I finished my driving test in Lhasa for two months and spent a week in Qinghai with Xiao Xin. We signed up for the winter volunteer of Green River Public Welfare Organization, and the volunteer work lasted for one month, which was divided into two stages: the first 10 day at the Green Water Station in Golmud, and the last 20 days at the protection station by Tuotuo River. Lvshui River is the place I knew and yearned for ten years ago. In addition, volunteers can read more books in their spare time in winter, so it was planned as soon as gap year came out.

Golmud Post Station is not too far from the city. It was built by a beautiful container like a building block in the wilderness by the roadside. Our daily life, food and shelter are all in these containers. This is also the lowest altitude and the closest to the urban area among several garbage collection and treatment points on the Qinghai-Tibet Highway, which undertakes the centralized treatment of garbage collected by several recycling points in the upper reaches of the summer. In winter, the climate on the mountain is too cold, and there are few tourists and vehicles along the way, so the upstream collection point will be closed, leaving only Golmud post to maintain daily operation and maintenance.

Because there are few things, the volunteers in winter only recruit two people each period, mostly husband and wife, plus the resident personnel, and there are four or five people in the station. Because there are few people, the environment is in a barren place, and there are not many things every day, the days begin to return to a color that seems to be close to the essence of life. We work at sunrise and rest at sunset. We are on duty regularly, taking turns to take temperature, picking up garbage and cooking. Every two or three days, we go to the city to buy some food and vegetables, and we also have a lot of free time to read quietly and stare blankly.

Now I always feel that people's energy is actually limited, and the state of working in the city is actually a way to strongly squeeze or even overdraw energy. When we are constantly bombarded by information at work and have to press ourselves to solve a large number of highly concurrent tasks, many details of life that should be owned and constitute the richness of life can only be squeezed and ignored. Like a big tree growing in the Gobi. It desperately absorbs all the sunshine and nutrients on the land, and nothing grows except it.

It's been almost four months since I resigned, but I haven't found the state I wanted before. Anticipate every place I want to go, take the initiative to make friends with the target group, ask a lot of questions in every place, force myself to be socially arrogant, and try to find back the days when many people resonated and inspired me on the road before work. Force yourself to read books that you don't necessarily like every day, for fear of wasting every moment. But in fact, this forced way can't change the real understanding. Other people's life experiences are often not suitable for them, so it's easy to fall into disappointment again and again, and in essence, they still live in anxiety.

When I arrived at Qinghe, I really began to feel a little calm. There is no one here to find the answer, and there is no such purposeful thing as a driving test. Long leisure time makes me pay attention to the details of my life unconsciously. Study the menu carefully every day and take every meal to be cooked seriously; There is a railway behind the post office. Whenever the train passes by, it will stop to see the scenery of the train passing by the railway bridge. The sunset after dinner is also beautiful, so every day after dinner, I have to go far away and enjoy the beautiful sunset from different angles. Especially this afternoon, the sun is shining. I sat on an outdoor stool and read an easy-to-read book. I was quiet all around, and for a moment I suddenly felt a meditative comfort and security.

In fact, resigning is like cutting down the artificially planted and pruned tree that once occupied life. Probably because of panic and unaccustomed. In the past few months, it's like longing to plant another tree. A truly healthy ecology may leave enough sunshine and nutrients without intervention, so the land will naturally have grass first and then shrubs until it is full of vitality. The fleeting years and feelings that I expected before work actually grew spontaneously without any purpose at that time.

Now a clear feeling is that at a certain age, the key to a good life is to gain inner peace. When you are young, you need to find a group of people to resonate with and do a lot of things to prove yourself, no matter what direction. But those things will actually leave you sooner or later, or they will no longer give you psychological strength. Only when you are completely from the heart, don't rely on anyone, and don't show it to anyone, can you enjoy the details of life and what you do, your heart will be filled, and you will be really strong.