But on the day of receiving the prize, there was a lonely person in the audience. She didn't win the prize, but she put too much effort into this movie. She is Sanmao and the screenwriter of Rolling Red Dust.
When accepting the award, Brigitte Lin said on the podium: Without the best screenwriter, there can be no best movie.
After coming down from the podium, Sanmao hugged her and said, "What you just said on the podium moved me very much. I want to cry!"
Ten days later, San Mao ended her life and her life wandering.
I think San Mao is like this.
1March 26th, 943, the world is very noisy, the world is very noisy, and the crying of a child at birth is also mixed with the noise of the world.
Zhang Ailing said that people in troubled times muddle along and have no real home.
In that war-torn era, parents' greatest hope for their children was nothing more than peace.
Therefore, father Chen Siqing named the child Chen Maoping, and she was the later Sanmao.
Sanmao is not different from ordinary people like other peerless geniuses, but he was not himself when he was a child, but he was smart and gifted in speaking and writing.
When she was very young, she wrote her own name, thinking that the word "Mao" was too many strokes and too difficult to write, so she omitted the word and wrote her name as "Chen Ping".
There is something special about her. She likes to go to the slaughterhouse to watch people slaughter sheep. She watches the whole process of killing sheep carefully and sometimes nods thoughtfully.
People feel cruel, and she just watches quietly.
She doesn't like to play with other children either. Instead, she likes to go to the cemetery to play with mud alone. She gives the picked wild flowers to those people in the grave.
Others feel afraid, and she doesn't know what fear is.
She once played alone in the yard, once plunged into the water tank and almost drowned. When her parents saw this, their faces turned white with fear. Sanmao, who was rescued, did not cry, but spit out the water in her mouth and went to play silently again.
It is such a strange child. Although her parents don't say anything about her, others in the family will inevitably blame her and educate her with their own ideas.
Sanmao doesn't understand why adults treat her like that, and others don't understand why Sanmao is so strange.
As a child, Sanmao liked reading books before he learned how to recognize many words.
My brother and sister were playing games outside, and she jumped into her father's study. Among them, there was a book called San Mao's Wandering, which was her favorite.
With the book, she doesn't go to kill sheep or go to the cemetery. She is in the study.
There is only one life, but those who study can see a different life, while those who don't study can only rush forward along one road, without seeing a fork in the road and other possibilities.
Her brother thought she couldn't read it, and she didn't say anything, but once she read Lu Xun's Kite, she said to her brother, "The child's playing nature was destroyed by his brother, and the original simplicity was gone, leaving only shadows. Maybe the child's life was destroyed."
Hearing this, my brother was frightened by this remark. It turned out that she couldn't read it.
1948, Sanmao boarded the "Zhongxing Ship" to Taiwan Province with her parents, and arrived in Taiwan Province. The family lived in a Japanese-style house, and Sanmao saw many new things again.
She found that everyone had to take off their shoes to get on the tatami floor. Sanmao was crazy with joy. Like her brothers and sisters, she danced barefoot.
After arriving in Taiwan Province, Sanmao also reached the age of going to school.
After school, Sanmao's composition is often a model composition, but once, the teacher asked them to write a composition about ideals, and Sanmao wrote her ideals:
When I grow up one day, I hope to be a rag picker, because this kind of occupation can not only breathe fresh air, but also play around the streets, working and playing at the same time.
Sanmao thinks her ideal is beautiful, but in the teacher's view, it's too hopeless.
The teacher asked her to write again, and this time she wrote:
When I grow up one day, I hope to be a person who sells popsicles in summer and baked sweet potatoes in winter, because this kind of occupation can not only breathe fresh air, but also play around in the streets. More importantly, I can do business and look around at the same time.
Sanmao thinks this ideal is also beautiful, but when the teacher looks at it, it is still worthless, and she is asked to rewrite it.
This time she scribbled:
I want to be a doctor when I grow up and save all the people in the world.
When the teacher saw it, he praised it and said, "This is a person who has ideals and lives up to his parents' expectations."
