-Article type:

The happy plot of sixteen.

Chen ying

That year, I was 16 years old and just entered the first year of high school. I remember that the red leaves were particularly red that year, and cars were speeding on the expressway. I looked out of the car, and I could still see the faint excitement on my father's face out of the corner of my eye, which made me very uneasy.

Every Sunday in autumn and winter, my father and I will go to a hospital called Guanmenshan to visit my mother, which is a mental hospital. Every autumn and winter, my mother basically spends it there alone.

I know that my father's forbearing joy is not for my mother, so I watched and watched it all the way. Dad has just turned 40, and he is already hunched over, with white hair on his temples like frost in late autumn. Until I saw her, she stood quietly behind us for a while in a white nurse's uniform and meticulous bun, and then quietly asked her father, "Have you just arrived?" Looking back, my father instantly straightened his back and his face was full of sunshine. This made me suddenly understand the mystery. Dad solemnly introduced to me: "This is your mother's special care. Call Aunt Li quickly!" " "

Her name is Li Xiaofang, and she gave me a loving and gentle smile like her mother. At that time, my mother was yelling with a ferocious face, so I rushed out in tears, because I suddenly felt that my parents were equally pitiful.

Dad went to the hospital to visit his mother more and more times. Sometimes twice a week, every time he sends the driver back, he has to stay there for one night. This is a scene that hasn't happened in years. My grandparents are happy for my mother, especially my mother's colleague Uncle Han Qi. He had a big fight with my father about my mother, and they all said that my mother would recover this time. Only I know, maybe this is the beginning of a bigger disaster. Mother became suspicious and fickle because of illness. If she sees something, it will be a devastating blow to her.

During the National Day holiday, I said to my father, "Shall we stay with my mother for a few days?" Dad said, "What about your homework?" I insisted, maybe I have always been docile, and the firm and weak hostility on my face hit my father. He sighed and agreed.

On the first night in Guanmen Mountain, although my mother still didn't recognize us, her mood was very stable. Dad told me to do my homework. He wanted to go out for a walk. I followed him and that aunt Li into the Woods next to them, but I didn't even have the courage to rush to them. I just leaned against the tree and cried silently. ...

At noon the next day, Aunt Li gave her mother a sedative and walked away casually. Half an hour later, instead of sleeping peacefully, my mother screamed hysterically and even bit my father's arm with her mouth open. My mother tossed about all afternoon until it was time to inject sedatives again. I cried and begged aunt Li to find a way to calm my mother down. She said to me gently, "it's okay, son." It will be fine soon. "

After she turned and walked to the ward, I picked up the tranquilizer bottle she had just thrown away, and then ran to the ward in panic ... I knocked off the needle at the moment when she gave my mother an injection and scolded her with an expression: "Why did you change my mother's tranquilizer into a stimulant?"

Aunt Li's face suddenly turned white. Dad took the medicine bottle with trembling hands. Before I could see his face clearly, he gave Aunt Ali a slap in the face with his backhand. At that moment, my mother was surprisingly quiet.

I didn't make it public I know the importance of silence in some things. Just like now, my father and aunt Li are ashamed of my sharp eyes. They completely lost the courage to face me.

Soon, Aunt Li was transferred to the hospital and her mother was rescued in the intensive care unit. Dad seems to have deeply reflected on himself in this incident. He didn't go to the hospital less often because of Aunt Li's departure. I believe more and more that my mother will recover completely soon.

In the following years, my mother never went to that hospital again. Her illness has not recovered, but it seems to be getting lighter and lighter. She can recover well simply with drugs. I have been boarding at school. After four years in college, I seldom go home. I heard from my mother on the phone that Dad was very busy at work and she would ask Uncle Han Qi for help. I can't help feeling mixed in my heart. Maybe Uncle Han cares more about his mother than his father.

After graduation, I stayed in the provincial capital and took my mother out for a period of time almost every year. Dad is still very busy. He often goes to the provincial water resources department not far from me for meetings, but he never seems to come to see me.

