Mr. Qian Zhongshu's words expressed the original intention of "exquisite life".
"Take a bath, see flowers, eat. If you feel happy, it's not all because the bath is clean, the flowers are blooming well, or the food is to your taste, mainly because there is nothing in your heart. "
After years of research, Harvard Business School found a phenomenon: successful people with strong happiness often have a very clean and tidy home environment; Unfortunately, people usually live in chaos and filth.
From a small family to everyone, a successful enterprise is often smooth; On the contrary, an enterprise on the verge of bankruptcy must have a dirty corner.
So I groped for such a conclusion: "The room you live in is your own reflection, and your life is actually like your room."
Compared with the exquisite makeup or the elegant life displayed to the outside world, the bathroom is a relatively secret place, and no one will check it.
A person who keeps the bathroom spotless, clean and fragrant must have a high pursuit of life.
Her bedroom, study and the corner where she lived must also be clean and dust-free, which makes people feel relaxed and happy.
There is a classic movie called The Smell of Women, which points out an interesting angle to appreciate women.
Women who love cleanliness can give people a sense of fragrance even if they don't wear perfume.
Just like the fresh air is tasteless, but because of this long-lost brightness, people who are in a happy mood smell the beautiful fragrance.
A clean woman always brings her own elegant fragrance.
A writer described his little wife like this: "The cups and plates on the dining table are messy, the chewed sweet potatoes, the bitten biscuits, and the dishes that have not been scrubbed for days."
There are still two pairs of socks between the leftovers, which are reluctant and affectionate; Put the worn bra on the dining chair, and the left and right hemispheres look at each other silently, measuring each other's sweat stains;
The quilt on the bed was not put away properly, and I was surrounded by pillows, pillow towels, vests, pants and shirts. I looked at this and left home for ten days. I really don't know what to do. "
Nowadays, many girls may live a glamorous life on the surface, but in fact, they don't even wash their socks behind their backs.
My ex-roommate's sheets haven't been washed or changed for half a year, and they are black and shiny.
There is a pile of snack crumbs on the bed, and there may be unwashed socks or even dirty menstrual towels hidden under the pillow.
Many girls who love to dress up always have all kinds of shoes, high heels, flat shoes, sports shoes and canvas shoes. But it is more troublesome to sort it out in different categories.
So I threw it on the floor under the bed and called it "easy to find".
Some girls seldom buy clothes and shoes to meet the needs of life, mostly to shape their image.
In fact, in this sense, buying a pair of shoes is not as good as buying a shoe cabinet, and buying a dress is not as good as patiently washing a coat.
Matsuura Yataro, a Japanese life aesthetician, said: "The best way to spend money is to spend it on enriching personal experiences and feelings."
When you really can't help but want to chop your hands, you might as well tidy up the house and tidy up your clothes. While making the whole family look brand-new, there will be a fairy-like temperament on the body.
You always care about your clothes, but you don't know how much impression an ironed windbreaker can add to a skirt full of creases.
You always bite your teeth to buy expensive perfume, but you don't know how many youthful memories your freshly washed fragrant hair can bring to men.
The real exquisiteness lies in the subtleties, and the real level is also distinguished between the subtleties.
I think exquisiteness is a life attitude and a habit.
Everyone's exquisiteness is different, but it is determined by people's personality and vision to a certain extent.
Exquisite premise is: don't feel inferior, have your own thoughts.
It is difficult to do these two things alone, especially in the social background where China people are now:
We no longer attach importance to China's traditional culture. At the same time, in the period of internationalization, foreign cultures have invaded too much: various ideas and social values affect our judgment, making it impossible for us to correctly accept and understand, absorb and translate these ideas, and turn them into ideas that can be used and accepted under our social conditions. Coupled with the development of technology and media, the speed and frequency of information reception increase, and we spend too much information that has nothing to do with ourselves every day, thus losing the time to cultivate ourselves and form correct modern social values.
In fact, many people don't realize that many concepts we accept are contradictory. First, what we need to realize is not only to recognize and accept an idea, but also to consider its social background and factors while accepting a new idea, and whether it can be replicated in our own social background and whether it needs to be changed.
Secondly, when receiving information, we must learn a kind of "strategic analysis:" to distinguish which information is useful and which is useless, and how much time is spent on useful information and how much is useless.
Come to think of it, are the gossip and dynamics of stars really that important to me? The depreciation of RMB has nothing to do with me, so I won't pay attention? In life, who is my neighbor, what is my neighborhood like, what problems exist in society, and whether friends around me take good care of them ... It is really better to play games with an unknown person online than to do it with my parents at home.
