1. After I met you, every stupid thing I did was because of you.

2. Confucius said: if you don't sleep at noon, you will collapse in the afternoon. Laozi said: Confucius is right.

3. it's not that I lose my powder without smiling.

4. The vibration of the mobile phone is almost inaudible at home, especially like an earthquake at school.

5. Never lose weight. Now you have to be ugly and fat as an excuse.

6. "How to keep my wife from cheating." "Don't let her wash her hair, don't let her make up, teach her to play games, let her indulge in a hopeless dead house, smoke and drink beer, take out food, make instant noodles, eat snacks, and treat her with ups and downs, which makes her suffer." "That TM my derailment! ! !”

7. The goddess said she was bored and asked me if I wanted to have dinner together. I was disheartened and said, "Forget it, I know you don't really like me." The goddess immediately retorted excitedly: "Who said that?" My heart was filled with joy: "So you like me? !” "No, I just want to know who told you the secret."

8. In art class, the teacher said: Tell me what you want, and the teacher will draw it and give it to you. A: apples. B: the house. C: white rabbit. Xiao Ming:

QR code. Teacher: Get out.

9. When I was poor, my parents earned hundreds of dollars a month. At that time, I wanted to find a job with a monthly salary of more than 2,111 when I grew up, and my wish came true. 11. I wanted to turn over in this mid-term exam, but I didn't expect the TMD to stick to the pot again. 11. One month before the exam, a classmate's QQ signature was "Everything depends on human effort"; One week before the exam, it was changed to "everything goes with fate"; After the exam, the signature is "Focus on Participation".

12. I'm actually an angel, and the reason why I stay on earth is because of my weight.

13. I watched Animal World with my brother that day. My brother suddenly pointed to the pig and said to me, "Hey! Isn't this you? !” I used to say, "It's your sister!"

14.

The 5-year-old daughter asked her father to help her with something. Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be energetic again." Daughter: "Lao Zheng!" Dad: "Hey!" Daughter: "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful ..."

15. The fish said to the water: It's my biggest regret that I can't go out to see the outside world all my life. Water said: It is my greatest failure that I can't dispel your idea for a lifetime.

16. Two days ago, I went to a roadside stall to eat noodles. I saw a beautiful woman eating noodles across the table, so I took two bites and left. I thought how this person was so wasteful now, so I poured her face on the side of the road and fed it to the dog. I was returning to my seat and saw her coming back, with mineral water in my hand and a puzzled expression on her face. At that moment, I just wanted to be a passerby who bowed his head and ate noodles ... < P > 17. I met a girl at dinner with my friends the other day. She was very beautiful and chatted with her. After leaving each other a phone number, she called me every day. I knew her heart, but I had to refuse her because I really had nothing to spare. The young man acts as a "human flesh cushion" and stays standing for

21 minutes until the old man gets off the bus. The college student said in an interview: "I didn't think too much at that time, so I thought it was a girl behind me."

19. I'm a female. Once I went back to school, I had a good chat with a big brother on the train. After I got off the train, I took his car back to school and his son came to pick me up. I went back to the dormitory and called my mother to talk about the dormitory. I came back by free car. Mother said, "Daughter, don't dare to do anything just because you are ugly!" " A bolt from the blue Is this still your own mother? How ugly I really am.

21. I saw a fat girl walking slowly on the treadmill in the gym. I went to remind her, "Sister, you have to speed up, or you won't lose weight." Sister listened to the wronged answer: "I adjusted it quickly, but it slowed down as soon as I stepped on it!" "