Positive discipline is a method that is neither harsh nor pampered. It is based on respect and cooperation, because it will not bring shame to adults and children. Positive discipline is based on kindness and firmness. Kindness is the need to respect children, and firmness is the need to respect oneself and the situation.
Four criteria for effective discipline:
1. Are kindness and firmness parallel? (Respect and encouragement for children)
2 Does the child have a sense of belonging and values? (spiritual bond)
3. Is it effective for a long time?
4. Do you teach your children valuable life skills and social skills and cultivate their good character? Care for others, be good at solving problems, dare to take responsibility, cooperate and be dedicated.
Several important concepts
"Self-esteem": it is to teach children to learn self-evaluation, rather than relying on others' praise or opinions. Adults should teach children to regard mistakes as good opportunities for learning and learn to solve problems by letting them experience failures.
"Win" children, not "win" children. When children feel your listening, they are more likely to listen to you. Four steps to win cooperation: 1, expressing understanding of children's feelings; 2. Show sympathy, but not forgiveness (you have had similar experiences); 3. Tell your child how you feel; 4. Let children pay attention to solving problems. Kindness, care and respect are the basis of these four steps.
The feeling behind our words and deeds: asking children instead of telling them is one of the most effective positive discipline methods. Telling children what to do will cause resistance and rebellion. Respectively involving children can make them feel that they have the ability to use their strength in a beneficial way.
Three R's for correcting mistakes: admit (self-forgiveness), make up (I apologize to you), and solve (solve problems together).
"Never do what a child can do", parents should spend time training their children's life skills and allow them to cultivate their sense of responsibility and self-confidence by practicing these skills.
Four wrong ideas and wrong behavior purposes
? There are two clues that can help us identify the child's wrong purpose: 1. Emotional response of adults to children's behavior; 2. When you ask your child to stop his behavior, his reaction. These clues can help us "decode" and know what the child's behavior really wants to say. A misbehaving child is a child who loses self-confidence, and encouragement is the most effective way to change his behavior.
An effective way to encourage every wrong purpose
1. Seek excessive attention: guide children to make constructive behaviors and assign tasks; Make a special timetable and accompany your children regularly; Express trust in him; Avoid giving special services to children; Say your love and care; Shut up and take action. ...
2. Seeking power: Quit the power dispute and both sides will be calm; You can't force your child to help you find a solution to the problem; Decide what you want to do, instead of trying to get the children to do it (I will continue the lecture when everyone is ready)
3. Revenge: Children seek revenge to cover up the feeling of being hurt. Don't strike back and quit the cycle of revenge; Keep a friendly attitude and wait for the child to calm down; Guess what hurt the child and express sympathy and understanding; Reflective listening ...
4. Give up on yourself: take the time to train your child and break down the task into simple enough basic steps to make your child experience success; Show your child the small steps he can follow; Arrange some small successes; Pay attention to the advantages of children; Affirm any positive efforts of children …
Four Rs of logical results: relevance, respect, rationality and advance notice. Children can only do better if they are in a good mood. A logical result is an effective logical result when it can turn a child's behavior into a useful (contributing) behavior.
3R 1H: relevant, respectful, reasonable and helpful. Nobody likes to embarrass others. What we should do is "help others" rather than "hurt others", and pay attention to the solution of the problem rather than the logical consequences.
Active suspension: It is to help children feel better (connecting their rational brains) instead of feeling worse. When you arrange an "active pause zone" for your child, you should follow the following principles:
1. Spend time training;
2. Let children arrange their "pause area", which is a small place to help them feel better, so as to do better (do some pleasant things, read books, play with toys, listen to music, etc.). );
3. Discuss a plan with your child in advance;
4. Teach children that after they feel better, if the problem still exists, they should follow the trend to find a solution to the problem, or make up for it (do something that will make the people who are offended by them feel better. Making up is an encouragement, because it teaches children a sense of social responsibility.
Drex said, "Children need encouragement just like plants need water. They can't survive without encouragement. "
Avoiding social pressure and not using punishment seems to be the fastest way to meet the expectations of onlookers.
Sometimes, the best way to give encouragement is a simple hug! Hugging also needs to seize opportunities. Another good way to encourage children is to make them feel useful through contributions. If none of the above methods work, admit your mistake to your child and let him help you start over.
Take time to train: Make sure your children know your requirements clearly. Improvement is a lifelong process. What you want them to do is not necessarily what they think is "priority".
Daily schedule: The more children can take care of themselves, the more they feel capable and encouraged. A good way to close at night and get up in the morning is to involve children in making a daily routine list, and then let them follow it.
Class meeting: the process of solving problems is more important than the method of solving problems. Let the children help solve the problems that arise and put them on the agenda, which will make the children feel satisfied. After writing down suggestions, brainstorm and delete disrespectful and useless items.
Attitude towards life: the behavior you take when you feel that your values and sense of belonging are threatened or unsafe. Secondary life attitude orientation: the behavior you usually take when you feel safe. Four life attitude orientations: ease, control, please, and strive for perfection. Sometimes in different environments, we will choose different orientations.
Gadgets:
1, children toss before going to bed-share before going to bed, let children talk about the happiest and saddest things of the day.
2, children's eating problems-* * * cooperate with the formulation of recipes, go shopping together, let children participate in it, and use their "strength" in cooperation and contribution.
3, fighting between children-parents should not intervene, let the children solve it themselves, must intervene, must let the children "in the same situation", a bowl of water is flat.
4, silent signal-when the child can't do something as required, you can use the signal to remind you. When it is necessary to say it, the less the better.
5. Give your child a choice-adding "You decide" after giving a choice will make the child feel empowered.
6. "As long as you are ready, we will start the class, not when you are ready." .
The combination of "gentleness and firmness" and "unconditional love for children" makes children feel a sense of belonging and value at all times and live a happy and perfect life.