What kind of children are "leaders"?

Reading picture books with ChihiroNo. 19

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"Leadership" is an interesting topic. Many parents subconsciously want their children to have "leadership", but at the same time they have cognitive bias towards "leadership".

This cognitive bias is reflected in some minor depression.

The teacher sent photos of the children's collective activities. When you glance at them, there are still no children in the most conspicuous and lively room. Although the low-key temperament of not showing mountains and water is also good, isn't this really a precursor to being forgotten when you grow up?

A group of children are performing on the stage. My daughter is lovely, and a warm smile always hangs on her little face, but compared with the child who boldly stood at the forefront of Kan Kan to talk about it, I always feel something is missing.

There are many similar examples, so I won't list them one by one.

Bottom line: For most parents, children's "leadership" is closely related to whether the group is dazzling, brave or even loud enough.

Before Chihiro went to kindergarten, she was led by her grandmother and hung out with a group of children of the same age in the community every day. During that time, what I heard most was grandma's complaint:

"Well, this girl is good at everything, but she has no temper and is not fierce enough. When she grows up, she will probably have no leadership. " "Several children play together, and some people rob her toys. Not only did she not get it back, but she also looked as if nothing had happened. " "Three children built castles with sand. Obviously, she built the tallest one, and the other boy insisted on being the tallest. She didn't refute it, so she just silently forgot." "When playing games, other children want to be the boss, and she doesn't want to be the boss, so she happily follows others' ass in circles. "

Grandma can tell countless cases in one breath to prove the fact that Chihiro children lack "leadership".

Now, Chihiro is in the middle class of kindergarten. I have made many good friends, some of them are classmates at school, some of them are friends from outside interest classes, and some of them are friends who read books together in the picture book library. When she is with her friends, she is still the child who is not competitive, good-natured and unobtrusive. As grandma used to describe, she has no spirit, low voice, low IQ and weak expression.

But after careful observation, I found that she was hidden in the crowd, and there was an inexplicable energy that attracted other children to gather around her automatically. She has never been the happiest and liveliest player, but the idea of making everyone happy often comes from her advice. She has never been the most fierce and overbearing, but when everyone is vying for it, it is always her who mediates.

I secretly comforted myself: if the definition of "leadership" is not to yell at everyone and manage everyone, but to drive and unite everyone, then our daughter still has some "leadership".

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Coincidentally, I recently participated in a short-term winter camp organized by an international school, and I had the opportunity to observe all kinds of children, and I had some interesting gains about "leadership" to share with you.

Camp activities are carried out in groups, each group receives a task, and the team members choose their own team leader through cooperation, and the team leader needs to gather the strength of the team members to complete the task.

I watched the birth of each group leader. I found an interesting phenomenon. These group leaders elected by everyone don't look like "leaders". Some of them are introverted and shy, not very talkative, and some are the youngest, and they look neither handsome nor imposing.

But these children have one thing in common. I think this feature may explain what "leadership" is more accurately.

Common characteristics: I seldom care if I am the boss.

Whenever a task is received, a child will immediately stand up and say: I know this, I know that. Because most children want to show their abilities and become the focus. Only the child who doesn't care whether he becomes the focus or not, not the boss, is not in a hurry to express himself, but begins to study the task.

Then, I will hear the children who don't want to be the boss ask: Who can draw a good picture and can you help us draw a poster? Who can find the material, who sings best, all the other children gathered around to offer suggestions.

In this process, children are most likely to have conflicts because of competing for the initiative. For example, some children will be unhappy because colorful links are assigned to others, and feel that the person in charge of finding materials is definitely not as good as the person who demonstrated last time. Other children will feel that their teammates are not doing well, causing trouble for themselves and scolding each other, leading to contradictions. These contradictions are to prove that they are the best, and others are not as good as themselves.

At this time, only children who don't want to be the boss can come forward to mediate. It is not only persuasion, but also redistribution, so that everyone's mind can return to the task.

So, these children who don't care if they are the boss, what do they care about?

