By now, together this time, big and small happen so many things, little by little the accumulation of disappointment, and you do not think, I have been desperate.
Perhaps for you, I am just a small passer-by, and you for me, but occupies the life of too many first.
May-June 2010, is a time I will never forget in my life, in these two months happened to you little by little, for me are too important too important, my first time, we broke up, I am pregnant, all these things come together to happen, I don't know how I walked through.
You know how much thought goes into it when a girl rides a difficult long-distance train to your city, determined to give you her first time, because she loves you, and she trusts you to be responsible for her, so much. I gave it to you, I have no regrets, do you remember the first time you did it when you were done, you lay on top of me, I hugged you and cried, it was very touching at that time, I think we are finally really together, I trusted myself so much to you, and I came back to lie down, just want you to hug me and say something nice, but you were busy eating duck necks, lol ......< /p>
May 7th, we quarrel because of so small misunderstanding, I mention break up, the reason I have explained very clearly, 11 pm to see you on the QQ, I get up to the Internet to coax you, is typing, you down, I'm sad, everyone can understand, but you can not, you blame me for pulling you black, misunderstanding me to change the number (I'm so good at remembering my number that you do not have the impression of), that I do how desperate! If you really love me and want to get me back, is it hard? Maybe this is just the best time for you to want to separate, never to give up, never want to salvage. I'm torn for two days, want to call you, you are busy playing DOTA, turned off the machine ...... our feelings are not as good as a DOTA, as if I in your heart also never DOTA important, huh. When I called you, crying and begging you not to leave me, you said it was the nail in the coffin, it is impossible to change, you take me to compare with Ziyou, saying that I am the same bad with her, she always suspected that you are outside the womanizer. I'm sorry, I've never suspected you of womanizing. Why not? In the words of my classmates, I'm the only one who treats you like a treasure. I have never been so to beg a person do not leave me, and you are the real desperation, you put all the wrong are pushed on me, said you how tired, how sad ...... please, we are separated so far, I just hope you can reply to my text messages, you can tell me what you have done every day, worried that you did not eat, worried that you would be wouldn't be out of something. Such a simple request you say you are tired, then is not in Chongqing to find a daily to you to pick her up, take her to eat good buy good wear good, you are not tired? ...... You said I classic, never for your sake, you said it is not playing the game, dead can also mention the record, you said the network to play around in love you have been tired of, Sun Yalong, we are together this time, I can only make you feel that I am playing around with people? In order to you I gave up the people who really love me, I even gave you the first time, I still play around? ...... To you, I have been good enough, understand enough. It's not an unforgivable fault, and the person who is desperate, is you.
Break up, the whole world said you are a liar, said you do not deserve, said you are not good, but I still can not let go, because I love you, I do not know what I can do every day, do not dare to go on the game, everywhere and your memories, over and over again, looking at your QQ, over and over again, thinking about you, wanting to think of you think of all the fear, I learn to draw the mouse, non-stop drawing, the group of people said that I am obsessed with the magic, yeah, no one knows, I can not stop, one stop, I can not stop. know, I can not stop, a stop, full of brains are you, only to let themselves non-stop painting, can barely distract my thoughts ...... Even so, will not be able to help but go to the forum from time to time to see you logged in no, see you post no, see if you have any recent competitions. The most terrible thing is to sleep at night, a closed eyes is our together bits and pieces, entangled people can not sleep, holding the phone want to send a text message to you, and afraid that you feel annoyed, do not dare to disturb you, that kind of sadness, you think about it? Have you ever experienced it? Every time you do, you can always turn around and fall asleep, you can appreciate the torment of thinking about a person who is difficult to sleep? So every day is the middle of the night two or three o'clock crying to sleep, seven or eight o'clock in the morning crying to wake up ...... brain 100 kinds of ideas, still in the extravagant hope that we can be good, still in the extravagant hope that really love you will certainly let you move, so stupid and naive ...... and you, how do you live it? As usual, eat, sleep and play, as usual, happy? Suddenly remembered a sentence I saw before, you always need 10,000 reasons to insist on loving me, as long as a reason to give up on me, and I, 10,000 reasons have not given up on you, just by virtue of loving you, can stick to the end.
That night, while I mouse-painted your picture, while crying, telling myself that it is already impossible, it is already over, I was once y in love with that Xiaoxiao, that Sun Yalong, he no longer exists, perhaps, he had never existed, he is just a false image that you fictionalized to me, finished painting, I also cried enough, and then sent to you, telling myself that I must put down, be brave, be strong.
