One: Accompany children out of adolescent storm

Psychologists have found that adults' speech attitudes directly affect children's cognition of things, especially precocious children. What can parents do when facing growing children?

How to communicate with precocious children, many parents have a headache, and even want to push it to the school, thinking that teachers know more about teaching. In fact, family education is more basic than school education. From diet, work and rest to communication, the role of parents is quite critical. Eat less nutrition containing growth hormone.

Some parents will rack their brains to buy various supplements when they see that other children are tall. However, some products contain hormones that promote growth. Eating too much will be counterproductive. Parents should give their children natural vegetables and fish, and a balanced diet is enough. Children's kidney function is limited, and too many nutrients are not good.

In addition to a natural and balanced diet, normal sleep is also important. On the premise of sleeping for at least 8 hours, it is best to fall asleep before 10.

Treatment countermeasures of obese school-age children

According to research, the fatter a child develops earlier, besides adapting to physical changes and the early appearance of secondary sexual characteristics, it is also easy to feel inferior psychologically. Physical education class is prone to asthma when running. They have high cholesterol.

Obese children need to lose weight, but the strategy should be conservative. If they lose weight by drugs, it will affect their growth and development. Besides a balanced diet, it is best to exercise more. As long as you grow taller, you can offset the degree of obesity, and you can't count calories all day like adults. At this stage, children need enough calories. In fact, parents only need to give less high-calorie snacks or fried chicken burgers.

According to psychological age, not physical age.

Sexologists believe that the degree of communication depends on the maturity of children and should be treated according to their psychological age rather than their physical age. If a child develops at an early age, but his mentality is still naive, it should be regarded as a child. Don't expect him to show over-age mature behavior with his mature appearance.

Similarly, if the child is already in high school, thin and immature, but she is as clever and sensible as a little lady, she should get along with her at this age and stop treating her like a little girl.

Give children more space.

It is often difficult for parents to accept that children enter the period of youth resistance so soon, and think that primary school students should still be attached to their parents. This cognitive gap will inevitably lead to parent-child conflicts.

Parents should give their children autonomy under supervision. Usually, parents should be careful observers. When the child needs company, spend more time with him. When he wants to find other companions or be alone, he is allowed to go under moderate protection.

Children who know children.

No matter how busy parents are at work, they should talk more about school life with their children, take time to get to know their children's friends, including talent teachers, classmates, team coaches or parents of other students, and get to know the people they often contact, so that they can better grasp their inner world.

Especially precocious children, are curious about sex. When the child's physiology changes rapidly, if the previous interaction foundation is not enough, it is difficult to pry into the child's inner world, especially the topics related to sex.

A study published by the American Institute of Public Health shows that children's attitudes towards sex are easily influenced by their peers, especially that they overestimate their sexual behavior and even think they can do it. The study also pointed out that if parents can chat freely and intimately with their children, the more they can prevent their children from having sex prematurely.

Two:

Eight words parents shouldn't say.

beat you to death

Unfortunately, there are still quite a few parents who discipline their children by beating and cursing. When beating and scolding children, angry parents often say, "I'll kill you!" " "

Empty talk like "killing you" will only reduce the prestige of parents and will not have any practical effect. Because when he said this, it means that he can't think of any good way anymore. Because this is just a "big talk", it can't be fulfilled at all (parents don't intend to cash it), and children won't stop their activities because of it.

Sometimes we find that children make us more and more angry until we have to punish them. All their actions really make us want to hit them. This provocative behavior is their purpose. If we really hit them, we will fall into their trap and help the children achieve their revenge. The child said in his heart, although you hurt me, you are angry and I feel satisfied.

Abusive parents are the most incompetent parents. If you don't like beating and scolding children, but you are angry for a while, then beating and scolding will declare your failure. If you just like beating and scolding children, then you are a patient who needs treatment.

He has the problem of wetting the bed.

A mother was chatting with someone. When talking about her child, she said, "He has the problem of wetting the bed ..." As soon as the words were spoken, the little boy beside him blushed and showed a resentful expression.

Physical defects such as bed wetting are "unspeakable", and children are particularly sensitive to this. Under normal circumstances, parents should not mention it to others. The mother's words may have been said unintentionally, but the child mistakenly thought that the mother was making a fool of herself in public.

