2, urgent notice: please prepare a one-inch color photo, a copy of ID card, a copy of education, personal resume, sent to the National Space Agency, according to reliable information, to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival, to recruit Chang'e! (Bring your own rabbit)
3, ask what is love in the world, but a thing to a thing ~
4, Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!
5, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be the Tang Monk; with wings is not necessarily an angel - mom said, that's a birdman
6, . I heard that women are like clothes, brothers are like hands and feet, looking back, I can't believe I ran around naked for 19 years with seven hands and feet!
7, the tiger does not give strength, you think I am hello kitty ah! If a small donkey is not powerful, you think I am Snoopy ah!
8, fell down, get up and cry again ~ ~ ~ ~
9, the first line: remember the past, red rice, pumpkin soup, wife a, children a gang. The next line: look at today, white rice, eight soup, a child, wife a help
10, bachelor's degree above is a master's degree, master's degree after the doctorate, doctorate after the postdoctoral period, that after the postdoctoral period? If you are brave enough to read two more years that is the warrior, then read five years is the strong man, then read seven years is the martyr, the martyr after? The Ministry of Education will introduce the Holy Warrior, 2 years of study is bronze 5 years is silver 7 years is gold. Girls who are willing to read up again after graduation have a chance to test out of Athena!!!!
11, today you woke up, a mosquito lying on the pillow, next to a will:I struggled one night, your cheeky make me ashamed to live in this world. Lord! Forgive him, I committed suicide!
12, notice: the recent autumn cold has arrived, please comrades do a good job of defense, there are husbands to hold the husband, there are wives to hold their wives, temporarily not please hold a warm water bottle, there is no warm water bottles, please hold a gas canister (pay attention to be lit). Please do not hug animals such as chickens and ducks to prevent bird flu. The south flight of the south flight, the hair of the hair change, really can not hibernate
13, God wants to make people perish, must first make it crazy; God wants to make people crazy, must first make it to buy a house
14, the money is not a problem, the problem is that there is no money.
15, the diamond is everlasting, a bankruptcy.
16. Water can carry a boat, but it can also cook porridge.
17 A mountain can not tolerate two tigers unless a male and a female.
18. Fire can try gold, gold can try women, women can try men.
19. The one who burns incense is not necessarily a monk, but also a panda.
20, drunkenness I do not serve anyone, I will help the wall.
21, I'm like a fly on the glass, the future is bright, there is no way out
22, Q: Of all the cartoon characters, who is the darkest of the darkest?
A: Doraemon.
Q: Why?
A: Because it can't reach out and see anything.
23Q: Of all the cartoon characters, who is the most helpful?
A: It's still Doraemon.
Q: Why?
A: Because it always loves to lend a helping hand (round hand) to people.
24, "Crouching Spring" "I am stupid"
Dark plums and flowers, I have no culture
Crouching branches hurt hate bottom, I have a very low IQ,
Distant smell of lying like water, ask me who I am,
Easy to penetrate the spring green. A big dumb ass.
The shore is green, I am a donkey,
The shore is green, I am a donkey,
The shore is green. I'm a stupid donkey
------------------------------------------------------------
1.There's a bear coming up / There's a BEAR coming up (There's a BEAR coming up)
2.The eleventh book / Unbelievable (BOOK11)
3. The sheep stopped breathing/raised its eyebrows (The sheep didn't exhale)
4. The cell phone mustn't fall down the toilet/the chance is too good to be true (Wet)
5. The dog didn't bark when it crossed the one-way bridge/overlooked (Over the Wooden Woof)
6. The bees stopped at the calendar/the wind and the sun were shining (The Bees and the Calendar)
7. The painter liked to draw thick ropes not to A painter likes to paint thick ropes but not thin ones. p>
11. Who doesn't have a telephone? /Tianyi (heavenly clothes phone)
12. Who knows the most about birds? /惊弓(惊弓之鸟)知鸟
13.How do you make a sparrow quiet? /Press it a little (press the sparrow to be silent)
14. Which type of snake has many mouths? /Seven mouths (snake)
15. What medicine is not poisonous? /Yam
16. Why is there only one tip of the iceberg? /The other tip was broken off by the Titanic
17.Who gets seasick when White,Yellow,and Blue ride on a long bus? (White rabbit, dusk)
18. white + white =? Answer:White rabbit(White TWO)
19What animal is most likely to fall? Fox, because he is the most cunning
20.The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it. The spider asks: why? Why? Butterfly said: my mom said, all day in the network are not good people.
