Because of the particularity of work, I have come into contact with many couples whose marriages are red-lighted, or because of daily chores, or because of infidelity, but no matter how bad the marriage is, the children become the last straw. Perhaps children can save this broken marriage, or they may aggravate the marriage and slide towards destruction.
It's probably the family complex of China people. Many parties to a troubled marriage will hear such words from the persuader:
The child is innocent. Do you have the heart to let his family be incomplete not long after he was born?
We are already parents. For the sake of children's face, everyone should stop. ...
Everything is for the children, even to live together, for the children's physical and mental health, you have to play. ...
In a happy marriage, the birth of a new life can make loving couples cherish each other more and more; In an unhappy marriage, the birth of a new life sometimes turns decay into magic. However, when we face the problem of having a second child, when we have grown up and are about to get married, when we face our parents who are going to have a second child suddenly, what choice should we make?
I once heard the story of reader Ling Xiao. As the first Phoenix man in his family to be admitted to a famous university, he got rid of his rural identity, got a decent job in a big city like Hangzhou and had a girlfriend who loved him very much.
In fact, after seeing his girlfriend for the first time, Ling Xiao was moved by her lively beauty. As a local relocated household, his girlfriend can eat, drink and drink for life even if she does nothing. Coupled with the generosity of family background, the aura of his girlfriend is the temperament that Ling Xiao dreams of. However, because of the family background, Ling Xiao, who feels unworthy, has been suppressing her inner love and can only appear in each other's lives as a colleague.
It was not until after the party that night that my girlfriend's active confession made this repressed secret love come true. In Ling Xiao's own words, his girlfriend is a girl who can sit in a Michelin restaurant and taste delicious food. She can also stand on the side of the road and wait for the string to blow up. Material things are enough for her girlfriend. What she wants is enough love.
However, what moved Ling Xiao even more was the encouragement and blessing from his girlfriend's parents. I still remember that when Ling Xiao went to his girlfriend's house for the first time, her parents deliberately avoided discussing Ling Xiao's family of origin, but affirmed Ling Xiao in other aspects such as work. I think it should be his greatest luck for a man to meet an understanding object and a pair of parents-in-law who regard him as one of their own.
Like life, love is full of complicated changes. Just when Ling Xiao and his girlfriend began to think about getting married, the backyard caught fire. In fact, when Ling Xiao brought his girlfriend home for the first time, his parents were very happy and began to inquire about his girlfriend's family situation. Especially when I heard that my girlfriend's family had demolished several houses, my parents were even more happy.
In order to accompany his girlfriend around, after lunch, Ling Xiao took her to a nearby county. When they came back, they found dozens of people nearby, friends and relatives chatting at home. When they saw Ling Xiao and his girlfriend coming back, they all came forward enthusiastically to say hello.
What surprised Ling Xiao most was his third aunt. Ling Xiao still remembers her going to school, but she was satirized by her third aunt for spending money indiscriminately. If he hadn't insisted, Ling Xiao might have gone to work in Shenzhen like the son of his third aunt.
"Dedicated is the hope of our family. Even if we settle in a big city in the future, don't forget our poor relatives! "
"Yes and yes, dedication is a good boy, and his parents are such a baby. Now they will soon be somebody else's son, and they can't take the old couple to live in a big city together ... "
Amid the noise of relatives, Ling Xiao's parents' faces were filled with smiles that could not be concealed. I have never seen such an embarrassed girlfriend standing in the same place. She opened her mouth to say something, but she didn't know where to start. After all, she said nothing.
"We have lived in this mountainous area all our lives, and it is uncomfortable to go to a big city. At the beginning, we really couldn't afford it, so we gave birth to a child named Ling Xiao. Now we also want to find out. If nothing else, we'd like another one. When Ling Xiao grows up, we don't have to worry. Secondly, we also have a companion, and we also left a brother for Ling Xiao in this world. "
After Ling Xiao's parents finished this sentence, his girlfriend, who had been silent, suddenly raised her head. She stared at Lingxiao's parents strangely, then turned to Lingxiao and watched for a long time. Probably everyone thinks the atmosphere is wrong. After a heart-to-heart dinner, the two set foot on their way home.
The moment I stepped into Hangzhou, my girlfriend breathed a long sigh of relief. She was silent for a while and said to Ling Xiao, "I have never abandoned your family, so even if I have a house at home, I would like to live with you in a rented house of 50 square meters;" I never asked you to do anything for me. I will buy my own things and try not to cause you any trouble. But what I want to say is that if your parents really want to have children, then I don't think we are really suitable. "
The emergence of a new life is not only as simple as pregnancy in October, but also the problem of having a child. More importantly, Ling Xiao's parents are 45 years old, and her mother is crushed by manual labor all the year round. At this time, suddenly asking for another child is a great burden, both economically and physically.
Looking at his girlfriend trying to restrain herself, Ling Xiao was also very distressed. He called back and advised his parents not to have any more children, but Ling Xiao's father suddenly broke out on the other end of the phone.
"I used to have no money to live. People your age don't have one or two brothers and sisters. Your mother and I were poked in the spine and laughed for half our lives. Now the conditions are getting better. We want to make up for the original regret. You are a child who has been in a big city for a long time, and you have learned the manners of city people and don't take your parents seriously! "
"Many children are blessed" means a prosperous family and a long life. This view is deeply rooted in parents' minds. In fact, it is not the first time that the idea of having a second child has appeared in the mouth of parents. It's just that Ling Xiao used to think that her parents were joking, but now she knows they are serious!
"If you want to have a second child, Lili will break up with me." Ling Xiao hesitated for a long time and whispered, "I like her very much. I may never find such a good girl again."
"The child is born to us, it's none of her business. How dare you tell us what to do before you come into our house! High flyers, graduated from a famous university, can't find a girl? Divide it if you want, good morning! "
Ling Xiao was silent for a long time and finally gave in. After so many years, the ideological shackles of family background are still firmly around his neck. Like when I was a child, I didn't dare to resist my parents' authority, so I had to accept their decision silently.
It rained heavily the day my girlfriend's parents divorced. Despite all kinds of ways to give up, Ling Xiao said goodbye to his girlfriend and her parents. Meanwhile, Ling Xiao's parents at the other end of the phone are still planning their own wishful thinking.
"Son, you wait, she will turn back, aren't you already living together? Who else does she want besides you? At that time, we will go to Hangzhou to have children and enjoy life in big cities ... "
"There won't be such a good girl again." Ling Xiao's heart suddenly became empty, but he seemed happy that his girlfriend could get rid of his family. In the next few years, Ling Xiao worked hard alone to earn money for his starving brother.
Not surprisingly, his ex-girlfriend got married in the fourth year after he left, and the blind date he contacted in recent years refused at first when he heard that he was from his own family and had a 4-year-old brother.
Several years have passed, and now Lingxiao's parents have lost their original pride. Although they still insist on how good their son is, they know better than anyone that such a good girl will never be found again. The middle-aged couple who were forced to have a second child at the age of 45 finally remembered what their son had said, but there was nothing they could do.
Marriage and love are different. If the three views of the two families are not consistent, it is doomed that the marriage will not be complete. What do you think of Lingxiao-style love tragedy?
How to treat parents who want to have a second child regardless of the feelings of adult children?