Just broke up a few days, I also stupidly thought, if pregnant how good, then maybe I still have a chance, so, the body changes day by day, day by day difficult. When I sat on the toilet looking at the pregnancy test stick on the two obvious red line, the whole person is paralyzed, tears how can not control, I do not know how to do, really do not know, why just when I decided to let go of you to forget about you, this happened. I told you, you comforted me, and at that moment I felt that you were still good, not as bad as they say. You apologized to me and said it was your responsibility, that you were sorry for putting me through this, that you would be responsible for the cost of the abortion, that don't be afraid, you're here. See these words the moment, gave me much courage you know, I want to see you, so want to see you, that night to buy this ticket to Chongqing to see you. Go to Chongqing is not to think how good you are to me, not want you to compensate me for what, just hope that this kind of thing can have you to accompany me to face, just hope that you can give me comfort, give me the courage, no matter how, I will not regret it, holding such a mood, went to Chongqing, all the way to the torment are endured, because I know that you wait for me over there, I'm not afraid of anything, do you understand ... ... ...Do you understand this kind of mood? ...... This kind of strength is only you can give me.
You said you have resigned (text message is still there, clearly written to the inability to take leave, has resigned), I am okay guilt, because of such capriciousness so that you lost only to turn the job, you righteously told me that sooner or later, anyway, resignation, so it is also good, but also said that the family has been all arranged, said that to tell the family to go to the field to look for a job, so that I don't worry about it. I am very touched, in the face of your so "responsible" attitude, I think I'm still happy. May 29th morning to Chongqing, you did not pick me up, you said originally wanted to sleep on the day off, because you want to pick me up so you will get up early, I thought of doing the surgery after the next few days to take care of me you'll be very tired, so you continue to sleep, I took a cab to your house downstairs, live in the kind of 60 dollars a day, and I'm not sure what to do, I'm not sure what to do. Your home downstairs, live that kind of 60 dollars a day guest house, I did not complain, as long as you are with me, how I have been good, lying in bed to rest, I cried, you hold me to comfort me, said no matter what is what you should be responsible for, that day we are again and good ...... afternoon dinner, you said that there is a Star Challenge competition in the afternoon, said you promised the Starlight. I understand you, let you go back, and then walk from Guanyin Yan to Jiefangbei by myself, while walking and comforting myself, the next few days have you, I have to be brave, to fight, to be strong. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get a good deal on this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to get a good deal on this, and I'm going to be able to get a good deal on this. I didn't say anything, you then asked me if I was in a bad mood, then I said no, let you go, just open the QQ, and then come back early ...... Yes, I was in a bad mood, and this mood is that you can't appreciate, if you can appreciate, DOTA, DNF for you will no longer be so important! A long way over, just for you to be able to accompany, and I plus the belly of your child are still not DOTA, that kind of disappointment, you will never understand, at that time, I would like to ask you, I plus the child are not DOTA is important? But I did not ask you, let you go to accompany your brothers to fight DOTA, let you go to the happy last night. At night outside the guest house footsteps talking dripping sound how horrible, there are people knocking on the door and then words do not say away. The cell phone is logged on QQ, tell you, say I'm afraid, you more than 20 minutes back once, you said good, unlocked on the not afraid of. I said you can come back earlier, I can not stand. You ask me, as far as? ...... as far as? Oh, I also want to ask you, DOTA for you to so important? As for it? As far as it is? Let me ask you this, if your brothers knew you had a pregnant wife waiting for you, would they still insist you go? You said it was your rule that you couldn't bring your wife or be absent, and that pregnancy was no exception.
The next day check, the doctor said the time is too small, ultrasound can not be photographed, let me wait for 5 days, you suddenly messed up, stammered and told me, in fact, you did not resign, just take 5 days off, the family does not know these things, after the explanation I have not listened to, and has been unimportant, did not resign 4 words have been enough to make me disillusioned with you, why bother? Why do you have to be confident that you have arranged, for my sake, resignation is nothing, why? I will understand you. Why do you have to talk so great at the beginning? I was so grateful and touched. I was so touched then, but now I think it's bullshit! I'm not sure how much I appreciate it at the time, but now I think you have a lot of old flames! ...... That night I was alone again, you said the family to treat dinner, let me wait for you, come back in the evening and then take me to dinner. I do not know where to stay, Guanyin Yan walked all over, walked to the Internet cafe to check out a variety of foot traffic, Internet cafe boring, smoke smell, I really can not stay. Back to the hotel afraid, air conditioning problems. Play PSP to pass the time, so waiting for you, until 10:00 you finally came back to take me to dinner. Every time I receive a text message that you are coming back, how happy I am, I can't wait to go downstairs and walk in the direction you came from, as long as I can see you, it's like seeing the sunshine. But now I want to know, you see me is what kind of mood, and I am the same? Or all kinds of boredom? ...... night to sleep, the air conditioning has a problem, tangled to more than 2:00 p.m., you said you bored, stay hard, let me go to the Internet cafe, to go overnight ...... I said I can not stand, heavy smoke, you said we can sit in a private room, I said I want to sleep, you said let me take a pillow, I said In order for me to endure a night can, just one night can not help it? You were very tired of "ouch", you said it's not a matter of whether you can bear it or not, you do have a hard time. If you were not pregnant, I would have spoiled you, I would have followed you, I would have stayed with you, but that night, I was in tears. In the beginning that sentence, now the original return to you, you really classic, never understand for my sake.
