Woman: you still want to eat chicken wings ah, just now I read a news in the newspaper, said chicken wings is the most hormones on the chicken

Man: then eat pork

Woman: really good, but also eat pork, yesterday I just heard that there are illegal vendors selling fake meat!

Son: that just eat vegetables without meat is not

Women: vegetables I heard that the pesticides on the side of the more can not be washed off ah!

Man: Then we can only eat rice

Woman: Rice? Nowadays the rice which has no bleach, ah?

Man: It seems we can only drink the northwest wind

Son: Yes

Woman: Northwest wind? I've heard that all that comes from the wind is car exhaust

Son:......

Male:......

A family of three went to a restaurant for dinner, and the adults ordered some wildlife roasted dishes.

The child was puzzled and asked: mom, why did you order so much wild?

The mom said: wild is good!

The child followed up with: Am I wild then?

Mom: ...... Reasons why monkeys are becoming less and less common

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Mom, did people really come from monkeys?

Yes, baby.

Oh, no wonder there are fewer monkeys and more people now. Lazy Man

There was a lazy man who was surprisingly lazy. His wife wanted to cut spaghetti and told him to borrow a panel from the neighbor's house.

He said, "No need to borrow it, just cut it on my back!"

When his wife finished cutting the noodles on his back, she asked him, "Does it hurt?"

He said, "It hurts, and I'm too lazy to squeak." Frying Fritters

Ma Noodle: "Master Yama, that new brat guarding the Frying Pan Hell is a pervert."

Yama: "Oh?"

Ma Mian: "Every time he pushes someone to go down to the frying pan, he forces them to go down in two pair hugs."

Yama: "Oh, I forgot to tell you, he used to fry doughnuts."

Sleeping dishonestly

When I handed a winning five million dollar ticket to the lottery center staff, everyone immediately cast envious glances! I pulled out a second one, still five million, and everyone was stunned! When I pulled out a third one, the air stopped moving!

......When I was about to take out the fourth one, my wife kicked me awake and said with dissatisfaction, "Sleeping is not honest, tearing the book to pieces, and actually laughing so loudly!"

Alcoholic Chat

Two Irishmen were sitting in a barroom drinking. One of them asks the other, "Where are you from?"

The other replies, "I'm currently here, Dublin, but I was born in County Cork."

"No kidding? I was born in County Cork and I'm in Dublin now ...... Let's have another drink! What part of County Cork were you born in?"

The other replied, "I was born in my mother's house with a small river running south from the village of Sark in front of my door."

"God forbid." The first man called out, "Can you believe it? I was also born in my mother's house, also not far from the village of Sark. For the sake of our closeness, come on, let's drink another toast. So what school did you go to?"

"I went to school at Our Lady of the Passion School in town." The other replied. By this time the first man was so excited he couldn't help himself, he exclaimed, "Oh my God, that's amazing, I went to that same school, it's such a small world. Boss, bring us each another drink."

Then the phone rang in the bar and the owner answered it, "Crane's Bar ...... Oh, nothing new tonight, just those twins at O'Hara's getting drunk again."

Exam results

Smith didn't work hard when he was a student at the university, spent his days traveling and always failed his exams. His father wrote him a letter telling him, "If you get a merit, I'll award you a car."

After the final exam, Smith wrote back to his father, "Dear father, I decided it would be better to get a failing grade, because it's not easy for you to earn money, and I can't bear to let you break the bank."

Untitled

There was a family surnamed Pan, whose elder passed away. For the family funeral, an old gentleman with a heavy accent was invited to be the master of ceremonies.

The obituary reads: "Filial son: Pan Genke; Filial daughter-in-law: Ji; Filial granddaughter: Pan Liangci; Filial grandson: Pan Daozhi."

But the old man was blind and had trouble pronouncing his words. When he sang the obituary's name, he missed the left part of the name.

So he read it like this: filial son, turn ...... heel ...... bucket ......

Xiaonan heard, only feel very strange, but did not dare to ask, so it was turned over a heel.

Then he said, "Hyo daughter-in-law, also ...... is ......" Hyo daughter-in-law heard: "I also want to flip ah? "

So the filial daughter-in-law also turned over a heel.

Again, "Filial granddaughter, flip twice."

Hearing this, the filial granddaughter thought to herself, "Mom and Dad have turned over, so I'll turn over too! So she flipped twice. At this time, Xiaosun thought: "Dad, mom are each flip once, sister also flip twice, so I have to flip how many times?" He started to get nervous, "What should I do?"

Only to hear the old gentleman pull out his throat, read out loud: "Xiaosun ...... flip ...... to ...... die! ......"

Pigs are gentlemen

A servant, a black man, asked his master, "Master, what is a gentleman?

The master replied: It is a creature, a living thing that eats, drinks and sleeps but does nothing.

After a while the servant ran to his master and said, Master, I now know what a gentleman is. People work, horses work, cows work, but pigs eat, sleep, and do nothing. There is no doubt that the pig is a gentleman.