Sanmao doesn't like school more and more. She doesn't like students' dressing the, and she has a unified hairstyle. Besides, there is a lot of pressure to go to school.
Moreover, in school, teachers have to look at their grades. If they don't get good grades, they are stupid children. If they can't do problems, they will be punished, whipped and made a fool of themselves in front of the whole class.
Sanmao was afraid, so she pretended to be a good girl.
Many years later, she said, "A group of blind people, almost half blind, reached out and groped in the darkness, touching something unknown."
She doesn't like it. I really don't like it. In the fourth grade, a mad cow came to the school. The mad cow chased Sanmao, who was scared to death. She wanted to rush into the classroom, only to find that the people inside locked the door.
Later, a cook saved Sanmao and helped her get rid of the mad cow.
She became good friends with the cook, but the teacher forbade Sanmao to play with the cook.
San Mao's heart is broken.
She is eager to grow up quickly and hold freedom in her own hands.
People always grow up, though not necessarily.
/kloc-at the age of 0/2, Sanmao was admitted to middle school. From primary school to junior high school, new courses were added. Sanmao was full of curiosity, but in class, the teacher didn't talk about art, just put an apple on the lecture table and let the students follow the pictures.
She likes history and the stories of historical figures, but in history class, the teacher asked them to remember the key points of the exam.
Learning in the classroom is for high marks. Teachers are full of yearning for high marks, while Sanmao is only bored.
In San Mao's eyes, mathematics and physics are quite annoying, especially mathematics.
In the eyes of the math teacher, Sanmao is simply retarded and can't do simple math problems, so she always fails the exam.
But after the exams, Sanmao also found the way for the teacher to give questions, all of which were selected from the exercises at the back of the textbook. Therefore, Sanmao memorized all the answers to the exercises. In that exam, Sanmao got a high score, but the teacher didn't believe that this usually low-energy student could get such a high score.
The teacher asked Sanmao to do a set of questions again, but Sanmao didn't know anything.
The math teacher decided that Sanmao's high score was obtained by cheating.
So Sanmao was punished. She was punished to stand in front of the whole class. The teacher drew two big circles on her face with a brush full of ink.
Class, burst into laughter.
San Mao's heart is broken all over the floor, and she can't wait to find a crack to get in.
The teacher also ordered Sanmao to walk around the school building and "demonstrate".
After returning home that day, Sanmao hid in the quilt and cried all night.
Since then, she was afraid of going to school, so she skipped school. When others went to school, she fled to the public offering to play, holding a book and reading it with countless dead people.
Later, the school told her parents about Sanmao's truancy. Parents chose to let Sanmao drop out of school, and Sanmao became more and more autistic. She didn't want to face the world again.
Worried about her daughter, Chen Siqing secretly took Sanmao for an intelligence test. As a result, the test staff told Chen Siqing that Sanmao's intelligence was equivalent to that of a three-year-old child.
She even called the hotline of life, and then repeated over and over again: "I can't live, I can't live, help me, help me."
The eyes of others, the prejudice of others, and the accusations of the outside world made Sanmao feel that he had become a useless person.
She tried to commit suicide, cut her wrist with a blade and bled all over the floor.
When I opened my eyes, I saw my grieving parents.
Sanmao decided to live well.
This time, she was sick and depressed. She was ill for nearly seven years. Most of the time, she kept herself at home. Her father, Chen Siqing, didn't want her daughter's education to fall behind, so she used a relaxed chat to give Sanmao a class.
Ancient prose, four books and five classics, and Korean and Chinese, my father spoke easily and humorously, and Sanmao listened with relish.
My father taught Sanmao to read, and she read everything. The English level of China, foreign countries, translators and original versions of Sanmao is also rising.
Literature and art saved Sanmao.
She finally dared to go out of the house, occasionally went for a walk by the sea, and picked up some shells. Chen Siqing also planned to let Sanmao learn painting and found a famous painter as a teacher.
First, Huang Junbi, an expert in traditional landscape painting, then Shao Youxuan.
