This kind of mother is too tired to raise a good child. If parents have negative energy for a long time, it is very bad for their children and makes them feel depressed. When it can be replaced by positive guidance and encouragement, children are no longer so "bear". From this point of view, this kind of mother is too tired to raise a good child.
This kind of mother is too tired to raise a good child. 1 Last weekend, she had dinner with a friend I haven't seen for a long time. Her child has just turned 2 years old and is playful and curious. After a while, she climbed under the table to see if there was anything interesting. At one time, she had to pour the water from the kettle herself. After a while, she ran to the door of the hotel to see if her father's car would pass by. ...
My friend can't take his eyes off the child for a moment. He kept chasing the child and shouting "this is not allowed" and "that is not allowed", but he still couldn't calm the child down. Even when eating in the box, we can still hear her "growling" at the children in the hotel lobby: "I told you not to run around! Ok, I fell! "
After "catching" the child back, the friend smiled helplessly: "No way, the child is very naughty, and no one can stop him without his father."
Seeing my friends like this reminds me of a time when I said to my children, "If you don't do this, you will be XXX" and "If you do this again, I will be XXX". Similar sentence patterns emerge one after another, and I don't know how many times I said them a day. Later, I reflected on myself. Why do I always say such negative things to my children?
Are you used to sending negative messages to children?
Almost all mothers have the same starting point: for their children. But many times, we make ourselves and our children suffer, and the result is just thankless. No one likes a nagging person, nor do children, but we often become such mothers inadvertently:
"I told you to watch your step. Well, now you are wrestling!"
"Don't play with water! Look, your clothes are wet again. Why are you so disobedient? "
"Oh, my God, the floor you just mopped is dirty again!"
……
Are scenes and words like this familiar?
Calm down and calculate, we don't know how many warnings to give to our children a day. Unconsciously, we have become fanatical communicators of negative language.
Maybe it's because I'm too worried about my child's accident, maybe the pressure brought by work and life is too great, and I'm always anxious, so all kinds of negative energy are mixed together, and negative energy words are easy to blurt out, blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla
What impact will it have on children by sending negative information to them?
Although our chatter about children won't take effect immediately, one second we warn the child not to do this and that, and the next he "opposes" you in another way. But the power of language suggestion is very powerful. Over time, our nagging will eventually bring great changes to our children.
I have met many children. They were smart when they were young, but they lost their aura and talent when they grew up. From the perspective of personal growth, a talented person is a gift from heaven and should be outstanding when he grows up. But if the environment where children grow up is full of all kinds of "you can't do this", "how can you do this" and "I told you to do this ..."
These nagging "all for the good of children" are like all kinds of untouchable "warning lines" around children. This won't work, that won't work, you can't wear less clothes when you are hot, and you can't eat a candy when you are greedy ... These negative sentences will make anyone feel depressed.
Our language, emotions and attitudes towards children are actually the energy field of our family. How to save energy in children's world?
If you have something to say, say it to your child in a positive way!
To tell the truth, no one wants to be defined as a "nag". It's just that most people don't know what they can do to discipline their children besides instinctively passing on these negative words.
At this time, maybe we can tell our children in another way, which will have unexpected effects. For example:
When the temperature drops, children don't want to wear socks. It is better to say "wear warm clothes and play with children" than "freeze to death"!
The child doesn't want to take a bath. Say "we won't let you sleep without taking a shower" as "take a shower with a tune."
The children had to throw toys everywhere. Instead of saying "don't come to me if you lose it", it's better to say "put the toy back in the box and find it next time"
……
There is no other secret here, only patience, patience and patience!
There will be individual differences in children's personality and temperament, but some laws of psychological development are the same for them. For example, at the age of mischief, they just like to do a little damage; When I was "terrible two years old", I always liked to be against my mother; At a certain stage, I just like swearing.
Many times, it's not that our children are born in Xiong Haizi, but that we adults don't think from their perspective. Maybe when we replace those negative warnings and criticisms with positive guidance and encouragement, our children will no longer be so "bears" and we will no longer be the mother who loves to lose her temper and nag.
This kind of mother is too tired to raise a good child. No parents wake up in the morning and intend to make their children's lives miserable. No mother will say, "I yell at my child every chance I get today, making him feel bad." On the contrary, I don't know how many parents lie in bed at the end of the day and make up their minds: "I must not be so bad-tempered and angry with my children as I am today." ……
Unfortunately, although children are our favorite people, despite our numerous resolutions, children's "naughty" and "disobedience" will always provoke us to start a dirty war.
"What do you think I should do?" My friend called late at night.
"I have been called by the school three times this month. The teacher said that Guoguo ate shoelaces! I couldn't hold back my anger and beat her when I got home. "
My friend's daughter, Guo Guo, is a small bean bag, and she has just entered the first year of high school. In the summer vacation before entering school, her parents helped her enroll in cram schools for various subjects, because she was worried that she could not keep up with the progress of her teachers. Some people say, "Primary school teachers usually go to cut class because most children know how to do it".
In fact, as parents, instead of believing exaggerated rumors and worrying about anxiety unnecessarily, it is better to return to the root of raising children: paying attention to their needs and feelings.
Take fruits. Fruits—
● Because I went to elementary school, the whole family moved to a completely strange place, and all my familiar friends, uncles and aunts disappeared.
●●●● Mom is eager to find a cram school, which further aggravates the child's insecurity: "Why is everyone so nervous? Is going to school a particularly terrible thing? "
●●●● After entering the primary school classroom, I found that primary schools and kindergartens are really different. When I was in primary school, I needed to sit at my desk for 45 minutes, listen to the teacher carefully and obey the rules.
In this way, under various invisible and tangible pressures, there is an unspeakable tension in the fruit.
All right! We can reveal the answer:
Uncontrolled playing and eating shoelaces are typical manifestations of anxiety.
This is the same as biting nails, clothes, pulling hair, scratching scalp and turning pens when adults are anxious. They are relieving their anxiety through subconscious actions.
Therefore, Guoguo is not a bad boy who is incorrigible, and eating shoelaces is not a "problem" in the eyes of adults.
Want to say, if mother doesn't love children?
She tried her best to choose the best school for her daughter and buy a school district. On weekends, she racked her brains to decorate interesting places and dressed her beautiful daughter like a princess every day. ...
We have a conflict with our children and hurt them unintentionally, not because we don't love them, but because we don't know them and don't know how to raise them.
It turns out that love alone is not enough to raise a good child. ...
Did it ever occur to you-
Before going to work, everyone should study for more than ten years and learn all kinds of knowledge and skills needed for work.
To learn a language, you have to go through more than N years and N times of continuous advanced learning before you can skillfully use it.
Even if we learn to cook, we will not imagine it out of thin air, but hold the recipe in our left hand and a little salt and 1 tablespoon soy sauce in our right hand, and adjust it to medium heat. ...
Is raising a good child as important and difficult as any of the above?
Most parents actually go to work without knowing anything about children and parenting.
We find that what we say and do to our children is exactly what our parents said and did to us before.
We used to hate them and decided never to do this to our children again.
But this misfortune keeps repeating itself. ...
Not because we don't love children, but because we lack understanding of children.
Not because of lack of wisdom, but because of lack of reliable knowledge.