Slowly, I fell in love, and I have a deeper understanding of the love between men and women. The faint water-like emotion between mom and dad is worrying. I even speculated for no reason: Will Dad ever break up with Aunt Li? I've seen too many such plots. When I was young, I longed for the integrity of my family. Now, I understand the bigger deformity behind integrity.

Last winter, my father had an accident. I panicked and hurried back with my mother. It suddenly occurred to me that since 16 years old, I have ignored him for so many years, and I am so afraid that he will not leave me like this, right? Those days and nights, I cried with my mother and waited with her in the hospital. I just looked at the red light in the operating room and begged God: If he can get out of danger safely, I am willing to abandon all my bad feelings and be his best daughter.

Later, dad left. I thought, "God must be punishing me for leaving without saying a word. If he can look at me again and say one more word, what he said must be: He never blamed me, and he always loved me. I stayed in my hometown for half a month and stayed in his study every day to sort out his belongings. I opened his diary with trembling hands, and the details on it were as clear to me as yesterday, but I couldn't help crying:

1Wednesday, October 2nd 1996 65438

When KINOMOTO SAKURA rushed at me and Xiao Fang with a doping bottle, I slapped Xiao Fang at that moment. At that time, I almost lost my mind. I love Xiao Fang, but I love her kindness. I know how unforgivable it is to meet and fall in love with my former classmates when my wife is ill, but I have been depressed for too long. I feel suffocated by the capricious entanglement of a mental patient.

KINOMOTO SAKURA's action completely knocked me down. I can't believe what Xiao Fang said. I took the residual injection from the needle for testing. Turns out it wasn't a stimulant. KINOMOTO SAKURA just framed Xiao Fang with an empty bottle of stimulants. The child is defending his family in a special way. Faced with a child's plot, I sincerely worry that if I take one step forward, it will ruin her life. Even if I had 10 life, I would only give her happiness. ...

At that moment, I finally understood. 10 years ago, I observed that my mother was still crying even after being sedated at noon every day, so I seized this opportunity and framed Aunt Li with an empty stimulant bottle prepared in my pocket in advance. It turned out that he and Aunt Li had already seen through my trick. I always thought that they apparently broke up because they were afraid of being exposed by me. In fact, dad gave up all feelings for me.

Once, I asked my mother what caused her mental problems in the first place. My mother hesitated for a moment, but she was very frank: "I always quarreled with your father during that time, and I was emotionally dependent on your uncle Han." Although I didn't cheat, I did fall in love with him and he loved me. His wife came to make a scene with me and posted my letter to him. Later, your uncle Han came to see me after his divorce, but your father still insisted on me. However, you know that a woman's heart always follows love, so ... "

I flew into a rage-nothing turned out as I expected. My father never spoke ill of my mother to me, and he never defended himself, just silently endured it.

I often think that if there were no doping incidents, maybe dad and aunt Li, mom and uncle Han would have their real happiness; If there were such causal changes, my father might not have died suddenly at the age of 50; If … I don't know how many endings there are behind each if, but this one is definitely what I don't want. Everyone's life is a one-way ticket, so if he goes the wrong way, he will never go back. In the following days, I can only bear the punishment for my mistakes from the bottom of my heart. ...

Wang Taolin is selected from Contemporary Youth.

Illustration/Editor/Veron/Feng Wei

Love? read

-Article type:

Raindrops fall like six strings,

Broken strings are also fate.

Zhuang Zhou dreamed of becoming a butterfly.

The lingering at night,

Missing is endless.

The sea has tears,

The weather in Lantian is warm,

The glory of jade continues,

Year after year,

No change, the same as before.

Once sweet,

Wandering on the gentle coast.

Being hunted,

It is no longer intense and hot.

Love is gone,

Let the memory settle on the bottom of the sea.

At that time, I was upset.

But love rots at heart.

China maiden

-Author: Chen

On a hot summer night, I accompanied a delegation of American middle school students to attend a party at my alma mater. Although I have been away from school for many years, as soon as I saw our red wall covered with posters, my girlhood memories came to my mind. ...

An American girl who likes asking questions very much once asked me, "What about China girls?"

