The eldest child, the second child, two children, the husband is busy with his career, and he is a completely hands-off shopkeeper; he lives with his parents-in-law; he is stuck in a full-time job, and he is envious of the workplace; these are the "light spots" in the family, and stepping on one of them will often cause people to

Exhausted, stepping on two often makes people have headaches and collapse, and stepping on three often makes people miserable. However, the author of the book "Childhood Has No Lack of Love", my heart mother, stepped on four!

She also complained about the "widowed style" parenting, had a head-to-head confrontation with her parents-in-law because of the different concepts of generation gap, had conflicts between two children because of the competition for favor, and also had a lot of trouble because of tutoring homework...

But Mom Xinxin, on the road to parenting, continued to learn parenting knowledge, participated in psychology training many times, and became a childcare teacher taught by Cohen and a certified positive discipline instructor in the United States.

As Xinxin’s mother said: Children who lack love will be cured of childhood throughout their lives.

If you want to ensure that there is no lack of love in childhood, you must give your children a sufficient sense of security.

Because people who have no sense of security spend their lives looking for "home".

In fact, children’s problems are ultimately their parents’ problems.

As Bai Yansong said: "When a child grows up, parents bear at least 51% of the responsibility. Change yourself first." So how to change yourself?

Don’t “teach” your children, nagging them, scolding them hoarsely, and restricting them in every detail. Educate your children as a person who has experienced it, because this is not education, but “customizing your child.”

In "Childhood Is Not Lack of Love", Xinxin's mother gave three methods: From the day of pregnancy, the little life that keeps kicking in independence reminds us that "she is a mother", so every mother and father, on the road of raising children,

, constantly reminding myself with "I am a mother" and "I am a father", allowing myself to look down at the child from a high position and guide the child as a person who has been through it. However, the "person who has been through it" should be that I have been a child, not that I have been a child.

Suffered!

A child is an independent individual. As a parent, do not project "yourself" onto your child.

1. Don’t use children to heal their own injuries. Many parents have experienced similar situations. When their children accidentally fall off the stool, the parents will scold loudly: "Can't you just stay there?" "Can't you just calm down for a while?"

!” On the surface, he is scolding his children, but in fact, he is a parent who cannot control his emotions, scolding his children to reduce self-blame and guilt.

Some parents often accuse their children of not studying hard, "If you don't study hard, do you have to work hard like your mother?" It seems like educating their children, but in fact, there is a pain of their own behind it.

bitter.

As Xinxin’s mother said in "Childhood Has No Lack of Love": "If we particularly dislike a certain trait, a certain kind of words and deeds in our children, it must be because we ourselves also have that trait, and also have that kind of words and deeds, so

, Those things that are unacceptable will be particularly conspicuous in children. "As a parent, don't use your children to heal your own injuries, project "yourself" on your children, and let your children carry the burden forward.

It's about letting go of your own injuries and seeing your children's own characteristics.

Now you have to admit your own mistakes instead of grafting them onto your children. Only in this way can you give your children a sense of security.

2. Don’t let your children have their own faces. Zhang Ailing’s saying, “Be famous early.” makes many parents impatient to win at the starting line. In this running race, parents consciously turn their eyes to other people’s children, so

Parents are more anxious than children.

In the mommy circle, children are comparing each other with each other, which one speaks fluent English, which one is the Olympiad champion, which one is the host... After consciously or unconsciously comparing, the parents return home to conduct intensive exercises for their children.

, which can easily cause one round of chaos after another.

In fact, as parents, we certainly hope that our children will become the envy of others, but we should not rigidly use our children as capital to show off and bets for comparison.

After all, the road of life is too long and cannot be decided at a moment.

Parents don't need their children to look like themselves, so the parent-child relationship can be easier.

In a family, parents' emotions determine the closeness of the parent-child relationship. Only when parents "let go of themselves" can they give their children a relaxed living environment and a sense of security.

Psychologists believe that as human beings, we all have two basic desires: to live ourselves and to be seen in interpersonal relationships.

Children are like this too.

As soon as a child is born, he "crys" to attract everyone's attention and express his needs.

However, it is a pity that as children grow up day by day, their desire to be "seen" has not diminished at all, while parents' ability to "see" their children has gradually weakened, and they can even only see "other people's children."

In fact, just as there are no two identical leaves in the world, every child is unique. As a parent, you must understand your child in order to interact harmoniously with your child.