1, adults reflect, find the crux, treat them fairly, and don't scold them at will.
Generally speaking, after a family gives birth to a second child, parents naturally have less energy to pay attention to Dabao because they have to take care of the younger one. Dabao will feel lost at this time, especially those children who begin to understand something but don't know much about abstract truth. In the past, when there was only Dabao, parents basically revolved around him/her. Adults nowadays don't think as they used to. Dabao will think that adults don't love me anymore and only love my brother or sister. At this time, they will lose their psychological balance and simply think that it is all Bauer's fault. Naturally, they will take it out on Bauer intentionally or unintentionally. My daughter said that she usually beats her younger brother secretly because she often sees her parents teasing her younger brother and seldom plays with her. If there is something delicious, she will give it to her brother first. This is actually because we adults ignore the feelings of children. We really can't favor one over the other in behavior, although we all love them very much in our hearts. Therefore, children must be treated fairly.
Later, my daughter gave her brother a good beating, because he broke something, so he was purple all over. We thought her daughter broke it without asking, so we severely criticized her. As a result, she took advantage of our inattention and took it out on her brother. Through this incident, we fully realize that even if the child is still young, we should never ignore Dabao's feelings and do everything as fairly as possible. At the same time, we should always tell them: dad works hard and takes you little, but mom understands dad: mom takes care of you two very hard, and dad understands mom. No matter what happens, mom and dad love each other very much. Mom and dad love you very much and occasionally take care of your brother, because he is still young and needs to be taken care of. As a sister, you should also understand how much your mother loves your brother. Although my daughter is only 5 years old, she has really become more sensible and considerate since then. She often says, "Mom, I don't need to take care of my brother."
2. Cultivate children's character of unity, friendship and mutual humility. We can design some games that need to be completed together. For example, ask Dabao to carry something that is slightly beyond her ability, but two people can carry it together. After my daughter severely beat my brother, I often ask my daughter to move things, and sometimes I deliberately pour some rice into the bucket. She couldn't carry it by herself, so she asked her brother to go with her. As a result, they are very happy. At this time, I took the opportunity to tell them the benefits of unity and the good mood brought by friendship. At the same time, if there is anything delicious, try to cultivate a humble attitude for each other first.
3. Consciously cultivate children to help each other and experience a sense of responsibility and warmth. For example, sometimes I ask my daughter to help her brother dress (because he is too young to dress), or my brother falls down, so I ask my sister to help her. Every time my sister helps my brother, my brother must kiss my sister, and my sister must hug my brother. When my son is older, I will ask him to help my sister and let them feel the warmth of helping each other.
4, often organize family parent-child activities. As long as we get together, we often play parent-child games, interactive games or go out to let children feel that we are all a loving family, which should be happy, tolerant and caring.
The phenomenon that Dabao secretly beat Bauer is very common in many families with two children. Because with Erbao in Dabao's eyes, mom and dad's focus is not entirely on Dabao, because with Erbao, mom and dad don't have so much time to spend with each other and love themselves. Bauer will take Dabao's father, mother, toys and so on. So sometimes if Dabao and Bauer disagree, Dabao will hit Bauer. At this time, parents should coordinate well, ask the reason first, and then judge who is right or wrong, but in any case, both children have to say, not just Dabao. In fact, they should give Dabao more care and do more ideological work.
I am also a mother with a second child, and my Dabao will secretly beat Bauer (because my Bauer likes to touch her things), so I will beat both babies, and I will reason with them after the beating, and then I will often take some time out for Dabao to take care of Bauer independently and let them increase their feelings.
In fact, many times we are careless as parents and fail to notice the psychological changes of our children in time.
Let me answer this question.
Sweet burden. First, you must know something. While tasting the sweetness of having two treasures at home, there is also helplessness and bitterness. In the face of contradictions, we must first be patient and face the competition between the two treasures. It is normal that there will be competition between brothers and sisters. If parents master some basic principles, they can turn the competition between their children into benign competition and promote their brotherhood and their long-term development. Love for two children should be unique. Every child is different. Parents must see the advantages of each child and let them know that they are different, without having to compare them everywhere. In this way, when parents give love to their children, they are no longer confined to the dilemma of "splitting into two", but both children get their own complete love. Only in this way can the competition between Dabao and Bauer be effectively reduced. For example, Dabao likes reading and buys more books for Dabao, but Bauer is unhappy because she likes toys. At this time, we will discuss with Bauer to buy some toys while buying books. Cherish every child and cherish their growth. I believe we will all have different experiences.
What we want to stop is the incorrect behavior of hitting people, not blocking his emotions. In order to stop the boss from hitting people without suppressing his emotions, we can try the following steps to face the conflict more calmly.
Once a mother complained: "The boss is not friendly to the second child at all! Always hit the second child and kick him! "
I think the child's behavior seems a little abnormal, so I asked my mother, "Is he hitting his brother all the time?"
Mom replied: "Not anytime, anywhere, just occasionally pushing and hitting." It's not very heavy, just interesting. "
I looked at her and said, "This is not friendly at all, is it?"
The other party laughed: "Yes."
In fact, when the child was beaten, the mother's reaction was excited! Don't say that other people's children come to beat their own. Even if the boss hits the second child, the mother's eyes often sparkle. I can't wait to rush over and push the hitter away! But such a reaction often makes us lose the most precious quality when dealing with problems-calmness.
For example, in the mother's family, the boss occasionally pushes the second child, but in the mother's eyes, it becomes "unfriendly at all." This is not only very different from the actual situation, but also gives the poor boss an unwarranted label. As long as mom thinks of the boss, she thinks he's bad for his penis. When she gets emotional, she can't even speak well.