San Mao doesn't like Huang Junbi's rigid teaching method, but she likes Shao Youxuan's teaching method. Shao Youxuan lets San Mao create freely to draw pictures in her mind, and she gives her advice on skills.
This Shao teacher often praises San Mao.
Praise is sometimes more powerful than a blow, and Sanmao gradually finds her lost confidence. By chance, she walked into the world of oil painting and met Gu Fusheng, an oil painting teacher who had a great influence on her.
However, after two months of continuous study, Sanmao's paintings still have great problems, which makes her begin to doubt whether she is really suitable for painting. Gu Fusheng understands Sanmao.
One day, Sanmao finally couldn't help it and told the teacher sadly that she was not the material for painting.
After listening to this, Gu Fusheng began to talk with Sanmao and talked about literature. He encouraged Sanmao to create literature and develop in literature.
When she went to the painting class again, she took her work with her. Gu Fusheng saw it and thought it was good, so she recommended it to Bai Xianyong of modern literature.
Later, he told Sanmao, "In one month, the work will be published in Modern Literature."
That manuscript is "Confusion".
This is her first novel. Later, Autumn Love, Moon River and Birds of Paradise were published one after another.
Finally, the rainy season stopped, and Sanmao came back.
Literature gives Sanmao strength and courage to face the world.
She wants to go to school, but she has been out of school for many years. In order to get into school, she wrote a long letter to the dean of the College of Literature. At the end of the letter, she said, "I just want to learn, and I ask for it."
Soon, Sanmao became an elective student majoring in philosophy.
Why choose philosophy?
She said: "because I want to know what people live for."
Sanmao is a talented woman in many people's eyes, because there will be articles published and income from writing fees.
There is also a boy named Shu Fan who often publishes articles. This man is Liang Guangming, who has published two books.
San Mao has read Liang Guangming's articles and likes his talent.
Since then, in order to see Liang Guangming more, Sanmao often followed him. When he ate, Sanmao followed timidly. When he was in class, Sanmao went to attend.
For three or four months in a row, San Mao followed suit, but Liang Guangming never said anything.
Finally, she decided to make a bold confession, no matter what the final result was, at least she didn't regret it.
The result was that confession was better than unrequited love, and she succeeded in confession.
Since then, the campus has become a place for dating. They walk hand in hand on the campus road, and even if it rains, they feel romantic.
She wants to marry Liang Guangming and give love a home, which is also an answer.
She stood in front of Liang Guangming and said, Let's get married.
But Liang Guangming refused. He said, "Give me ten years."
Finally, Liang Guangming went abroad.
1967, Sanmao also went to study in Madrid, Spain. She wanted to leave her sad place and wander the world.
In a foreign country, no one cooks your meals and cleans your room, and no one washes your clothes. You have to do everything yourself.
Freedom is to decide your own life and solve your own problems. Sanmao did it.
In Spain, Sanmao often attends concerts. In the concert, a big boy secretly watches Sanmao.
Sanmao also noticed the boy, and she was amazed: "How can there be such a handsome boy in the world? If one day he can be his wife, it will be a satisfaction in vanity. "
However, the boy is too young, six years younger than Sanmao.
She translated the boy's name into "He Xi", but the boy thought the word "Xi" was too difficult to write, so Sanmao changed it to Jose.
That year, Jose 18 was still in high school.
On one occasion, Jose took out 14 western dollars to take Sanmao to the movies.
However, after buying a movie ticket, there is no money to take a bus. Jose said awkwardly, "You can walk and come back."
One day, Jose said to Sanmao, "Wait for me for six years, let me finish four years of college and two years of military service, and I can get married in six years."
Sanmao was caught off guard.
Jose is too young, and six years is too long. She said, "Don't come to me again."
When parting, Jose said, I'll stand here and watch you go first.
San Mao said, "I'm standing here watching you go. This is the last time to see you. You should never come again."
Jose said, "I will never pester you again unless you want to."
Then, he ran away slowly, looking back as he ran, smiling on his face and shouting "echo, goodbye! Echo, goodbye! "
Since then, Sanmao's downstairs has lost a waiting figure.