With you, I always cry from time to time, you don't love to see me cry, I don't cry in front of you, and you know why I cry? Because when I need you the most, you will always be because of this and that can be excused things and not around me, when I need you to hold me, encourage me, but you always turn away, or fall into a deep sleep. Of course you won't understand, when you only have yourself in your heart, you'll never know why I'm sad. That's all I want from you, encouragement, comfort and companionship, and you can't even give me that. Or do you think I want more? Do you have "more" that I should ask you for? Are you handsome? Are you rich? Do you know a lot about relationships? Or do you love me? There's nothing I can't give up now, and it wasn't you I couldn't give up in the first place, but these deep imprints on me.
May 31, I decided to go home, not enough time, not enough money, your feelings are not enough. The sadness before you get off work is nothing more than a cliché, and then you did not arrange the situation, I carried a large bag of luggage, the rain, can not find a place to rest, a large Chongqing, in the two intersections of Guanyinyan such a place, it is not even a fast-food restaurant similar to KFC or can rest in a milk tea store are not ...... finally or To the Internet cafe, holding the head to fall asleep. Know that you are coming, happy to immediately go to the place you specified to wait for you ...... had lunch, go to the Palace of Culture to buy tickets, passing by your mother to work at the ICBC, you said that you are afraid of your mother to see, so that I walk in front of me, huh, Sun Yalong, 22 years old, love is still afraid of the family to see? Didn't I hear that you told your family that you have a girlfriend overseas? Didn't I hear that your dad told you to bring your girlfriend back? Why are you afraid your mom will see you now? What are you worried about? Only you understand. I do not bother to guess, save yourself sad.
7:20 p.m. on the train, and you separated, I sent a text message to tell you, I'm gone, let you own good, because very much in love with you, so never blame you. You arrived home, on QQ, or 5 minutes to reply once, I asked you what you were doing, you said to the game, you have to practice, or the same, in a bad environment, I + children are better than the game, and then your avatar gray, from 8:20 has been gray to 10:20, you texted me back to tell me that you and your father went out to dinner ...... Maybe you were never worried about me, never attached to me, and you were able to walk away and stay out of it so much.
Well, June 1, 6 a.m., I arrived, braved the rain back home, texted you, do not return, maybe you are still sleeping, but this sleep is really long, until 10 p.m., still no word from you, text messages do not return, the phone does not answer, I heard that you are in the PKF competition, the battle is okay? Don't worry, the child is my own thing, I will be responsible, not lack of your "responsibility", not lack of your little bit of money, not lack of your little bit of miserly concern and encouragement. At night you sent a text message, said you changed your pants did not bring a cell phone, June 2 is the same no news, also want to say that you do not bring a cell phone? I'm alone in the hospital for a checkup and ultrasound. Just want you to ask, can care to encourage, but I left Chongqing to now, your text messages add up to a total of *** only 2, if you put in mind, and how can forget to bring a cell phone ...... already do not need you to accompany me to face, do not need you to take care of do not need you to accompany, but you do not even have a concern! ...... I am alone in the hospital, my heart is cold. My request is not too much, right? At least these days of concern, you can not give? You don't even give?
Now seems to have been not the problem of your indifference, but the problem of the beast, should have thought that you will disappear, just did not think that you disappeared so quickly, worthy of the national service first white hand, running really decisive and rapid, or quite thank you, is that you teach me, only their own rely on it, is that you teach me, do not have any hope for men. Thank you for the growth you've given me. You said this is not your first child, once that girl is the family took her to the abortion. And today this girl, going to end that budding life that belongs to you, has nothing to do with you either.
Wishing you happiness.