Children wet the bed because the nerves in the brain responsible for controlling urination are not well developed. In general, they will disappear naturally with age. Although it is not a big problem, the child's psychological burden is very heavy. He will think that he is very inferior, a "waste", has a serious inferiority complex and lacks the courage to communicate with others. Therefore, if the child wets the bed, parents don't have to make a fuss, just wash the sheets frequently. At the same time, you need to remember: don't have any complaints about your children, and don't publicize them everywhere. You protect your child's self-esteem, and the child will be grateful to you for a lifetime.

There is such a little story:

As I get older, I find myself more and more different. I'm annoyed. I am disgusted-how can I be born with rabbit lips! As soon as I stepped into the school gate, my classmates began to laugh at me. I know in my heart that my appearance is disgusting in the eyes of others: a pair of deformed and ugly lips, a crooked nose, crooked teeth and stuttering.

My classmate asked me, "How did your mouth become like this?" I lied that I fell when I was a child and cut my mouth by broken glass on the ground. I think it's better to say this than to tell them that I was born with rabbit lips. I am more and more sure that no one will love me or even like me, except my family.

In the second grade, I entered Mr. Leonard's class. Mrs Leonard is fat and beautiful, warm and lovely. She has blond hair and smiling black eyes. Every child likes her and worships her. However, no one loves her more than me, because there is a very unusual reason here.

We juniors have a whisper test every year. The children went to the door of the classroom in turn, covered their right ears with their right hands, and then the teacher whispered a word on the platform, and then the children repeated it. But my left ear was born deaf and I could hardly hear anything. I don't want to say it, because my classmates will laugh at me even more.

But I have a way to deal with this test. As early as playing games in kindergarten, I found that no one saw if you really covered your ears. They only care about whether you repeat the words correctly, so every time I pretend to cover my ears with my hand. This time, as usual, I was the last one. Every child is in high spirits because they have done a good job. I wonder what the teacher will say.

Finally, it was my turn. I pointed my left ear at Mr Leonard and covered my right ear tightly with my right hand. Then, quietly raise your right hand a little, so that you can hear the teacher clearly. I waited ... then, Mr. Leonard said eight words, which seemed like a warm sunshine shining directly on my heart. These eight words comforted my injured young heart, and they changed my view of life.

The fat, beautiful, warm and lovely teacher said softly, "I hope you are my daughter!" " "

You are so stupid.

What is stupidity? Learning slowly is called stupidity. You'll be smart if you learn. You're either smart or stupid. In action, clumsy is called stupid, and slow is called stupid?

In this way, newborns are the most stupid. He can't do anything, not even eat, talk or walk. Why don't we say he is stupid?

It turns out that stupidity is an artificial concept, which is compared with others. Everyone else can go, but you can't go yet, that's your clumsiness; Everyone else can talk, but you can't. That's your clumsy tongue. Why are all the other students right in the exam, and you always do wrong questions? You are still stupid!

A sensible child is most afraid of being called stupid. He doesn't understand why he always makes mistakes and learns things so hard. Perhaps, many years later, he can prove that he is not stupid, but at that time, his heart was like pressing a big stone, "You are so stupid!" "These three words come from the mouth of parents, and children are so sad! He wanted to say, "I'm really sorry, how could I be so stupid?"

Parents don't know whether they have heard these three words or said them to themselves in their hearts. If you know the weight of these three words, how can you have the heart to tell your child?

He hit you, why didn't you hit him?

Nowadays, the society has entered the era of competition, and the parents of children are also advancing with the times, no longer paying attention to "gentleness, courtesy and frugality". The child is fighting with the child outside, and when he gets home, he can't help telling his parents. Some parents asked, "Did he hit you?"

"I did it."

"He hit you, why didn't you hit him?"

Parents dare to fight with others as if their children have a sense of competition. Reality teaches people that if they are too honest and easy to be bullied, they have to pay blood for blood and pay tooth for tooth. Anyway, they can't suffer!

It is not good to follow this logic: if others hit you, you will hit others; Others are unreasonable, you dare to make trouble without reason; Someone steals your bike, you steal someone else's bike; Others are corrupt, so are you. ...

What kind of society is this? What kind of future is this? Are you going to let your children live in such an environment? Is it necessary to turn the child into a person who "does not take advantage enough, and it is difficult to love at a loss"?