But they will meet again after all, but it was many years later.
After Jose, Sanmao talked about love several times, and she tasted love.
However, love doesn't last long.
Disappointed in love, she needs a man who can live with her. She is 29 years old and she wants to get married.
Later, she met a German teacher, and they talked about marriage.
Sanmao is also full of expectations, but this man died unexpectedly because of a heart attack.
Where will you go, this life is so shabby.
San Mao, who was in great pain, wanted to end her life and this painful life, so she swallowed a lot of sleeping pills.
After being rescued again, Sanmao found that her parents were still grieving, and their love dragged Sanmao to let her live well.
Pain is common, but in the casual place of life, there are always some surprises carefully arranged for you.
One day, a Spanish friend asked her: Do you remember a man named Jose?
This friend brought a letter, which belonged to Jose. There was also a photo of Jose in the letter. Sanmao saw the photo and blurted out, "Is this the sea god in Greek mythology?"
The letter said: I agreed with you for six years.
In six years, tractors may become luxury cars and villas may be abandoned into broken houses, but love is still love, and it has not changed.
When I saw this letter, Sanmao's fiance was still there, and she was still preparing to get married.
Now, everything has changed. She flies to Spain again. She likes the world of flowers and flowers. And with the increase of age, I feel that life is short.
1972, San Mao was full of scars and came to Spain again.
At the request of Jose's sister, Sanmao reluctantly wrote a letter saying, "Jose, I'm back. I'm echo."
Clearly around, she still returned to Jose's side. At that time, Sanmao was still writing for Taiwan Province's magazine "Industrial World". Seeing that the delivery date came, Sanmao locked herself in her room to create. Jose felt that this was not good and took her out for a walk.
Seeing the gardener pruning branches in the park, Jose said, "I think those who are locked in a square box and facing the numbers are the most pitiful people in the world. If I had a choice, I would rather be a gardener than a bank worker."
San Mao felt that Jose had spoken his mind, so he wrote back a letter to the editorial department: "I'm sorry, I quit."
She also found that Jose secretly collected her photos from other places. In six years, he found more photos than she knew.
She said, "Why didn't you want me then? If you insist on me at that time, I am still a good person. Now I am back, my heart is broken. "
Jose said, "A broken heart can be glued together."
"After sticking, there will still be cracks."
Jose put San Mao's hand on his chest. "There is another one here, made of gold. Bring your one and let's exchange it."
Nothing is more touching than this.
Speaking of where he wants to go, Sanmao wants to go to the Sahara and Jose wants to go to the Aegean Sea, because he likes sailing and diving.
However, for Sanmao, Jose went to the Sahara in advance and arranged everything well.
With Sanmao gone, she will have a home.
Before getting married, Jose asked San Mao, "How much money do you want a husband?"
"If you don't like it, the multimillionaire will not marry; I like it, and billionaires are also married. "
"After all, you always want to marry a rich man."
Sanmao sighed and said, "There are exceptions."
"What if you follow me?"
"That's as long as you have enough money."
"Do you eat much?"
San Mao replied very carefully: "Not much, not much, and you can eat less in the future."
They got married. When they got married, there was no luxurious wedding. On the wedding day, Jose was still at work and hurried back after work to hold the wedding.
The new house is simple, and they decorate it slowly.
In the end, the house was beautifully decorated and the room was cleaned. She also learned to cook and comfort Jose with delicious dishes.
Sahara is barren, but their life is rich and interesting.
He bought Sanmao a sheep so that she could drink fresh goat's milk every day.
Jose's salary is not high, and after paying the rent, there are very few.
But whether a person's life is good or not depends not on how much money she has, but on how she lives. Whether a person is happy or not depends not on how much money she has.
Locals don't know about cameras, and they think taking pictures will be fascinating.
Sanmao told them that it was a camera and took pictures of them.
Locals don't have mirrors, and they think they will be fascinating.
Sanmao told them that this is a mirror and can be used for dressing.
They went out to pick up the garbage and found the camel's skull, so they could be happy for a long time. They peeked at the local people taking a bath together and fled when they were found.
