Do you still remember me? One time we went to climb a cliff and you accidentally fell. I quickly asked you: "Did you get hurt?" You said in panic: "I don't know... we haven't reached the bottom yet!"

County After the long speech, the host said: "Pickles, sausages and pickled melons!"

(Translation: Now let’s invite the township chief to speak!)

The township chief said: "Rabbits, today The dog has eaten the rice, and everyone is a big bastard!”

(Translation: Comrades, today’s rice is enough, everyone has a big bowl!)

Don’t be jealous! Hey, let me pick up some dog poop for you to lick. ． ．

(Translation: Don’t talk, let me tell you a story...)

A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report: "Rabbits, shrimps, Pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive!”

(Translation: Comrades, villagers, please be careful! Don’t talk, it’s a meeting now!!)

The coach said: "The first class kills the chickens, the second class steals the eggs, I will make porridge for you."

(Translation: The first class shoots, the second class drops the bombs, I will show you.)

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"Lying Chun" "I'm Stupid"

Dark Plum Blossoms, I have no culture

Lying on the branches, I feel so sad, my IQ is very low,

I hear it lying like water in the distance. If you want to ask me who I am,

It is easy to see the spring green. A big stupid ass.

The shore seems green, I am a donkey,

The shore seems green, I am a donkey,

The shore seems green, I am a stupid donkey

Confessions of a network administrator

98% of the current Internet cafe customers are stupid. They can’t turn on the computer, switch input methods, convert letters to uppercase and lowercase, and how to use the private server login. No, I can’t open voice on QQ, and I won’t exit the game after entering the game. The private server is shut down and it says there’s a problem with my machine. **, I really want to crush him to death, knead him into a ball, knead him into twists, and let him go. Fry it in a pan, then take it out and stomp it to pieces

I can’t open the MIC for voice chat, saying that the headset in the Internet cafe is broken.

Watching a movie is not in Mandarin!

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Ask me: "Network administrator, do you have any porn movies to watch?" I said no, he blamed the incomplete movies!

I can't log in to QQ, saying the machine is not good! I ran over and took a look, and the password was wrong. , that girl even asked me what my password was!!!!

There was another even more powerful girl. She accepted a video from an unknown netizen, called me over, and asked me who the person in the video was. Who!!!

I fainted, I still have this ability!!!!!!!

Play a CS and someone else put a smoke bomb, he was dodged, and he yelled: The network administrator is down...

The day before yesterday, a stupid girl chatted on QQ and asked me how to type. I asked her, don’t you know how to type? She said she would. I said, then you can just type (and help her adjust the input method at the same time), and called me again after a while. Said: Network administrator, why can’t I type? I said that I couldn't type what I wanted to type, and she told me: Just say "Hello" first, and I typed it for her. Then you know what she said. Don't leave. Just sit next to me and help me type. He looks exactly like a dinosaur. Today, a fool asked me, "Why don't I have QQ coins here as a network administrator? Please help me download some QQ coins...**, if that thing can be downloaded~!" I don’t have to fucking go to work

The spirit of a thief

The first time I got on the bus, I took nothing with me except the 1 yuan for the ride. Sitting from the starting station to the final station, I felt peaceful all the way. But when I got off the bus at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "Isn't it a shame for an adult to go out without taking any money with him? - Sincerely, The Company of Thieves."

The second time, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession, thank you. - Sincerely, The Company of Thieves."

The third time, I still broke my wallet and found 100 yuan in counterfeit bills.

After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "It is illegal to conceal counterfeit banknotes of large denominations. Please go to the relevant departments and hand them in. Thank you. - Sincerely, The Thief Company."

In Chapter 4, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the phone was still there, and there was an additional note: "Please don't make this joke and affect the normal work of our company, thank you. - Sincerely, The Thief Company."

In the fifth episode, I took a toy pistol and stuck it on my waist. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the gun was missing and a note was stuffed in the waistband of my pants: "I hate you the most when it comes to robberies. You have no technical skills at all! Confiscated crime tools! - Sincerely, The Thief Company."

The 6th time, I was about to get on the bus, but there were too many people and I couldn’t get in. While I was waiting for the next bus, I touched my pocket and found an extra 20 bucks and a note: "Brother, it's not easy for people in our line of work to be exposed to the sun and wind all day long. Here's my 20 bucks." , take a taxi wherever you want, please stop teasing us! ——Thieves Company."

So, I also started pressing the keyboard! I pressed hard! I pressed harder! I pressed faster than them! It was louder than them!

