In the process of getting along, two people gradually disagree with their predecessors, which will make the other party fall into a contradiction, a doubt and even a negative psychology: how did he/she become like this? Don't you love me?
This is how Quan Xi and her boyfriend Xiao Shi get along. Quanxi and Xiaoshi met at work, and Xiaoshi came to Quanxi's company to discuss business. Quan Xi happened to be in charge of the reception, fell in love with Xiaoshi at first sight, and then saw the strong business ability of the other party. That serious attitude instantly touched Quan Xi.
When Quanxi approached Xiaoshi cautiously, she found that another female colleague in the same company was also pursuing Xiaoshi, fearing that she would fall behind others. Quan Xi, who was originally introverted, launched a more violent attack. Quan Xi and Xiao Shi have dinner together during the day. Xiaoshi will also walk a long way to send Quan Xi home after work, and they will also talk on the phone until late at night.
Quan Xi thought it was time for them to establish a relationship and found that Xiaoshi was actually vacillating between two girls. Xiaoshi was worried that refusing either side would hurt the girl, so she kept dragging her feet. So when Quanxi and Xiaoshi were together sweetly, a female colleague suddenly called, and Xiaoshi began to be in a dilemma.
Quan Xi was embarrassed by Xiaoshi and didn't want to hurt the girl too much. After all, the two had an intersection before. Without Xiaoshi, they should be close sisters. So Quan Xi advised Xiaoshi: "Go if you want, and follow your heart. It doesn't matter to me. "
After being together for half a year, Quan Xi wants Xiaoshi to accompany him to the snack street and eat delicious food together. Xiaoshi didn't lift a game and wanted Quanxi to go by himself. Quan Xi was very unhappy and asked with a little temper, "Are you my boyfriend after all?" Why don't you even have time to spend with me? "Small stone is very impatient, QuanXi insisted that small stone put down the game with yourself.
Xiaoshi suddenly lost his temper: "You have changed. You weren't like this before! At the beginning, you were more sensible and considerate, so I chose to be with you! I didn't expect you to be so clingy and willful! "
Quan Xi suddenly burst into tears: "Yes! I was very sensible then! Because you are not my boyfriend, you have no obligation to accompany me. But since you are my boyfriend, why should I live that life? "
Starting from this relationship, let's analyze why Quan Xi has changed. At the beginning, it was Quanxi's tenderness and thoughtfulness that attracted Xiaoshi, but now Quanxi seems to be another person to Xiaoshi. Has Quan Xi really changed?
Actually, it's not. What has changed is not the whole hope, but the change of psychological needs brought about by identity transformation.
People have many psychological needs, just like we take pictures with a camera. When you focus on a point, the surrounding scenery will become blurred and less important. Only that definite point is the most important to you.
And when you gradually shift the focus and focus on a new object, the previous clear point will become blurred, just like the background board, which is no longer so important.
Similarly, when Quan Xi and Xiao Shi are in the ambiguous stage, Xiao Shi has the initiative to choose. Therefore, Quan Xi is humble, humble and cautious. Her concern is when Xiaoshi can choose her true feelings, which is the most important thing for her. Therefore, she can submit to humiliation and let herself swallow all the grievances.
The two have been together for half a year, and Quan Xi's identity is already Xiaoshi's real girlfriend, and this demand has been met. Then with the passage of time, Quanxi will gradually produce a new psychological need, that is, to get the contribution and companionship of her boyfriend, and the psychological needs that have been met before will be vague and no longer important.
You think that the other party will be as sensible and obedient as ever, and will not be willful or importune. As we all know, people will grow and their feelings will change, which will inevitably lead to contradictions.
In a love relationship, we will indeed be satisfied and enjoy happiness, but our psychological needs will change with the experience of life.
Therefore, whenever, in a relationship, two people need to run in with each other, learn to run a relationship, and try their best to meet each other's staged psychological needs, so that the road can go longer.