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Divorce is a very painful experience and will have an impact on people's life.

How about divorce? -this question will make people stunned. The unpleasant voice is strong, but you might as well think about it.

Anyway, divorce is a fact of our society. Divorce is the safety valve of an unhappy marriage. Only by exerting the function of divorce safety valve can we say that divorce is good. For most people, divorce is painful, but it is short-term pain, which is better than living in an unhappy marriage and enduring endless long-term pain.

Divorce makes it possible for us to start from scratch.

Only by finding the positive meaning of divorce can we regain the strength of life.

In our single-parent club, several members have successfully walked out of the nightmare of divorce, because they accepted this fact and looked for its meaning from a positive perspective, thus regaining the strength of life. Today, please invite three teachers, Xin and Min, to talk about this mental journey.

Divorce helped me find myself.

Xiao Ya (pseudonym) University, a female radiologist, has remarried. Her daughter was only 3 years old when she divorced.

When we get married, there are "three chapters": violence, extramarital sex, or immediate and unconditional dissolution of marriage when we lose our feelings. Five years later, I had to walk into the court door with him. In these five years, we kept arguing about all kinds of trifles until he finally put it down. Our relationship can't go back to the pure origin, and I can't find any way out before the marriage is over.

I was 29 years old. No one can share my pain. The great sense of loss pushed me to the brink of death-betrayed by the person I really love, which made me lose my trust in the world; I'm afraid I can't face the future, and I'm worried that my child won't grow up without a father; The saddest thing is that I can't find the meaning of life.

At that time, my daughter became my lifeline-she was the only creature that needed me. After half a year, I came back to life little by little. This is the resurrection of my soul.

Just when I thought there was no life in the world, I was moved by the weakest life in my heart. For example, birds that can't find food and sing on the branches, bony wild cats wandering in the streets, and river fish that are dying with their mouths open in the vegetable market. Especially when I see my little daughter growing up day by day, her exuberant vitality will always hit my instinct.

I started to save myself.

I read almost all the books on law, marriage and family, psychology and sociology that I could find at that time. The live talk show at the beginning of the evening has also become a "compulsory course" before I go to bed every day, asking experts for advice and discussing people and life. And I often appear in various training classes of adult night schools. With the continuous enrichment of new knowledge, new concepts, new perspectives and new skills, I gradually discovered myself.

I met many teachers and new friends. They all enriched my life experience with their own life experiences and influenced me with their own lives.

Divorce is like the labor pains when a new life is born, which awakens oneself who has been sleeping for many years. In the process of divorce, the pain of being abandoned, rejected and broken from the original intimate relationship is actually the only process to gain a new life.

The feeling of coming back from the dead is like a person returning to his former residence after leaving his hometown for a long time. Everything is familiar and unfamiliar. Only by finding your own past can you truly know yourself at this moment, although when you look back on the past, your heart is still aching.

I began to reflect on myself and our marriage.

In retrospect, the world in my eyes has changed a lot. I saw my husband describe me in the divorce indictment. In the initial marriage, I was a "self-centered" person, a "selfish wife" who hit the nail on the head and ignored her husband's feelings, and a "careless wife" who ignored her husband. Thanks to the ex-husband! Although divorce is not necessarily the best and only way to know yourself and grow up, it is very valuable to spend 1 year sorting out 29 years of life experience. Since fate is to be separated, it must have far-reaching significance.

When we first got married, we didn't know what happiness was, and naturally it was difficult to maintain it. Divorce gave me another chance to choose happiness, and it was when I was prepared.

Five years later, when a man expressed his affection for me, I looked at myself from the perspective of a wife and thought I had learned to treat this relationship in a mature way. In marriage, I can only think with "we" instead of "me". So I remarried.

My present marriage is as common as everyone else's, but I really feel the care and consideration of husband and wife, the fun and concern of parents and children, and the warmth and harmony of the family. Divorce, it changed the trajectory of my life, it didn't make people go to ruin.