They couldn’t help but look over, and I I purposely glanced at them with contempt! Their expressions changed and they glared at me fiercely! I immediately stared back!

They continued to play Power 5 with livid faces, but the noise was louder than mine!

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How could I be willing to do so? So, I simply slapped the keyboard with the palm of my hand! Shoot hard! Shoot hard!

The two guys lost their enthusiasm at first glance and started shooting. Keyboard! The sound is louder than mine again!

How can I give up? Immediately hit the keyboard with my fist! Hit it hard! Hit it hard!

The two people looked at each other. I started hitting the keyboard! The sound surpassed me again! I refused to admit defeat! I ripped off the keyboard and threw it directly to the ground! I stepped on it hard! I stepped on it hard!

Everyone in the Internet cafe turned to me The warmest applause! The two non-mainstream people were dumbfounded and at a loss!

However, under my provocative eyes, they also became angry! They also tore off the keyboard! Throw it on the ground and trample it to pieces! Then they look at me provocatively!

At this time, the network administrators of the Internet cafe surrounded them! One network administrator looked at the keyboard that was trampled to pieces. I slapped him in the face! Then the network administrators swarmed up and beat the two non-mainstream people!

Finally, the two non-mainstream people were lying on the ground. One of the non-mainstream people pointed at me and asked weakly: " Why...don't you hit him?"

A network administrator kicked him: "He plays CS, so he brought his own keyboard!"

Zhu Bajie is here While making out with Chang'e on the moon, suddenly a black shadow passed by. Zhu Bajie hurriedly chased him with a nail rake. After a while, he came back and said: Damn it, Yang Liwei...

A driver drove a truck full of hens and teased his parrot while driving. A beautiful girl hit the truck. The driver put the parrot in the truck box with the hens and asked the beautiful girl to sit in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver asked the beautiful woman tentatively: "Can I kiss you?" The beautiful woman shook her head very shyly and said, "No." After waiting for a while, the driver reluctantly asked again: "Can I give you a hug? The beauty still shook her head and said: "No." The driver said angrily: "If you can't, just get off." After driving for a while, the driver felt that what he was doing was very ungentlemanly, so he went back and asked the beauty to get in the car. But after driving for a while, the driver stopped. Reluctantly, she asked again: "Can I kiss you?" The beauty still shook her head, "Can I hug you?" The beauty still shook her head, "If not, just get off." After repeating this three times, they finally arrived at the chicken farm. The driver opened the car and saw There were only a few hens left, and the parrot picked up one of the hens and asked: "Can I kiss the beautiful woman?" The hen shook her head desperately, and the parrot asked again: "Can I hug the beautiful woman?" The hen still shook its head. The parrot said: "If you can't, get down." The hen was thrown out of the car...

The little white rabbit was walking in the forest when he met the big bad wolf and came towards him. "I gave the little white rabbit two big ear stickers and said, "I will let you not wear a hat."

The little white rabbit retreated aggrievedly.

The next day, she jumped out of the house wearing a hat, and met the big bad wolf again. He walked up to the little white rabbit and gave the little white rabbit two big mouths, saying, "I Let you wear a hat."

Rabbit was depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.

After explaining the situation, Tiger said, "Okay, I understand. I will handle this matter. You have to trust the organization." That same day, the tiger found his buddy, the big bad wolf. "It's not right for you to do this. It's making it difficult for me." After saying that, he wiped the cigarette ashes falling on the table: "Do you think this is okay? You can say, Tutu, come here and find me a piece of meat." Go! She asked for a fat one, and you said you wanted a thin one. Then you could beat her, Tutu. I’m looking for a woman. She’s looking for a plump one, and you say you like a slim one. She’s looking for a slim one, and you’re looking for a plump one. You can beat her properly and forcefully.” The big bad wolf nodded frequently and clapped his hands, and his respect for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above guidance work was overheard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I feel this hatred in my heart.

The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence, the big bad wolf came towards him. The Big Bad Wolf said: "Rabbit, come here and find me a piece of meat." Rabbit said: "Then, do you want a fat one or a thin one?" After hearing this, the Big Bad Wolf's heart sank. Another joy, I said to myself, luckily there is Plan B. He then said: "Tutu, find me a woman quickly." Tutu asked: "So, do you like plump ones or slim ones?" The big bad wolf was silent for 2 seconds, raised his hand and said more I gave Tutu two big-eared posts. "Damn, I asked you not to wear a hat."

The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there are still none."

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”

Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

The prisoner was executed. During the shooting, due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, strangle me to death! It's so damn scary...