Correcting mistakes

Henry: You only drink two glasses of white wine every night, why did you ask for four today?

Bob: I think two glasses is enough, but my wife is still not satisfied.

Henry: How is she not satisfied.

Bob: Every day when I arrive home, she always complains about me, damn it, half drunk again!

No alligators

Florida's beaches and blue skies looked especially stunning to a traveler from the north. The tourist was about to go for a swim when he asked his guide: can you be sure there are no alligators here?

No, there are not. The guide smiled and replied, There are no crocodiles here.

The tourist stopped worrying, he stepped into the sea and swam. Then he asked the guide: How can you be so sure that there are no crocodiles?

The crocodile is very elfin, the tour guide replied, it is more afraid of sharks.

Dad, you forgot your wallet!

The little town of Wick had been in chaos lately, so many people went out without their wallets.

Sir went to work early Wednesday morning and hadn't gotten far when he was caught by a man with a knife.

Get your wallet or I'll kill you.

Sir said smugly, I don't have it, search it if you don't believe me.

The man rummaged through his entire body and was disappointed to leave, when suddenly a child holding up a wallet ran up to him and shouted, Dad, you forgot your wallet!

Tastes great

A Hollywood director decided to give his mother a birthday present, he heard that there is a small bird can speak 12 languages speech, and can also sing 10 famous songs, immediately decided to buy the bird to give his mother, for which he spent $ 50,000 dollars.

The day after his mother's birthday, he called her: What do you think of this bird? Mom? His mother replied cheerfully: It tastes great!

Totti took a general knowledge test.

Teacher: Tell me the name of a reptile.

Totti: A viper.

Teacher: very good, tell me the name of another reptile.

Totti: Another viper.

The plight of two poor students

Two students with very poor grades came together after their exams.

Jack, how did you do on the test?

Nothing, I turned in a blank paper, what about you, Siri?

Hey, me too!

That's no good, people will say we cheated.

The test of love

A couple snuggled by the lake.

Nancy: do you love me?

Jack: Of course, I love you more than my own life.

Nancy points to the lake and says: I'll take your word for it if you dare to jump from here.

Jack immediately turned and ran away, after a while he came back panting.

Nancy: oh man! What have you been doing?

Jack: Nothing, dear, I bought a life preserver!

Classic Joke: Vampire Bat On a dark and windy night, a vampire bat flew back with blood on its face. His companions in the cave asked him where he had been and how he had gotten so much blood on his face.

The bat was so annoyed by the questions that he said, "Do you want to know? Then follow me!"

Flying, flying, flying, the bats flew to the front of a tree.

Then the bat asked, "Do you see this tree?" All the companions present replied that they saw it.

"But I just didn't see the tree earlier!" Student Sentences That Will Make You Laugh Your Head Off 1. Topic: while ...... while ......

Kids write: he takes off his shirt and puts on his pants at the same time.

Teacher's comment: Is he going to take off or put on?

2. Topic: one of them

Kids write: one of my left feet is hurt.

The teacher criticized: Are you a centipede?

3. Topic: One after another

Kids write: After work, dad came home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

4. Topic: Sadness

The child writes: It is sad that there is a ditch in front of my house.

The teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

5.Title: and ...... and ......

Kids write: My mom is short, tall, fat and thin.

The teacher commented; Is your mom a deformed gold steel?

6. Title: You see

Children write: What do you see! I haven't seen it

Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it

7. Title: Euphoria

Children write: Euphoria Rong Confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many serials!

8. Title: Yummy

Kids wrote: Yummy my ass.

Teacher's comment: There are some things you can't eat.

9. Title: Naivety

The child writes: It's hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

10.Title: Fruitful

Kids write: Yesterday I ate fruit and then drank cold water.

Teacher's critique: it's the word

11.Title: first ...... then ......, example: first eat, then take a bath.

Kids write: sir, goodbye!

Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the intelligence of earthlings.

12.Title: Besides

Children wrote: A train passed by, and besides, besides, besides, besides

Teacher's comment: I'm dead

1

One day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the owner: "Boss, boss, have you got any carrots here?"

The owner said, "No."

The white rabbit left.

The next day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the owner, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The owner said, "I told you, no!"

The white rabbit left.

On the third day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the owner: "Boss, boss, do you have any carrots here?"

The boss was anxious: "How many times have I told you?! No!!! If you keep bothering me, I'll take a vise and pull out all your teeth!"

The white rabbit got scared and ran away.

On the fourth day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the owner: "Boss, boss, do you have a vise here?"

The boss said, "No."

The white rabbit asked, "Well, do you have any carrots?"

The boss got really angry and took out his vise and pulled out all the rabbit's teeth.

On the fifth day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the owner, "Boss, boss, do you have any carrot juice here?"

2

The ant was walking in the forest and suddenly met an elephant, the ant rushed headlong into the soil and stretched out one leg.