"What do you think?" I asked.

Joan said thoughtfully, "Don't talk and don't laugh. It's mysterious. Someone is in charge." Is that so? "

"This is really a mystery. Find the answer yourself. " I said with a smile.

"Oh, you are so funny!" They all laughed and thought I was a suspense. They really love to laugh and show their white teeth.

The party began, clapping and speaking. The school band was placed on a platform at the end of the playground, surrounded by flowers, colored lights and yellow paint, which was almost unrecognizable. This used to be the exit of the bomb shelter. I dug it when I was a student. It's full of war. In the past, the school held a general meeting, and here was often a rostrum or something.

A girl smiled at us on the stage. Her hair was cut flat and fluttered over her shoulders. She began to sing:

There is a saying,

It's about Xiaoyu,

Would you like to take a walk with me,

Walking in the light rain.

The voice is very thin and pure, completely a girl's voice. Her face is red, her head is slightly tilted, she is upright, her shoulders are drooping, her chest is a little tight, and her fingers are twisted. Her eyes are hazy, as if she had just woken up, dreaming and yearning involuntarily, very gentle.

Many girls around us have this kind of eyes and look trance. Among them, I saw a face that I will never forget, even though I am getting old. It is very stocky, with a purple face and a green chin, our head teacher! My stomach is upset again. I've been squirming. He sat there quietly, smiling.

In my girlhood, when I was studying here, I once felt something wake up and my heart was gently stirred. Somehow, I lost my mind.

At that time, I also liked singing, and all the female students liked singing. The inner turmoil always seems to force us to open our mouths and sing beautiful, slow and sincere songs, and we are so easily immersed in the imagination of songs. But at that time, there was no such song. Growing up, we have never heard such a song. At that time, everyone was scrambling to learn to sing the song "teenage girl", but they were not satisfied.

Once, I found a song paper of my motherland. "A big river has wide waves, and the wind blows rice and flowers on both sides." The slow and sincere singing attracted everyone at once, and all the girls in the class seemed to have won the treasure.

After school, everyone stays automatically. After all the boys left, we pushed the door with desks and began to sing. At that time, few people knew this symbol, but they soon figured it out. Soon, everyone can sing. Nothing is easier for a person to learn songs than when he was a girl.

At that time, we sat on desks in twos and threes, hugging our knees and shoulders. The clouds in the sky are white, the sky is blue, the wind is blowing gently, pigeons are flapping their wings in the sky, which is very beautiful, and there are our songs. We seem to be in a hazy and mysterious world, where we are all beautiful. We hold our breath and wait for the miracle that will appear brightly.

A few days later, during morning exercises, on that podium (it was ugly before painting at that time), our class teacher said to the boys and girls in the whole grade, "Some of our female classmates have serious petty bourgeoisie. They don't go home after school, hide in the classroom to sing old songs and bark like wild cats ... "

I didn't catch what I said later. I just wanted to wake up in the spring night and hear the shrill cry of wild cats outside, which was disgusting. I really want to throw up. My stomach has been crawling and my mouth is very sour.

Later, no one sang in our class. I don't want to sing any more, and the hazy feeling in my heart will be gone soon. Whenever I feel something to wake up, I will not wait with confusion and joy, but press it in disgust and think of the teacher's words like a wild cat barking! I even feel a bit like a criminal, barking like a wild cat!

There was a burst of applause in her ear. When the girl finished singing, everyone clapped hard. She opened her mouth and laughed and nodded, a little reserved. She is wearing a white shirt and a batik blue skirt, which is knee-length and looks like a brand-new national flag.

I don't seem to have laughed so sincerely and quietly in the future, and stood in front of many people generously. I always feel ugly, dirty, sometimes sad, sometimes rude, arguing loudly with people, blushing, waving my fists, and often feeling bored. I don't know where I spend my inexhaustible energy. Once, the teacher asked me to give a speech on behalf of my classmates. There was a piece of paper altogether, and I stammered that I didn't understand what I was saying. Finally, I said "running along the socialist avenue" as "running more and more along the socialist avenue" With laughter and whistles, he fled the stage and began to cry.

