted to put it on the lid of my own pot, but I didn't expect it. It was revealed that my grandma's earthen stove at that time couldn't use this high-end gadget, so they sent their second cousin to pick it up. He said that without this hoop, the rice at home would not be cooked for several days. I was so ashamed that I didn't go there for a long time. After a while, I still went to her house.

I remember another time. There were very few mobile phones at that time. My eldest cousin bought a new mobile phone and threw the old one at home. I didn’t have toys when I was a child. When I saw the mobile phone, I thought it was very new. I was particularly envious of the way other people answered the phone. I held it in my hand and pressed it again and again, reluctant to let it go. Later, I secretly took it home and showed it off in front of my cousins. As soon as they opened it, they saw the name of the owner, and I was After being caught, my second cousin was sent to retrieve it again. I hid in another room dejectedly and didn't dare to show up. I didn't dare to go to her house for a long time.

Perhaps fortunately for me, they later put away "valuables" like this better, and I have never been involved in such shameful behavior again. After all, they are gradually becoming older girls. I had said bad words in front of them several times, and she always laughed and covered my mouth, telling me that I couldn't talk like that, that it wasn't right, so I stopped saying it. Later, the eldest cousin finally separated from them and built his own stylish small western-style house. The two children had reached school age and she didn’t have to worry too much. The second cousin also bought a small single-family house near us that was relatively expensive at the time. I married my second cousin one after another, and their home was only about one kilometer away from ours, so we saw each other more often. The good times didn't last long, but unexpected things happened. Not long after the second brother got married, he dug up a tree behind their house. I don't know what happened to blind him, and his eyes felt uncomfortable all the time. Later, I saw it in Wuhan and Beijing and said it was glaucoma. After seeing several doctors but with no results, I gave up the treatment. My second brother worked as a car repairman before getting married, and later he started a shabby business with his uncle. Although it was not dignified, he was dirty and dirty all day long. They dealt with all kinds of waste products, but at least the two brothers relied on this to build their buildings. Although the work was hard work, they still made a lot of money. I would still go there often to play at that time. Although my relatives were aware of the situation at home, I didn't see any negative emotions in their eyes. Maybe my aunt must be very sad as a mother. I remember that I invited a Yin-Yang Immortal to stay at home for a few days and calculate the sudden misfortune. There were two reasons. First, my family could not control the sweet-scented osmanthus tree in the yard. Only wealthy families could plant it. The tree is up, and the tree is umbrella-shaped, which does not give a sense of growth and prosperity. Secondly, it is said that there was a grave in the middle of his house, which is very unlucky, so there is such a misfortune. But I guess that my eldest uncle, who is a party member, certainly doesn’t believe in these ghosts and gods. Under the influence of my grandparents who don’t believe in ghosts and gods, my eldest aunt definitely doesn’t believe it either, so I just give it some comfort.