Confidence can be forgiven.

Xin female, 40 years old, high school education, accounting in an enterprise, was a housewife at the time of divorce, and her child was 8 years old.

He sued for divorce three times in nine years. In court, his attitude was despicable. In front of the judge, he said many things that slandered and hurt me. My heart is completely cold. I reluctantly accepted the divorce judgment of the court and made up my mind never to let him see the children again!

Divorced, the "besieged city" on the surface has disappeared, but the "besieged city" in my heart continues to harass me, and that is hate! Damn it! ! Damn it! ! ! I concentrated on getting back at my ex-husband. In order to prevent my ex-husband from visiting my children, I send my children to and from school every day, monitor their every move, and prevent him from seeing his father. As a result, the children were rejected by me and almost became my enemies. My ex-husband also refused to pay me any more on the grounds that he was deprived of visiting rights. To this end, cursing my ex-husband has become an important part of my daily life. I have been depressed all day. There is no income from work, and life is getting harder and harder.

Later, I learned that there was a service unit dedicated to solving psychological confusion for divorced single mothers. Thinking that I have never been happy for so many years, I can't help but find this unit. So, I met a group of mothers who led a hard life with their children after divorce like me and participated in a "growth group" specially held for us. In the group, the group leader (social worker) guided us to talk about divorce, and we began to pour bitter water. Only then did I know that I was not the only one suffering, and I felt much better. For the last time, the team leader left us an assignment and wrote a letter to her ex-husband, entitled "I forgive you". It's up to us whether to give this letter to her ex-husband. How can this be forgiven? This is too difficult for me. I wrote and tore this letter, tore and wrote. I wrote all my hatred for him on paper. I didn't finish my homework, but I think I'm angry enough.

I began to have the idea of "re-employment". I want to live a good life. I can't be angry with him. I must love myself. I don't even love myself. How can I expect others to love me? This is the concept I learned in the group. There was an accounting certificate. I once helped my husband manage the company's finances. My business is no stranger, and my salary requirements are not high. I quickly found a job in finance.

week

Finally, I specially invited my children to have dinner with me in a restaurant. This is the first time we have gone to a restaurant since our divorce. Without the care of my husband, I will love myself and raise my children. The child wondered how I had changed so much, and I laughed! Can't I live for myself once and make myself happy? Later, I discussed with him to visit my father. He told me in a low voice that they had actually met several times in private, and he was asking his father for money. I solemnly declare to my children that you have the right to visit your father whether he gives you alimony or not. As long as you like, I will never stop you from meeting again.

I want to thank my ex-husband, who forced me to break through the shackles of my heart, rediscover my value and ability, and enjoy my work; I want to thank my ex-husband, who made me understand psychological counseling, met so many sisters, and established an effective social support system (this is a term I learned in the growing group, which refers to people or organizations that can get help when I am in trouble), so that I am no longer lonely; I want to thank my ex-husband, who forced me to discover and enjoy the beauty of life and made me proud of spending my salary; I am even more grateful to my ex-husband for giving me such an excellent child. Before that, there was only one husband in my eyes and only one home in the world.

Because this understanding has loosened his relationship with his ex-husband, now he can visit his children and he has resumed paying alimony.

Independence and self-confidence is my course.

Ms. Min is 38 years old. When the master lawyer divorced, the child was 1 year old.

At six o'clock in the morning, I woke up on time. After preparing breakfast, I gently woke up my daughter. When she was sitting in our "City Beibei" with her schoolbag on her back, cheerful music accompanied us on the road. After the snow, the roads in Beijing are slippery. My car is parked under a slope. My daughter found a long mat and put it in front of the car. I drove the car slowly up the slope. After our daughter got back to the car, we continued to walk happily. On the way home from work, I bought something delicious. Half an hour later, hot food was served on the table. Every weekend, my daughter and I practice ballet and yoga in the club respectively, and take a hot bath after practice. In a law firm, I am a professional lawyer. My clients are very satisfied with me and often recommend cases to me. My income is relatively high.

