I was chatting with a friend recently, and he started sighing as soon as we met, all because of his precious daughter.

"My daughter starts quarreling with us as soon as she comes home. She is only twelve years old and has so much resentment and dissatisfaction. I don't know where she comes from. I usually ask her about her studies. She will tell you ten words in ten sentences.

The words are lies." "She always asks us for money, but she never tells the truth about what she uses the money for. Sometimes she secretly takes money from home, but she never tells the truth about what she does when she goes out."

We can’t help but ask: Why do children lie?

What should parents do if they find their children lying?

It is not unusual or scary for children to lie. In fact, children as young as 2 or 3 years old begin to lie.

But there is no need for parents to make a fuss or even make a fuss about it, because starting to learn to lie is also the result of the development of children's cognitive abilities.

For example, children's pretense and house games are, to a certain extent, self-deception similar to lies.

Of course, children can tell the difference between lies and reality when it comes to games they coax themselves to play.

Lying is certainly not a good behavior, but it is a normal behavior and a common phenomenon.

Psychological research has found that adults lie every day.

This is obvious and something that each of us can experience personally.

If someone brazenly claims that they never speak, it is a true lie.

In psychology, there are four types of human lies.

1. Lies to protect others; 2. Lies to protect yourself; 3. Lies to deceive yourself; 4. Lies to hurt others.

Obviously, among these four types of lies, only the last one that hurts others is a malicious lie.

The other three types can be said to be white lies.

For example, when we receive a gift on our birthday, we may not like it very much, but we will smile and express our love with kindness to protect the feelings of others, especially friends.

For example, when we taste the food prepared by our parents with great effort, even if it is not delicious or even a little difficult to swallow, we will kindly say: It's okay, it tastes good.

To some extent, telling a white lie at the right time is also a sign of education and courtesy.

Among children's lying behavior, the most common is the second type: lies to protect themselves.

For example, my friend's daughter has often lied since she was a child. She often steals money from her parents to buy food. She won't tell her if she doesn't like the food cooked at home, but will secretly throw it away without telling her parents.

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The reason why this originally innocent and lovely girl developed the habit of lying since childhood and became rebellious and even unreasonable in adolescence is inseparable from the family education she received.

This friend of mine is very strict in educating his children and has very strict standards for his daughter's behavior. When he discovers that his daughter has lied in study or life and learns about his daughter's actual situation, he does not try to understand and accept her.

Instead, he will severely punish his daughter.

In this way, maybe the daughter just told a white lie to protect others or herself, but as a parent, my friend, while severely punishing his daughter, also showed special disappointment and frustration. His daughter

It also makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable.

In fact, lying is a shortcut for children to avoid pain and punishment in life, or in other words, lying can protect themselves.

Some parents may say that we want to educate good honest children. No matter what the circumstances, we must encourage children to be honest instead of lying.

In an ideal life and situation, we would certainly not encourage children to lie.

But in reality?

I think most parents are like this: they keep saying that they want their children to be honest and communicate with them equally; but when their children do tell the truth and their true thoughts sincerely, these parents cannot accept their children's ideas and show anger.

, a state of complaining, and even getting angry and blaming the children.

Therefore, in this kind of family education, what children learn from it is: It turns out that honesty will bring bad results, so I will just lie in the future.

In fact, my friend's daughter, although she often lies, her main purpose is not to hurt her parents, but to protect herself.