However, that gentle, itchy commotion will never disappear, and it will break out if you press it for a long time. Finally, that winter, in order to help the teacher hold a parent-teacher meeting, I stayed at school with two girls.

We went to the opposite store for dinner, and at the same time, we were proud that we could take a message home like adults. We were just doing business outside. Go back to school after dinner The school is very quiet at dusk and the bushes rustle at dusk. The red sunset glow in the sky looks very gentle. I feel an uncontrollable joy and excitement, which I can't describe. It soon spread all over my chest. I said, "Hey, let's dance, shall we?"

They all smiled excitedly and shyly, their eyes shining.

But we can't dance anything.

"Let's know how the white-haired girl strode when she escaped from the Huang family." I said.

So, we began to support each other on the indus path covered with fallen leaves outside the building, trying to straighten and lift our feet, and then change one foot. At first, we smiled and tried our best to be elegant. Suddenly, we saw ourselves standing on a glass door. Every movement is ugly, really ugly, stiff, legs bent and back arched. We are all very sad. How did this happen to us? We can't dance.

I spent my whole girlhood in this school, depressed and constantly suffering from no songs and dances and thinking about them.

A sky-blue skirt flashed in front of my eyes, and a group of girls danced in groups with light music. It is said that this is a project in physical education class. Most of them have neat short hair, and one girl wears two crimson grape hair clips, which is unique and elegant. They smiled with tenderness and enthusiasm. During the rotation, the skirt kept fluttering, revealing slender and strong legs. Their legs are moving gently, which reminds me of the tall and straight poplars in spring.

This is the beauty of life that only girls have, the beauty of early youth.

Twist your waist slightly, swing your legs slightly generously and enthusiastically, and smile happily, like a bright star.

The American girls around me clap their hands and beat time with their feet.

Suddenly, the girls jumped up on the playground one by one. Somehow, soon, the whole playground was crowded with happy dancers, colorful skirts and radiant faces. This is really a wonderful dance, which combines children's group dance, ballroom dance and disco, and everyone can dance to their heart's content.

I think the scene in front of me is: youth and beautiful years.

Shiny sweat ran down the singing girl's cheek. She turned to me and raised her hand gracefully. "Do you want to dance?"

"No," I flinched. "I won't. I have other things to do. " She nodded and turned to Joan, who was eagerly next to me. She giggled and joined the joyful crowd. When they turned away, I felt disappointed and sorry. I really wanted to jump! This is the long-cherished wish of our generation, who died when they were young.

I remembered a photo I saw a long time ago. A woman knelt at the bottom of the river and was drowned, but she held a baby in her hands. The baby stretched out his hands and leaned against the fruit on the branch on the shore. I felt a thrill.

Joan came running with the girl and shouted at me, "Oh, Chen! That's great! China girl! Please translate it for me. "

"ok." I said, looking at their red faces, I had mixed feelings.

"Oh, you are so cute!" Joan said.

"Thank you, you are very cute, too." The girl smiled and touched Joan's face.

"When I was in the United States, I heard that China does not belong to the free world, and the control is very strict. It is impossible to talk casually, so China people rarely smile. " Joan shrugged her shoulders to show her disdain.

The girl laughed loudly. "I smile and sing every day." She looked at me.

I asked, "Is it really forbidden? What if someone? "

The girl said briskly, "We studied world history last week and went to see Lenin in 10. Stalin said: "We ignored him! Ha! "

Joan touched my arm and said, "How to drive!" " Open (cheerful, frank, open without being banned), this is really a wonderful word.

I told the girl what Joan said with a smile, and my heart seemed a little tight. I used to be a girl in China, but now they are girls in China. I feel sad and gratified.

Girls and gardenias

-Author: Tang Sulan

The hut is located by the river. Pushing open the doors and windows, you can see flowing rivers, ships coming and going, and crowded docks.

When the girl was born, her mother planted a gardenia in front of the door.

When the girl grows up, so does the gardenia.