21. One day Xiao Qiang asked his father: Dad, I am not a stupid child ah? The father said: stupid child, how can you be a stupid child?
22. Xiao Ming, on the test tomorrow, but the night is watching TV
Small Ming's mother was worried and asked: books are finished? The test is tomorrow
Xiaoming answered quickly: Mom, I've finished.
Xiaoming's mother then praised Xiaoming happily, saying: "Good boy, you must do well in the exam tomorrow."
Xiaoming cried, saying: "Mom, I mean, 'Mom, I'm finished.
23. One day Xiao Ming was walking on the road! Walking suddenly felt sore feet! Why is that? Because Xiao Ming stepped on a lemon!
24. One day, a college teacher asked a student, there are ten birds on the tree, shoot one, how many left?
The student asked in return: Is it a silent pistol? Not how loud is the gun?80-100 decibels. Is it illegal to shoot birds in this town? No. Are you sure the bird was actually killed? Yes, I'm sure. By this time, the teacher was getting impatient: ", just tell me how many birds are left, OK. Are there any deaf birds in the tree? No. Are there any caged birds hanging in the tree? No. Are there any other trees on the side of the tree, and are there any other birds on the tree? No. If a bird is pregnant, does that count as a baby in the belly? No. Did the bird hunter's eyes glaze over? No flowers, just ten. The teacher is already sweating and the bell is ringing, but the students continue to ask: Are there any birds that are so stupid that they are not afraid to die? All of them are afraid of death. Will you kill two birds with one shot? No. The student said confidently, if your answer is not a lie, "If the bird that was killed hangs in the tree and does not fall, then there will be one left, and if it falls, then there will be none left." The teacher immediately fell to the ground foaming at the mouth!
25. There is a fat man, jumped from a high building, the result became a dead fat man.
26.There is a trap is crossing the road, the result is accidentally by the truck flattened, he was dying when he looked at his body, he said: "So I am bean paste filling, not meat filling"
27.There are two people fell into the trap, the dead people called dead people, the living people called what? Call it help.
28. Once upon a time there was a swordsman, he was cold, his heart was cold, his sword was cold, and finally he died of cold
29. A deer was running on the road, and the faster it ran, the faster it turned into a highway
30. There was a tomato, which was tossed by the stone and barred and fell apart, and then there was another tomato barred and fell apart, and then there was another tomato barred and fell apart, and there was a tomato barred and fell apart, and then there was a tomato barred and fell apart, and there was a tomato barred and fallen apart, and there was countless tomatoes. Tomato falls and breaks and the last tomato falls ah-ta yay! Ketchup yeah
31. The soldier asked the company commander: what should I do if I step on a landmine during the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Damn, what can be done? Stepped on the broken at the price of compensation.
32. I have not received your message for a long time, I am very heartbroken. I think of death, I have cut my veins with potato chips; hit my head with tofu; jumped from a building with a parachute; hanged with noodles. But none of them died, so you just treat me to a meal and prop me up.
33. Elephants put poop in the middle of the road, an ant just passing by, it looked up at the cloudy summit, can not help but sing: yalasuo, this is the Tibetan plateau! ~~~~
33. There are two counterfeit bills accidentally made the face value of 15 yuan of fake bills, the two decided to take to the remote mountainous areas to spend, when they took a 15 yuan to buy a 1 yuan sugar gourd good, they cried, the farmers found them two 7 yuan.
34. Your life portraits: ten years old to learn to bathe themselves, pig self-cleaning; twenty years old radiant, pig when the Mao; thirty years old to find a job, the pig to set up a business; forty years old to hire a maid, the pig to get a maid; fifty years old to learn to play basketball, the pig to throw!
35. A person climbed the wall out of school, was caught by the principal, the principal asked: why not go from the school gate? Answer: Metersbonwe, do not go out of the way. The principal asked: how to go over such a high wall ah? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, anything is possible.
The principal asked again: what does it feel like to go over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said: TB, the feeling of flying. On the 2nd day he entered the school from the main entrance, the principal asked: how not over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like. On the 3rd day he wore mixed clothes, the principal said: can not wear mixed clothes! He said: Wear what you want, Samma Clothing. Day 4 he wore an undershirt to school, and the principal said, No undershirts to school. He said, man, simple is good, love Stirrup Castle clothing. The principal says, "I'm going to have to give you a hard time. He said, "Why? The principal said, the dynamic zone, my place I make the decision.