The rabbit was curious and asked: what are you doing?

The ant whispered to the rabbit: shh ...... don't make a sound, watch me trip a heel

3

The white rabbit and the big bear two squatting under the tree to shit.

The big bear said to the white rabbit, "Although you white rabbits are pretty, you're a pain in the ass! You can tell when you get a little bit of dirt on it, and it's disgusting!

The white rabbit said: Look at you! It's not!

The big bear said, "No, it's not! The bear said, "I'm going to wipe my ass with the white rabbit." ......

4

There was a white rabbit running happily through the forest,

On the way there, it came across a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit said to the giraffe, "Giraffe,

Why did you do something that hurt me? "Why do you do things that hurt you?

Look at how beautiful this forest is, let's run through nature together!"

The giraffe looked at the marijuana cigarette, looked at the white rabbit, and threw the marijuana cigarette behind him and followed the white rabbit through the forest.

Then they came upon an elephant preparing to smoke cocaine,

The rabbit said to the elephant, "Elephant, elephant, why do you do things that hurt you?

Look at how beautiful this forest is, let's run in nature together!"

The elephant looked at the cocaine, looked at the rabbit, and threw the cocaine behind him, and followed the rabbit and the giraffe through the forest.

Then they came upon a lion preparing to shoot heroin,

The White Rabbit said to the lion, "Lion Lion, why do you do things that hurt you?

Look at how beautiful this forest is, let's run through nature together!"

The lion looked at the syringe, looked at the white rabbit, and threw the syringe behind him, and rushed over to the white rabbit and beat him up.

The elephant and the giraffe were trembling with fear: "Why did you hit the white rabbit? He was so kind, caring for our health and telling us to get closer to nature."

The lion said angrily: "This asshole rabbit, every time he gets high on ecstasy, he drags me around the forest like an idiot."

5

The white rabbit and the bear blind walking in the forest, accidentally kicked over a pot.

The pot came out a genie, said they can fulfill their three wishes.

The blind bear said, turn it into the world's strongest bear. His wish was granted.

The white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. His wish was granted.

The blind bear said, make him the most beautiful bear in the world. His wish came true again.

The white rabbit said, give it a bicycle. His wish was granted again.

The blind bear said, turn all the other bears in the world into female bears!

The white rabbit got on his bike and ran while saying, turn this bear into a gay ...... life insurance

The economics teacher is teaching the relationship between the insured and the beneficiary in class.

In order to be able to speak a little more graphic, he gave an example: "For example, I have life insurance, one day I unfortunately hit by a car and die, my loved ones can get compensation, she is the beneficiary, so what am I?"

A student answered from below, "A dead person."

Who to choose

A young man has three close girlfriends, one is a doctor, one is an operator and the other is a teacher. The lad couldn't decide who to choose as his partner, so he asked his mother for advice.

The mother immediately replied, "The schoolteacher, of course!"

"Why?"

"Isn't that clear? Because the doctor always says, 'It's the next one's turn,' and the telephonist often says, 'Please be brief,' or something like that, whereas the governess always says so kindly, 'Let's try again, we might as well give it another try, and don't be discouraged, the It will work out in the end.'"

Moment of crisis

The couple were camping in the mountains when they came across a bear and were lucky to be rescued by a hunter in time.

Afterward, his wife said angrily, "When that bear showed up, how could you leave me and run away? You had sworn that you would face death bravely for me."

The husband said, "But we faced the bear, not death!"

Reason

A girl had a crush on a doctor, and she went to see him every day in order to meet him and get his attention. Recently, however, the girl didn't show up for a week, and the doctor thought it was strange when she finally appeared in front of him again.

The doctor was curious and asked her why she hadn't shown up for the past few days, to which the girl replied:

"I was sick last week, so I didn't come to see you."　 Doing Homework

The daughter was stuck in front of the TV and her mom urged, "Stop watching TV and do your homework."

"Mom, I'm doing my homework, look!"

Mom took her daughter's composition book, only to see the title written on it, "I watch TV with my mom." Paranoid

An honest country gentleman went into town to see a dentist, and when the doctor said he needed anesthesia, the gentleman immediately pulled out his wallet.

Dentist: "Sir, you don't have to pay now."

Gentleman: "Wow ...... I just wanted to make sure how much money I had left before I got anesthetized."

Miscalculation

Wife angrily asks alcoholic husband, "I've set you down to two small drinks a day, but why do you go over the limit every time?"

The alcoholic husband immediately bowed his head and admitted his mistake: "I am low in culture and miscalculated."

Classic joke: two funny animal jokes Rams: "Wife, what to eat today?"

The ewe: "Today we eat wolf meat!"

Ram (⊙o⊙) "Wow, so good! Usually wolves eat us, today we're eating wolves!"

After the food came up, the ram took a bite and said, "How come the meat is so small and has a strange smell?"

The ewe: "Shitty meat, that's what it tastes like!"