一

A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director called a meeting for the patients.

The dean said: "This afternoon, very important leaders are coming to visit, and everyone must go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome

all patients stand On both sides of the hospital gate, we have to stand neatly. When I cough, everyone claps together, the more enthusiastically, the better; when I stamp my feet, everyone must stop, and no one can make a mistake. Okay,

We can eat meat buns for everyone tonight. If one person messes up, everyone will have no buns to eat. Remember

" Patient in the audience? They shouted together: "Remember!"

That afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door.

At this moment, as the director coughed, all the patients applauded and welcomed him, and the atmosphere was very warm. The visiting leaders

Infected by the warm atmosphere, they walked into the hospital with a smile and applauded together with everyone. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital

the director stamped his foot, and all the applause stopped. It was very neat.

Only this leader was still clapping with a smile on his face

The dean was very satisfied as he clapped and moved forward. Suddenly, a sick man as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcoming crowd. He strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face, and shouted angrily - - "You don't want to eat steamed buns anymore?!!!"

There were three people competing in marksmanship, with a black man holding something as a target.

The first man placed an apple on the black man’s head, then raised his hand and shot the apple to pieces from a distance of 10 meters. He blew the gun and said: I 'm Zorro!

The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, then raised his hand and shot the cherry 50 meters away. He blew the muzzle of the gun and said: I' m007

The third man put a sesame seed on the black man’s head, then raised his hand and shot the black man’s head from a distance of 100 meters, and he also blew The muzzle said: I'm sorry...

There was a mother taking a bath with her baby son Binbin. Binbin pointed to her mother's black baby and asked, "What is that?" Mom replied, "That's mom's garage." Binbin pointed to her baby and asked, "Mom, what is that?" Mom. Answer him: "That's Bingbin's car!" Bingbin said: "Then can I drive my car into your garage and park it?" Mom said: "No! It belongs to your father tonight. The 'big truck' is coming."

At night, Binbin sneaked into her parents' room. "Dad! Dad!" Binbin shouted: "Your parking skills are really bad. After parking for so long, the two rear wheels of your 'big truck' are still outside the garage.

When I was in elementary school Once I was caught talking in class by the teacher.

The teacher said: "If I do it again, I will kick you out~~"

At that time, I wanted to laugh but I didn’t feel like laughing.``

Tractor and BMW Racing

A boss was very happy after drinking, whistling, and driving his beloved Mercedes Benz 600 on the road. At this time, he found an agricultural vehicle parked on the roadside. There was a man waving his hand. It turned out that the tractor was broken on the road and he wanted someone to help him tow it away.

The boss agreed at the same time. It was agreed that if the tractor turns on the right turn signal, please keep driving. If the tractor turns on the left turn signal, please stop. Then, the boss drove the Mercedes-Benz 600 on the road with the tractor (of course, driving very slowly). Suddenly, a BMW appeared. The car passed them from behind at a very fast speed. When the boss saw it, he was very angry and cursed: "No one dares to overtake my Mercedes-Benz 600!" "So, he immediately shifted into high gear, stepped on the accelerator, and ran after the BMW. (Because he was drunk, he had forgotten that there was a tractor towed behind him.) The boss quickly caught up with the BMW. Just as they were about to While racing at a speed of 280 mph, I was spotted by a traffic policeman on the side of the road. It was too late to stop me. I quickly took out my walkie-talkie and contacted the police on the next section of the road: "Hey, hey, hey, I found two cars racing. They are very fast. One is a BMW and the other is a Mercedes-Benz 600. Please stop them. No, there are three cars racing, followed closely by a tractor. The tractor also has its left turn signal on, trying to overtake. . . .

A: "Look at the child playing with the ball, is it a boy or a girl?"

B: "It's a girl, she is my daughter."

A: "Oh...I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father."

B: "No...I am her mother..."

At dusk , I jog on the industrial road.

A young man ran up from behind me and shouted in my ear: "Run!"

"What happened?" I asked the person next to me. young people.

"Run quickly." The young man ran in front of me.

After I quickly chased for 500 meters, I asked breathlessly: "What happened?"

"You ran too slow." The young man lost his mind. Get off me and run forward on your own.

A hen was comfortably incubating eggs. Suddenly, an egg popped out from under its butt.

Hen: "What's going on? Why did you run out?"

Little Egg: "You...you...you fart!"

Hen: @#＊＊&......

Old Chen: "Last night was really unlucky."

Old Li: "What happened?"

