1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, Chief! The chief patted a soldier on the chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: report to the chief, I am a female soldier!

2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, Yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

3. Someone farted on the bus. A coquettish woman spat, "Bah-Bah-Bah-". A man said, what, you spit your shell after eating fart? !

4. One day, and 8 met in the street. took a disdainful look at 8 and said, If you are fat, you will be fat. Why wear a belt?

5. A village woman wants to go to the toilet for the first time in the city, but she hasn't met for a long time, so she has no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet in front, where is the mother toilet?

6. Freshmen on campus: students who repeat classes are called "international students", students with money at home are called "high-financial students", and students who doze off in class are called "poor students".

7. An American called Bush a stupid pig in front of the White House, and was immediately arrested on the charge of revealing state secrets

8. The thief stole a chicken and plucked its hair by the river. When the police passed by, the thief threw the chicken into the river and explained to the police: This chicken is swimming, and I look after its clothes

9. The turtle said to the mouse, "I work in a five-star hotel!" " "Nonsense", "Really, they took my bath water to make soup just now."

1. On the bus, the standing pregnant woman said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine!

11. A leader made a report: "Now men and women are equal, women comrades stand up …" All the lesbians present stood up and waited for instructions. The leader turned over a page and read: "le"

1.

A mother takes her children to Disney to learn English, and Disney must teach them in person. The staff told her that there was no such person, and the mother didn't believe her. The staff said that you should find a rabbit to teach him English.

2。

A star: Do you believe that I only sleep for one hour a day? Reporter: What are you doing in the other 23 hours? Star: doze off.

3。

A gentleman who was balding at forty was worried all day. When he saw an advertisement in the newspaper for a secret recipe for baldness, he was overjoyed and immediately sent money by mail order. A few days later, I received a reply: Do you want a wig or a hat?

4。

someone dreams of a secret but wakes up and forgets it! He decided to write down the same dream the next day, so he put a pen and paper on his pillow. The next day, I woke up and read the paper: If the banana is big, the banana skin will be big!

5。

a certain gentleman takes the traffic test. Examiner: What should I do when I meet the green light? A: Drive past. Examiner: What about the red light? A: Stop it. Examiner: What about the yellow light? Answer: Fight with it!

6。

A psychopath was writing a letter. The nurse asked: Who are you going to write to? Patient: Write it to myself! Nurse: What does the letter say? Patient: You are crazy! I haven't received it yet. How do I know?

7。

A leader of an education bureau went to a middle school to take the exam, and announced to the students at the meeting: "In order to be fair, I will take the exam in grade one this year, grade two next year and grade three the year after." All beings collapse.

8。

A certain armor looked at the needle and couldn't help asking: Will it hurt? The nurse said: Don't worry, I have been a nurse for more than twenty years. Only heard a scream. The nurse slowly connected: there is no time when it hurts.

9。

A parrot was taught to talk: I can walk. Parrot: I can walk. A: I can talk. Parrot: I can talk. A: I can fly. Parrot: Don't be ridiculous.

1。

A lawyer said, I want a divorce. I can't stand my wife running into the ballroom at 12 o'clock at night. Lawyer: That's unforgivable. What's she going to do? A: Go and get me back!

11。

A: How long can a person live without brains? Some B: I don't know. How old are you this year?

12。

A captain ran to the cockpit with an axe. When the passenger saw it, he said, Captain! Are there gangsters? Captain: I accidentally locked myself out of the cockpit.

13。

In a public occasion, people often urinate everywhere, and the manager put up a sign warning that "fines for offenders" could not be banned, and it was getting worse. One day, Zhang Yi posted a notice saying: It is forbidden to urinate anywhere, otherwise the tools for committing crimes will be confiscated.

14。

someone digresses from the topic and talks for two hours at a time. At last he realized: Sorry, I forgot to wear my watch. A voice from the back seat said, There is a calendar behind you.

15。

The biology department of a university has three majors: zoology, entomology and botany. At the student meeting of the whole department, the host called out: animals sit on the left, insects sit on the right and plants sit in the middle.

16。

Mingming eats peanuts every day. Seeing peanuts fall to the ground, he said, "How do you waste them every day?" Pick it up and put it in your mouth. Stop for a while every day and say, "You didn't even waste bugs!"

17。

secretary-general: the general manager asked us to go out and buy the sikuquanshu tomorrow. Secretary: We only have three warehouses, and they are all full. Secretary-General: Then make room for another office.

18。

Art school stipulates that boys are not allowed to fall in love with female models. Xiaoqiang not only talked but also got the model pregnant. Was known by the school. A few days later, the school announced that Xiaoqiang was expelled for destroying props.