Immediately afterwards, a pair of children of the second brother were born one after another. Following the birth of the eldest brother's family, the children were born, full moon, and one year old, and there were constant wedding banquets. The brothers and sisters-in-law of the two families were all hard-working people, and they lived a prosperous life. But she is stingy and has never seen her as a daughter being filial to my grandparents. On the contrary, whenever my family has food, she will give it to them. This has disgusted me since I was very young. At that time, I had no concept of kinship. , I only thought of her as my aunt, and she called my grandma mom. My grandma was so kind to her, but she didn’t express anything. Later I realized that mothers can’t expect anything in return from their children. Later, the second cousin sister-in-law continued to work. She had to wash, cook and take care of the children again. She also had to take care of the rags from time to time. She often pushed out her red awning bicycle and pulled the two children in tandem. Our families are very familiar. My nephew was named after my sister. But there is one thing that is very annoying, but it is not something I can see. I am a person who has no position. I heard that they were described as snobbish, like suspicious neighbors stealing axes. No matter how you look at it, my aunt's family was the most popular among relatives at that time. The richest ones are very flattering, even more so than their own parents. Of course, all this is the result of the instigation of my uncle who is nicknamed "Old Fox". Anyway, I am in my adolescence. I hate their flattering faces. But, it’s true that my aunt prefers me. Although she said she wouldn't give me anything to eat or play with, maybe she thought that I was always following my grandparents and I was kind-hearted and wouldn't fight for anything. In the first year when I lived with my sister, I was often beaten and scolded by her. She and my uncle would stand by me, and my subjective consciousness felt that I must be being bullied, and I was definitely not the one causing trouble. That person, and this kind of attitude even my own parents never had. She often brought her grandchildren to my house at that time, sometimes one pair, sometimes two pairs. I really don’t know how she brought them here. The purpose is, on the one hand, to bring some vegetables back, and on the other hand, they are afraid that we will fight. When I went to their house to play, sometimes a neighbor would ask her who I was, and she would resoundingly reply, "This is my niece!" Although the answer seems normal, it makes me feel particularly safe every time, unlike a child who stays in other people's homes. As a result, as I grew older, I didn’t go to their house that often. Even though it was less than a kilometer away and it was the only way to go out, I didn’t go there very often. One time when I was in the second grade of junior high school, my mother was mending some of our ripped clothes at her house. I went to give something to her, but I didn’t even behave politely, but she turned out to be very enthusiastic. She took my hand and took a big bag from the refrigerator. She gave me the apple, smiling from ear to ear. I resisted and said I didn't want it, but she pulled me and said, "Here, take it, let's play for a while, my eldest niece." I was embarrassed, took the apple and smiled awkwardly and went home. It was the first time I had seen such a big apple. Even though I took it home, I didn’t eat it because there was only one, odd-numbered thing, and I never eat it. But until now, I still remember the temperature of that apple when it was taken out of the refrigerator. I have never eaten an apple bigger than that. In those years of adolescence, I didn't study well, and my thoughts were not correct. I always looked at their family through colored glasses. At that time, if there was any banquet for relatives, they would always say "the whole family is here". There were ten people in the family, and they would The one that needs to be packed makes people feel particularly bad. Later, there was a banquet at their family. It was my eldest niece’s birthday banquet when she turned 12. We all refused to go. My grandpa said to us, how can the whole family be there if there is a banquet in our family? , do you care about eating more or less at this time? It's a kind of respect. We thought what grandpa said made sense, so we went. But they are indeed careless. They are not the kind of daughter Xiaomianyao is. She doesn't have a daughter herself, and maybe she is not very considerate except for her grandchildren. They didn't care much about my grandpa's late-stage skin cancer.

When I was in college, she sent money and said, "Buy water for my eldest niece on the road." I didn't do well in the exam, and I never took the initiative to see her. When she came to my house, I never gave her a good attitude.

In the first semester of college, I had just taken courses for about three months. My grandfather suddenly became critically ill and his condition was very bad. All my family members returned home, except for me who did not rush back. My family members called Everyone urged me to hurry up. I had already guessed the situation at home. It would be a pity to wait until I got home in the early morning. At five o'clock, when it was almost dawn, she and her uncle came over. She supported me and said, "Baby, you are back. Your grandpa just left because he couldn't hold on any longer. Have you eaten?" Later, during the night watch, when her children were supposed to be there, she went home with her uncle. Although her uncle helped me a lot during the day, I still cared about me and felt angry. Didn't she understand? Before my grandfather came out of the coffin, my grandma had an itchy back for a while. She had a hunchback and couldn't reach her, so she had to lean against the door and scratch her. She smiled and said, "Mom, what are you doing? It's like having an affair." I was furious at that time. She asked her, "Can't you scratch her itchy back? What are you talking about?" She explained, "She won't let me scratch her." We could see Grandpa's face before he came out of the coffin. Grandpa was very peaceful, and we all She was not afraid, she went to see it, but she kept asking me if I was afraid or not. I was extremely afraid. I said, I'm not afraid, because he is my relative, and I secretly said in my heart, "You haven't taken care of him with all your heart, I'm afraid you have a guilty conscience."

Hey.

In 2018, our family suffered an accident. Although it ended well, I spent a huge amount of money to buy a computer and had no living expenses for the next school year. My sister and I went to work during the winter vacation during the Spring Festival and went home to celebrate the Lantern Festival. On the day we arrived, My aunt was also at my house. When she saw us, she was very happy and said that we were sensible. But I didn't communicate much with her.

Who would have thought that after my grandfather passed away, my second aunt and uncle also died of illness one after another; in 2020, the year when the epidemic hit, she suddenly became critically ill, but fortunately, she was treated well and was treated. After the surgery, I heard that he was cured, but I didn’t express my condolences. It was not until later that a Shuidichou appeared in the WeChat group of friends and family, and it turned out that it was my second cousin-in-law who suddenly fainted at home and was seriously ill in the hospital. Then I started to panic. Their family was really in trouble. I donated as much as I could. Later I heard that after surgery, my condition improved. We spent the New Year with my grandma in Beijing. We didn’t meet her in person. We occasionally had video calls, and I didn’t go over to say hello or listen to her. My voice sounded much better, and I comforted my grandma not to worry. It’s hard to go out anywhere during the current epidemic, so it’s a blessing to be with us and have a lot of fun as a family. Who knew, that would be the last time I heard her voice.