These experiences were written by her as stories, including Marriage, China Hotel, Saving the World by Hanging a Pot, Doll Bride, Night on a Barren Mountain, Bathing in the Desert and so on.
Life with flavor and temperature is not bought with money, but developed with the soul.
Sahara is San Mao's other home, but when people come to this world, they dare not say where they are going.
This world can be home everywhere, because of love.
This world can also wander around, because life is impermanent.
19751October 30th, Sanmao left the Sahara, and this time he left, it was farewell.
After leaving the Sahara, Sanmao went to the Grand Canary Islands first, and Jose met with her a few days later.
She was in the room, chanting the incantations she had learned everywhere, praying for Jose to come back as soon as possible. Fifteen days later, Jose came, and San Mao's heart was really put down.
Jose is her home and home.
She doesn't need a lot of money, she just needs Jose to be around all the time, but this hope is also shattered because of life.
Jose is going to return to his job in Sahara, because the salary is considerable.
In order to stay with Jose, Sanmao asked Jose to quit his job, and Sanmao worked harder to get the money he needed for life, but life was still getting more and more embarrassing.
Sanmao's health became worse and worse. Finally, Sanmao went back to Taiwan Province's parents to recuperate.
After a period of time, Jose found a job, and Sanmao's health improved. Sanmao didn't trust Jose alone and returned to Jose.
1977, due to Jose's working relationship, they went to Denali Liv Island. That New Year, Jose asked Sanmao to make a wish, and Sanmao kept repeating: "I wish people long, I wish people long."
After wishing, she felt a little ominous and hugged Jose tightly.
During that time, San Mao was a god of Taoism, and she always had a bad feeling in her heart. She was worried that she would die. It happened that Taiwan Province Scholar magazine sent a manuscript titled "What would you do if you only had three months to live?".
Jose saw this topic and asked San Mao, "What will you do?"
At that time, Sanmao was kneading dough in the kitchen. She raised her hand covered with flour, gently touched Jose's head and said slowly, "Fool, I won't die. I have to make you a jiaozi!"
Jose's eyes suddenly teary-eyed, holding San Mao from behind, until jiaozi served.
But fate is like this, always breaking the best things and turning them into tragedies.
1July 30, 979, Jose went fishing in the sea and had an accident. He failed to climb up from the water.
San Mao, who heard the bad news, didn't want to believe it was true. She kept telling herself in her heart that Jose might still be alive if he hadn't found it.
She prayed to God: "I said, God, I will use all my confessions to exchange Jose for you. Even if my hand is broken and my face is ugly, it doesn't matter. I must return my Jose to me."
Later, Jose's body was found, which had already been soaked in seawater.
San Mao tore her heart out, but God couldn't hear her sad voice.
On the day of the funeral, San Mao held Jose's cold hand and said to him:
Be brave, be brave, and be brave without me.
When she finished speaking, Jose's eyes bled, her nostrils bled, and her mouth bled.
Jose responded to her.
Sanmao is crazy. She doesn't want to leave Jose. She cries in pain: "Jose comes back, Jose comes back."
Later, for a long time, Sanmao got up in the morning and went to the cemetery to accompany Jose. It was dark and she didn't leave.
Sanmao wants to die, but her father Chen Siqing told her: "If you dare to do something that destroys your life, then you are my enemy. I will not only be enemies with you in this life, but I will be enemies with you from generation to generation because you killed my favorite daughter."
For her parents, she works hard to live, every day.
In "Six Chapters of a Floating Life", after the death of a mother, Shen Fu lived alone in pain.
In The Three of Us, after the death of Qian Zhongshu and Qian Yuan, Yang Jiang stayed alone to clean the battlefield and bear the pain of where will you go.
After Jose left, Sanmao even felt lucky for a time, because she was left behind and she was suffering. She couldn't bear to let Jose suffer such pain.
People who are deeply in love die, and the most painful thing is often the living.
She began to wander again, trying to travel all over Qian Shan.
Once in the car, she seemed to hear a voice saying, "The sea of misery is boundless."