Girls like dancing. Once, the school held a dance competition. The girl made up a beautiful dance by herself. The girl thinks that if she dances this dance in a white skirt, it will have a very strange effect. Mother found a white skirt, a beige skirt and a milky white skirt for the girl. The girls tried them one by one, but they didn't think it was appropriate, because neither Snow White, beige nor milky white was as white as the girls thought. It was May, and the gardenias in front of the house were in full bloom, and the fragrance drifted away with the breeze. The girl looked at the blooming gardenia and said,

"My imaginary skirt is the color of gardenia. “

The color of gardenia is pink and white with a hint of goose yellow.

I can't find a gardenia skirt anywhere, and the day of the competition is getting closer and closer.

On the first night of the competition, the girl hasn't found a suitable skirt yet. The girl is very worried. She said, "If I can't find my imaginary skirt again, I will give up the competition."

The girl woke up early the next morning. After the curtain was opened, the morning light spilled in from the window, illuminating the coat rack in the room and corner. The girl found a skirt hanging on the hanger, which had the color and smell of gardenia.

The girl put on a skirt, ah, not too big or too small, just right. The girl turned around in the same place. Ah, she felt extremely light, as if she were going to fly.

The girl threw herself into her mother's arms and said:

"Mom, thank you for your skirt. This is exactly what I want! "

However, her mother told her, "Son, this skirt was not given to you by her mother!" " "

"Who gave it to you?"

Mom shook her head: "I don't know."

That girl is wearing a skirt that I don't know who sent her to the dance competition. A girl is like a blooming gardenia for a while, and a flying Bai Niao for a while. Her dance was so beautiful and charming that she conquered all the audience and judges. The girl won the championship.

Standing on the podium, holding flowers and trophies, wearing a gardenia-colored dance skirt, the girl is really the happiest person in the world. The photographer took a picture of the happy girl.

Mother framed the girl's photo and put it in front of the girl's window. That white dancing skirt, the girl hangs it on the hanger and dances in it for a while when she wants to dance.

Since then, the gardenias in front of and behind the house have stopped flowering. Only leaves full of trees are green every year.

There is a goblin living underground. He can do anything. He knows magic. All the plants on the ground belong to him.

When gardenia knew the girl's wish, gardenia asked the goblin, "Please put a magic on me and turn my petals into a skirt for the girl."

The goblin said, "I know this magic." But you will never blossom again, will you? "

Gardenia said, "I do. Although I have no flowers, I still have green leaves. "

The goblin sighed: "Alas!" Then, he took out his wand from the brim of the wide-brimmed hat and said, "Well, your wish can come true."

I don't know when girls no longer like dancing. Girls no longer like the dolls they played with when they were children, nor do they like the croissants that their mothers tied for her. The girl fell in love with a boy. When a girl has that boy in her heart, she can't accommodate anything else.

Since the girl no longer likes dancing, the white dancing skirt has faded a little, and the fragrance is getting weaker and weaker. One morning, the skirt turned into many dry pieces, like dry petals, and fell on the floor around the hanger.

That morning was very important for the girl, because the boy she liked had to leave home and go to a far place by boat.

Just like taking part in the dance competition that year, the girl woke up early that morning. She opened the window, and the morning light shone through the window, illuminating the dark brown fragments on the room and floor.

The girl said, "Oh, why is this floor so dirty!" " "

The girl swept the fragments of the skirt into the dustbin without thinking.

After the boy left his hometown, the girl also wanted to leave his hometown. The girl said to her mother:

"Mom, I'm going to find that boy."

My mother said, "If my daughter wants to go out, no matter how my mother keeps her, she can't stay. Ok, mom will buy you a boat ticket. "

The girl said, "No, I don't want to take an ordinary boat. I want to take a very special boat to find him. I want him to like me as soon as he sees me and my boat. I want to be his dream bride. "

"Do you know what his dream bride looks like?"

The girl pinched her mouth and smiled, and said naughtily, "I know!" " "

It turned out that the boy told the girl that he had a dream that a beautiful girl came to him in a green boat with green sails.

