1. I could have lived a happy life. It's all because I have no money!

2. My girlfriend asked me. Do you think you are handsome? I said I was not handsome, and she punched me and told you to lie!

third, the teacher's home visit, after knocking on the door, introduce yourself first: "I am the teacher in charge of the child's class, and my surname is Jin Jinlian." The child's father immediately said, "Teacher Pan, please sit down.".

4. Don't call me poor, call me a price-sensitive consumer.

5. My mother-in-law sent this cookbook to my daughter-in-law, with the intention of letting her learn how to cook. As a result, the daughter-in-law was very shy and said to her mother-in-law: Mom, you are very kind. You are so tired every day, and you let me order food for me. This is not appropriate!

VI. Real brothers, no matter how far away we are, no matter how long we haven't contacted each other, even if we change our mobile phone numbers several times, we can always find you when we want to borrow money.

7. "How to tell a person to get out gracefully?" "The world is so big. Why don't you go and have a look!"

8. the so-called three obedience: never gentle, never considerate and never reasonable. The so-called four virtues: don't provoke, fight, scold or say no.

9. My girlfriend's son was naughty and was beaten by her girlfriend, which may be a bit heavy. The little guy burst into tears, and her girlfriend quickly apologized to her son, and the son cried louder and louder. My best friend asked me to coax the little guy. The little guy took a look at me and said to his best friend: Can you find a good-looking one if you want to use a honey trap?

1. whether the thin man says he is fat or embarrassed, the fat man will think that the thin man is showing off.

11. "I have your wife. I want her to transfer money to a certain bank account!" " "Are you new here? I don't know if men don't care about money?"

12. when I hate someone, if this person suddenly says that he likes me, then I don't hate each other at all. It is so principled that you can't hate a man with vision.

XIII. My ex-boyfriend sent me a message asking me to attend his wedding. I calmly replied with three words: Next time.

XIV. My son was caught playing games by his mother. Mom is very angry. Mom: "If you don't work hard, you will be as useless as your father in the future. Find a bad job and you won't get a good wife." Dad: "After all these years, you finally admit it."

15. I was chatting with a sister at a party. I couldn't help touching her leg. I looked up and saw that she was looking at me with disdain. I had an idea and said, "Look, you've lost weight again." That girl immediately laughed!

15. Your rival and the person who betrayed you fell into the river at the same time. And they can't swim. Do you choose to go to disco or karaoke?

XVII. My father asked me what I want in life. I answered money and beauty, and my father hit me in the face fiercely. I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively. Chinese characters in China are extensive and profound.

18. My girlfriend said to me, "You can do the laundry and cook in the future. I will earn money to support you!" I was extremely excited: "Good! Then what do you do to earn money? " My girlfriend said, "Open a restaurant or a laundry ..."

19. Today, I finally got a man! Call your daughter-in-law and scold her! Say sorry. Please redial later! Finally, you dare to drag English with me! I'm so grumpy!

2. I used to like a girl, and that girl said that she liked boys who played well in the glory of the king best. So I practiced the glory of the king hard. After two months, I forgot all about that woman. 21. I wanted to buy snacks one night. Mommy stopped me and asked me, "Don't you lose weight?" I said, "Hi … Anyway, I have a boyfriend, and someone wants it …" Then my mother looked at me for a long time and said something very inspirational: "Don't want to change?"

twenty-two. The old vine is faint, the price of the school canteen is rising, the classmates are hungry and the sun is setting, so I want to go home.

23. I really need someone. Keeping my mouth shut is work, asking me out is making money, and backhand is a slap if I don't work hard, which will take me to the peak of my life!

XXIV. I said to my wife on a whim this morning, "Let's talk about love again and pretend you don't know me." The wife said, "OK". I said to her, "Hi! Little bitch, "Who knows this product will slap me when it raises its hand, and it still curses:" Dare to harass my aunt, I'm tired of living with you! "

Twenty-five. Yesterday I went to buy cigarettes, bought a pack of 2 ... gave my boss 5, gave me 4 change, put it in my pocket and left. I didn't go far. The boss called me: You didn't take your cigarettes! I left tears of emotion and took out ten dollars to my boss: You gave me ten dollars more change. The boss also left moving tears: young man, bring the cigarette, and I'll change it for you. Smoking the cigarette that the boss newly changed for me, the pure taste can't help but touch me again: boss, bring me the 5-piece one just now and I'll change it for you.