Delicate discussion
In my life circle, I am very ordinary, my family loves me very much, and I am also very simple. It is my inspiration that has cultivated me into a happy and simple person. I wanted to cultivate myself into a unique, excellent and exquisite woman since I was a child, but my sources were limited and I could never find a realistic template. When I was young, I had many excuses. I feel that I have always lacked the conditions to be a delicate woman. It turned out that this was not the case. Two fatal wounds that prevent you from becoming a delicate woman:
Lazy eyes are not long enough.
Here I want to talk about a topic that I care about, but it's actually not important: class.
Although I am the daughter of a socialist country, I have been influenced by capitalism in the international situation, and I have gradually discovered the intersection of these two political and social concepts. In the west, social class is innate; Class is a neutral word, which determines the quality of your education, how narrow your vision and mind are, and how far you can go in life. This is not the decisive factor in your life, but it is beneficial to have it after all. One of the most important factors that the classroom can bring you is: horizon.
A girl who will be responsible for supporting her parents and sharing the family burden when she grows up must plan how to find a job that can support herself, save money for the future and life; And a carefree girl can learn what she likes, socialize and do what she wants. If the first girl wants to be the second girl, she must study and work harder. However, most girls of the first type in society are unwilling to struggle. They feel tired and feel in good condition now. Making do with life is the most terrible thing. It seems to be content with the status quo and enjoy life. In fact, it is to plant a lazy big seed for yourself.
Why do people who are better than you work harder than you? Because they see the farther and wider sky, they know how to work hard to achieve it. They are stronger and braver than you. Many of these qualities can be learned the day after tomorrow, but your vision determines whether you can understand these things.
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Don't beat around the bush and say it directly.
How to be a delicate woman? I think there are three core points.
Pay attention to details, learn to be independent and keep yourself.
I, in turn, analysis:
Keep yourself
I study media and minor in finance. The media development in China is very interesting, and these years have witnessed history.
With the development of science and technology and internationalization, China's media has quietly undergone earth-shaking changes in recent years. In high school, my dream was to be a host like Dong Qing or Lu Yu. At that time, there was no public relations or consultation in China. The media in China is very official. Everyone is still using qq and everyone; Weibo, WeChat and QR code haven't appeared yet. The flow of information at that time was very slow.
Young women in China are in a very embarrassing period: we are hardly influenced by the traditional China women's "virtuous and virtuous", and we only have almost limited sources of European and American fashion information. At that time, cosmetics were not popular, and we only had a little knowledge of the so-called fashion brands. We didn't get together with European and American fashions. We don't know their history and the meaning behind them. When the information began to circulate, the European and American fashion we knew was a fashion business industry that was almost commercialized after the collapse. In addition, China is in a turbulent period. Many people get rich overnight, providing their children with sufficient economic strength, but everyone doesn't know how to be a refined person. I have seen many girls from China in the United States, all of whom are piled up by the latest famous brands, wearing heavy makeup, cutting double eyelids and standing in the crowd with pointed chins. In fact, many times I can't understand their ideas: either my ideas are too complicated or their ideas are too simple. To sum up, most people in China lack their own views on beauty and fashion, and the fragmentary fashion and beauty learned from social networks can't piece together a unique and exquisite concept, so that they don't know how to dress themselves, how to manage themselves and how to live.
But I think these are inevitable, because we came into contact with the concept of fashion later than in the west, and we have to go through a replication period before we can gradually form contemporary oriental fashion. In this environment, it is important to keep yourself: know your position and don't blindly follow the trend. My suggestion is that we should go back and learn from women's understanding of beauty and elegance in the past, and the most important thing is to combine Chinese and western understanding of beauty and exquisiteness to create a modern set of our own understanding of beauty and exquisiteness and apply it: for example, cheongsam and Dior in the old Shanghai period initially had the same idea-to create clothes that are close to the skin and can show the curvaceous beauty of girls. Instead of blindly following the trend, see which star looks good in that dress and buy the same one quickly. In this way, you will lose the opportunity and time to shape yourself in the long run.
Learn to be independent
Exquisite women often live alone because they are busy dressing themselves and cultivating their hobbies. A person's time is the easiest to grow. Don't go to school, eat and play with friends every day just because you are lonely. All these can be done, but you must make time for yourself to read, cook, do housework and do manual work. Exquisite women are very strong inside, know how to allocate time reasonably and have an independent life.
Exquisiteness is a skill, which is gradually cultivated through traveling, reading and interacting with the right people. Exquisiteness is inseparable from vision. The way to broaden your horizons is undoubtedly reading or traveling.
Reading doesn't mean reading such poisonous chicken soup as "how to be a delicate woman" and "30 things that must be done before the age of 30".