Old Chen: "I came home early last night. In the past, I would always hug my maid in the dark, but who knew it was my wife who I hugged last night."

Old Li: " That’s okay!”

Old Chen: “But my wife said ~ Xiao Feng, Old Chen is coming back soon, why don’t you leave quickly!”

A mother is taking her with her. little baby out and about on the bus, coaxing her baby.

A passenger turned his head over to take a look out of curiosity and said, "Wow! What an ugly baby!"

The mother felt very sad after hearing this and kept crying. Crying all the time.

Later the car stopped at a certain stop and some new passengers got on. Seeing her crying so sadly, a kind-hearted passenger comforted her and said, "Madam, why are you crying so sadly? You have to be open-minded about everything. There is nothing that cannot be solved! Okay! Okay! Don't Stop crying! Let me get you a glass of cold water! Relax!" After a while, the passenger actually poured a glass of water for her and said, "Okay. Stop crying. Drink this glass of water and you will feel better. Also, this banana is for your monkey!"

There is a Taiwanese named "A-Zhong" (Taiwanese) ) and his family immigrated to the United States.

One morning when Azhong was sweeping the floor in front of his house, he suddenly saw his neighbor next door and greeted him: "I'm Azhong!" (Taiwan)

The neighbor next door greeted him. : "Good morning!"

A-Zhong couldn't understand English, so he felt it was strange.

The next day when Azhong met his neighbor again, he said: "I am Azhong!" (Taiwan)

The neighbor next door replied to him: "Good morning!"

Azhong felt strange again.

In the evening, he asked his daughter what the neighbor next door meant when he said Good morning. His daughter replied: "That means good morning to you!"

On the third day Oh my god, Ah Zhong met his neighbor next door again and said: "Good morning!"

A Zhong thought to himself this time that he would not be wrong this time, right? But the neighbor replied to him: "I am Ah Zhong!"

A Zhong was stunned on the spot...

A: "Old man, why did you pour other people's wheat into your house?" In his own sack?"

B: "Because I am a half-mad person!"

A: "Since I am a half-mad person, why not put my own wheat in it? In other people's sacks?"

B: "Then I will become a complete madman!"

A and B are arguing about whether there is such a thing as a miracle in the world. A: If someone Falling from the third floor and still being unharmed, what is it but a miracle?

B: That’s lucky.

A: What if the person falls again but is not injured?

B: That’s a lucky star.

A: What if it falls again and nothing happens?

B: Oh! That’s well-trained!

A dog lover takes his beloved puppy on a trip. One day on the yacht, the puppy suddenly fell into the water. The passenger asked the captain to stop the boat and rescue the puppy.

The captain explained that stopping the ship because of a dog should not delay everyone's time, because after all, it is not as important as saving people.

Hearing this, the traveler jumped into the water and shouted for help.

Seeing this, the captain had no choice but to stop the boat to salvage and rescue him and the puppy on the boat.

Travellers with shortsightedness saw a sign erected in the center when they were roaming by the river. Unfortunately, the words in the middle could not be seen clearly. Curious, he had to take off his shoes and wade into the river to find out what was going on. He saw a sign saying: "Please do not eat crocodiles, thank you." ＞

A: "Why did you break off the engagement with Mr. Zhang?"

B: "Yesterday we went to see a fortune teller. The fortune teller said that I would have two children, but he said he There will be four. Think about it. Who did he have two more children with?"

A newly married young couple received many wedding gifts from their relatives and friends. , some are very valuable, and some are very practical. Among them, there was an envelope, which contained only two movie tickets and a small note. There were only five small words written on the small note: Guess who I am? The couple thought for a long time, who would give them movie tickets?

I thought about it for a long time but couldn’t figure it out. "Forget it! Just don't think about it. Since they have good intentions, let's go watch a movie tonight." The husband said to his wife.

After watching the movie, the young couple was really shocked when they got home, because the house was visited by thieves and all the valuable things were removed.

Finally, I found a note on the dining table that read: Guess who I am!

A mother mouse was walking in the grass with several little mice. Suddenly a cat came. The little mice were so frightened that they all hid. Only the mother mouse was calm and did not hide away. Seeing the cat coming closer and closer, the little mice were very scared. At this moment, the mother mouse imitated a dog's bark, but the cat didn't know there was a trick in it, so she turned around and ran away. After the cat ran away, the little mice came out fearfully one by one and looked at their mother. When all the little mice had arrived, the mother mouse taught the little mice earnestly: "Children, master a skill. How important foreign languages ??are!"