Mom, please.

Claudia, an educator, believes that most of us have lived in a continuous family since childhood, and the way of educating our children will be greatly influenced by the previous generation. We often use our parents as a set for our children, and rewards and punishments are a traditional tool.

Let's start with punishment. Traditional education pays attention to "filial son under the stick", which has been abandoned by modern civilization and public opinion. National laws also prohibit parents from beating and scolding their children.

Let's talk about prizes. Parents nowadays generally use rewards to educate their children. In order to keep the children quiet for a while, mothers often say, "Don't talk, I'll buy you ice cream later." This method may be effective at that time, but it will fail if it is used too much.

In fact, children don't need bribes and exchanges to make themselves a good child. They naturally want to be good children themselves, and children's good behavior comes from their own wishes. Only when children are conscious can they become followers of principles. Discipline should be based on mutual respect and cooperation. If they know that adults respect them, they will accept their leadership and guidance.

I am most afraid of this situation: the reward doesn't work, and the punishment doesn't work. The child saw through all the motives of adults and refused to eat hard or soft food. Parents may say, "Mom, please!"

But even this sentence can't be said, because saying this sentence means that parents will submit, children will despise you more from the heart, and the foundation of discipline will fall apart.

Go away and go where you want to go.

Parents' education failed, and children frequently ran away from home. In many cases, children are driven out of their homes by their parents.

When the conflict broke out, both parents and children put out angry words and swords and refused to give in. Some parents use their children's strong dependence to intimidate them, and throw away whatever they say to vent their dissatisfaction with them. Many wayward children run away from home because they can't stand the ridicule and persecution of their parents.

"Go away and go wherever you want."

The parents said this ultimatum and tried to force their children to submit. Of course, this statement is not serious, but I just want to end this debate with it.

But children can't cope. Of course, he doesn't want to run away from home, but once he bows his head, he will show his weakness. Is it so humiliating to stay at home? What self-esteem is there?

Of course he wants to be a hero. "Let's go!" So I really ran away from home.

Therefore, under any circumstances, parents should not use this sentence to coerce their children to change. If the child is at fault, it should be clearly pointed out that even when criticizing the child, he should feel the love and deep concern of his parents, thus generating self-improvement, self-confidence and upward strength. Otherwise, even if the child gives in temporarily, it will not help.

Cry again and let the wolf take you away.

Probably because the story of "wolf coming" is widely known, some parents still use the trump card of "wolf coming" to intimidate their children. Such words include "if you don't listen, I'll send you to beg", "let the public security bureau arrest you" and "let the doctor give you an injection" and so on. Threatening a child like this will bring many adverse effects to his physical and mental health.

Infants and young children are in a period of rapid physical development, and intimidation will bring pressure to children's spirit, aggravate inner conflicts, and make their excitement and inhibition out of balance. In the long run, the cerebral cortex's ability to regulate the subcutaneous center is reduced, autonomic nerve and endocrine disorders and visceral dysfunction are easy to induce digestive system diseases.

Intimidation is also not conducive to children to shape good personal qualities. If parents often threaten their children with ghosts, gods, wolves, etc. It may make him establish a conditioned reflex and feel afraid of similar things, thus producing a timid, timid and cowardly character. Some children often cry at night, which is also related to this.

Intimidation makes children have a wrong idea that can't be ignored. In his eyes, the concepts of wolf, beggar, public security bureau and doctor are all linked with fear and need a long time to correct.

Therefore, parents should not scare their children at will in order to save trouble.

I have no ability.

"I can't ..." is the mantra of some parents who don't mix well. It is inappropriate for them to show inferiority when talking to children. Children who are "infected" by inferiority complex will think, "Dad is incompetent, what can I do?"

Research by education experts shows that most children's inferiority complex is induced by their parents. If parents can be firm, confident and optimistic, then children are also full of confidence in the future.

Children's eyes often chase social phenomena, for example, we see that some people in society have privileges, but their parents don't; Some people are amazing, but their parents are very dutiful, so they ask their parents a lot of questions. At this time, parents should never use "I am incapable" to start the conversation between you. You should use a dialectical point of view to belittle evil and promote good, and guide children to a solid road to success.

Ann, the gold medal winner of the 38th International Olympic Mathematics Competition, was born in a poor family in Wuqing County, Hebei Province. He has a great mother.