During the Spring Festival this year, the state advocated celebrating the New Year in situ. I was not able to go home, but I heard the news that she was seriously ill. She had been ill. I naively thought that this situation would be a long-term one. She is just lying in bed quietly, thinking that when the spring flowers bloom, I will go home to see her and buy her two pieces of clothes. She has no daughter and her son is careless. Who would have known that when I was about to go to work and I had a video chat with my mother, I heard that she was really dying. The doctor said that she would only live for more than ten days and that she would need oxygen when she got home. However, her husband and her two sons were actually in her We are discussing whether to buy a 3-liter oxygen concentrator or a 5-liter oxygen concentrator, and whether to buy it in a physical store or online. You can save 200 yuan by shopping online! Oh my god, this is the husband and son she has devoted her life to! My sister said that she was so angry at the scene that she directly yelled at them. Later, she saw her looking at the child with affection in her eyes and held it back. Because in the cold winter, when she was sick, she told my third aunt that she had to cook and wash herself, and she couldn’t even eat a bowl of hot noodles. My dad found out about this and called my eldest uncle, "If you don't treat my sister well, I won't make it easy for you when I get home!" As a result, my aunt later said that there were always hot meals and dishes to eat, and she didn't wait until In the end, they defended their husband and son. So it’s not easy to say anything. I also heard that my second brother also bought a house. At this juncture, when I am debating whether to save 200 yuan, it is really ironic. This reminds me of one Spring Festival, when other relatives at my house had finished eating, my dad grabbed my eldest uncle’s wrist and said, “Thank you for taking care of my sister for so many years.” [Because my eldest uncle mentioned before, “Your sister wants It’s not like I lost it many years ago.” At that time, my aunt also looked serious and said, “Why are you bringing this up?” A few days ago, my dad suddenly said that he wanted to go home, and I guessed that there might be some bad luck, but since it is the first month of the year, I was afraid that it would be unlucky. As a result, I saw the video of the funeral in the crowd of family members within two days, and my heart tightened. Her relatives, all wearing mourning cloths and masks, gathered around her in the funeral home to bid farewell to her body. They couldn’t believe that it was really her who was lying there. , obviously she was fine last time I saw her, why was she lying alone in a transparent box, covered with something white or red, surrounded by flowers, relatives gathered in a circle, playing sad music, and her name was written on the screen farewell ceremony. A timid person who loves fun can only go alone in the end. At the farewell ceremony I saw, although her husband and son looked serious, my eldest nephew was still smiling silly at the camera. This eldest nephew looks taller than me, but you know how much I envied them. They have all grown up, and my grandma is still so young. My aunt is just in her early sixties and has only a few gray hairs, while my grandma has already turned gray. I heard that her sixtieth birthday was not a happy one, hey. Then the urn was buried. My eldest uncle and cousin carried it to the ground. Yin Yangxian used a ruler to measure the distance. My dad looked at the white urn silently... It was pitiful that his sister was just holding a handful of loess. Later, I was still wondering why my aunt was cremated, because our place is still very particular about "integrity" ideologically. My mother said that she was responding to the call of the country, and as a party member, my eldest uncle was the first to bear the brunt... Oh, poor people, even The final destination is mainly influenced by her husband. My impression of her was that she had been fat all her life. She had lost weight during exercise for health, but she had never taken good care of herself. She seemed to have never gone out to play except for medical treatment. She spent her whole life for her husband's family.

No one else is qualified to comment on everyone’s life, whether it is worth it or regretful. Everyone is independent. No matter what kind of life they live in the world, they can only come and go. It's one of my own. The deceased is gone, may he be happy in the next life! I especially like the way my family says about leaving, "Going to another world to enjoy happiness." That's right, there is no pain and desolation in the world.

I just pity my eighty-year-old grandma. In the past few years, my grandfather has been gone, and my second aunt, uncle, uncle, and aunt have also left one after another. She is so sad and desperate. Female Ben She is weak, but a mother is strong. I feel sorry for her and admire her. Fortunately, the fourth aunt and aunt can stay at home with her these days. I hope the old man can be more open-minded.

2022-4-23

It has been more than a year since she left.

When I heard the news, I wanted to record something in words, and what I wrote was a memory account. By midnight, I was bursting with tears. Even for more than a year, I didn’t have the courage to open my words and read them. I didn’t dare to remember.

Perhaps: You and I are both passers-by.

I only wish that I have been in this world, been loved and loved others.