35. robbers note: the Bank staff only understand Spanish, please be patient when robbing, it is best to carry a translator, thank you!
36. Hair is gone, dandruff is gone!
37. We should keep quiet when listening to the sermon in church, it's rude to disturb someone's sleep.
38. Thief A: count how much money a **** robbed today? Thief B: No, tomorrow look at the newspaper will know.
39. Go your own way, let others take a taxi.
42Wear other people's shoes, go your own way, let them look for it.
43. A cultural evening, the host came on stage to report: please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy !!!!!
44. The tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill ah!
45. a ktv, point song, a mm shouted: give me a point a week cut stick "double Jay"
46 ancient poetry surprisingly predicted last year's super girl in the top four
(Yu) rain knock dream broken wasted sigh
(Spring) spring blossoms and fall
(Yes) whether it is a dream or an awakening is yet to be known
(1) a smile and a sigh has been a hundred years old
(Pen) all my life I have been tired of the affairs of the country
(Smooth) drink to get rid of the body and mind broken
(No. 1) the king is not angry, the people are afraid of themselves
(2) why do we need to be humble and slavish
(Pretty) the wind does not intoxicate the people, the people themselves are intoxicated
(Ying) no one is suspicious of the people in the shadows
(I) the king has not been angry with me, but he is not angry at me, and I have no idea of what is happening.
(Should) It should be a good time
(C) Ask the heavens if they will return
(Ho) Why is it so hard for the gods to be sad before they grow old
(Jie) It's all because of the love of each other
(No. 1) I'm laughing at the end of the earth and the heavens
(D) It seems to be wandering around in the clouds and mists
47 The managers of China, Japan and South Korea came to the heaven and asked God what time their respective football teams would be ready for the next round of the World Cup
48 The coaches of China, Japan and South Korea came to the heaven. Asked God when their respective soccer teams would win the World Cup, and God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach cried out: I am not going to see it. God said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach cried out: I won't be able to see it. The Chinese coach quickly asked: What about us? God cried out: I am not going to see it.
48. Three white rabbits picked a mushroom
The two big ones let the small one go to get some wild vegetables to eat
The small one said I don't want to go, I'm going, and you'll eat my mushrooms
The two big ones said they wouldn't, don't worry about it and went, and so the little white rabbit went to eat it
Six months later, the little white rabbit didn't come back, and one of the big ones said, "I won't come back.
The other big one said, "Let's wait a little longer."
A year went by and the white rabbit hadn't come back, and the two big ones said, "No, we don't have to wait, let's eat it."
At that moment, the little rabbit jumped out of the jungle next to him and got angry and said, "Look, I knew you were going to eat me! I knew you were going to eat my mushrooms
49. A lot of things have all sorts of flavors when you cook them... So cooking? #123;It's always been done with great care.
But... On the contrary... There is one thing; if you put it on ice, it will be more flavorful. What is it?
Electricity. Because... Refrigerator -> Electricity-ice-(fragrance).........
50.Cars can fly. Guess a drink .... Coffee...
Because... (Car)-(fly)
51.Once upon a time there was a steak medium rare and a steak medium rare, and they met on the street, why didn't they say hello?
Because they didn't know each other well...
52. Q: What chicken runs fast in the world? What chicken is slow?
A: Kentucky Fried Chicken (fast)
Nicole Kidman (slow)
53. On the airplane, an air hostess asked a little girl, "Why don't airplanes hit the stars when they fly so high?"
The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars 'flash' ah!"
54. May I ask: Who gave the water of forgetfulness?
Answer:Aha~~~
Reason: "Aha,give me a cup of forgetful water ~~~~"
55.Q:What animal is most likely to be posted on the wall?
A:Seal(newspaper)
56Q:Who will help you refill your food when you are full?
A:Flying dragons, because they are in the sky
57.Stars. The moon. Which one is dumb?
The stars, because there is a line in the song "The stars in the sky don't speak"
58. What is the last name of the pencil?
Shaw, because: Sharpening (Shaw) pencils
59. 4 people were playing mahjong in the house, why did the police come and take away 5 people?
