Behaviors to maintain a perfect persona in avoidant relationships

Avoidant perfect persona

Avoid except for the two most trusted friends Or relatives can expose their fragility and dark side, but they always insist on a perfect persona to the outside world. The following 12 behaviors are the most common behaviors they use to maintain a perfect personality. They are very classic.

The first one, when I was chasing you in the early stage, I told you that we had a quarrel and we were not allowed to ignore each other. Don’t go over old scores endlessly. I will let you go when you come to visit me. .... It’s also about maintaining the persona, which is a good idea, but whether it can be done depends on the situation. Some things involving avoidant sensitive points may never be done.

The second type is to pretend to be busy even though you are not busy. On the one hand, by telling you that you are busy, you can avoid many things that you don’t want to face, such as chatting with you and meeting you. On the other hand, I can continue to maintain my hard-working and progressive personality.

A typical example is when the avoidant has a conflict with you or there is something going on at home. For example, if you say you want to see your parents or a friend, but the avoidant doesn’t really want to see you, he just says that he is very busy recently and has to go on a business trip. , the time doesn’t match or something like that. In fact, I am hiding at home playing games or finding a place to stay outside.

The third type is that sometimes people say they are busy and tired at work, but in fact they have not done much, they just work hard to fill themselves up every day. Working for long hours with low efficiency is also to maintain their personality.

The fourth type is that they obviously have a bad job or are even unemployed. They play games at home or go out to play whenever they have time, but they still create an image that they are still working hard. I have avoided this kind of thing many times, and I have heard it said many times by my avoidant partner.

For example, I told my family to look for a job, but ended up hiding in a coffee shop playing games. For example, I told my friends that my job is very good now. I earn 20,000 yuan a month, which is very easy. In fact, I have been unemployed for three months and hide in a rental house to play games every day.

The fifth type is to be very considerate to you during family gatherings, picking up food for you and smiling all the time. When alone, he resumes his lukewarm attitude towards you and sometimes plays with his cell phone. (Because I have to maintain the image of a good boyfriend to the outside world).

The sixth type is to seek the opinions of friends after the relationship breaks down, and talk more about what is beneficial to you because you are afraid of being denied and disapproved by others, and you are afraid of the collapse of your external personality. Including that if you choose to avoid divorce, you will try to maintain the best persona in front of your family and children.

The seventh type is that I only allow others to ask me questions. I cannot ask others or show weakness. Because I want to establish an extremely strong persona to the outside world. If I reveal my vulnerability and dark side, others will think I am pretentious and will not like and recognize me so much.

The eighth type, the avoidant type, why don’t they want to live together? Because they can’t be comfortable and be true to themselves together, and they can’t lie down when they want. If they live together, they have to pretend to touch you in front of you. Fish are very cautious when it comes to fish, and don’t want you to think that they are decadent. Including some avoidance, maybe when work is not going well and you are in a bad mood, you may beat the sofa, curse out of thin air, etc., or there may be some voices that constantly blame yourself for your past experiences, etc. You will not think about the above things. For you to see.

Also, it’s quite honorable to avoid letting you know that he has a house in his name. As long as you don’t go there, you won’t know that his house is not that nice or big.

Ninth type, when you are not in good condition, you still maintain your personality by not seeing people. You should try to show your best self every time you come out.

The tenth type is to go out to eat together, avoid a positive atmosphere and take care of everyone, or try to brag about yourself and over-exhibit yourself, also to create a good personality.

(A general level of social fear avoidance can be smooth and smooth on the surface, and it seems that you are enjoying yourself and being immersed in it. In fact, you are already turbulent in your heart. You are afraid that if you say or do something wrong, you will not be recognized or liked, or even Offend others. So on the one hand, you have to work hard to socialize, and on the other hand, you have to pretend to be calm so that others don't notice your nervousness, which is particularly tiring for avoidance).

With the exception of avoidance with severe social phobia, people with severe social phobia will find various reasons to avoid going to such occasions. I also have the avoidance type here. In order to avoid the unnaturalness of being alone with my partner, I never meet my partner. It can only be a group gathering.

The eleventh method is to post social updates on WeChat Moments, post that you may want to buy a luxury car and a big house, and ask for some advice, etc. This is all to maintain the persona. Whether it can be done is another matter. Anyway, it looks good. If you can do it yourself, you will be particularly happy if you receive a wave of likes and attention. If it does not have the desired effect after being posted or if not many people follow or like it, the post will be deleted later.

For example, posting to a circle of friends about yourself reading at 12 o'clock in the middle of the night or 6 o'clock in the morning is to create a hard-working persona. For example, I post one or two photos of beautiful scenery and food I took before, every once in a while, in order to maintain the persona of an elegant life.

The twelfth type, some avoidance will also think about if my private information, such as where my home is, where my work is, who my friends are, who my family is, how my work is, etc., are known by my partner. If one day we have a falling out and she has something to say about me or says something bad about me, I will face a breakdown in my personality. So for the sake of personal safety, I chose not to tell her this information as much as possible.

When the avoidance doesn’t want to maintain the persona, such as directly switching to a black avatar and a black circle of friends, it means that the avoidance has either hit rock bottom and is extremely desperate, or needs your timely comfort and care. Of course, even if you care about him, he may not respond to you. This is because there were conflicts before or he didn't get your timely attention before. Or he may give you a few perfunctory words because he is afraid that he will be looked down upon by you if he reveals his fragile side and dark side, hoping that you will understand without saying it.

To avoid hitting the bottom, in addition to changing to a black avatar and a black circle of friends, writing some very sad signatures, and posting some very sad music, I will also post some updates similar to the following text - For example, my light is gone, I hope there will be light this month, etc. At this time, it's time for you to show your passion, come on.