A: "I bought a book called "The Secret of Memory" yesterday. It was so good. I read it in one sitting last night.

B: "Can you lend it to me to read?"

A: "Of course, hey, where did I put it?"

The thief stole it A chicken was being plucked by the river. At this time, a policeman came over. The thief hurriedly returned the chicken to the river.

The policeman asked: "What are you doing? What is in the river?"

The thief said: "That is a chicken. It wants to cross the river. I am here to help it. Look at the clothes..."

In a refrigerator... there is a box of fresh eggs...

One of the eggs said: "Hey! Look...that one is black in the corner. The ugly black and green eggs..."

"It's really...! It doesn't look right among us who are so white!"

"Yes, yes! Ah..."

Then the ugly black and green egg turned around and said, "Who said kiwis can't be put in egg folders..."

One An ophthalmologist successfully cured a famous Surrealist painter's eye disease. When charging, the doctor said he didn't need to charge any money, but he wanted the artist to draw a painting for him, with the content chosen by the artist himself.

The artist was very grateful to the doctor for curing his eye disease, so he painted a huge eye with every detail meticulous, and he drew a perfect portrait of the doctor in the center of the pupil.

When the ophthalmologist saw this painting, he was immediately shocked by the painter's extraordinary artistic expression. He opened his mouth in surprise, and after a while he said: "Thank God, I'm not an anal surgeon."

Do you know when Washington cut down the cherry tree... why his father didn't blame him...

Haha...because Washington still holds an ax in his hand

Xiao Lin and Xiao Li had a great conversation. When talking about the methods of doing things, Xiao Lin said: "I only believe half of what others say. This is The reason why I am successful today.

Xiao Li said: "I am exactly the opposite of you."

I always believe more in what others say, and I am still very successful today. "

Xiao Lin was very surprised when he heard this and immediately asked: Ah, is there such a thing?

Where are you currently employed?" "Tax Collection Office." Outbreak Hu invited many friends to visit his three swimming pools. Everyone was shocked and asked why he needed three.

He said: "The first one is the same as an ordinary swimming pool. It contains cold water and has the same purpose. The second one contains hot water and is used when the weather is cold. The third one does not contain water. . ”

“What kind of swimming pool is it without water?”

“I have some friends who are landlubbers and they are not suitable for hot and cold swimming pools, so I built this specially for them. ”

During an event to promote changes in funeral customs, a TV station interviewed the deceased’s wife on the spot: “Are you planning to bury her at sea?”

The woman shook her head and said, “No, he I can't swim."

A thief found nothing when he arrived at a house. As he was about to leave, the owner said, "Please close the door."

The thief said disdainfully: "Your house is completely empty. There is no need to close the door."

The rich man asked the beggar: "Why do dogs bite you when they see you?"

The beggar said: "If I have some good clothes, then the beast will respect you. Me!”

The housekeeper’s dog died. An autopsy showed that he had eaten his own poisoned meat. The owner was very puzzled that the poisoned meat was used to poison the food. If the wild cat's meat is kept in the barn, but the dog is always tied by the gate, how can it eat poisonous meat?

Out of the gate, there were several poisoned wild cats not far away. The owner was still confused and told the neighbor about it. The neighbor said: "I don't understand this. Obviously, the dog is You're going to die from the kickbacks."

"What's the matter with that lump on your head?" someone asked his friend.

"When I was about to walk into a building, I saw a notice at the door. Because I am short-sighted, I went over to take a look."

"What did the notice say?"

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"Be careful: the door opens outward!"

What should you do if you catch mosquitoes alive in summer?

1. Of course we must raise him

2. Send him to school

3. Buy him a house

4. Help him marry Wife

5. Take care of his children

Otherwise, what else can you do?

After all, it is your blood that flows on it

A young man rushed down from the pier and jumped onto the ferry three feet offshore, saying that he had finally caught up with this ferry. !

The person next to him smiled and said: "Our ship is docking!" ”

——From now on, my worth will be higher than before.

——Have I been promoted?

——No, look, I had three gold teeth.

One day I was on a business trip to Foshan, Guangdong. I saw an old lady enjoying the cool weather on the roadside, so I went up to her and asked her for directions. , but didn’t know what to say. A middle-aged man came over by the road and said with a smile: She said she didn’t understand your dialect.

A-Dai and Agua are good friends, but Agua is more handsome. , he has many girlfriends, so Ah-Dai hopes that Agua will introduce some girls to him.

“Agua, you have so many girlfriends, please introduce one or two to me! Ah? "Dumb said.

