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And when it comes to "social fear", this sentence may become: "Why do people have to be together? Don't you find it very boring?" ? ”

For people who are afraid of society, “being alone” is the source of all happiness.

The "social phobia" mentioned here is non-pathological. It mainly refers to a person who is unwilling to interact with others, is not good at communicating, and often falls into embarrassment and panic in social situations with many people. A state of enjoying solitude. And there are not a few people who are "socially afraid".

Each of us has more or less symptoms of "social fear":

Never call if something can be solved with WeChat;

Encounter by chance Acquaintances are always torn between saying hello and pretending to turn a blind eye;

You will be very happy when the other party proactively cancels a party you have never wanted to attend;

When a group of people are together, I often get into the embarrassment of being restless or having awkward conversations.

……

If you want to drive a sociopath to death, you only need two sentences: "Let's go together" and "Chat on the phone." You may be surprised that there were not so many people with "social fear" in the past, but now they are increasingly being discussed as a phenomenon. Social fear seems to be a "disease" born in response to the times.

1 Is the spring of "social fears" coming?

An episode of the Japanese drama "The Woman Who Sells a House" "restores" this phenomenon. In the play, an old couple lives in a single-family house and it becomes difficult to go up and down the stairs. In addition, their son is not at home, so they plan to sell their current residence and live in a small house. But when real estate agent Wan Zhi was conducting a house review, she discovered that there was a room that was rarely opened and strange noises came from inside.

Stills from "The Woman Selling a House"

Wan Zhi suspected that there was someone in the house, but the couple denied it. In order to find out the truth, she creates the illusion that the house is on fire. After waiting for a while, a person ran out shouting "fire". The person who ran out was the son of the owner of the house who claimed to be living independently. Because of a public embarrassment many years ago, their son no longer wanted to communicate with the outside world, so he stayed in his bedroom for 20 years. The couple sold their house in order to provide their son with enough financial resources so that he could be worry-free for the rest of his life even if he was isolated from the world.

The landlord's son who is afraid of society chooses to hide in the box and talk to Wan Zhi

Like the protagonist in the play, many people who are afraid of society have an escape personality. When they encounter things they don't want to face and people they don't want to talk to, they will choose to take a detour - refusing to chat because they are afraid that the chat will be awkward or cold. Because I am afraid that I will not be liked, I choose to cut off this potential.

In the past, such people would be evaluated as "unsociable", "weird", or characterized as a slovenly, dull and boring "otaku". For example, although the old couple in the play are worried about their socially fearful son, they will also hide it in front of outsiders. But with the development of the times, more and more people with social fear dare to show their "different" side.

This is due to the development of online social media that has changed the way interpersonal relationships are handled. In the past, interpersonal networks needed to be established through acquaintances. With the development of the Internet, relationship interaction can be achieved without acquaintances, as long as the social network is used as an intermediary.

This weakens the attributes of people in previous interpersonal interactions, allowing "social terrorists" to have the right to make free choices. When you need to communicate, pick up your phone and complete socializing. When you don’t want to socialize, you can also cut off the Internet on your own.

The virtual environment of the Internet has also created a comfort zone for sociophobics. They can express themselves more boldly in an environment where they do not need to face crowds.

What’s even more amazing is that social networks were originally born for social interaction. But now it provides "social fear patients" with the convenience of "socializing through social isolation". When socially anxious people blend in with the crowd and feel at a loss what to do, looking down at their phones and scrolling through their Moments can be a panacea to help them cover up their embarrassment.

In the design of products, the needs of this group of people seem to be increasingly taken into consideration. Online ordering on mobile phones, online shopping, and in-store QR code self-service ordering all reduce the need for socialites to socialize with strangers.

"Social networks do not require social interaction" provide convenience for social anxiety, allowing them to have more private space and not feel at a loss in too close interpersonal interactions.

2 What’s wrong with introverted “social-phobic patients”

Although social-phobic people are more daring to express themselves online and have gained more tolerance, prejudice still exists.

Some people may be afraid that this is due to their natural introverted personality. The public usually holds a certain degree of prejudice against this personality.

"This person is good at everything, but he is a little introverted." Many introverts will hear this sentence from their relatives and friends.

In the eyes of many people, "introversion" is a derogatory term, which means reticent, lack of drive, and indecisive. Under the influence of social prejudice to some extent, most people will feel that extroverts are more popular, and introverts need to work hard to become cheerful and lively. Countless speeches and books will also tell the story of how the protagonist trained himself to become an extrovert from an introvert to success. This environment forces introverts to socialize and become gregarious in order to seek recognition, but no one cares about their real demands.

In fact, introverts have many advantages. Psychological research shows that “these people are more likely to achieve achievements in certain fields. Because they are more inclined than ordinary people to remain passionate and focused in specific fields, and are more willing to invest time and energy and persevere in difficult or boring environments. Until success”.

For example, the protagonist Charlie in the movie "The Wallflower" is an introverted and sensitive "wallflower" who is easily ignored in school.

Stills of "The Wallflower"

But his friend Patrick understood the advantages of his character: "You see things, you understand things. You observe silently from the sidelines People. ”

People who are not good at expressing are actually better at observing. Their emotional ability is stronger and they are more sensitive and delicate to people's feelings. But these advantages are easily overlooked and hidden by themselves. One of the hiding methods is to "pretend to be extroverted."

My friend Xiaoyi is a warm and cheerful person. She can chat with anyone no matter whether she is in a strange situation or not. But one day, she said to me seriously: "I am actually a social phobia. Although I am very enthusiastic on the surface, in my heart I really don't want to communicate with others, and I don't want to step out of the door."

In the culture of "extrovert worship", I don't know how many people like Xiaoyi are wrapping their introverted hearts with false shells. In fact, respecting individual differences is one of the signs of social progress. Only by truly understanding the psychology of this group of people can more people liberate themselves and embrace the self that is hidden due to social prejudice.

3 I am sociophobic and I am happy

If you think that "social phobia patients" are lonely and cold, you are wrong.

They are better at dealing with loneliness. Their happiness does not need to be based on external affirmation, they have the ability to find happiness themselves.

Finland is a well-known country of "social terrorism". Even when queuing, Finns have to stay about two people away from the person next to them.

There is a post on Reddit that describes the characteristics of Finns brilliantly: "The first thing you need to know to become a Finn is: we don't like (getting close to) other people." But this does not prevent Finns from being complacent. Its fun. In the 2018 World Happiness Report released by the United Nations, Finns ranked first among 156 countries in terms of happiness.

Are you a "Jingfen"?

The protagonist Goro in the Japanese drama "The Lonely Gourmet" walks the streets alone in search of delicious food. His happiness when tasting delicious food is not diminished in the slightest just because he is alone.

Even our ancestors did not take "social terror" seriously. If you lived in the Tang and Song Dynasties, when you met people on the street and didn't want to meet or greet them, you could cover your face with a fan and walk by them calmly without being considered rude. This etiquette is called "instant noodles".

"Instant Noodles" in "Along the River During the Qingming Festival"

In the eyes of "social terrorists", the method of obtaining happiness from external things is outdated. Inner fulfillment and self-satisfaction are the keys to happiness that keep pace with the times.

Therefore, there is no need to forcefully change their world. As long as it does not affect life, the community’s need for private space should also be respected. Besides, sometimes they don't need to face difficulties, so lying on the ground for a while is also a good choice.

Haruki Murakami once wrote in "My Profession is a Novelist": "As long as you are lucky and find a "gap" that suits you in the world, you can survive well." No matter whether you are Social fear and any "quirks" we have can all be used as the rules for our survival in the world.

END

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