Therefore, to deal with the boss beating a second child, calm is the first requirement!
If you are angry, how can you expect to appease two young children? Take three deep breaths first to calm yourself down! Let's look at step two.
If you don't want to shout, let's go to the next step.
Only by finding the reason why children beat people can we "prescribe the right medicine".
Sometimes, children think it's interesting.
Like my brother, he knocked on my sister's head, imitating the sound of wooden fish while knocking, knocking, knocking.
I understand, because he regards the newborn as a small toy, he still can't understand that the newborn, like him, is a little life that is afraid of pain, loves to cry and longs for protection. So, when I find him knocking on the head, I will resolutely stop him. Tell him, "If you want to knock on something, you can knock on the pot, the piano and the drum, but you can't knock on your sister's head."
My brother looked at me blankly. I asked him, "If your head is hit, will it hurt?"
He nodded, and I went on to say, "That sister was hit on the head, and she will hurt, too."
After that, my brother never knocked on my sister again.
Sometimes, it's because of competition
Especially when the second child is older, when you know how to fight for what you want, this phenomenon will be more and more.
Usually, two people are happy one second and cry the next. As soon as I saw it, I found that when the eldest brother and the second brother robbed things, one hit the other.
In this case, we should calm down first, and don't rush to blame the children who hit people. We can calm the crying baby first, because it is difficult to reason with the child in a crying situation. When the mood is almost over, let the two children sit down and let them talk about their reasons.
For example, in my family, the boss is very proficient in language, and he will make the cause and effect very specific. The second child can't speak clearly, but I will give her a chance to speak.
In fact, let them describe the event and tell the truth, not only for the purpose of "judging the case", but also to make them feel fair-if something goes wrong, at least everyone has a say!
The real response is not to judge whether this matter is right or wrong, but to constantly strengthen some existing rules and make them follow the rules to deal with conflicts with each other.
For example:
Who got the toy first? Whoever gets it first has the right to dispose of it.
-Who robbed it first? It's wrong to rob at any time. Communicate with words, exchange with toys, and don't scratch hard.
Who started it? If it's robbery, it's definitely wrong. If you fight back passively, please fight back in another way, such as loudly refusing and saying "no"!
The more you emphasize the rules, the more peaceful the order of the two children will be! After all, fighting is a superficial problem, and the deeper problem is how children deal with conflicts and coordinate contradictions. We can suppress the fighting by punishing and yelling, but a better way is to let them construct their own rules, so that they will not fight and make everyone feel fair.
The last thing to say is some basic common sense. According to the recommendation of the American Academy of Pediatrics, it is not recommended that children under 12 be alone with their babies, because although they may not cause active injuries, they are likely to suffer some unintentional injuries.
For example, small parts falling from older children's toys may cause suffocation if swallowed by children.
For example, older children will have some unintentional dangerous actions if they don't consider the safety of their children (just like once when a younger brother was holding his younger sister, suddenly a friend came to play with him and ran away as soon as his hand was released, but her younger sister fell to the ground with a plop and her ass was injured).
In these respects, adults should have a bottom in their hearts. One child's common sense of safety still applies to two children. When two children play, it's better to have adults around, and they can't be completely "pigs". Forget it!
We must not forget that children are children after all, and it is almost impossible to expect them to become "sensible" bosses overnight! It's normal for the boss to fight with his dick. Didn't we stumble when we were children?
Therefore, it is much more useful to calm yourself down, find out the psychological motivation of children hitting people and make a wise response than to complain that "they are not intimate"!
Happiness does not fall from the sky, and happy sibling relationships need to be carefully cultivated. I believe that stumbling is just an episode when brothers get along. Under the patient guidance of parents, one day, they will write a wonderful love music!
My Dabao never secretly hit Bauer.
People often say that there are people everywhere.
: Jianghu is just a matter of size; The possibility of contradiction parents must understand that the mode of coexistence of big and small treasures is subtly guided from childhood. Choose the right amount and authorize Dabao to manage Bauer. The trusted Dabao usually takes good care of Bauer. Tell Bauer from an early age, listen to Dabao, and if there is any dispute, tell your parents to coordinate.
Usually, good people let Dabao play the role of good people, and the older ones take the younger ones to taste food, play games and watch movies ... In Bao Xiao's mind, Dabao has become an omnipotent cute idol. With the worship and trust of Bao Xiao, Dabao gradually grew into Bauer's loyal guardian. Occasionally, there will be disputes, which will be solved by parents themselves, but they can't be solved. Parents stand up, but it takes two hands to applaud. Usually, disputes, big or small, are criticized by two people. In the long run, there are fewer and fewer places that need parental mediation. The parents have become comrades-in-arms in the trenches, keeping secrets for each other in front of their parents.
Dabao will not only attack Bauer secretly, but also protect Bauer everywhere. Occasionally, if he makes a mistake, Bauer will plead for him. Bauer is definitely a big fan of Dabao. As long as he has something, he will definitely share it with Dabao without reservation.
If you want Dabao not to secretly beat Bauer, your parents should choose to believe that Dabao should take care of Bao Xiao, share joys and sorrows, become good comrades in the trenches, take care of each other and keep secrets from each other.
Yes! When my Erbao was born a few days ago, Dabao liked it at first and thought it was fresh, but when Bauer cried, Dabao felt annoyed and gave him a few times from time to time. Once, I bit Bauer's little finger red!