19。

Beauty Beauty, I love you and think of you day and night! If you abandon me and go with him, I'll chop you to death! ! Beauty A made all the men admire her, and B dared to carve the words "I love you" on the table of A. A was angry, but she couldn't help but wipe it off, and everyone admired B. The next day, A inscribed four words on the table: Snow in the north of Saibei.

2。

Americans take a taxi in China: Your car is so slow! Ours is much faster. To the destination, the charge is fifty yuan. "ah! So expensive! " Answer: "This meter is American!"

21。

Americans: In America, there are many people who help basketball stars in lawsuits, but few people can really play basketball. China people: There are many people who help China football team to tell their fortune in China, but few people can really play football.

22。

I miss you very much every day, three times in the morning and four times at night, short for: chop and change! The gas company usually notifies the workers in writing to replace the new gas meter, and there is a remark column on the form. If the workers can't finish it, they must explain the reasons in the column. The most common reason is that dogs should not change their watches.

23。

Like a hunting dog without a girlfriend-with a keen sense of smell; Be like a pug when you are in love-the skin should be thick enough; Like a German shepherd after marriage-finally shed that hypocritical skin.

24。

without a girlfriend ... a good citizen; When you have a girlfriend ... bail pending trial; When engaged ... monitoring residence; After marriage ... life imprisonment! When you don't have a girlfriend, you are a hunting dog. When you find the target, you are a pug. When you get it, you are a German shepherd. When you lose it, you are a dead dog.

25。

Toilet door couplet: the excrement falls in the pond and shakes the stars all over the sky (note: stars at night, flies during the day); Wan Li Jiangshan is spread on the urine shower wall; Horizontal batch: gas-rushed bullfighting.

26。

The cat is guarding the mouse hole, thinking: Boy, I don't believe you won't come out; Soon a hedgehog came out, and when the cat got up, it held him down and said, sample! I don't know you after spraying hair gel!

27。

The steamed bread fought with the noodles, and as a result, the steamed bread was beaten and cried, so I went home and called the steamed stuffed bun with flowers to look for the noodles. As a result, the instant noodles opened the door and the steamed bread said, sample! I don't know you when I perm my head? Hit it!

28。

melon vendor: "Come and eat watermelon, it's not sweet, it's free!"! Hungry passerby: "Wow! Great, boss, have a sweet one. "

29。

a man is lovelorn. His friend comforted him and said, "It doesn't matter. You will soon forget her and find a better girl." "No, I can't forget her soon!" The man shouted, "I bought her a lot of things, all of which were paid in installments."

3。

The first diving test will be held soon. Diving student: How can we pass the exam? Coach: Come back alive.

31。

Mom disinfected it with boiling water towel, ran over and pointed to the pot and asked, Mom, what's in it? Mom: It's a towel. After a little hesitation, he said, it turns out that towels can also cook soup!

32。

The mother explained the birth of the baby to her little daughter in detail. The daughter was silent for a while: "Is this how our kitten came?" "That's right." "Dad is great! He can do anything!"

33。

Mom asked Xiaoxin to go shopping for eggs, but all she bought were small eggs. Mom: Why are all eggs small now? Xiao Xin: It was born by a chicken. Puppy love is popular now.

34。

Mom asked Lirong to have her hair cut, saying that long hair needs a lot of nutrition, which is a waste! Li Rong replied: since long hair needs a lot of nutrition, isn't cutting hair the same as cutting nutrition?

35。

Mom bought a net bag of fruit and reminded her son: You put the fruit where no one can reach it. The son said, Mom, just put it in my stomach.

36。

Mother said to her son, Dad will entertain a Yugoslav at home in the evening. When the father and the guest stepped into the house, the child whispered to his mother: Mom! Come and see, that lady is a man!

37。

The mother stood in front of the bank window with her child in her arms. While the child was eating bread, she gave it to the cashier from the window. The cashier smiled and shook her head. Mother: Sorry, the child has just been to the zoo.

38。

mom: why doesn't Xiaoming give candy to his little sister? The old hen finds all the bugs for the chicks to eat. You should learn! Xiao Ming: OK. If I find bugs, I'll feed them all to my little sister.

39。

Mom: Xiao Ming, you are so old that you need a hug from your mother. You are ashamed! Xiao Ming: The aunt next door is older than me. She just gave it to her father.

4。

mom: which apple do you want? Child: The big one, the biggest one. Mom: Son, you should be polite. I want a small one. Child: Do you have to lie if you are polite?

