Whether parents should pin their dreams on their children has always been a controversial topic. Many parents have no special achievements in their lives, so they pin all their hopes on their children, hoping that their children can realize their dreams that parents can't accomplish; There are also many parents who use their own practical actions to influence their children, pass on the baton to their children and practice their dreams together.
So, should parents pin their dreams on their children?
Why is the child like this?
Many parents who are in favor of children inheriting their dreams think that the material conditions and family environment of their childhood make them have no chance to realize their dreams. Today's children have better material conditions and learning environment, and they will gain more on the way to realize their dreams. There are also some parents who call themselves "experienced people". If they see their youth in their children, they will do their best to help them realize the dreams of two generations.
The main reason why many parents disapprove of children inheriting their dreams is that everyone has their own characteristics and ideas and does not want to impose their dreams on their children. They will have their own dreams, their own ways and experiences to pursue their dreams.
Xi Xiaotian will help you!
1, sometimes parents have a positive mission to their offspring, and this mission is not kidnapping.
In family therapy, there is a theory called dispatch theory, which says that sometimes parents will give their children some unfinished tasks. With permission and encouragement, children will go to the world outside the family with such a mission. He will take fulfilling the mission given by his parents as his important life goal. If he deviates from this goal, he will feel that he has betrayed his family.
Others may think that such an arrangement is unfair to children, especially if the family mission is not obviously beneficial to children. But children are willing to accept such a mission. It shows his loyalty to his parents, is the bond between children and parents to maintain emotional relationship, and even, it is the source of children's initial sense of meaning in life.
Of course, such scheduling has both successes and failures. But on the whole, others and their families have different understandings of this matter. And this difference is also the boundary between family and society. There is a documentary about the god of Japanese sushi. The God of Sushi had a son who knew from an early age that he would follow in his father's footsteps, and his training was limited to how to make sushi better. This matter seems cruel to others: children have been deprived of the possibility of life since childhood. However, the son of the sushi god himself doesn't think so. He considers it an honor to inherit his father's career.
Freud, the father of psychological counseling, is another vivid case of family dispatch.
Freud experimented with psychoanalytic education on his little daughter Anna. Even though Anna's grades were outstanding, Freud still didn't let her go to high school, because the training of psychoanalysis didn't need to be completed at school. This deprived her of the opportunity to receive a first-class liberal arts education.
Anna has been her father's secretary since 18 years old. At the age of 22, she began to accept her father's psychoanalysis as a "patient" for many years. She had to reveal many secret fantasies to her father in her analysis. After Freud's illness, she became Freud's full-time nurse, organizer of his father's thoughts, and heir of psychoanalytic association. As a scholar, she developed the field of children's psychoanalysis that her father neglected. As a daughter, she has always been loyal to her father and his career and beliefs. She gave up interest, but kept seeking pleasure from her father's interest, and finally found success and happiness for herself.
Of course, the price is that she is unmarried for life.
How to evaluate such a family dispatch task? Perhaps many people will think that the sacrifice made by a daughter for her father is too worthless, and children should live a free life without restrictions. Actually, I feel the same way. But the key is that the daughter agrees with her father's ideal and she is willing to make sacrifices for it. This is her choice. And those parents who want their children to be free, will they regard their children living freely as an unfinished dream because they are too restricted and sacrificed too much?
Parents should put an end to vanity.
Children are parents' pride, and children are parents' treasures. However, some parents have different degrees of vanity in family education, which is very harmful to the healthy growth of children. The main performances are:
(1) Always bragging about children in front of others.
Some parents often overestimate their children's development level, always feel that their children are the cleverest, and even some of them are obviously their shortcomings, and they talk about them with appreciation. They seem to criticize their children verbally, but in fact they are quite proud. ?
(2) Too much skill training in the early stage.
Some parents let their children play the piano, draw pictures, count and read. It's too early, regardless of their interests, hobbies, talents and abilities, they are required to learn everything, no matter what fashion. This kind of quick success in education is more than the real progress of children. ?
(3) blindly ask children to stand out.
Many parents think that they have no hope of fame and fortune, so they pin all their hopes on their children. I am always worried that my children are behind others, and I am particularly concerned about my ranking and scores. In order to make children get ahead, parents don't switch to various rewards and punishments; Or material stimulation, all for money; Or "bind" and force students to study. This snobbish education will inevitably lead to children's strong desire to win and unbearable setbacks. ?
If parents have this kind of self-vanity, they will harm their children for "face". In order to ensure the healthy development of children, parents must correct vanity. We should cultivate children from the perspective of quality development and school education, and from the perspective of children's integrity.
No photos yet? A good way to be an efficient parent:
1, the choice should be returned to the child.
Real education is to teach children to move in the right direction all their lives. Cleverness is not necessarily success. The right choice is the premise of success. You should learn to choose and turn around when your life is in danger. The theory of eight intelligences tells us that children can't learn everything well, and they can't be good at literature and history, mathematics, production and fine arts. Only by "developing their strengths" can they give full play to their specialties and publicize their personality, while seeking perfection can only lead to mediocrity. Parents should start from each child's personality characteristics, cognitive characteristics and special education needs, help students make correct choices, and broaden each student's development space and road to success.
2. Correctly judging the characteristics and development potential of children's intellectual ability is an extremely important part of parents' wisdom.
Eight types of human intelligence include: language intelligence, logic-mathematics intelligence, spatial intelligence, body movement intelligence, music intelligence, interpersonal intelligence, introspection intelligence and natural observation intelligence. "Three points are meant to be", we should pay attention to the differences of children. There is no obvious difference in people's intelligence level, but there are differences in the plate, combination and development speed of intelligence advantage. It is this difference that provides a platform and foundation for the education to be carried out the day after tomorrow. "Seven points are in education". Although education is not everything, it can have a decisive influence on a child's life. If parents grasp these seven points, education will make a great difference. At the same time, what kind of temperament is the child? What kind of research? Only by defining children's intelligence, personality, temperament, learning type and other dimensions, can we find children's advantages and strengths, reasonably build a learning model suitable for children, truly teach students in accordance with their aptitude, foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, and achieve the best learning effect.