What they care about is the task itself. Whether you are the focus of the task is not important, but how to cooperate with others to complete the task is the key.

This is a valuable global thinking, which can jump out of personal gains and losses and short-term interests. At the same time, this is also a less heroic but more commendable mentality. It can enjoy the process of achieving the goal and pay attention to the happiness brought by the cooperative relationship.

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Back to the topic of "leadership".

After solving the cognitive bias, I recommend this book to you: I want to be a boss. It is also the protagonist of our parent-child reading today. This interesting story conveys the correct "leadership" cognition to children. Let the children have a new understanding and thinking about the role of "boss" after reading it.

There are four houses in the village square, and the mothers who live in them often let their children go out to play. Therefore, Xiaohong, Huang Xiao, Xiaohei and Xiaobai often play together, but friends who are separated after playing are not happy.

There is a pond in the park near the square. Four children came along. The big tree they often go to is not far from the pond. Xiaohong climbed to the top of the tree by herself, where she could see the whole pond. "Mother Duck takes her duckling," Xiaohong said loudly. "There will be a bird. Look, its mouth is like a spoon! " Xiao Huang, Xiaohei and Xiaobai also want to see the ducklings and birds, but Xiaohong won't let them, as if the branches and ponds were hers.

They built a hut on the tree, and the hut was painted red, because Xiaohong liked red and didn't want the hut to turn into other colors. They will clean the hut on time. "You sweep the floor!" Xiaohong shouted at Xiaohei. "You clean the windows!" Xiaohong yelled at Xiaobai again. Xiao Huang is responsible for cleaning the door. Xiao Huang, Xiaobai and Xiaohei did their best, while Xiaohong stood aside and did nothing.

As soon as Xiao Bai plays with balloons, Xiao Hong wants that balloon. The river bathes the doll, and Xiaohong bathes the doll, too. Xiao Huang can't start the car because Xiaohong gets a headache when she hears the wheels squeak. No one can give Xiaohong advice.

One day, Xiaohei did something that he thought for a long time but never dared to do. He said to Xiaohong, "Just pretend to be the boss! Make friends with your trees, huts and toys! " Everyone else left with Xiaohei, leaving Xiaohong alone. She said angrily, "I don't need you anyway!" " "

Xiao Bai, Huang Xiao and Xiao Hei repainted the boat. The hull is black, the cab is white and the oars are yellow like dandelion flowers. But who will be the captain? Xiaohong is not here either. Finally, they decided to take turns as captains.

Blackie will be the captain first, but the ship won't go forward. When Xiaobai took the paddle, Xiaohei was secretly happy. Xiaobai clung to the steering wheel, but the situation did not improve. Xiao Huang didn't want to be a captain because she was knocked unconscious.

Xiaohong is lonely without friends and doesn't want to be the boss. He said to Xiaobai, Huang Xiao and Xiaohei, "I made you a sail." It happened that they all needed sails, so they let Xiaohong on board. Xiaohong can't help wanting to be a boss once in a while, but several other people don't give her a chance. They take turns sailing, and neither of them is the boss. They saw the most beautiful scenery along the way!

Well, that's the end of the story Have you had a new thought about being a boss like a child?

I still remember hearing a report that each era has its own characteristics, and these characteristics will affect everyone in it. At one time, emphasizing competition was the characteristic of the times. Living in that era, we were more or less disturbed, and subconsciously always wanted to see children show their competitive advantages in the group.

Today, the characteristics of the times have gradually changed from competition to cooperation. When the cooperative relationship replaces the competitive relationship, what once seemed to be an advantage is no longer an advantage, but a seemingly insignificant trait that can help a person achieve great achievements.

As the saying goes, a wise man does not sprout, and a fool does not succeed. Wise parents should teach their children to look at the long term and the future, instead of fighting for the next position and comparing gains and losses.

A few years later, perhaps the word "leadership" has become "attraction". Who knows? (? )?

Who says you don't want to be the boss's child,

Can't be the boss?