Sanmao gently responded in her heart: "I know."
As she walked, she watched and missed.
On the way, she can still feel free, so that she can not think about him. He has traveled a lot and met many people, but none of them is him.
1989, writer Xia Jie published several stories about Wang Luobin after visiting Wang Luobin in Xinjiang.
San Mao looked at it and cried her eyes red.
Since she was a child, she liked Wang Luobin's In that Far Away Place, and now she has seen Wang Luobin's life experience. She decided to write to Wang Luobin.
Later, Sanmao traveled to Xinjiang and went to see Wang Luobin.
This saw, two people talk about speculation.
After Sanmao left, she kept writing to Wang Luobin. In three months, she wrote 15 letters.
After more than three months, Sanmao went to Xinjiang again, just for Wang Luobin.
In a letter to Wang Luobin, San Mao said:
"I don't live in a hotel, I live at home to walk into you."
During that time, she and Wang Luobin each rode a bicycle to go out to visit relatives and friends, go shopping, and buy food. After returning home, Sanmao personally cooked, chatting, playing the piano, singing and writing words in her spare time.
However, when the media learned that Sanmao was in Wang Luobin's home and wanted to interview, Wang Luobin wanted Sanmao to be interviewed, but Sanmao just wanted to enjoy the time alone with Wang Luobin and didn't want to be disturbed. However, Wang Luobin repeatedly mobilized, plus he always kept his distance from Sanmao, and Sanmao was disappointed.
San Mao, who had planned to stay for a long time, left soon.
1990, director Ning Hao found Sanmao, hoping Sanmao could write a script.
Sanmao refused.
But later, due to some accidents, Sanmao wrote "Rolling the Red Dust".
While writing the script, Brigitte Lin planned to see Sanmao, but Sanmao insisted on seeing Brigitte Lin after the script was finished.
On the day of writing the script, Brigitte Lin took two boxes of pineapple cake to Sanmao's residence, and Sanmao read the script page by page to Brigitte Lin.
When you need music, put on a song and dance to it.
Later, the film was a great success, winning eight Golden Horse Awards, but there was no Best Screenplay Award.
19901February 15, the golden horse award was presented, and San Mao was dressed up to attend.
But not long after that, 199 1 year 1 4th of the month, Sanmao chose to leave this world.
Sanmao's life is not long, but the life she has lived is very long. As she said, my life is endless for several generations.
The meaning of life is not to see how long people have lived, but to see what they have done when they are alive.
After Sanmao's death, her father said, "My daughter always said that life is not about the length, but whether you live happily. I think this statement is: really grasp the meaning of life and live. At this point, although I am heartbroken by her burning, I agree. "
Throughout her life, she cried when she wanted to cry, laughed when she wanted to laugh, and loved when she wanted to love. She lived happily and let her life bloom to the fullest.
She is an ordinary person, who will get hurt and suffer, but she has lived her own life, which belongs to Sanmao and is different from everyone else.
I often think about a question. We admire many people and admire many people because they do what we want to do but dare not do.
Everyone wants to be free and let his life burn, but in the face of life, most of the time he chooses to muddle along.
Sanmao is different. She chooses wandering, burning and freedom.
Isn't San Mao bound? No, like us, her life is full of bondage. Her parents also want her daughter to be safe and keep her by her side. This is inherit the wind, and even if she doesn't say it, she will have this expectation.
Sanmao chooses the distance and the road. The dream is frightening and full of burdens, but Sanmao bravely moves forward.
Many things have not been done, not because of difficulties, but because you have not taken action, so it is difficult.
A few years ago, there was a teacher who wrote the most sentimental resignation letter:
"The world is very big, I want to see it."
Many people want to see the world, but they are unwilling to pay the price of seeing the world, so they can't see the world, so they can only continue to look at their work and everything they are tired of.
When we read Sanmao, we should not only be moved by Sanmao's life, but also find some strength from it to live the life we like, whether it is far away or not, and do it if you want.
In life, what we need is never complete preparation, but the courage and ability to do what we say.
Wen | not interesting soul