In order to support him to go to school, his mother sold the donkey at home and borrowed money everywhere to save enough tuition for him. In order not to let him starve, his mother has to walk more than ten miles every month to wholesale a bag of instant noodle residue and send it to him. The math draft paper he used was also the waste paper his mother asked for from the printing factory. He is the only student in Tianjin No.1 Middle School who can't even afford vegetarian food. He is the only student who has never used soap, and his clothes are covered with patches.

But he never felt inferior, because he felt that his mother was a hero who never bowed to suffering and bad luck.

Good for dad or good for mom?

This sentence is mostly a joke, but it can't be said casually.

In addition to parents, children's relatives like menstruation, and aunts also like to play such jokes. "I'm still your mother?" They often use this phrase to tease children.

The child doesn't understand, so answer truthfully. I was laughed at. "I'll buy you food, or is your mother better?"

The child is also thinking about it. It is a fact that she bought me food. Hello, mom, this is also true. How to answer? Still not.

Soon, the child will answer: Who asked him this?

Gradually, the children also learned to kiss up, talk to people and talk nonsense. He knows what adults like to hear. Anyway, he's fooling them. There's no need to tell the truth.

Good family education can be condensed into six sentences.

Good parents are learned.

There are no parents who are naturally successful, and there are no parents who don't need to learn. Successful parents are the result of continuous self-learning and improvement. I have come into contact with so many excellent parents, and none of them has succeeded in teaching their children easily. An excellent mother even said: Many people think I am relaxed and say that your children are so excellent that I don't need your care at all. As we all know, I even sleep with one eye open at night! A good mother nip in the bud, and an unqualified mother is a child whose problem is so serious that even the teacher has talked to the child, and she has not realized the existence of the problem.

Comrade Shen Liping, one of the top ten outstanding mothers in China, is a painter. She said that in order to learn painting, she not only went to college, but also went to the Central Academy of Arts and Crafts for further study. I not only bought many books, but also visited numerous art exhibitions and listened to numerous academic reports. However, she never realized that it takes time to train children. It was not until the child was severely disabled by the air crash that she really began to learn to be a mother. Thanks to her own efforts, she finally helped her children overcome their disabilities and became the "China hero" praised by the Norwegian people.

2 1 century, the information society requires more and more people's quality, and any post needs training and assessment. However, it seems that only children are born, and without education, it seems that they will automatically find jobs and will never be laid off. In fact, this understanding is wrong. Everyone should learn relevant knowledge before becoming a parent. The sooner you prepare your awareness and knowledge of how to be a parent, the better.

Good children are taught.

I have come into contact with hundreds of excellent parents. One thing they have in common is that they have made great efforts in educating their children like Comrade Shen Liping. If she hadn't said it herself, people wouldn't have thought that she had put so much effort into the growth of her son Wang Jiapeng. Her colleagues and friends all said: you did everything to the extreme except that the plane fell at that time, and you didn't delay the children. But how difficult it is to do this!

Some people may say that so many parents can't read a word, isn't it also educating their children? In fact, illiteracy is not uneducated, and these parents are also experts in educating their children.

The program "Focus Interview" once introduced the story of An Jinpeng, the gold medal winner of the world middle school students' mathematics Olympics. His family is so poor that he can't afford to attend a key middle school. His father said to let his children go out to work. People can't find a job when they go to college, let alone whether you can go to college. But my mother resolutely disagreed and sold the only donkey in the family. The child is the only one in middle school who can't even afford vegetarian food, and the only one who can't even afford soap. Supposedly, such a child is all on his own, right? When asked face to face, I realized that although the mother didn't graduate from junior high school, she let her children learn the four arithmetic thoroughly before they went to primary school. How many parents who graduated from college can do this?

Good habits are cultivated.

Many parents blame their children's bad habits on schools, teachers and children, not themselves. In fact, most of children's habits, whether good or bad, are cultivated by our parents intentionally or unintentionally. Just as Shanghainese speak Shanghainese and eat Shanghainese food, Sichuanese speak Sichuanese and eat Sichuanese food. It seems that they are born untrained, but it is not! My parents have been teaching so much that they don't realize that they are teaching. This is "hidden education", which is much more powerful than "explicit education" and is also essential.