The girl and her mother looked everywhere, but they also found their dream green boat anywhere. The smile on the girl's face disappeared, and the blush on her face disappeared day by day. The girl is ill. She is getting thinner and thinner, and her energy is getting worse and worse.

It is another morning. A group of magpies suddenly flew to the girl's window and cried happily. The girl has been ill for a long time. She hasn't got up for a long time. At this time, attracted by the sound of magpies, she walked slowly to the window and opened the curtains.

The morning light lit up the room and the girl by the window.

The morning light lit up the big river outside the window, the pier by the river and the boat parked by the pier.

This is a green ship, bent like the moon. The green sails are full, as if calling for a girl. There is a pattern of gardenia leaves on the shell, which exudes the clear fragrance of gardenia leaves. Everyone can see that this magical ship is made up of thousands of gardenia leaves.

Seeing the green boat in her dream, the girl's illness suddenly recovered.

Mother dressed the girl up as a beautiful bride and let her take this green boat to find the boy in the distance.

The boy lives in a distant city, which also faces a big river. That day, the boy was walking by the river. When he saw a green sailboat coming from the horizon, he was very nervous, his eyes were wide open and his heart was pounding. The boy kept staring at the green sail and the green boat under it. When the boat slowly landed and the beautiful bride in a white dress got off the boat, the boy believed that he was not dreaming. He can't believe that his dream bride has really come to see him.

The boy opened his arms and the girl jumped into the boy's arms. The boy kissed the girl and the girl kissed the boy. Just as they were kissing, the magical green boat floated away with the current. The boat floated on the river for a while. Slowly, it became a gardenia leaf, drifted away and disappeared.

Since the girl left home, there is not a leaf on the gardenia tree in front of her house.

There is a goblin living underground. He can do anything. He knows magic. All the plants on the ground belong to him.

When gardenia knew the girl's wish, gardenia asked the goblin, "Please put a magic on me to turn my leaves into a boat and give it to the girl."

The goblin said, "I know this magic." But you'll never have green leaves again, will you? "

Gardenia said, "I do. Although I have no green leaves, I still have branches. "

The goblin sighed twice: "Alas! Hey! " Then, he took out his wand from the brim of the wide-brimmed hat and said, "Well, your wish can come true."

Year after year, the gardenia tree in front of the girl's house does not bloom or shed leaves, leaving only a cluster of black branches.

One winter, the girl returned to the village by the river. At that time, the girl's mother was very old, and the girl was no longer a little girl. She has wrinkles on her forehead and white hair on her ears.

The weather is very cold, and the girl's hands are very cold. She begged her mother to make a fire and let her bake her hands. Mother said, "Son, chopping wood at home is not dry enough. You should find some twigs to make a fire so that I can burn firewood. "

The girl walked to the front of the house and saw the cluster of gardenia trees. The branches have dried up because of years of wind and sun. The girl thought, "These bare branches are good matches!" " "

The girl cut off those branches and took them back to the fire pit. Those branches in the girl's arms smell of gardenia.

Mother piled the branches in the fireplace and struck a match. The branches burned, and the flames made a "hehehe" sound. The room was filled with the fragrance of gardenia.

Mother said happily, "Listen, son, you are back, and even the fire is laughing."

The girl put her hand into the fireplace to keep warm, the branches burned more vigorously, and the flame "hehehe" smiled more happily. The flame rose upward, licking the girl's hand and making her feel warm.

After a while, the branches burned out, the red firewood burned, and the whole hut was warm.

There is a goblin living underground. He can do anything. He knows magic. All the plants on the ground belong to him.

When the branches of gardenia were burned to ashes, only the dry roots of gardenia remained.

Goblins walked beside gardenia root and said to him:

"You have no flowers, no leaves, no branches, and even your roots are dying. If I give you a new life, what kind of person do you want to be? "

"I still want to be the gardenia in front of my aunt's house." The root replied.

The goblin sighed three times: "Alas! Alas! Hey! " Then, he took out his wand from the brim of the wide-brimmed hat and said, "Well, your wish can come true."

The next spring, new buds grew on the roots of gardenia in front of the girl's house.