41。

mom: why do you keep tumbling? Son: I just finished taking medicine. I forgot to shake the bottle before I drank the medicine. I am shaking it now.

42。

mom: the lipstick was given by my male classmate. Daughter: Yes. Mom: Girls shouldn't just accept gifts from boys. Give them to him quickly. Daughter: I'm returning it. I put it on my mouth every day and give it back to him.

43。

mom: the baby is four years old, so you can sleep by yourself. Child: Dad is so old, why not sleep by himself?

44。

Mom: "Fat girl, why don't you take a shower?" Fat girl: "The water hasn't been filled yet!" Little brother: "It will be full if you sit down!"

45。

Mom: "Look how hardworking ants are. They never waste time playing." Son: "But every time I travel to the suburbs, I always meet them."

46。

Mom: "Be careful not to eat the bugs in the apple!" Son: "Why should I be careful? It's his turn to watch out for me! "

47。

Romeo and Juliet meet in an online chat room, and their tragic ending is because Juliet's hard disk broke down later ~

48.

the mungbean flies are having dinner. The little mungbean flies ask their mother: Mom, why do we only eat dung every day? Mother fly was very angry and scolded: how many times have I said, don't mention the word dung when eating!

49。

A handsome guy mentioned his brother in his speech, and a girl (beauty) next to him was very surprised and asked, "Do you have a brother above?" The handsome guy replied, "Yes ..." The girl asked again, "Do you have a younger brother?"

5。

I once talked nonsense with mm on the phone. When I talked about the word "day", I was embarrassed to say that "day" means love. mm said in a loud voice: "day is not sex, it is fuck!"! Fuck and make love are different! ! !

51。

passerby a: could you tell me where the funeral home is? Passerby B: Just stand in the middle of the road, and someone will take you there later.

52。

passerby: why are you begging? Beggar: Because I need money to buy wine. Passerby: Then why do you drink? Beggar: I have the courage to beg.

53。

When Confucius heard that Kirin was killed, he wept bitterly. Disciples put copper coins on the cow and said: Kirin is still there. Confucius sighed: it is just a village cow with only money!

54。

When the leader visited the mental hospital, all the patients cheered, but only one patient ignored them. Leader: Why didn't he say hello to me? Dean: I'm sorry, he is in normal spirits today.

55。

The leader praised the chef: You bastard cook well. The chef replied: Wherever, where, even the tortoise likes to eat.

56。

The miser went to a drugstore and said, I'm tired of the world. Give me two cents of poison. Shopkeeper: You can't die if you eat too little. You have to eat at least four cents. Miser: I have no choice but to live.

57。

The stingy woman asked the beggar: Do you have any buttons on your pants? I'll sew it on for you. The beggar said, kind lady, I have a button here. Can you sew a pair of pants on it?

58。

The neighbor invited Su Dongpo to eat a plate of braised sparrows, one for four, and a guest ate three before asking Su Dongpo to taste the remaining one. Su Dongpo said, you'd better eat it, lest the yellowbird break up.

59。

When the hunter saw a bird in the sky, he fired three shots, but it didn't hit, but the bird still fell. It turned out that the bird patted its chest when it saw that the bullet didn't hit, and said, Scared to death, scared to death.

6。

The hunter's shotgun was aimed at a bird, and then the bird took a shit and landed on his face. The hunter scolded: You didn't wear shorts when you came out? The bird sneered: Do hunters still wear underpants when they shit?

61。

why do you take the first class carriage with a second-class ticket? Passengers feel insulted: should I take a third-class carriage with a second-class ticket?

62。

You bought a local express ticket. How can you take the express train? You have to make up the ticket. Passenger: Why do you need to make up the ticket? You can drive slowly. I have no money to make up the ticket, but there is plenty of time.

63。

The two supervisors decided to personally guide the work of the female secretary. A said: It is our responsibility to teach her what to do and what not to do. B said excitedly: Yes! You are responsible for teaching her how to do it.

64。

two gentlemen hunt, one shoots with a gun, and a wild duck falls to the ground. Another said: Good shot! However, this shot was completely redundant. I fell from such a high place and fell to my death!

65。

Two friends are talking, "How can you type by yourself? Don't you have a skilled typist?" "Don't you know? I married her. "

66。

Two snakes walk together. Snake: Are we poisonous snakes after all? Serpent: Why do you ask such a question? Snake: I accidentally bit my tongue just now.

67。

Two girls found Aladdin's magic lamp, and the lamp god is willing to grant everyone a wish. A said first: my wish is twice that of B. B Take your time: I hope my figure is 38, 24 and 38.

68。

the two met by chance. "What's your name?" "no