Agua said: "It's not okay...I'm sorry for the bad introduction..."

A-Dai: "Then introduce the beautiful one!"

Agua: "Then I'm sorry for myself..."

What should I do if I catch mosquitoes alive in summer?

1. Of course we must raise him

2. Send him to school

3. Buy him a house

4. Help him marry Wife

5. Take care of his children

Otherwise, what else can you do?

After all, it is your blood that flows on it

The life of a flea

Once upon a time, a flea lived on the reproductive organs of a female cellist. , but it was woken up by the sound of the violin every morning, so it planned to move. During a performance, it found that the two beards on the conductor's mouth were a good place to live, so it moved its home to the conductor's beard. From then on, it thought that it would no longer be bothered by the sound of the violin.

But a few days later, it was awakened by a loud noise again. It looked around, and then yelled---"Why? Am I back here again?"

Hesitating

The introducer took a puff of cigarette and then asked: "Girl, what is your initial impression of that man?"

Girl: "He talks like you smoke."

Introducer: "Natural, chic?"

Girl: "No, hesitant!"

The Unsolvable Quilt

The teacher was teaching students to recognize the new word "quilt" in class. Xiao Ming didn't understand, so the teacher patiently enlightened him: "When you go to bed at night, what is on the bed?"

"It's the bed sheet."

"What's on top of the bed sheet?"

"It's my mother." The whole class burst into laughter.

The teacher was not discouraged and asked again: "Where is your mother?"

Xiao Ming muttered: "It's my dad..."

Pervert vs girl

In a crowded subway car during commuting time, a timid pervert got bold and began to be rude to the girl next to him. After a few stops, when he was about to get off the bus, he was kicked hard by this girl. He was very ashamed and shy and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

The girl said angrily: "Sir, if you can't finish the job, just don't do it."

The wife is taking the exam

A rich wife wants to get a car driver's license license.

In the examination room, the examiner asked her: "Madam, please answer, what does the white line in the road mean?"

Sir... that is probably for bicycles. of. "

"What does the sign like S mean? "

"This means there are snakes in this area..."

Telescope

A lady called the police station and said: "Officer, there is a snake in the building next door. "The man was naked."

The police officer said: "Ma'am, we will be there soon."

(Five minutes later, the police officer arrived at the scene)

The police officer asked: "Where is it? Madam!"

The wife said: "Here it is, police officer. He is still going his own way, naked without shame."

The police officer asked: " Where is he? Madam! I didn't see any naked man."

The wife said, "You have to use a telescope to see him! 』

Oral cancer

One day, during the chemistry class, the teacher talked about Yingguang and casually mentioned a lot of things about Yingguang.

Only heard from the audience There was a cry of "Yingguang Condom"! !

The teacher said earnestly:

"You must never use Yingguang condoms in the future, because you will get [skin cancer]..."

"

At this time, someone in the audience suddenly shouted: "It's over, it's over, I will get oral cancer!"

The humor of the head teacher

There is a person in our school I was lucky enough to participate in the rehearsal for the opening ceremony of the Eighth National Games. On the official opening day, many celebrities came, so the female classmates were in a mess. The next day, the class teacher came to the monitor and asked: "Were all the students okay yesterday when they came on stage? Did anyone disobey the discipline?" The monitor replied: "It's nothing else. It's just that when Zhang Xinzhe came out, many female classmates rushed out. I saw it." Unexpectedly, the class teacher's next words stunned countless students and became a "famous story". Because the class teacher asked: "Zhang Xinzhe? Which class?"

A fool divorces his wife

There is a family in Pingyuan who married a woman from the Bohai Sea as a daughter-in-law. This daughter-in-law is talented and virtuous. He is also good-looking and is known as one of the best in a hundred. The relationship between the couple was very good after marriage, and a fat baby was born the next year. The husband was very happy and took his wife and children to his mother-in-law's house to visit relatives. The mother-in-law was so happy that she was busy doing this and that.

But when he returned from visiting relatives, his son-in-law divorced his wife.

The daughter-in-law asked why, and the husband replied: "When I visited relatives this time, I saw that your mother's face was full of wrinkles. I was afraid that you would be like this when you get old, so I divorced you."

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Cats don’t know

There was a mentally ill patient who always thought he was a mouse, and finally recovered with the help of a doctor. On the day he was discharged from the hospital, the patient had just walked to the door when a cat suddenly appeared in front of him, leaving him stunned.

Doctor: You are fine now, why are you still like that?

Patient: I know I am no longer a mouse, but does the cat know? Give me some points