Most excellent children are the result of quality education, while problem children is the product of problem families. Most of the children's problems are not caused by the children themselves, but reflect the parents' problems. Parents are often the biggest maker of children's problems and the biggest obstacle for children to correct their mistakes and shortcomings. The urgent task is not to educate children, but to educate parents. Without the change of parents, there will be no change of children. There are no children who don't want to learn well, only children who don't learn well; There are no children with poor education, only parents who can't educate; There are all children in the world, only parents who are not. Therefore, scold yourself before scolding your child, and beat yourself before hitting your child. Only in this way can you completely change yourself. Good grades are helpful.

The whole society should have a correct understanding of quality education and exam-oriented education. Examination-oriented education is an unavoidable problem for both schools and parents, and it needs the adaptation of both schools and parents. There is no contradiction between exam-oriented education and quality education, and quality education without exam-oriented ability is not real quality education.

According to statistics, there are nearly 10 million "idle" minors in China. The so-called idle minors refer to children who should be studying at school but choose to drop out of school. 94% are the result of academic failure. Learning backwardness, weariness of learning, truancy and running away from home have become the four steps of juvenile delinquency.

Therefore, it has become our parents' duty to help children adapt to the exam-oriented education, and the best way to help children reduce their burden is to make our parents increase their burden, that is, to make our parents become their children's learning tutors.

Good grades are of course brought out by school teachers, but today, with the fierce competition in exam-oriented education, these good grades are more and more soaked in the sweat of parents.

Good communication is all heard.

For parents whose children enter junior high school, there is a general confusion that it is difficult to communicate with their children. There are many contradictions between adolescent children and menopausal mothers, not only because they are in a period of inner psychological turmoil, but more importantly, both of them are under great external pressure. Children are under pressure to enter a higher school, and mothers are under pressure from their careers (some of them are laid off), so they need more communication.

Most excellent parents do well in these aspects, and their good communication comes from consciously following these three steps.

The first step is to listen, that is, let the children speak out and understand the true meaning of their words. The second step is understanding, that is, whether it makes sense to think from the child's point of view, and the result is often reasonable. The third step is advice, that is, a reasonable child may not be able to take the right action. At this time, parents should give advice.

Of these three steps, listening is the worst for parents.

Every child grows up with problems, and every parent grows up with problems. Children who don't have problems can't be found, and parents who don't have problems can't be found. The key is to calm down and find a solution like those excellent parents.

Good grades are made.

Intelligence is not the most important thing. What is more important than intelligence is will. What is more important than will is morality. What is more important than morality is a person's mind and ambition.

Unfortunately, fewer and fewer people pay attention to morality now, so it is not appropriate to talk about moral education with parents. As for a person's mind and ambition, it is an overseas anecdote that our parents don't want to hear, because it has nothing to do with the current exam results!

In fact, these are the most important things in one's growth. When we read biographies, we often leave a deep impression on the extraordinary childhood of the biographer, because this achievement motivation has a great influence on a person. The most important factors, such as will, morality and mind, are not through "explicit education" such as parents' preaching, but through parents' behavior, that is, "implicit education", which is transformed into children's flesh and blood, so as to produce results. Therefore, children stand on the shoulders of their parents. How far parents can go, how far children can go and how tall parents can be.

The best way for children to develop a big mind is to let them read more famous books and biographies of great men, and let them learn to look at society and themselves from the perspective of great men.

Wang Donghua, director and researcher of the Institute of Mother Education of East China Jiaotong University, has long been concerned about the education of minors. From 65438 to 0999, he published 800,000 words of educational monograph "Looking for Mothers", calling on the whole society to re-recognize the value of mothers. In recent years, she has actively participated in the national outstanding mothers' selection, and is one of the top ten outstanding mothers' judges in China, Beijing and Tianjin. Face-to-face close communication with hundreds of outstanding parents across the country, and detailed analysis of their successful cases. Together with the All-China Women's Federation and other relevant departments, he went deep into juvenile detention centers, drug rehabilitation centers, women's prisons and other places to investigate and study, and mastered a large number of positive and negative facts. His family education philosophy is: let every mother have a good child and let every child have a good mother.

Three: Your child is not your child.

Life longs for children.

They came through you, but not from you,

Although they are with you, they don't belong to you.

You can give them love, but not ideas.