Because the people they were playing with were called "mahjong"
60. I'll tell you a touching story
Get the hell out of here! I'll tell you a touching story
61. Woman: "I'd rather marry the devil than you."
Man: "That's impossible, because close relatives are forbidden to marry."
62. Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat One day the white cat fell into the water and the black cat rescued it The white cat said something to the black cat
Q: What was the phrase
...................." Meow"
-----------------------------------
Four surgeons were sitting around talking about the kinds of people they like to operate on.
The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians best. When you open them up, everything inside
is in alphabetical order."
The second doctor said, "My favorite surgery is for accountants. When you open them up, everything is in
numerical order."
The third doctor said, "I like operating on electricians best. When you look to open their bodies, everything is coded in
colors."
The fourth doctor said, "I like operating on Japanese best." The other three doctors looked at each other with
wistful
doubt and one of them asked what. The fourth doctor said because they had no heart, no spine, and had interchangeable butts and heads.
The Five Most Hated Jokes in Little Japan (2)
A man calls a Japanese businessman and says, "I'm looking for Mr. Taro." The operator said, "I'm sorry, he went
sei last week." The next day, the man called once again, wanting to talk to Taro. This time the operator was a little fed up and said
, "I've been telling you he passed away last week. Why are you still calling?" The man said, "Because I
just like to hear about it."
The Five Most Hated Jokes in Little Japan (3)
A Japanese man was eating in a Chinese restaurant. When the waiter served a plate of lobster, the Japanese asked, "May I ask what you
do with the leftover shrimp shells?"" Pour it out, of course," the waiter said." NO! NO! NO!" said the Japanese man, shaking his
head, "In Japan, the leftover shrimp shells are sent to factories to be made into shrimp cakes, which are then sold to you in China.
"A little while later, the waiter brought another plate of fruit, and the Japanese pointed to one of the lemons and asked, "May I ask how you
dispose of the leftover lemon peel?"" Pour it away, of course," said the waiter." NO!" The Japanese man shook his head and said
, "In Japan, the leftover lemon peels are sent to factories to be made into fruit treasures and then sold to you in China."
When it was time to check out, the Japanese asked the waiter with a smile as he chewed his gum, "May I ask what you do with the leftover
gum?"" Spit it out, of course," the waiter said. "NO! NO! NO!" The Japanese shook his head and said smugly, "In Japan, chewed gum is sent to factories to be made into condoms, which are then sold to you in China.
"The waiter impatiently asked, "Then do you know what to do with used condoms in our China?"" Of course it's thrown
away." The Japanese man said. The waiter shook his head and said, "NO! In China, used condoms are sent
into factories to be made into chewing gum and then sold to you in Japan."
The five jokes that little Japan hates the most (4)
There was a cab traveling on the highway to the Chicago airport with a Japanese tourist in it. At that moment, a
taxi overtakes it, and the Japanese man shouts, "Look, a Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast!" After a while
, another cab overtook it." Look, a Nissan! It's made in Japan! It's so fast!" Another cab overtook
it. "Hey! It's a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan! It's fast!" The cab driver, who was 100 percent American, couldn't help but be a little annoyed at
seeing so many Japanese cars overtaking his own American car, and at the Japanese man's wild language.
The cab pulled into the airport parking lot, when another cab overtook it. "It's a Honda! Made in Japan! Come on
Polar! It's hopeless!" The cab driver stopped, pointed at the meter in a nonchalant manner, and said, "$1500
."" 1500 dollars for this close?!" "The meter! Made in Japan! It's fast! No way!"
The five jokes that Japan hates the most (5)
There is an airplane sitting on top of an American, a German, a Japanese and a Chinese, the plane flew halfway
Suddenly ran out of gas, the captain announced that one person must jump to reduce the weight of the plane, so that the Americans play their personal heroism
Androgance went to the hatch of the plane and shouted: Long live the United States of America! And then he jumped! The plane
keeps flying ..... At this point the captain announced again: the weight is still too heavy, there is still one more person to jump off! So the German
stepped forward, walked to the airplane hatch, and shouted, Long live the German Reich! and jumped off with them! The plane continued
to fly ..... At this point the captain announced again: No, it's still heavy, we must jump another person! The Chinese looked at
Japanese, stood up and walked to the airplane hatch, the Japanese rushed over to hold the Chinese hand:
good brother, I will not forget you! The Chinese shouted: Long live the Chinese people **** and the country! Then kicked
Japanese down!!!......