Traveling is not about signing up for a tour group, visiting all the scenic spots, taking a photo and then going home.
In that case, you didn't read anything and didn't go anywhere in the end.
In my opinion, both of these things need to be done by myself.
Reading seems to me like planting trees, not an immediate activity. I have read Marcel Proust's Reverend Remembering Like Water for four years, but the English version is not French, and I still can't understand it. Finally, after reading a person's English translation, I gradually understood a little, because that person said that most of what Proust wrote could not be understood by everyone: no one can write three pages of insomnia before going to bed, and write one page in one sentence. I was inspired to write a book only because I took a bite of Madeleine cake in one afternoon. But later, his essence, the manuscripts that Proust showed again and again, combined with the writing background at that time and a love letter he wrote were randomly displayed in the private fashion collections of women whom Proust admired (I am a fan of museums and galleries, so I often watch art exhibitions), and gradually I had my own understanding of French fashion, literature and their daily lives. So I know that drinking afternoon tea, a cup of tea and a piece of cake every day is an attitude towards life rather than showing it to others (or what my mother said: pretending). Here I would also like to mention my personal point of view: Many people in China think that drinking Starbucks is very melodramatic, probably because Starbucks comes from the United States first, so people in China drink tea and insist on drinking coffee, which is not in line with the traditional image of China people. Secondly, many people think that drinking coffee is very pretentious, because the price of Starbucks in China is much higher than that of drinking tea before. So if French is exquisite, in the social environment of China, it is: give yourself an hour every afternoon, make a pot of scented tea and add a piece of Osmanthus Jelly. This is what the French inspired me (maybe one day I will write a big memoir because of a passage by Osmanthus Jelly). However, the fact is that I haven't finished reading this book, and I can't understand it after reading it. But in the process of reading, I thought, understood, and was confused. My neighbors found a way to understand, and I learned something from it.
My mother is a pragmatist. She likes to eat everything and make do with it. She thinks exquisiteness is dispensable. And I often tell her that this is a life attitude that has nothing to do with money. You cook a meal with your heart, choose plates with your heart, put each dish in a different plate, clean the edges when you take it out, separate the fruit from the plate, have chopsticks at home, drink soup, serve vegetables and separate it from the dessert spoon (add different kinds of knives and forks under the guidance of internationalization), and it is a very subtle premise. No matter how busy you are every day, many people or one person must ensure that every meal is done well.
What I'm not used to is that our fruits and vegetables are on the same plate, so we don't need a red wine glass, so we just drink red wine in a beer glass.
I don't have much time to use social networks now, and I often feel that I can't keep up with the trend of society. I accept things like grabbing red envelopes, hot search words and stars more slowly than others. Because I spend time with myself. When I was in Paris, I visited Shakespeare's Bookstore and imagined Hemingway walking into it awkwardly. We have commercialized all these. If we really care about the cultural heritage of our country, we will visit Du Fu's "hut" like a song about wine that Li Bai sang at that time. When I see that France is positioned to protect and attach importance to its own cultural industry, I think more of China people's neglect and indifference to their own culture. So Fog gradually began to read ancient poems. But I don't think this is enough. If we can combine Chinese and western cultures and produce a modern self-domain, it is the way to truly master and start refinement.
The word exquisite is actually very abstract. It's not that you make a list and do it all, and then you become a refined person. It is more like an attribute, just like everyone's personality is different, and everyone has his own way of paying attention to it.
Attention to detail.
The key to a person's exquisiteness lies in her attention to detail: there is no stain or dust on her coat, she must wipe her mouth with a napkin after meals, wear gloves to protect her hands when going out in winter, wear a long skirt with leather shoes, and walk with a straight back. When taking the subway bus, she is reading gossip, news or books, smiling or smiling. The balcony at home is planting flowers or piling up sundries, and she does not clean the house regularly.
When all the details are noticed, you must learn to zoom in.
This is very difficult, and it is also a selective factor. You can do it or not. I can't even do it myself.
Finally, I really want to mention a senior I know: many details of her are always affecting me and moving me: in order to hold a dinner party at home, I pondered the menu for a week and cooked every dish three or four times. Invite four people to dinner and allocate seats according to everyone's understanding. I went out early that morning to buy flowers and tidy up the house. She is the most exquisite woman I have ever seen. At the same time, I know that she has her own understanding and views on many things. Very independent and charming. But at the same time, I don't want to be her, because I have my own way and opinion of becoming a delicate woman.
I'm also practicing.
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I wrote so many words after finishing my homework for the New Year. I hope I can give you some inspiration after reading it.
I also hope to leave a message and discuss it together.