At home, the maintenance of everything-from cars and electrical appliances to needles, wires and brains, all heroic acts-from killing cockroaches and dredging sewers to coming forward in the middle of the night is up to me.

This is a summary of my life in the past seven years. This was unthinkable seven years ago.

When I realized that I was just a springboard for him to enter Beijing, and that he was still in close relationship with his ex-girlfriend, I decided to divorce him, even though I already had a daughter of 1 year old.

At first, I was embarrassed, and I began to face a vacant life. My ex-husband cheated my feelings, but he was really an expert in housework, so that I could continue my days as a student without worrying about everything. But when the divorce started, I had to face it alone.

First of all, my child. How can I raise my daughter when she is so young in my arms? I don't know how to take care of her Suddenly I found myself too incompetent, and I often held my child and cried when she cried. My colleagues and friends at work have given me great support. In the first week, they taught me how to prepare rice porridge and snacks for my children and how to teach them to sing and play games. I'm taking a crash course for kindergarten teachers. Looking at home like a battlefield every night, my heart is always sour. However, compared with the child's illness, these are insignificant. My daughter got two kinds of acute diseases-febrile convulsion and acute appendicitis, both of which occurred in the middle of the night. Accustomed to being afraid of the dark, I carried my child on my back and ran to the hospital without hesitation, but I survived after being stuck by the bed for three days and nights without eating or sleeping.

It is also difficult for me to hide the news of my divorce from my parents. They are old and extremely conservative, and it is difficult for them to accept the blow of their only daughter's divorce. I have always been an honest and good girl in front of my parents, and they have always been concerned about my life. To this end, I asked my friends again, so someone was willing to play a "fake" news live drama. My parents learned that my husband was studying abroad, and my mother often came to help me do housework and take care of my daughter, which solved my urgent needs. Now, whether my parents can accept my divorce is another story.

Learning to cook, especially for my daughter, is similar to taking the postgraduate entrance examination. I put the recipe in the kitchen and do every process step by step. Qualified dishes are served on the table, and unqualified ones are fed to your stomach. After several years, my cooking has improved obviously.

However, the hardest thing is to face yourself. No matter how hard I work and do housework, I can't calm myself down. I have seen a psychiatrist and read many books about it, but I can't understand men, let alone trust them. I know this knot has not been untied yet.

It turns out that what I care about most is interpersonal relationship. When I got everyone's help during my divorce, I was full of gratitude to everyone. It turns out that people are kind. When I open my closed heart, I can easily walk into other people's hearts. Now, everyone is willing to talk to me about anything, which makes the work easier and more enjoyable, and it is easier to negotiate and cooperate when dealing with some cases.

Divorce has also changed my relationship with my parents. It turns out that I like to play with children's temper and I am very capricious to them. In recent years, I have become more considerate and the pace of growth has been much faster than before. Whenever I go back to visit my parents, they praise my progress and say that I am "changing with each passing day". When my parents were confused, they began to consult me. In my eyes, parents are no longer just their own refuge. They need my care and support.

My daughter's growth makes me more gratified. Becoming a single-parent family not only helped me build a "steel bar", but also provided a favorable environment for my daughter's growth. Every time I send her to kindergarten, she will say goodbye to me with a smile: "Mom, the baby is not afraid!" " "When my daughter was ill, I took her to the hospital. She leaned over my ear and said, "Mom, you are ill. I will take you to the hospital. "For the convenience of our travel, I discussed with her that if we want to buy a car, we can't go to the playground often. She patted her chest and said, "I have grown up. I will go to the playground when I make money! " "No matter in kindergarten or school, she is an excellent child.

I can control my life, but I still can't figure out some specific problems. For example, my father stopped visiting his daughter, which always hurt me. Why do children become real single-parent children after divorce? Why is it difficult for single mothers to remarry? What do men really want in marriage?